Tag Archive: soul mates


Startling Parallels in Karmic Soul Connections

Filed Under: Energy/Vibration, Past Lives, Reincarnation, Relationships, Strange Phenomena by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Startling Parallels in Karmic Soul Connections

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

It has been a very long road since my husband John’s death, and now that I’ve moved on and found new love, I’ve been trying to figure out how my husband John and boyfriend Michael are connected, for they have many similarities in terms of their likes, expressions and even some aspects of the way they look. I didn’t see any of this upon first meeting Michael, but I did feel an instant sense of recognition. Since then, I’ve been trying to figure out the connection, and after reading some of your articles, it dawned on me that the three of us may have been one soul before, and now we’ve divided into different bodies. Do you think that’s possible? Thanks for sharing your light!
– T.

Dear T.

You’ve reminded me of something strange that happened to me a long time ago. I haven’t told anyone about this before because it’s pretty far out.

My first love, Todd, was on the short side and very stocky/muscular. He had a strong jaw and an unusual scar on his right shoulder. It’s called a keloid scar, and it looked like a raised, reddish bubble about the size of a grape. He was very into rock and roll, and was in a rock band. Though he hid it from everyone (including me), he also had a major problem with drug and alcohol addiction. He was born on January 16, 1967.

Todd died very unexpectedly at the age of 18, and it was due to the incredible experiences I had around the time of his death that I began to question the nature of reality and ponder some big spiritual questions.

I left for college about 18 months after he died, and was placed in a dorm room right next door to that of a young man named Dan. I felt a very strong karmic connection to Dan right away. Here’s where things bend so far beyond the scope of coincidence that any sane, reasonable person has to wonder what the heck is going on.

Dan had the same stocky build Todd had had, the same strong jaw, and he was also into rock and roll. In fact, he played a mean electric guitar, which was really unusual at the very conservative university we were attending. I was soon to learn that Dan also had a serious alcohol addiction.

As I mentioned, I felt a very strong connection to him and he seemed to feel an equally strong attraction to me. We soon became lovers, and that’s when I discovered that he had a scar on his right shoulder that was identical to the one Todd had had in the same place. I could feel something strange rippling beneath the surface here, and without consciously thinking about it, I found myself asking him when he was born.

When he told me he was born on January 16, 1967 – the exact same day that Todd was born – my mind was just totally blown. As I tried to wrap my head around all these amazing parallels, I remembered something that Todd’s mother had told me the first time I met her. At that time it had been a subject of mild interest, but now it was like a flashing neon sign in my mind. She’d told me that Todd was her “miracle baby” because he’d had a twin who had died in the womb.

While I knew this was a really far out idea, I naturally began to wonder if Dan could be Todd’s twin somehow. Perhaps they had intended to be born to the same mother, but then Dan decided that a different body and family situation would better serve his soul’s needs.

I’ve since studied a lot of past life regression research and learned that people who are regressed to the period between lives consistently report that we have a choice about the bodies and families we’ll be born into. However, there are only so many bodies available, so we have to try to find the best fit for us given various factors. If something went wrong with the body of the twin, Dan may have had to find an alternative. Of course, it’s possible that he changed his mind first and when he withdrew his life force energy, the body of the twin stopped growing.

I certainly felt a very strong sense of connection to both of these young men the instant I met them, though at that time, I didn’t know what that strange feeling was. I now believe that our deep karmic connection naturally drew us into each other’s experience again.

As for how all of this may work, when I ponder the idea of reincarnation, I keep returning to a model of the incarnating soul that mirrors biological cellular division. We know that living cells divide into new “incarnations,” which divide into further incarnations, so it makes sense to me to assume that the metaphysical mirrors the physical, and that the same dynamic happens on a spiritual level.

This model resonates with me for many reasons. In fact, it explains all sorts of phenomena. For example:

  • It’s in harmony with the notion that “God” is both our Source and is everywhere and in everything.

 

  • It explains the universal spiritual teaching that we are all ultimately One: all from one Source and all connected on some level. Just as the cells in our bodies have all grown from the same fertilized egg, our souls have all grown from the same Divine spirit.

 

  • It explains how more than one person could remember living the same past life, that incarnation having occurred before that spirit divided into more spirits. It also illuminates the dynamic behind the notion of spiritual families, the members of which would be more directly or recently descended from the same ancestor spirits.

 

  • It explains the keen sense of connection and recognition we feel with some people, these being those we were more recently at one with.

 

  • It explains how reincarnation could be true despite the fact that the population of the planet is increasing, for there are ever more souls to incarnate than there used to be.

 

  • It jibes with our awareness that on a spiritual level, we are immortal, for we are forever expanding into new experiences, world without end. It is our nature to go forth and multiply. It also mirrors our awareness that the Universe is ever expanding.

If your mind can handle a bit more stretching, try this on for size: perhaps to each cell in our bodies, the whole of who we are is “God,” and similarly, what we consider to be God is a living entity of which we are a tiny aspect. The microcosm mirrors the macrocosm.

I don’t know that this is how it works, of course – no one can say for sure. It’s just a mental model that may explain some of the strange things we experience in karmic relationships.

– Soul Arcanum

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Startling Parallels in Karmic Soul Connections

Filed Under: Destiny/Higher Plan, Relationships, Strange Phenomena by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Startling Parallels in Karmic Soul Connections

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

It has been a very long road since my husband John’s death, and now that I’ve moved on and found new love, I’ve been trying to figure out how my husband John and boyfriend Michael are connected, for they have many similarities in terms of their likes, expressions and even some aspects of the way they look. I didn’t see any of this upon first meeting Michael, but I did feel an instant sense of recognition. Since then, I’ve been trying to figure out the connection, and after reading some of your articles, it dawned on me that the three of us may have been one soul before, and now we’ve divided into different bodies. Do you think that’s possible? Thanks for sharing your light!
– T.

Dear T.

You’ve reminded me of something strange that happened to me a long time ago. I haven’t told anyone about this before because it’s pretty far out.

My first love, Todd, was on the short side and very stocky/muscular. He had a strong jaw and an unusual scar on his right shoulder. It’s called a keloid scar, and it looked like a raised, reddish bubble about the size of a grape. He was very into rock and roll, and was in a rock band. Though he hid it from everyone (including me), he also had a major problem with drug and alcohol addiction. He was born on January 16, 1967.

Todd died very unexpectedly at the age of 18, and it was due to the incredible experiences I had around the time of his death that I began to question the nature of reality and ponder some big spiritual questions.

I left for college about 18 months after he died, and was placed in a dorm room right next door to that of a young man named Dan. I felt a very strong karmic connection to Dan right away. Here’s where things bend so far beyond the scope of coincidence that any sane, reasonable person has to wonder what the heck is going on.

Dan had the same stocky build Todd had had, the same strong jaw, and he was also into rock and roll. In fact, he played a mean electric guitar, which was really unusual at the very conservative university we were attending. I was soon to learn that Dan also had a serious alcohol addiction.

As I mentioned, I felt a very strong connection to him and he seemed to feel an equally strong attraction to me. We soon became lovers, and that’s when I discovered that he had a scar on his right shoulder that was identical to the one Todd had had in the same place. I could feel something strange rippling beneath the surface here, and without consciously thinking about it, I found myself asking him when he was born.

When he told me he was born on January 16, 1967 – the exact same day that Todd was born – my mind was just totally blown. As I tried to wrap my head around all these amazing parallels, I remembered something that Todd’s mother had told me the first time I met her. At that time it had been a subject of mild interest, but now it was like a flashing neon sign in my mind. She’d told me that Todd was her “miracle baby” because he’d had a twin who had died in the womb.

While I knew this was a really far out idea, I naturally began to wonder if Dan could be Todd’s twin somehow. Perhaps they had intended to be born to the same mother, but then Dan decided that a different body and family situation would better serve his soul’s needs.

I’ve since studied a lot of past life regression research and learned that people who are regressed to the period between lives consistently report that we have a choice about the bodies and families we’ll be born into. However, there are only so many bodies available, so we have to try to find the best fit for us given various factors. If something went wrong with the body of the twin, Dan may have had to find an alternative. Of course, it’s possible that he changed his mind first and when he withdrew his life force energy, the body of the twin stopped growing.

I certainly felt a very strong sense of connection to both of these young men the instant I met them, though at that time, I didn’t know what that strange feeling was. I now believe that our deep karmic connection naturally drew us into each other’s experience again.

As for how all of this may work, when I ponder the idea of reincarnation, I keep returning to a model of the incarnating soul that mirrors biological cellular division. We know that living cells divide into new “incarnations,” which divide into further incarnations, so it makes sense to me to assume that the metaphysical mirrors the physical, and that the same dynamic happens on a spiritual level.

This model resonates with me for many reasons. In fact, it explains all sorts of phenomena. For example:

  • It’s in harmony with the notion that “God” is both our Source and is everywhere and in everything.
  •  It explains the universal spiritual teaching that we are all ultimately One: all from one Source and all connected on some level. Just as the cells in our bodies have all grown from the same fertilized egg, our souls have all grown from the same Divine spirit.
  •  It explains how more than one person could remember living the same past life, that incarnation having occurred before that spirit divided into more spirits. It also illuminates the dynamic behind the notion of spiritual families, the members of which would be more directly or recently descended from the same ancestor spirits.
  •  It explains the keen sense of connection and recognition we feel with some people, these being those we were more recently at one with.
  •  It explains how reincarnation could be true despite the fact that the population of the planet is increasing, for there are ever more souls to incarnate than there used to be.
  •  It jibes with our awareness that on a spiritual level, we are immortal, for we are forever expanding into new experiences, world without end. It is our nature to go forth and multiply. It also mirrors our awareness that the Universe is ever expanding.

If your mind can handle a bit more stretching, try this on for size: perhaps to each cell in our bodies, the whole of who we are is “God,” and similarly, what we consider to be God is a living entity of which we are a tiny aspect. The microcosm mirrors the macrocosm.

I don’t know that this is how it works, of course – no one can say for sure. It’s just a mental model that may explain some of the strange things we experience in karmic relationships.

– Soul Arcanum

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When You Can’t Live Without Him/Her

Filed Under: Emotional Well-being, Healing, Relationships, Spiritual Growth by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on When You Can’t Live Without Him/Her

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

I have searched long and hard for a true blue psychic, and something just led me to you. I love a man whose name is Jimmy. We broke up last March over a misunderstanding, and it has been an extreme emotional roller coaster ride ever since that day. Since our breakup, I have sent kind, loving correspondence to him to let him know how I feel. I even remembered him on Christmas and sent him a gift and a card. Life has truly been a struggle. I know that one should not just wait around for love, but having someone special is extremely important to me at this time in my life. I can’t imagine life without this man, for I have always felt that he was the one for me with all of my heart. I know that he has issues when it comes to showing and expressing his emotions, but it never hindered me from pursuing him the past seven years. I do not push him in any way; I give him space to follow his heart in his own time. I have even prayed that God would take my life now and allow me to come home, because I really do not want my life to go on without this man. This is how much I truly love him. Last night I even prayed to God many times to allow this to happen if Jimmy was not going to come back to me. He may be a self-centered pig at times, but this does not diminish my love for him, because I have seen a beautiful side of him that not many people get to see. Will Jimmy come back and give this relationship another whirl, a real try he truly puts his heart into? I would really love to hear from you. Thank you for your time.
– Diane

Dear Diane:

My sweet girl, I wish I could whisk you off to a beach in Mexico for a year or so. By the end of that time, you’d be so over Jimmy. You’d be happily engaged in a whole new life, with a whole new sense of hope and possibility.

First, no person is so fantastic that life is not worth living without them. Barring extreme physical pain due to terminal illness or something like that, thoughts of suicide are always very short-sighted. When I read for people who don’t see life as worth living, Spirit often suggests they watch the movie “Joe Versus the Volcano.”

In that film, Tom Hanks’ character is a hypochondriac who learns that he is dying. He accepts the offer of a millionaire, which entails becoming a human sacrifice by throwing himself into a volcano. He has to travel halfway around the world to get to this volcano, and en route, he awakens spiritually and discovers that his life is indeed worth living. We watch him blossom from a miserable, anxiety-ridden man clinging to a bleak existence, into a bright, joyful free spirit. Only when he faces his own mortality for real does he begin to fully open to everything that is beautiful in life that he has been missing.

I encourage you to rent this movie and let it speak to your heart and soul.

Now you have to realize that what you describe as love is not really love, but rather obsession. When we’re caught up in romantic obsession like this it’s very hard to see it, so I understand if you are vehemently shaking your head and saying that I don’t understand. I know, because I’ve been where you are. I believed it was really love too, and wound up wanting to die, just like you.

My own obsession was named Dan, and my entire purpose for living was for him to love me back. When we make someone the center of our universe like this, we make them our God. As no mortal can fill those shoes, we are setting ourselves up for a lot of disappointment and heartache when we do this.

It’s not that we’re fundamentally pathetic. In fact, most people who fall into this pattern have very deep spiritual natures but a lack of spiritual teaching and direct experience of divine grace. We’ve been raised to make romance EVERYTHING. Our modern holy grail is a “soul mate.” We’ve been duped into believing that romantic love is the highest thing we can hope for. When romance then leaves us in a miserable heap on the floor, it’s no wonder we decide that life is just not worth living.

The energy underlying obsession is a very powerful force. The more you tell yourself you don’t want to live without Jimmy, the more energy you send to this force, and the harder it is to break free of it. You feel incomplete without Jimmy because you’ve literally given away your heart and soul to him.

Here’s another lesson we all have to learn eventually: Deciding that we don’t want to live without someone is actually a good way to send them fleeing. It’s a pretty heavy trip to put on someone’s shoulders. Most people feel suffocated by this sort of emotional dependency.

Making someone else responsible for our will to live is never a healthy or attractive thing to do. It leaves us clingy, vulnerable, grasping and draining. We won’t find true fulfillment in love until our own hearts and spirits are whole, until we see ourselves as complete expressions of divine beauty.

I’ve seen this sort of relationship dynamic many times, and always the person who is made God is far from deserving of that honor. I could see putting someone on a pedestal if they really were Christ-like, for then it may actually be true that we may never meet another person like them. Usually, however, the thing that is most special about the people we cling to is their indifference to our feelings. At some level we believe that if we can get this cold-hearted, self-absorbed “cool” person to return our devotion, then we will have proven to ourselves that we really are lovable.

These romantic obsessions represent someone from our past – usually the parent it was hardest to win attention, love and approval from. They can also be people we loved in past lives who rejected us. By being unmovable and indifferent, they offer us another chance to prove ourselves worthy of their attention, affection and respect. Through these relationships, we try to go back and heal some of the holes in our hearts from earlier experiences.

Our true goal is not to gain their love, however, but to learn to love ourselves enough to leave this tortuous experience behind. We may think we adore a lover more than life itself, but we can only truly love another to the degree we love ourselves. When we want to die for the lack of one individual’s returned affection, we aren’t loving anyone involved; we’re just desperately trying to find someone or something to fill the empty place inside of us.

I wish I could spirit you away to that beach in Mexico, but you don’t really need me to anyway. You don’t need anyone outside of yourself to save you or make your life worth living, because it’s already worth living, Diane.

I recommend you either find a higher calling to devote yourself to, or take off on a big adventure. If you already feel like dying, what have you got to lose? You’re here – you might as well do something important or interesting. The more you devote yourself to this higher purpose or lose yourself in this new adventure, the better you will feel.

Give the best of yourself to someone or something new, and after a while, you will realize that you feel better about yourself and about life. Your energy will detach more and more from this obsessive vortex as you put your heart and soul into relationships and undertakings that actually return your energy. This will lead you not only to new peace and happiness, but to more fulfilling experiences in love too.

There are no shortcuts to true and lasting happiness. You have to stop being a slave to romance and reach for something truer and more lasting: a sense of your own divinity, a personal relationship to Spirit/ the Universe/ All That Is, a reverent appreciation of life’s endless blessings and joys.

– Soul Arcanum

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Can You Have More than One Soul Mate at a Time?

Filed Under: Past Lives, Reincarnation, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Can You Have More than One Soul Mate at a Time?

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

My lover Ellen and I share a deep connection. Recently, she met another man she also feels connected to. Whenever she sees him or talks to him, she becomes very distant. We have talked about this, and it seems to me that she has a problem dealing with feeling connected to two men. I have an intimate relationship with her and her children, while this other man is a close friend. She can’t handle it when we are in the same place at the same time. She tries to separate us, and even avoids one when time has been spent with the other. Many times one of us has told her how rude she is being. Her behavior has begun to cause a lot of disharmony in our relationship. I understand that she has a connection with this person and I respect that, but how do I deal with my feelings of jealousy and anger for how she is handling this? Is it possible to have one soul mate as a friend and another as a lover in this lifetime?

Dave

Dear Dave:

Yes! Everyone we’ve ever truly loved, whether in this life or another, is a “soul mate.” They can be friends, lovers, children, parents – even arch enemies.

While a mainstream approach to your situation might dictate you deal with this as an “emotional affair,” you’re obviously spiritually beyond the mainstream. In fact, your dilemma is a common thoroughfare on the journey to spiritual enlightenment, for as we evolve spiritually, we begin to identify less with the fear-based “laws” and “rules” of man, and open more to what is “natural” both here and beyond. When we study other cultures and animals, for example, it becomes clear that monogamy is relatively rare and therefore probably a cultural construct. In spiritual realms, there is also much more freedom; in the astral, free love is the norm. The details that separate us here in the physical such as race, gender, religion, marital status, etc. all fall away in the astral, where we are so engaged in the moment that we are open to pretty much everything.

So as we evolve spiritually, we naturally begin to question societal norms and to listen for the truth in our own hearts. While we’re ultimately moving toward greater embodiment of love, compassion, truth, etc., at first it’s like we’ve got spiritual training wheels, and we tend to tip too far one way and then the other as we make choices that are a mixture of spiritual idealism, guilt, love, fear, generosity and selfishness. We may grasp the right idea, for example, but embrace it for the wrong reasons.

I feel that all three of you have entered this spiritual territory where right and wrong fade into endless shades of grey. It’s actually a sign that you’ve become self-actualizing, which is what this publication is all about. Some of the traits of “self-actualizers” include: extraordinary openness to new ideas, experiences and people; being extremely non-judgmental; being highly conscious of your experiences and reflecting deeply on them; being self-aware and self-honest, and thus able to live in harmony with your true values; searching for “truth” and genuineness in relationships and experiences; honestly seeking “reality” as opposed to avoiding, repressing, etc.; loving and accepting yourself, others, nature, the universe; unpretentiousness, simplicity, spontaneity; gentleness, shyness; self-direction and self-validation; having few but very deep relationships; high creativity; a deep sense of spirituality often accompanied by mystical experiences; a strong sense of ethics that is personal as opposed to learned; endlessly exploring questions that have no clear or definite answers.

As you can imagine, questioning cultural values, living in the moment and being extraordinarily open to new people and experiences will tend to lead to some interesting relationships and situations, such as the one you three are now in. While you’re all attuned to the boundless nature of love, Ellen has gotten stuck in that grey area where spiritual truth collides with practical reality. She has tipped too far to one side in embracing the “right idea” for the wrong reasons.

Meanwhile, your spirit is telling you that even if there is enough love to go around, something here is just not right. To your credit, to be in relationship, it helps to have an idea of where you stand. If this guy is really just a friend, why can’t all three of you be friends together? If he’s more than a friend, then when you have needs, will she be there for you, or will she be off with the other guy? These are valid questions. While you can respect her right to love as she loves, you must also respect your right to have emotional needs and desires of your own.

While free love may reflect a higher spiritual truth, the bottom line is that it is very hard to make it work here on earth, even when everyone involved is happily enrolled. I have seen many attempt it but no one truly succeed long-term. Years ago I personally went through a period of intense awakening when it seemed like I had more spiritual/ sexual/ creative energy than I knew what to do with. I was perpetually “turned on” by life itself, and so afire with creative energy that I barely slept. Mystical experiences were commonplace, and I “loved” everyone I met. As I got swept up in this fiery transformation, I became blind to others’ feelings just as Ellen seems to be. From this experience, I learned that I must master my energy instead of allowing it to master me. As we all know, power is neither good nor evil; it’s what we do with it that matters. If we don’t channel our desire/ energy constructively, it will become destructive.

Over time, the shine and thrill of relationships naturally diminishes, both because we’re bored with the “same old thing,” and because in order to keep them going, lots of rules and compromises have diluted our pleasure. When relationships begin to feel smaller than our passion and energy, then people who don’t know how to make the relationship bigger and deeper become restless and have affairs or explore free love or start nitpicking and provoking fights to have something to do. People eventually break up, and then of course, the same pattern repeats itself in every subsequent relationship, which is why so many people are frustrated in their quest for “true love.” Personally, I have come to see the wisdom in focusing my efforts and energy on a monogamous spiritual partnership. While I may have many “soul mates” like Ellen’s friend in my life, in the spiritual partnership I share with my husband, he comes first. Because we’ve learned to go deeper and deeper with our connection, this feels like a blessing, not a sacrifice.

As I see it, you have two choices. You can communicate how you want to be treated, and then if she doesn’t want the same things you do, let it go and open up to something better. As I can feel you really love her unconditionally, however, and sense that she’s a true kindred spirit, you could hang in there and help her find her way through this by seeking out that deeper path and gently leading her there. For information on how to do this, I recommend books by David Deida, as well as the practice of tantra, especially as concerns relationship as a spiritual path. Another great resource is the book The Unimaginable Life: Lessons Learned on the Path of Love by Kenny and Soul Arcanum Loggins, which details the authors’ own journey through this grey area. It’s available at amazon.com. Read it together; I was delightfully surprised by its honesty. Perhaps if you offer Ellen a relationship path that promises all the new ideas and intensity she can handle, she’ll be turned on by your depth and devotion, and intrigued by the prospect of exploring whole new worlds of experience with you.

– Soul Arcanum

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Knowing When It’s Time to Move On from a Relationship

Filed Under: Emotional Well-being, Relationships, Spiritual Growth by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Knowing When It’s Time to Move On from a Relationship

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

How do we know when we’ve learned all we can from someone, and it is time to move on? I’m a Gemini who has long been married to a passive-aggressive Leo who is emotionally abusive in a subtle way. I’ve tried to leave several times in the past, but when I do, the Universe seems to create situations that make leaving unfavorable. I’m in love with the “inner being” of this man, which I can clearly see, but which he won’t allow out. He certainly has been a great catalyst for my personal growth, but there must be a time when there are no more lessons to be learned from a particular person, and staying with them is not in our best interests. I would greatly appreciate any clarification on the difference between running away and leaving because it’s just time. Thanks for a wonderful column. There is always something to be learned here!

Linda

Dear Linda:

Thank you for a wonderful question. This is really a biggie. It’s an issue I encounter all the time in my spiritual counseling work from people who are feeling bored with their careers, constricted by their relationships, or uninspired with life as they know it. Everyone who is in conscious pursuit of personal growth must tackle this eventually. The fundamental question is if we’re avoiding personal growth when we avoid discomfort, or if we’re simply listening to our inner guidance when we want to get away from situations that don’t feel good and right to us.

We might simplify the issue by comparing it to eating right. I have a very picky little eater at my house. Not only does she shun vegetables, but she’s averse to even trying new foods. This pickiness may be related to some primal instinct designed to keep us from poisoning ourselves, but it’s obviously more than that in her case, and she needs to eventually get over it. After all, vegetables (like learning) are good for you. If you, however, took a bite of some thing or experience and it tasted bad to you, that could be discomfort with something new, or it could be a warning from your body that what you’re eating is truly bad for you. Should you force yourself to eat it? Should you spit it out? Would you judge yourself harshly if you didn’t choke it down?

We’re told that we should always follow our bliss, and despite all the questions this raises, it ultimately DOES WORK. If we follow our bliss and just eat ice cream and candy all day, (or stay in jobs or relationships we’ve outgrown) we’re not going to thrive. In fact, before long, we’re going to feel really bored and yucky. Following our bliss will then lead us to do something different. Relationships are tricky because we often fail to realize that just as people have different levels of tolerance for pain, they also have different levels of tolerance for pleasure. One person’s “bliss” may be relatively low on our own scale of well-being – and that’s fine for them. Maybe we need to eat tons of vegetables and embrace new challenges to maintain our own high vibration, and guess what…that’s also fine! It seems you’ve allowed your husband to be “subtly emotionally abusive” for a long time now. Can you allow yourself to want something different?

It seems that what was once your bliss is longer your bliss. You may have been sincere in making huge, unfathomable promises when you married this man (to happily stay with him forever and ever and ever), but now your inner being has risen in vibration, and this is no longer bliss for you. To follow your bliss now may mean making new choices and arrangements. Inner conflict is most marked in people who are into self-development despite their high level of personal awareness. Not only do they expect themselves to grin and bear everything uncomfortable as some kind of “lesson” and to do the “right thing,” but they blame themselves if they’re not happy about it. An inner battle then rages between following their bliss and fulfilling their promises. What a dilemma!

The answer to your quandary lies in knowing that you have not really been learning anything FROM your man. You have learned plenty from this relationship experience, but he hasn’t really taught you anything. Your learning is your OWN, and it will continue whether the relationship thrives or fizzles.

The question is therefore really whether or not you want him along as a companion on your own quest for growth and fulfillment. Does the relationship support you in becoming all you desire to be? Does it comfort you and sustain you when you are down? Does it inspire you and fill your life with passion? Does it feel like an exciting adventure or like a wet, itchy, shrunken wool sweater?

Since you’re motivated by personal growth, have you considered that you may be avoiding it by staying IN the relationship? Perhaps your lesson here is to let go of what you think you “should” do, and bravely honor your heart.

This is not easy, I know. The hardest decision I’ve ever had to make was whether or not to end my first marriage. I was totally miserable. My husband was miserable too, but not to the degree I was. (He was a workaholic, so he was too busy to deal with emotions). I silenced all the initial messages from my inner being that this relationship had become “bad” for me. What about my children? I answered back. What about the promises I’d made? How selfish could I allow myself to be? It was only when I became ill with severe chronic sinus infections that I realized that I was not buckling down to spiritual lessons by staying: I was ignoring my own inner guidance out of fear of what would happen if I honored the truth in my heart. When I left, I experienced profound relief. I could breathe again. It was only in actually doing what I both desired and feared to do that I finally knew what was really “right” for me.

Spirit’s advice in such situations is often to simply lighten up and take a break. Experiment. Take some time for yourself. (Take a bite of what it’s like to be free of this situation, and see if you like how it tastes.) Because this is such an individual matter, you need to give yourself permission to take some time and space to figure it out.

If your husband balks and ends the relationship because he’s upset that you would be so bold and “selfish” as to take some time alone (as mine did), then I think the Universe has made things patently clear for you (and kindly taken the decision off your shoulders.) If he supports you in trying to “find” yourself, then he is at least a true friend. No matter what happens, getting some distance from the relationship will lead you to new clarity about what really works for you and what you really want.

Take some time for yourself, Linda. Do whatever your resources allow you to do: rent a place of your own for three months or stay with a friend. If you get some distance from this relationship, your energy will separate from his, and you’ll be able to sort out what is what. You may even discover that you’ve been projecting some of your own inner conflicts onto the relationship, that it has no more power over the quality of your inner experience than you give to it, that your learning is not dependent on him or anything else outside of you.

By the way, no one can subtly emotionally abuse you unless you let them. Perhaps when you take some time and space away from him, he’ll be motivated to examine his own issues, too. Just remember: you are not responsible for his learning.

I’m confident that if you take some time away from the relationship, you’ll find new clarity. May your inner being direct you to the right path for you with unmistakable feelings of true well-being.

– Soul Arcanum

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