Dear Soul Arcanum:
I have been in the Work for some 30 years, but I have not found the peace or satisfaction one would expect after moving through this spiritual journey’s many trials. In fact, I am increasingly tempted to embrace the dark side, and use what I know for my own fame and fortune. As I happened on your website, I believe I’m supposed to be set straight by something you say to me. I have so much good to say, but I’ve been a voice in the wilderness for far too long, and wonder if I’ve been wasting my time and effort. I cannot just die feeling so far away from any resonance with God/dess and a higher plan. I am highly intelligent, have saved a few lives, inspired a few students and had some wonderful lovers. I feel like I am under some kind of curse and don’t know how to lift it. I was born 20 hours later than Harold Shipman, the English serial killer doctor, and I well appreciate how he got like he did. (I’m a Capricorn with Gemini and Virgo rising, a Saturn/Mars conjunction in Cancer opposing my Sun and Venus, all squaring my Jupiter in Libra.)
– Gary
Dear Gary:
First, I’m no astrologer. While I often see a lot of truth in astrology, I’m a firm believer in not taking it too seriously. Even if you were born under the sign of The Great Evil One on the night of a blood red Moon, you are NOT destined to struggle against your own dark side forever. To free yourself of this supposed “curse” and move on to a higher course of experience, stop comparing yourself to a serial killer!
That said, I’m so glad you mentioned your desire for fame and fortune. Your honesty and self-awareness have illuminated the “problem,” which happens to involve the greatest spiritual challenge humankind has ever faced. While it’s been known by many names (including plain old “evil”), these days it’s most commonly known as “ego” – though we might as well go ahead and call it “ignorance.”
Yes, despite what many well-intentioned New Age folks may tell you, there is such a thing as evil in the Universe. In my book, something is “evil” when it is ignorant of natural spiritual law, which tells us that what we do will come back to us and then some. Thus when we intentionally disregard others’ needs in lieu of some selfish or self-centered desire, we are ignorant of the fact that we will end up hurting ourselves most of all.
When I was first awakening spiritually and spontaneously experiencing amazing psychic phenomena, I assumed that I must be beyond the pull of the ego to have “made it that far.” (Ha!) As you and I now both know, the more “success” we experience in any realm, including the spiritual, the bigger the ego challenges get. This actually just makes sense; the greater our “genius,” the more special we will tend to feel.
Another shocking truth that hit me somewhere along the line was that we don’t have to be “good” to gain psychic powers any more than we have to be truly healthy in order to lose weight. Taking a foolish path to any goal, however, is ultimately self-defeating. You can actually manifest a strong spiritual connection AND fame and fortune, but you have to believe this is possible and be willing to invest yourself in making it happen.
Let’s work with the weight loss example for a moment. Say you would both like to be healthy AND lose thirty pounds. To achieve both goals, you would have to eat healthy food and exercise. If you are impatient or unwilling to make certain sacrifices, you may choose to binge and purge, eat 1200 calories a day of cookies and potato chips, or starve yourself so you don’t have to exercise at all, etc.
Similarly, to cultivate a strong spiritual connection AND enjoy fame and fortune, you would have to resist “unhealthy” temptations and be willing to invest discipline, time and energy in a truly constructive approach. Otherwise, like crash dieters who both ruin their health and end up regaining all their weight, you will end up losing both your spiritual connection and your fame and fortune in the end.
What you really want on all levels is a sense of true fulfillment. Sometimes you mentally associate fulfillment with a strong spiritual connection, and sometimes you associate it with fame and fortune. This thinking is illusionary. In truth, you can either choose Spirit AND the fulfillment of your desires, or a path of endless yearning.
When we choose from ego, no amount of fame and fortune (sex, affection, or any other pleasure) will fulfill us for long. By contrast, when we align with Spirit, we align with inner peace regardless of outside circumstances. So when you are tempted toward the “dark side” in hopes of fame and fortune, you are actually thwarting the fulfillment of your desires on all levels.
The ego does not live in awareness of higher truths, and thus it endlessly tempts us to do foolish and ultimately self-defeating things. If we listen to the ego, in the end we may get what we think we want – be it fame and fortune, a certain lover, or even psychic ability – but we won’t like what we have. For example, those who pursue psychic ability out of ego-driven desires may succeed but then regret it when they are plagued by dark and even terrifying experiences.
Like it or not, it takes a certain amount of wisdom, character and discipline to safely wield “higher” powers. When it comes to spiritual work, which is non-physical in nature, it is especially important to purify the mind and heart and to align with higher forces.
Imagine that in exploring spiritual realms, you are traveling into a wild jungle. If you align with forces of love and light, you are traveling with a vast “army” of entities that are dedicated to protecting you, guiding you and helping you fulfill your aims. If you don’t align with forces of love and light, you’re on your own. Worse, if you align with the “dark side” or are even drawn toward the notion, you move into a camp full of rogues and criminals who would be more likely to steal all your provisions and leave you naked in the swamp than to watch your back.
My point in all of this is that you don’t have to be selfless to find fulfillment in life. While this may sound contradictory, if you are driven by self-interest, it only makes sense to conquer the foolish ego by humbly aligning with higher powers, for that alignment will bring both peace AND the power to fulfill all your desires in a way that harms no one else.
Though I may be able to accurately predict the future and bring through evidential information from Spirit, I am not the amazing one – I have just dedicated myself as a channel for the Divine. I know that if I start to take credit for these wonderful works, my abilities will begin to slip. I have actually seen this time and time again with psychics and mediums: as soon as they achieve a measure of acclaim, their egos kick in, and before you know it, they’re not a fraction as good as they were when they were first getting started, and their success soon slips away.
You seem disturbed that after all this time, you’re still struggling. As I explained, the ego/evil will tempt us all our lives. Every time we show any weakness, we let temptation get a foot in the door; every time we nip weakness in the bud, we gain power over it. This happens both psychologically and literally: every time you succumb to the temptation of dark thoughts, you open yourself up to the influence of dark entities. To free yourself of these dark forces, you must exercise personal strength and discipline.
After 30 years of spiritual work, I imagine you have a firm grasp on the laws of karma. Intellectually, you thus know that bad short-cuts never lead anywhere good. Ultimately and in every way, it always pays to take the high road.
– Soul Arcanum