Tag Archive: relationships


Does Romance Interfere with Spirit?

Filed Under: Psychic Ability, Relationships, Spiritual Growth by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Does Romance Interfere with Spirit?

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

I have been working on psychic and energy healing skills for a few years now, and it has been an amazing journey. Some time ago, I met and fell in love with someone. While I feel strongly drawn to him and am very happy in this relationship, he seems to interfere with my conscious connection to Spirit! We broke up for about three weeks once, and during that time, I felt Spirit move back into my life. When we got back together again, however, I lost that sense of connection. I’m getting worried that this relationship may somehow be bad for my spiritual growth. Do you think that this romance could be bad for me spiritually?
– Michelle

Dear Michelle:

Please rest assured that no one feels deeply connected spiritually all the time. After we awaken, we’re not awake 24/7: we all frequently take what we might call spiritual naps. These are usually short little catnaps throughout the day, but sometimes we take longer naps that may last for weeks, months or even years. These “naps” are periods when we’re less focused on spiritual growth and more focused on worldly matters like our careers, families, love affairs, and just having fun. It is entirely normal to go through periods when you feel more and less consciously connected to Spirit.

I also think it’s important to realize that when a relationship affects us in a negative way, the other person is not doing something to us; how we relate to them is the problem. Ultimately, our experience of a relationship is all about us, as it arises from our interpretation of events. We should never blame anyone or anything outside of us for the quality of our relationship with Spirit, for there is nothing more personal in the Universe.

I also don’t see any demarcation between “spiritual” matters and anything else in life – everything (and every relationship) is ultimately spiritual. Our task is to find the deeper meaning in whatever we manifest in life, and relationships of all kinds can be wonderful catalysts for personal spiritual growth.

That said, I do believe that romance can indeed derail us from a conscious spiritual path. Where a conscious spiritual path is all about looking deeply into the nature of our experiences and cutting through illusions, romance is all about reveling in illusion. To keep romance going, we have to allow ourselves to get caught up in fantasy and avoid looking beneath the surface. So a conscious spiritual path and a great romance are fundamentally at odds with each other.

Please note that I’m not saying that “true love” is illusionary. True love is what one feels for one’s child, and hopefully, what one grows to feel for one’s partner. True love is constant and comforting; it’s an enduring, solid foundation that supports our well-being and personal growth. Real love is expansive and enriching; it doesn’t detract from anything good in our lives, but rather adds to it.

By contrast, romance is like standing in the middle of a teeter totter. It’s fun, exhilarating and challenging, and it often leads to someone getting hurt. Instead of adding to our lives on every level, it distracts us from everything else that is important to us. How can we do anything with focus and power when we’re constantly struggling just to maintain our balance?

Here’s what basically happens when “spiritual” people like you and me fall in love and fall off a conscious spiritual path. (Please note again that we are never truly off our path at all, for we’re doing just what we need to be doing in order to learn what we most need to learn.):

As we’re falling in love, we spend a lot of psychic energy fantasizing. We wonder about our lover and how they feel about us all the time. We daydream about the future endlessly. We begin to create a fantasy world in our heads of a life where all our dreams have come true. Our lover becomes our hero or heroine, our god or goddess. As we feel cherished and adored, we also become extraordinarily wonderful in our own eyes. We build a beautiful dream world in our minds, and that’s where we live most of the time.

At the same time, our outer routines usually change markedly. We all know the stereotype of the person who is so madly in love that he can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t focus on his work, never sees his friends anymore, etc. Well, you can bet he isn’t spending a lot of time communing with the Divine via meditation or other spiritual practices either.

We may change a lot of little habits as well. We may rush through meditation in order to get ready for a date, or skip church in order to sleep in with our sweetheart on Sunday morning. We may acquire a whole new group of friends – our partner’s pals. In order to be “nice,” we may go see a violent action adventure flick with him instead of the thought-provoking independent film we’d normally choose.

Sometimes we even put aside our most sacred spiritual pursuits in order to “protect” an important relationship. Lovers can feel threatened by a strong spiritual path, perhaps because they sense that this is truly eternal and far more powerful than anything they have to offer. If we become afraid for the relationship, we may put our spiritual interests aside in order to reassure our lover that he is number one. This is not a long-term solution, of course, because one who has awakened cannot nap forever.

These things are natural, but they tend to derail spiritual journeys, for the energy and attention that we flow into the relationship is energy and attention we’re not consciously channeling into spiritual growth.

On top of all of this, we have to actually stifle our conscious awareness in order to maintain the illusion of blissful perfection. Some part of us is aware of both our lover’s flaws and the emotional foolishness of putting anyone or anything of this world on such a high pedestal, but when we’re in love, we do NOT want to hear about it! So we ignore those intuitions, insights, and inner knowings. We want to believe that this love is magical and will lead us to live happily ever after. We are in denial about the full nature of this relationship, the other person, and even ourselves, and we want to STAY THERE.

By pushing away all but what we want to see and hear about our love, we effectively turn off our own higher awareness. When we tell it to shut up and go away, our conscious connection to divine guidance goes underground.

What’s more, when we believe we have this rare, precious love, we naturally feel very attached to it, and this generates big fear about the possibility of losing it, along with all sorts of issues from the past (and past lives) related to self-esteem, abandonment, vulnerability, intimacy, freedom, security, etc. This launches us into lots of emotional drama, which wreaks havoc with our overall vibration – and we all know that to have a clear conscious connection with Spirit, we must have a high vibration. We might thus say that any relationship that is passionate and/or full of drama is “bad” for our spiritual growth. (Again, however, if we are IN it, there is a good reason we’re there.)

It is possible to maintain both romance and a strong spiritual path, but to do so, we have to remain conscious that we are caught up in illusion when we are feeling “in love.” This is sort of like living in the world but not of it, except in this case, we are living “in love,” but romance is not the whole point of our existence. Some might think this would take a lot of the pleasure out of romance, but I think the opposite is true: it makes romance a much lighter, easier endeavor. When we know that romance is just about having fun, and that ultimately, our happiness and well-being do NOT depend on the state of any human relationship, we can enjoy it a lot more.

– Soul Arcanum

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When You Can’t Live Without Him/Her

Filed Under: Emotional Well-being, Healing, Relationships, Spiritual Growth by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on When You Can’t Live Without Him/Her

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

I have searched long and hard for a true blue psychic, and something just led me to you. I love a man whose name is Jimmy. We broke up last March over a misunderstanding, and it has been an extreme emotional roller coaster ride ever since that day. Since our breakup, I have sent kind, loving correspondence to him to let him know how I feel. I even remembered him on Christmas and sent him a gift and a card. Life has truly been a struggle. I know that one should not just wait around for love, but having someone special is extremely important to me at this time in my life. I can’t imagine life without this man, for I have always felt that he was the one for me with all of my heart. I know that he has issues when it comes to showing and expressing his emotions, but it never hindered me from pursuing him the past seven years. I do not push him in any way; I give him space to follow his heart in his own time. I have even prayed that God would take my life now and allow me to come home, because I really do not want my life to go on without this man. This is how much I truly love him. Last night I even prayed to God many times to allow this to happen if Jimmy was not going to come back to me. He may be a self-centered pig at times, but this does not diminish my love for him, because I have seen a beautiful side of him that not many people get to see. Will Jimmy come back and give this relationship another whirl, a real try he truly puts his heart into? I would really love to hear from you. Thank you for your time.
– Diane

Dear Diane:

My sweet girl, I wish I could whisk you off to a beach in Mexico for a year or so. By the end of that time, you’d be so over Jimmy. You’d be happily engaged in a whole new life, with a whole new sense of hope and possibility.

First, no person is so fantastic that life is not worth living without them. Barring extreme physical pain due to terminal illness or something like that, thoughts of suicide are always very short-sighted. When I read for people who don’t see life as worth living, Spirit often suggests they watch the movie “Joe Versus the Volcano.”

In that film, Tom Hanks’ character is a hypochondriac who learns that he is dying. He accepts the offer of a millionaire, which entails becoming a human sacrifice by throwing himself into a volcano. He has to travel halfway around the world to get to this volcano, and en route, he awakens spiritually and discovers that his life is indeed worth living. We watch him blossom from a miserable, anxiety-ridden man clinging to a bleak existence, into a bright, joyful free spirit. Only when he faces his own mortality for real does he begin to fully open to everything that is beautiful in life that he has been missing.

I encourage you to rent this movie and let it speak to your heart and soul.

Now you have to realize that what you describe as love is not really love, but rather obsession. When we’re caught up in romantic obsession like this it’s very hard to see it, so I understand if you are vehemently shaking your head and saying that I don’t understand. I know, because I’ve been where you are. I believed it was really love too, and wound up wanting to die, just like you.

My own obsession was named Dan, and my entire purpose for living was for him to love me back. When we make someone the center of our universe like this, we make them our God. As no mortal can fill those shoes, we are setting ourselves up for a lot of disappointment and heartache when we do this.

It’s not that we’re fundamentally pathetic. In fact, most people who fall into this pattern have very deep spiritual natures but a lack of spiritual teaching and direct experience of divine grace. We’ve been raised to make romance EVERYTHING. Our modern holy grail is a “soul mate.” We’ve been duped into believing that romantic love is the highest thing we can hope for. When romance then leaves us in a miserable heap on the floor, it’s no wonder we decide that life is just not worth living.

The energy underlying obsession is a very powerful force. The more you tell yourself you don’t want to live without Jimmy, the more energy you send to this force, and the harder it is to break free of it. You feel incomplete without Jimmy because you’ve literally given away your heart and soul to him.

Here’s another lesson we all have to learn eventually: Deciding that we don’t want to live without someone is actually a good way to send them fleeing. It’s a pretty heavy trip to put on someone’s shoulders. Most people feel suffocated by this sort of emotional dependency.

Making someone else responsible for our will to live is never a healthy or attractive thing to do. It leaves us clingy, vulnerable, grasping and draining. We won’t find true fulfillment in love until our own hearts and spirits are whole, until we see ourselves as complete expressions of divine beauty.

I’ve seen this sort of relationship dynamic many times, and always the person who is made God is far from deserving of that honor. I could see putting someone on a pedestal if they really were Christ-like, for then it may actually be true that we may never meet another person like them. Usually, however, the thing that is most special about the people we cling to is their indifference to our feelings. At some level we believe that if we can get this cold-hearted, self-absorbed “cool” person to return our devotion, then we will have proven to ourselves that we really are lovable.

These romantic obsessions represent someone from our past – usually the parent it was hardest to win attention, love and approval from. They can also be people we loved in past lives who rejected us. By being unmovable and indifferent, they offer us another chance to prove ourselves worthy of their attention, affection and respect. Through these relationships, we try to go back and heal some of the holes in our hearts from earlier experiences.

Our true goal is not to gain their love, however, but to learn to love ourselves enough to leave this tortuous experience behind. We may think we adore a lover more than life itself, but we can only truly love another to the degree we love ourselves. When we want to die for the lack of one individual’s returned affection, we aren’t loving anyone involved; we’re just desperately trying to find someone or something to fill the empty place inside of us.

I wish I could spirit you away to that beach in Mexico, but you don’t really need me to anyway. You don’t need anyone outside of yourself to save you or make your life worth living, because it’s already worth living, Diane.

I recommend you either find a higher calling to devote yourself to, or take off on a big adventure. If you already feel like dying, what have you got to lose? You’re here – you might as well do something important or interesting. The more you devote yourself to this higher purpose or lose yourself in this new adventure, the better you will feel.

Give the best of yourself to someone or something new, and after a while, you will realize that you feel better about yourself and about life. Your energy will detach more and more from this obsessive vortex as you put your heart and soul into relationships and undertakings that actually return your energy. This will lead you not only to new peace and happiness, but to more fulfilling experiences in love too.

There are no shortcuts to true and lasting happiness. You have to stop being a slave to romance and reach for something truer and more lasting: a sense of your own divinity, a personal relationship to Spirit/ the Universe/ All That Is, a reverent appreciation of life’s endless blessings and joys.

– Soul Arcanum

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Making Peace with Past Mistreatment

Filed Under: Emotional Well-being, Healing, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Making Peace with Past Mistreatment

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

I was once married to a man I trusted, who turned out to be a con man. When he became not only verbally/ emotionally abusive, but also physically abusive, I left him. He was able to steal a vast sum of money from me, and reaped great financial rewards during the marriage and after the divorce. Though he was arrested, he has gotten away with paying less child support than he should. He even rigged my car to break down! I traded it in, and he bought it back! He has married very well (she is exactly like me), taken many vacations, lives in an extravagant home, etc. Whatever happened to “what goes around, comes around?” On the positive side, God blessed me with two angelic daughters. I have a nice home, but it’s very modest compared to what I lived in before. Best of all, I am free and far happier now. He is certainly an angry, negative, miserable person to be around most of the time. (This is my opinion, as well as that of his awesome wife, who confided in me.) He has also had a host of health problems. I grapple constantly with trying to let this all go, as it is affecting the wonderful relationship I’m in now. Please tell me how I can feel better about this situation.
– L.M.C.

Dear L.M.C.:

Let’s see: you’re happy, in a wonderful new relationship, and enjoying the sweet daughters born of this marriage. Meanwhile, your ex is miserable, angry, suffering, and disliked by his own wife. You feel good about yourself, for you maintained your integrity throughout this relationship. Meanwhile, he has walked through tremendous stress, and despite the big house and grand vacations, he’s far from happy. It certainly sounds to me like “what goes around, comes around” is working just fine, my dear! :)

There is one thing about manifesting that is often confusing when we observe others’ experiences: you don’t have to be “nice” to manifest what you want in life – you just have to feel that you deserve it, focus on it, and expect it to come to you. Thus we can all see people who are not the “nicest” folks around manifesting wealth, status, beauty, etc. If you really think about it, equating worldly things with happiness is usually a sign that someone is not all that evolved anyway. Someone wiser would more likely focus on manifesting love, true friendship, spiritual growth, deep well-being and joy – not sports cars and mansions.

If we look deeper, however, we discover that everyone does manifest the QUALITY of life experience that they give to others. What we send out comes back to us; what we focus upon expands, whether we desire it for ourselves or for someone else. Thus people who focus on doing the right thing and on bringing others joy and happiness will have a generally happy life, while those who desire revenge or to take advantage of others will tend to feel persecuted and cheated by life no matter how much wealth they are able to manifest.

I do understand your struggle. It can be maddening to treat others with kindness and integrity, only to have them take advantage of our trust. This is especially difficult with ex-spouses. Many years of observation have taught me that divorce has extraordinary power to bring out the worst in people.

I can assure you, however, that even with divorce, spiritual law always creates balance eventually. Time and time again, I’ve seen people who aim high manifesting higher experiences, and people who aim low manifesting lower experiences. The “bad guys” may seem to win the battle of the moment, but then find themselves in a horrible war long-term, while we move on to new peace and happiness.

Let’s look at someone else’s divorce situation as an example. I have had the enlightening opportunity to closely watch a couple go through a divorce scenario that is all too common these days. After the initial uproar and upset, the individuals involved settled into two very different camps. While the husband was determined to be fair and get along for the sake of the kids, the wife was bitter and demanding. When he stood up for himself and refused to let her order him around, she began an ugly campaign against him. She told the kids that he was the cause of all her problems, and she basically tried to turn them against him. In order to win them over, she removed all rules and limits on her teen’s behavior.

At first, the victim seemed to be primarily the husband, who was maligned and disempowered as a parent, and had to stand by and watch his kids struggle through all sorts of trouble: drugs, promiscuity, crime, school failure, nasty attitudes, etc. As they could always choose to live with mom, there wasn’t anything he could do about it. The secondary victims, of course, were the kids themselves, whose mother’s ego issues prevented her from providing the guidance and boundaries they needed to enjoy health, success, happiness and well-being.

In the end, however, it was clear that the one to suffer the most was the mother herself. She is the one who ended up living in a house full of juvenile delinquents who may have “liked” her permissiveness, but certainly showed her no respect. The stole from her, lied to her, threatened her with physical violence, etc. While she may have won her popularity contest, she got far more than she bargained for.

While this woman and her children were enmeshed in one harrowing drama after another, the husband did the only thing he could do: he simply focused on living by his own higher standards, and soon, many great new blessings began to flow into his life. While at first he looked like the victim of his ex-wife’s crazy campaign, in time we can see how he was actually spared the stress of living with his teens when they were downright obnoxious. As they learn and grow, his children are starting to see the truth of the whole experience, and how in being “strict,” he was trying to love and protect them.

I relay this story because often, it’s easier to objectively observe someone else’s life. Hopefully, it illustrates how eventually, integrity DOES pay. This carries over into all sorts of relationships, of course. If a good employee is treated unfairly and is fired or quits, the management loses a good worker, and the employee ends up with a better job. If we look at any situation with enough distance/ perspective, eventually we see that what goes around DOES come around.

Further, those who conquer their negative feelings in order to take the “high road” are rewarded with blessings far more valuable than houses and vacations: they retain their self-respect, the respect of others, and a clear conscience. When they are able to forgive those who have “abused” them, they also enjoy a sense of inner peace and the freedom to enjoy new happiness.

Ask yourself which you think would be easier: for you to forgive your ex, or if you WERE him, for you to forgive yourself for all that he has done. You would not trade places with him for a huge home or great vacation. When you can find compassion for all he suffers due to his spiritual ignorance and his inability to conquer his monstrous ego, your heart will be cleansed of bitterness, and you will be at peace with all that has happened.

No matter how much his outer world may sparkle, on the inside, it’s so much darker than your own. Try to find compassion for him and pray for him to find the light, so you can complete this learning experience and truly enjoy your many blessings.

– Soul Arcanum

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Dealing with Negative, Draining People

Filed Under: Chakras/Auras, Emotional Well-being, Energy/Vibration, Healing, Intuitive Development, Psychic Ability, Psychic Protection, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Dealing with Negative, Draining People

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

I consider myself to be a pretty positive person who tries to see the good in people as well as in situations. Right now I am working on learning how to manifest what I want by studying how I function as a person and how I can remove the blocks that are limiting my experience. I am living with a man who is very set on seeing the negative aspects of everything that happens instead of the positive ones. He says things like, “Why would anything ever work out when it never has before? Why would I ever get what I want when I never have before?” Now recently we were offered the opportunity to start a business, which would be connected to an already existing business, and I am wondering to what extent my partner’s negative views will interfere with my attempts to create success. I truly believe that this can become a very lucrative, positive endeavor for us. Will his negative energy make it harder for me to manifest what I want? Is it possible for a person to try to manifest something for herself and her partner when the partner doesn’t have faith that it will work out in a good way? Can I make it work with him?
Thank you!
Soul Arcanum

Dear Soul Arcanum:

Soul Arcanum, I get a surprising number of similar questions. It’s rare for two people to be spiritually on the same page at the same time; one person is usually a bit more “evolved” or “together” than the other. Sometimes those roles shift and change, but sometimes, the difference is marked from the start, or a pattern will become apparent over time, where one person pulls ahead as the “giver” and the other person is more the “taker.” What’s really interesting to me is how often “givers” will be the ones putting in most of the energy to maintain the relationship.

Often what givers are getting is a sense of being “loved,” though in truth, the other person is just dependent on them for help, support or energy. Others are in it for the self-esteem boost they get from being such a selfless “saint,” or from feeling like they’re so much more together than the taker. (Observing folks with really messy lives tends to make us grateful for our relatively minor problems). There IS a place for selfless, one-sided giving, but it’s not in key relationships where we expect our energy/investment to be returned in kind. One-sided relationships are fine for ministers/ therapists/ doctors/ healers/ teachers, etc. to have with those they help, but we should seek equals we respect, trust and admire as friends, business partners and lovers. It’s unwise in any relationship to pour our hearts and souls into “negative” people who never make sincere efforts to improve their lives.

Often even relationships that were once wonderful or “perfect” become unhealthy for all involved. I frequently see this in long-term marriages when one partner wakes up and decides to learn and grow. As this partner moves into a new level of understanding and wisdom, she may at first try to share her new spiritual discoveries with her partner, but this is usually an exercise in disappointment and frustration. If she lets go and simply decides to follow her own heart and her own path, her energy will separate even more from her mate’s. Throughout this process the tension is growing. What used to be a good fit is now heavy or restrictive to the progressive partner.

As you mentioned that you’re “learning how to manifest,” I think this is what is happening. Your conscious awareness of the power of positive (and negative) thinking is new, and while you may have known your partner had a bad attitude before, you had no strong desire to be positive yourself. Now you’re singing at a higher note, and the “chord” created by your combined energies is discordant and jarring to your very soul. You try to be unconditionally loving, patient, compassionate, etc., but every time you try to soar and he strikes that negative note, your whole being just cringes. This is your inner guidance telling you that what you’re experiencing is not what your higher self really wants.

When the discordant relationship in question is sexually intimate, it’s especially important to make sure that you’re with someone whose energy is as positive/high as yours, for intimacy is a deep blending of energies. While you may uplift him and make him feel better, he will tend to bring you down, and as you now know, feeling “down” is going to limit your power to manifest your goals and dreams.

In all close relationships (whether we’re lovers, partners or best friends with someone), if the other person’s energy is not harmonious with our own, we will gradually start to change. We will not “be ourselves” anymore, and sometimes, we won’t even realize it until we spend a consistent period of time away from the situation. I used to spend a lot of time with a friend whose life was always in turmoil. Eventually her behavior got more and more disturbing and I pulled away. I recently spent some time with her again, and only then did it strike me how much better I’ve felt NOT being around her. I had returned to my true vibration. When we’re not sure about continuing a troubled relationship, often taking a six-week break like this will realign us with our own true vibration and lead us to clarity.

While it’s great to have an open heart, if we want happiness and fulfillment in relationships, we have to be discerning. People who take responsibility for creating their own realities approach life very differently from those who see themselves as victims of circumstance. In owning their personal power to create for better or worse in their own lives, they enjoy much more success and happiness.

I therefore encourage you to go into business with someone who pumps you up. Find someone whose strengths and weaknesses are complementary to your own. When two positive, conscious creators get together with a common intention, magic happens through the power of synergy. Instead of 1 + 1 = 2, 1 + 1 = unlimited potential.

Also, you’re in the midst of a big personal transition. Not only will your man’s heavy, negative energy weigh you down and potentially limit your success, but your discomfort with his negativity reveals that you’re moving apart in vibration. Should you choose separate paths in the near future, it will be much more complicated if you’re in business together.

Ultimately, deciding whether or not to go into business with your man depends on how you would end up FEELING about all of this. If you’re capable of staying passionately upbeat and positive despite his negative mood, then your energy could prevail, for one who is connected to the stream of pure, positive energy is more powerful than a thousand who are not. That’s a big “if” however, especially to maintain day in and day out. If he “brings you down,” or you get impatient, critical or fed up with him, then both of you will be down, and you know where that will get you.

Choosing a negative person as a partner is choosing a very uphill path. You’re better off on your own, or manifesting a partner who shares your positive beliefs and will match your uplifting, creative energy with some power and wisdom of his or her own.

May you know the thrilling, magical power of synergy, and enjoy a wonderful journey to big success!

– Soul Arcanum

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Nasty Neighbor is Testing my Spiritual Character

Filed Under: Law of Attraction, Manifesting, Psychic Protection, Relationships, Spiritual Growth by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Nasty Neighbor is Testing my Spiritual Character

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

I consider myself to be a kind and compassionate person, and am generally tolerant of most people. My tolerance, however, has about run dry with my nasty neighbor next door. Without going through a litany of offenses, it takes every ounce of my being not to throttle her and/or perpetrate some delicious revenge for having to put up with her lack of decorum. Any time she’s nice, there’s always an ulterior motive. I know she’s a very troubled woman and has had a tough life. Her insecurity and self-hatred are painfully obvious. As a spiritual person, I try to be understanding and compassionate, knowing that deep down she’s miserable. I find it more and more difficult, however, to continue biting my tongue when I hear the dog endlessly barking, the trash piling up in her yard, and the unasked for advice on how to landscape my own yard. I’m planning on moving at some point, but until then, I’m stuck living next to her. What are some ways to put up with an obnoxious person who seems to test us at every turn? I’d love to launch her into the next solar system!
B.

Dear B.:

You’ve come to the right person, for I assure you that I too have had my own nemesis; I too have succumbed to anger and lost sight of my own spiritual values; I too have plotted wicked revenge. I have in fact amazed myself with my capacity for vengeance, and I now think the last person I’d want to have really mad at me would be ME.

I believe that you’re quite a bit like me, and what’s bothering you more than the neighbor herself is your own inability to remain “spiritual” in the midst of this conflict. If we are the sort of people who strive to do the right thing, to rise above ego to be kind, to give of ourselves in helping others, etc., it’s hard to accept and handle people who seem to be living at the other end of the spectrum, but it’s even harder to accept ourselves when we begin to sink to their level.

In our naivete, at first we may assume that our “enemies” couldn’t possibly know the harm they are inflicting, or else they’d change their behavior. When it becomes apparent that they just don’t care or are purposefully being negative or harmful, we sensitive souls can be shocked and disturbed. (As I was happily in denial myself for the first 30 years of my life or so, I hate to be the one to break it to you, but some people can be downright mean and nasty out of pure self-interest.)

It’s then further upsetting when we can’t seem to find a spiritual solution that works for everyone. Some people will try to use reason and persuasion to change the other person; others will pray or resort to spells or other efforts to affect the situation; some of us endlessly search for a “win/win” solution for everyone involved. If none of this seems to work, it’s easy to get caught up in confusion: Is the other person really wrong, or am I too sensitive and judgmental? Is this situation driven by my own bad karma? Am I to be a teacher here, or is the lesson for me? (And when did I become so ugly inside, anyway? Do my angels and guides know how wicked my thoughts can be? Gasp! Does GOD?)

As the Law of Attraction states that we draw people and experiences to us based on our own vibration, if we’re staring at something or someone really horrible, it’s natural to wonder if WE are horrible too. I don’t believe that all people and experiences in our lives reflect our own vibration – some are just secondary results of some primary manifestation. There are many ways/reasons such people may enter our experience. Sometimes the house we really want just happens to be next to theirs, as in your case. Sometimes we are related to such people, or were married to them in the past. Sometimes having a certain wonderful person in our lives means we have to deal with that person’s not so wonderful ex-wife, kids, spouse, etc. If someone irritating is in your experience, don’t assume you’ve done something wrong. If your inner world is festering with anger and revenge, however, the true “enemy” you’re battling is inside of you.

After much experimentation and frustration myself, I have learned that you can’t change a lion into a kitten, but you can either win the lion over or learn how to walk through the jungle without fear of attack. The lions are still there, but they’re no longer a threat to our well-being.

While enmeshed in my own similar lesson, I did at times lose my temper and engage in conflict, which of course only led to escalation. On the whole, however, when I began to “turn the other cheek,” to return mean acts with kind ones, things began to shift. They shifted even more when I realized how much inner time I’d started to devote to the situation, and decided that I needed to get a life again. (If you look back, you’ll realize you had a lot more important stuff going on in your mind and heart before this battle began.) When I stopped trying to force things to change because I had more important things to do, when I focused my mental and emotional energy on creating what I wanted in the rest of my life instead of pushing against the one thing I didn’t want, then the situation really relaxed and shifted. Before long, I was free from obsession, ugly thoughts and feelings. I still meet that lion now and then, and I still have to deal with the occasional drama, but it doesn’t pollute my soul anymore. In fact, much of the time the lion is downright friendly (though I’m not going to put my hand in its mouth or try to bring it home as a pet.) That is where you want to be.

I’m not saying you should be a doormat. I’m saying you should raise your vibration far above your neighbor’s, for then one way or another, she will fall out of your experience. So instead of focusing on getting rid of the neighbor problem, I recommend you focus on manifesting goodwill and harmony within you, regardless of what the neighbor does. This means that so long as you’re able to remain positive, you’re content. For every thing your neighbor does to disturb you, simply do something kind, either for her, yourself or someone else. Focus all your attention and energy on building big dreams and being the kind of person you most respect and admire. Look for people who are all the things you love: kind, polite, fun, respectful, courteous, etc.That is your challenge.

I know that my greatest “enemy” has been my greatest spiritual teacher. From that relationship I’ve learned the limits of my own compassion and tolerance, and I’ve stretched those limits. I’ve learned that even when we don’t understand others’ perspectives or opinions, that doesn’t mean we’re always right and they’re wrong. I’ve learned that even when I don’t like or trust someone, I can find the humanity in them, and I can continue to serve in many ways: by offering an example of someone who walks in Spirit; by overcoming my own ego and emotions to do the right thing; by remaining calm and speaking reasonably when others are yelling and angry. I’ve learned that the best way to “protect” myself is simply to focus on manifesting what I do want. The list is endless.

What I didn’t expect was to teach that person just as much as I learned. Recently she told me how much she has learned from how I’ve handled myself, and how much she admires and respects me. That was a great feeling.

Try to respond to your neighbor’s irritating issues with positive energy. You may just win her cooperation and admiration, but even if you don’t, you’ll have your soul back, and then what she does or doesn’t do won’t really matter to you anymore.

– Soul Arcanum

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Can You Have More than One Soul Mate at a Time?

Filed Under: Past Lives, Reincarnation, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Can You Have More than One Soul Mate at a Time?

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

My lover Ellen and I share a deep connection. Recently, she met another man she also feels connected to. Whenever she sees him or talks to him, she becomes very distant. We have talked about this, and it seems to me that she has a problem dealing with feeling connected to two men. I have an intimate relationship with her and her children, while this other man is a close friend. She can’t handle it when we are in the same place at the same time. She tries to separate us, and even avoids one when time has been spent with the other. Many times one of us has told her how rude she is being. Her behavior has begun to cause a lot of disharmony in our relationship. I understand that she has a connection with this person and I respect that, but how do I deal with my feelings of jealousy and anger for how she is handling this? Is it possible to have one soul mate as a friend and another as a lover in this lifetime?

Dave

Dear Dave:

Yes! Everyone we’ve ever truly loved, whether in this life or another, is a “soul mate.” They can be friends, lovers, children, parents – even arch enemies.

While a mainstream approach to your situation might dictate you deal with this as an “emotional affair,” you’re obviously spiritually beyond the mainstream. In fact, your dilemma is a common thoroughfare on the journey to spiritual enlightenment, for as we evolve spiritually, we begin to identify less with the fear-based “laws” and “rules” of man, and open more to what is “natural” both here and beyond. When we study other cultures and animals, for example, it becomes clear that monogamy is relatively rare and therefore probably a cultural construct. In spiritual realms, there is also much more freedom; in the astral, free love is the norm. The details that separate us here in the physical such as race, gender, religion, marital status, etc. all fall away in the astral, where we are so engaged in the moment that we are open to pretty much everything.

So as we evolve spiritually, we naturally begin to question societal norms and to listen for the truth in our own hearts. While we’re ultimately moving toward greater embodiment of love, compassion, truth, etc., at first it’s like we’ve got spiritual training wheels, and we tend to tip too far one way and then the other as we make choices that are a mixture of spiritual idealism, guilt, love, fear, generosity and selfishness. We may grasp the right idea, for example, but embrace it for the wrong reasons.

I feel that all three of you have entered this spiritual territory where right and wrong fade into endless shades of grey. It’s actually a sign that you’ve become self-actualizing, which is what this publication is all about. Some of the traits of “self-actualizers” include: extraordinary openness to new ideas, experiences and people; being extremely non-judgmental; being highly conscious of your experiences and reflecting deeply on them; being self-aware and self-honest, and thus able to live in harmony with your true values; searching for “truth” and genuineness in relationships and experiences; honestly seeking “reality” as opposed to avoiding, repressing, etc.; loving and accepting yourself, others, nature, the universe; unpretentiousness, simplicity, spontaneity; gentleness, shyness; self-direction and self-validation; having few but very deep relationships; high creativity; a deep sense of spirituality often accompanied by mystical experiences; a strong sense of ethics that is personal as opposed to learned; endlessly exploring questions that have no clear or definite answers.

As you can imagine, questioning cultural values, living in the moment and being extraordinarily open to new people and experiences will tend to lead to some interesting relationships and situations, such as the one you three are now in. While you’re all attuned to the boundless nature of love, Ellen has gotten stuck in that grey area where spiritual truth collides with practical reality. She has tipped too far to one side in embracing the “right idea” for the wrong reasons.

Meanwhile, your spirit is telling you that even if there is enough love to go around, something here is just not right. To your credit, to be in relationship, it helps to have an idea of where you stand. If this guy is really just a friend, why can’t all three of you be friends together? If he’s more than a friend, then when you have needs, will she be there for you, or will she be off with the other guy? These are valid questions. While you can respect her right to love as she loves, you must also respect your right to have emotional needs and desires of your own.

While free love may reflect a higher spiritual truth, the bottom line is that it is very hard to make it work here on earth, even when everyone involved is happily enrolled. I have seen many attempt it but no one truly succeed long-term. Years ago I personally went through a period of intense awakening when it seemed like I had more spiritual/ sexual/ creative energy than I knew what to do with. I was perpetually “turned on” by life itself, and so afire with creative energy that I barely slept. Mystical experiences were commonplace, and I “loved” everyone I met. As I got swept up in this fiery transformation, I became blind to others’ feelings just as Ellen seems to be. From this experience, I learned that I must master my energy instead of allowing it to master me. As we all know, power is neither good nor evil; it’s what we do with it that matters. If we don’t channel our desire/ energy constructively, it will become destructive.

Over time, the shine and thrill of relationships naturally diminishes, both because we’re bored with the “same old thing,” and because in order to keep them going, lots of rules and compromises have diluted our pleasure. When relationships begin to feel smaller than our passion and energy, then people who don’t know how to make the relationship bigger and deeper become restless and have affairs or explore free love or start nitpicking and provoking fights to have something to do. People eventually break up, and then of course, the same pattern repeats itself in every subsequent relationship, which is why so many people are frustrated in their quest for “true love.” Personally, I have come to see the wisdom in focusing my efforts and energy on a monogamous spiritual partnership. While I may have many “soul mates” like Ellen’s friend in my life, in the spiritual partnership I share with my husband, he comes first. Because we’ve learned to go deeper and deeper with our connection, this feels like a blessing, not a sacrifice.

As I see it, you have two choices. You can communicate how you want to be treated, and then if she doesn’t want the same things you do, let it go and open up to something better. As I can feel you really love her unconditionally, however, and sense that she’s a true kindred spirit, you could hang in there and help her find her way through this by seeking out that deeper path and gently leading her there. For information on how to do this, I recommend books by David Deida, as well as the practice of tantra, especially as concerns relationship as a spiritual path. Another great resource is the book The Unimaginable Life: Lessons Learned on the Path of Love by Kenny and Soul Arcanum Loggins, which details the authors’ own journey through this grey area. It’s available at amazon.com. Read it together; I was delightfully surprised by its honesty. Perhaps if you offer Ellen a relationship path that promises all the new ideas and intensity she can handle, she’ll be turned on by your depth and devotion, and intrigued by the prospect of exploring whole new worlds of experience with you.

– Soul Arcanum

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Knowing When It’s Time to Move On from a Relationship

Filed Under: Emotional Well-being, Relationships, Spiritual Growth by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Knowing When It’s Time to Move On from a Relationship

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

How do we know when we’ve learned all we can from someone, and it is time to move on? I’m a Gemini who has long been married to a passive-aggressive Leo who is emotionally abusive in a subtle way. I’ve tried to leave several times in the past, but when I do, the Universe seems to create situations that make leaving unfavorable. I’m in love with the “inner being” of this man, which I can clearly see, but which he won’t allow out. He certainly has been a great catalyst for my personal growth, but there must be a time when there are no more lessons to be learned from a particular person, and staying with them is not in our best interests. I would greatly appreciate any clarification on the difference between running away and leaving because it’s just time. Thanks for a wonderful column. There is always something to be learned here!

Linda

Dear Linda:

Thank you for a wonderful question. This is really a biggie. It’s an issue I encounter all the time in my spiritual counseling work from people who are feeling bored with their careers, constricted by their relationships, or uninspired with life as they know it. Everyone who is in conscious pursuit of personal growth must tackle this eventually. The fundamental question is if we’re avoiding personal growth when we avoid discomfort, or if we’re simply listening to our inner guidance when we want to get away from situations that don’t feel good and right to us.

We might simplify the issue by comparing it to eating right. I have a very picky little eater at my house. Not only does she shun vegetables, but she’s averse to even trying new foods. This pickiness may be related to some primal instinct designed to keep us from poisoning ourselves, but it’s obviously more than that in her case, and she needs to eventually get over it. After all, vegetables (like learning) are good for you. If you, however, took a bite of some thing or experience and it tasted bad to you, that could be discomfort with something new, or it could be a warning from your body that what you’re eating is truly bad for you. Should you force yourself to eat it? Should you spit it out? Would you judge yourself harshly if you didn’t choke it down?

We’re told that we should always follow our bliss, and despite all the questions this raises, it ultimately DOES WORK. If we follow our bliss and just eat ice cream and candy all day, (or stay in jobs or relationships we’ve outgrown) we’re not going to thrive. In fact, before long, we’re going to feel really bored and yucky. Following our bliss will then lead us to do something different. Relationships are tricky because we often fail to realize that just as people have different levels of tolerance for pain, they also have different levels of tolerance for pleasure. One person’s “bliss” may be relatively low on our own scale of well-being – and that’s fine for them. Maybe we need to eat tons of vegetables and embrace new challenges to maintain our own high vibration, and guess what…that’s also fine! It seems you’ve allowed your husband to be “subtly emotionally abusive” for a long time now. Can you allow yourself to want something different?

It seems that what was once your bliss is longer your bliss. You may have been sincere in making huge, unfathomable promises when you married this man (to happily stay with him forever and ever and ever), but now your inner being has risen in vibration, and this is no longer bliss for you. To follow your bliss now may mean making new choices and arrangements. Inner conflict is most marked in people who are into self-development despite their high level of personal awareness. Not only do they expect themselves to grin and bear everything uncomfortable as some kind of “lesson” and to do the “right thing,” but they blame themselves if they’re not happy about it. An inner battle then rages between following their bliss and fulfilling their promises. What a dilemma!

The answer to your quandary lies in knowing that you have not really been learning anything FROM your man. You have learned plenty from this relationship experience, but he hasn’t really taught you anything. Your learning is your OWN, and it will continue whether the relationship thrives or fizzles.

The question is therefore really whether or not you want him along as a companion on your own quest for growth and fulfillment. Does the relationship support you in becoming all you desire to be? Does it comfort you and sustain you when you are down? Does it inspire you and fill your life with passion? Does it feel like an exciting adventure or like a wet, itchy, shrunken wool sweater?

Since you’re motivated by personal growth, have you considered that you may be avoiding it by staying IN the relationship? Perhaps your lesson here is to let go of what you think you “should” do, and bravely honor your heart.

This is not easy, I know. The hardest decision I’ve ever had to make was whether or not to end my first marriage. I was totally miserable. My husband was miserable too, but not to the degree I was. (He was a workaholic, so he was too busy to deal with emotions). I silenced all the initial messages from my inner being that this relationship had become “bad” for me. What about my children? I answered back. What about the promises I’d made? How selfish could I allow myself to be? It was only when I became ill with severe chronic sinus infections that I realized that I was not buckling down to spiritual lessons by staying: I was ignoring my own inner guidance out of fear of what would happen if I honored the truth in my heart. When I left, I experienced profound relief. I could breathe again. It was only in actually doing what I both desired and feared to do that I finally knew what was really “right” for me.

Spirit’s advice in such situations is often to simply lighten up and take a break. Experiment. Take some time for yourself. (Take a bite of what it’s like to be free of this situation, and see if you like how it tastes.) Because this is such an individual matter, you need to give yourself permission to take some time and space to figure it out.

If your husband balks and ends the relationship because he’s upset that you would be so bold and “selfish” as to take some time alone (as mine did), then I think the Universe has made things patently clear for you (and kindly taken the decision off your shoulders.) If he supports you in trying to “find” yourself, then he is at least a true friend. No matter what happens, getting some distance from the relationship will lead you to new clarity about what really works for you and what you really want.

Take some time for yourself, Linda. Do whatever your resources allow you to do: rent a place of your own for three months or stay with a friend. If you get some distance from this relationship, your energy will separate from his, and you’ll be able to sort out what is what. You may even discover that you’ve been projecting some of your own inner conflicts onto the relationship, that it has no more power over the quality of your inner experience than you give to it, that your learning is not dependent on him or anything else outside of you.

By the way, no one can subtly emotionally abuse you unless you let them. Perhaps when you take some time and space away from him, he’ll be motivated to examine his own issues, too. Just remember: you are not responsible for his learning.

I’m confident that if you take some time away from the relationship, you’ll find new clarity. May your inner being direct you to the right path for you with unmistakable feelings of true well-being.

– Soul Arcanum

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Is She “Under His Spell” for Real?

Filed Under: Emotional Well-being, Psychic Protection, Relationships, Strange Phenomena by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Is She “Under His Spell” for Real?

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC.  All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

My name is Linda. I can’t tell you the last time I was truly happy. I have been struggling with a dead-end relationship that has been going on for four years. His name is Mark, and he’s a Scorpio. He’s complicated but magnetic. I can’t seem to let go, when all the signs are there, telling me I’m on the wrong path. He’s done me so much wrong, yet I still love him and he tells me he loves me and I believe him. I feel like I’m in a twilight zone, like he put a spell on me. Just when I’ve had it and have made up my mind to break free from him, somehow I’m right back. I feel like he makes me weak. I know all I have to do to find peace is move on, but whenever I try, I just miss him terribly. It’s sickening, Soul Arcanum. I wish I wasn’t so depressed all the time. It’s not heathy. Is it possible that I’m somehow “under his spell” for real? If you reply, I would really appreciate it. Thanks.

Linda

Dear Linda:

I really feel for you. Part of me wants to lovingly shake you and tell you to snap out of it, but I have been where you are, and it’s just not that simple.

I consider myself to be a very strong woman. Some have even called me intimidating. I am the master of my universe, the orchestrator of my fate. That didn’t save me, however, from “falling prey” to the kind of addictive relationship you’re describing here many years ago.

I have seen the same sort of thing happen to others time and time again, and often to the nicest people you’d ever want to meet. Being nice – too nice – is part of the equation. These addictive relationships often offer the most euphoric, compelling sexual chemistry we’ve ever experienced. It’s like our heads know better, but there’s something primal within us that just can’t resist. Our childhoods play a role too. Whether alcohol or some other addiction is clearly involved or not, we’re all wise to ponder if perhaps we’re reenacting patterns from long ago.

Let’s first consider that you may simply be a victim of your own addiction to the intensity of this relationship. You imagine that he is “holding you” or has “put a spell on you,” but in truth, he’s just unconsciously going about getting his own energy needs met, and is unaware or doesn’t care how it all affects you. In this scenario, you’re a victim of your own addiction. You love the way you feel with him when things are good (and in this sort of relationship, the “highs” usually match amp for amp the lows, or no one would stick around all that long). No one has ever made you feel so alive, so even though it’s devastating when things are bad, you go through withdrawals when you’re not with him.

The number one thing you need to do if this is the case, you’re already doing. You’re recognizing that you’re “under a spell” of some kind, but what I want you to recognize is that the spell may not be something he is doing to you, but rather is something coming from within you. You are not a helpless victim. Think of it more like you’ve been drugged, and so your entire thought process is totally out of whack. You need to get off the drugs for a while (out of this relationship and away from him) before you’ll be able to think clearly and feel like yourself again.

Now, this does not negate the reality that others can and do influence us all the time. If you get hooked up with someone with intense, magnetic energy, you will feel just as you describe: like you can’t help yourself. Someone who is really energetically powerful can turn you upside down and leave you in an emotional puddle on the floor.

I had a girlfriend once who was a beautiful, intelligent, talented and sweet young woman. She was also a witch, meaning that she practiced Wicca, and she was rockin’ powerful. She had seen right through all the cultural issues that have subjugated women for millennia, had reclaimed her strength as a woman and thoroughly embraced feminism. She fell in love with a young man who was also spiritual, beautiful, into tantra, etc., and together, they fell into the sort of relationship you’re describing. On top of it all, this young man was Muslim, and he was a very experienced martial artist and in a heavy duty relationship with a spiritual teacher/guru of some kind. (I was never sure if the guru was his spiritual teacher or his martial arts master; it seemed he was both).

We all knew that this relationship was bad for her. It almost seemed like a bizarre spiritual test of her inner strength and her feminist convictions. When she couldn’t take it anymore, she broke away from him, but she still wasn’t free. This is when she gathered her coven around her and pleaded for help. She said that he was astrally stalking her. When questioned, she explained that he would appear outside her window just staring at her menacingly, or just seem to materialize in the strangest places. She said she’d sense him, and suddenly he was just standing some distance away from her, wherever she may be, looking at her. At first, she thought he was physically there, but then she realized that he was astrally traveling to “stalk” her. Given who he was and all the stuff he was into, it seemed like if anyone could pull stuff like that off, it would be him. She was unable to eat or sleep; she probably weighed about 85 pounds at this point. The time had come for action. I don’t have room to go into the ritual that was employed to set her free, but it did work.

Please understand that up until this point, no one could have really helped her because part of her was fleeing from him, but another part of her was holding on at the same time. Only when everything in her was ready to be free was it possible for her to break away.

Since you believe in the power of spells, it’s time for you to try one of your own. Whether he’s consciously holding you or not, it can’t hurt! I recommend you get a couple of friends to help you. Choose women you admire for their inner fortitude; they’ll have the strength you need to draw upon. (Readers, please note that it’s not just women who suffer as Linda is suffering, and men can of course take the same sort of approach to breaking free of addictive relationships).

I don’t have the space here to offer you a detailed spell, but I will give you the basics of what you need to do, and then you can do your own research on casting spells in general and incorporate these elements into your own ritual. I don’t believe the power of spell work comes from the color of the candles you choose or even the sage you burn: it comes from your focused intention, so the details are really unimportant. It’s all about your energy!

Gather your friends and together affirm your very clear intention to the universe that you now choose to be free of this destructive relationship. Pray for help from God, Spirit, Angels, Artemis – whoever you feel inspired to draw upon. Together, you must declare that from this time forward, you will be free. Then you must declare that as you wish, so it is. Then visualize yourself cutting ALL chords to this man. You may be tempted to “save” a couple, to keep a small link to him. Recognize that this will be your undoing, and cut them. You can incorporate candles, chants, etc. You can write down all that you don’t want from this relationship any more and burn it, then write down what you do want and save it – whatever works for you. Make your spell/ ritual appealing, vivid and absorbing. Try it on a new moon to affirm your new freedom and your new start.

Once you’re “out” of this, you’ll look back and just be amazed at how you once felt you couldn’t break free. Your own higher self and your guides have led you to conscious awareness that this is becoming a very unhealthy situation, so from here on out, you can’t truly be held against your will unless you allow yourself to be.

If you find yourself struggling with all of this, I encourage you to make good use of the tools you’ll find HERE. Once you’re ready, the process entitled Manifest Big Love will set you on a path to a relationship that is so big, deep and fulfilling that you will never look back wistfully on this relationship again.

May Spirit light your way to new freedom, love and joy!

– Soul Arcanum

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