Tag Archive: relationships


A Spiritual Perspective on Codependency

Filed Under: Destiny/Higher Plan, Emotional Well-being, Healing, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on A Spiritual Perspective on Codependency

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:
Could you please explain what codependency is? What fears lie behind it, and what healing tools could be used to heal it? Thank you for the wonderful job you do with Soul Arcanum – your words bring more light into my life!
Ellen

Dear Ellen:

Codependency ultimately arises from a lack of faith in a higher plan and power. If we believe that we won’t be okay unless we remain vigilantly in control, and that others won’t be okay unless we personally guide and rescue them, then we will go to insane lengths to try to make things go the way we think they should go.

Codependency is of course also a relationship issue involving a lack of clear personal boundaries. Basically, codependents misdirect their efforts by taking responsibility for others’ choices. Further, everyone has fears of abandonment/being alone. Some people avoid the potential pain of being rejected by avoiding getting too close or attached, while others (codependents) try to prevent the potential hurt of being lonely by clinging on tight, avoiding the truth, and smoothing things over. They literally lose themselves in relationships.

Codependency always involves an addict – otherwise we’d just call it obsession. In this scenario, the addict may addicted to alcohol, drugs, gambling, food, attention, drama, or even just being lazy and irresponsible, while the codependent is addicted to the addict. All addicts feel they can’t live without whatever (or whomever) they’re addicted to, and this is what motivates their desperate, self-destructive, crazy behavior. In the dependent/codependent relationship, neither person is centered in their own personal power; both are looking for God or emotional sustenance in something/someone outside of themselves instead of within.

I believe that we all have addictive and codependent tendencies, for we all have fears of being vulnerable, alone, helpless, unloved, abandoned, unhappy, unfulfilled, etc. Further, even seemingly emotionally healthy people have buried issues that can lie dormant for years and then be reawakened by any number of triggers.

For example, we may meet someone from a past life with whom we have dependent/codependent karmic patterns, or connect with someone new who pushes one of our buttons. When this happens, we tend to feel a strong sense of connection or attraction to that person, and may mistakenly assume that this means we’ve met the soul mate we’ve been praying for and will live happily ever after with them. Instead, our inner beings feel drawn to these people because they can help us heal something deep within us that needs healing.

This is what happens when children of alcoholics grow up and marry other addicts. Even when they carefully screen out overt alcoholics, to their dismay, many find themselves repeating familiar old patterns. If Sandy was forever covering for dad when she was a girl, she may marry a man who constantly needs rescuing in some way in order to learn that this sort of behavior isn’t truly loving or respectful of either one of them. If Mom was affectionate and cheerful when drugged up but mean and withdrawn when sober, Bill may be strangely attracted to women who run hot and cold in order to heal the emotional wounds he suffered as a child.

The possibilities are endless: the point is that what attracts us to other people on an unconscious, spiritual level is always meaningful and purposeful. While we are drawn to certain people because they may have the traits we consciously desire in a partner, there are other, deeper forces at work as well.

I did my own wretched tour of codependent duty when I was a freshman in college. As I had grown up with an obese, food-addicted father, I was well-trained in codependency myself. When I met Dan, there was an instant feeling of soul recognition, and yet my heart didn’t swell with love and delight. Instead, it was like I’d just come across a live wire on the ground that was sending out fiery sparks: I felt enthralled but wary.

Dan was brilliant, fascinating, sexy, self-possessed, and a mean, ugly drunk. When he was sober, life with him was heaven; when he was drinking, it was hell. He loved me beautifully two thirds of the time, and the other third he treated me like dirt. This was profoundly heart-wrenching and confusing, but because I was so attached to the ecstasy, I kept hanging on through the miserable times with him. Nothing was more important to me than him loving me completely, so I accepted his addiction as an excuse for his totally unacceptable behavior. Instead of telling him what I really thought and felt, I tried to smooth things over and keep them going. Instead of drawing a firm line with him, I let him emotionally use and abuse me.

I know that many people reading this can relate. For those who haven’t been through something similar, imagine a pimp getting you hooked on crack by giving you a little taste and then disappearing…showing up suddenly with another little bit of heaven, getting you high, beating the crap out of you, and then taking off again…returning with sweet apologies and lots of what you want but then suddenly claiming a supply shortage and jacking his prices sky high. If you want it, you can have it, but you’ll have to sell yourself to get it. Since you feel like you’re dying without it, you’re willing to give up anything – your health, your self-respect, your very soul – just to stop the pain.

This is what happens when codependents get hooked on addicts. By nature, addicts are not emotionally honest with themselves or anyone else, which generates seemingly crazy, irrational behavior. When we remember that codependents are also addicts, it’s easy to see how confusion reins and endless crazy swings between hope and despair become normal.

In terms of spiritual development, codependents tend to ignore both reason and their intuition. They will continue with this as long as their fear of being alone or unloved is greater than their fear of being used, abused and in a miserable relationship. Eventually, however, the pain and frustration grow intolerable and they begin to reason their way out of the mess they find themselves in.

My head kept trying to tell me that what I was doing with Dan didn’t make sense and wasn’t leading where I really wanted to go, but I believed I couldn’t live without him. Eventually, reason convinced me that if I really wanted to feel loved and happy, I was going about it all wrong. How could anyone truly love and respect me when I was unable to respect myself enough to stop the insanity?

Of course, by enabling their addict, most codependents believe that they are acting in a loving manner. Once they realize that enabling addicts is more hurtful than helpful of everyone involved, they naturally begin to change.

Finally, at the heart of the journey of healing from codependency is the development of faith in something bigger than ourselves. When we have faith that everything happens for a good reason and everyone is doing whatever they need to do in order to learn what they need to learn, it’s easy to give up trying to save or control them. Others are already doing whatever they need to be doing, and they can only save themselves anyway. This goes for us too, of course: we realize that instead of wasting our time and energy trying to force square pegs into round holes, we would be wise to focus on fulfilling our own goals and dreams with trust that if we align with what we want within, whatever happens in our outer experience will prove to be for the best.

– Soul Arcanum

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Allowing People to Stay Stuck

Filed Under: Emotional Well-being, Relationships, Spiritual Growth by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Allowing People to Stay Stuck

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:
I’ve really been working on myself for the last couple of years in terms of personal development, prosperity consciousness, business success, spiritual growth, etc., and I now find that I have no tolerance for B.S. I find it frustrating to be around people who refuse to crack a book, move forward with their lives, or do something progressive instead of just repeating the same situations over and over again. That said, I also know that everybody is on an individual path and there are reasons people stay broke, ignorant, selfish, etc. Still, it’s a tough balance for me to allow while knowing there are other options for people. What do you do about people like this? There are also a lot of people in my life who lean on me like a walking cane. I guess I appear to be more competent and balanced than they are. I’m wondering how you (with your skills) deal with such people.
D.

Dear D.:

We have a lot in common, for I’ve been struggling with these issues for a couple of decades now. After you’ve been walking a conscious spiritual path for many years, it becomes the only way you know how to be. It’s then easy to forget what it was like before you became devoted to self-improvement, which can make it hard to relate to all the folks in the world who are just trying to get through each day with as much pleasure and as least pain as possible. You can share with them all sorts of enlightening ideas, but if they’re not ready to embrace them, you’ll drive yourself crazy if you’re attached to what happens after you cast your pearls of wisdom out there.

In terms of the law of attraction, I see two separate forces at work in situations like this. First, your lack of tolerance for B.S. is common in people who are adept at the law of attraction, for you are ever raising the bar on what you desire and expect from life. I must point out, however, that freaking out about B.S. is also B.S. After all, once you achieve this level of spiritual development and know that you can create whatever you want, it makes no sense to keep creating B.S. and then getting upset about it. When B.S. rears its ugly head, it’s time to examine your own vibration and lift yourself into a higher level of experience.

By allowing yourself to get annoyed and irritated, you’re hurting yourself: your own vibration is suffering and you are setting yourself up to manifest more frustrating experiences. (Remember – what you focus upon expands!) Instead of wishing other people were more like you, you’re wise to look for something to appreciate in them and assume the best in every situation. When you’re able to stay in pure positive energy even when others are leaning on you or bumbling along, the quality of your experiences will change, and you’ll begin to attract more happy, successful people.

In order to deal with B.S. or the potential frustration of watching people repeat the same limiting, self-destructive problems over and over again, and NOT have it lower our vibration, we have to rise above ego. When we’re centered in our higher selves, there is nothing to get upset, angry or frustrated about; instead, there is calm faith that all is well and everyone is doing just what they need to be doing in order to learn whatever they need to learn at that time.

It is much easier to achieve this higher perspective when we’re dealing with people we don’t have close personal relationships with. In fact, the more important someone is to us emotionally, the more attached we will feel to them making the decisions that we think they should make in order to feel the way we think they should feel.

When you start getting upset about others’ habits and choices, it’s a sign that your ego is getting attached to a certain outcome again. As this is a test of your faith, it’s time to ask yourself if you truly believe that everyone is just where they need to be and doing what they need to be doing.

Second, the brighter your light becomes, the more people will be attracted to it, and the greater your life grows, the more people will take notice and want to emulate you. It is thus entirely natural for people who really have their acts together to attract all sorts of hangers on. It’s easy to see how this is true of successful business owners like yourself; the owner creates a thriving business, and in doing so, he creates jobs for people who don’t have the personal power and ambition to create something similar for themselves.

This too is natural: not everyone can be the business owner or there would be no employees; not everyone can be the shepherd or there would be no flock; not everyone can be the teacher or there would be no students. Everyone is doing what suits them given their present level of development.

Further, all of this is relative, and everyone has both strong and weak suits. When we are feeling irritated or critical of others, we are wise to stop focusing on their problems and realize that our own flaws are begging for attention. Just as you may look down on someone as hopelessly blind to their own issues, someone else may view you similarly. (I feel for our poor spirit guides; if they had egos like we do, I’m sure they’d have given up on us a long time ago.) Also, the people who struggle with some of the stuff that we find easy may have some beautiful traits that we have yet to develop, so we are wise to remain humble and look for the Divine in everyone we meet.

Speaking of humility, I must warn you that it is daring and foolish to tell ourselves (and the Universe) that we can handle anything because we’ve got our acts together, for this sends out a signal just begging for a greater challenge. The bigger our egos swell, the more likely we become of bumping into something sharp and ending up in an embarrassed, rubbery mess on the floor. (Trust me – I know this one really well!)

Finally, when I’m struggling with this sort of situation, the thing that helps me the most is gratitude. I am profoundly grateful for knowing what I know and being able to do what I do, so it is my pleasure to share what I’ve learned with others. I strive to live by the truth that we get what we give, and I believe that of those to whom much is given, much is expected. With the power to consciously create what we want in our lives comes a lot of responsibility.

We may end up feeling like we give out and put up with more than our fair share, but if you think about it, it’s not really true. In fact, our lives are for the most part relatively wonderful and stress-free. Since we are so richly blessed, we can afford to generously and patiently guide the kindred spirits coming up the metaphysical trail from behind us.

That said, please know that you are not required to help or save anyone. I believe that doing so will bless you in countless ways, but not if you end up feeling frustrated, drained and taken advantage of. We are wise to do what we feel called to do as long as it feels good to us, but as soon as our vibration starts to sink, it’s time to surrender the results, get recentered in faith, and focus on whatever makes our own hearts soar.

– Soul Arcanum

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Maintaining a Strong Psychic Connection with Your Mate

Filed Under: Chakras/Auras, Energy/Vibration, Intuitive Development, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Maintaining a Strong Psychic Connection with Your Mate

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:
I’ve been married for three years. In the first years we were together, I felt very close to my husband; I felt like I could sense what he was thinking and feeling, often finished his sentences, etc. I felt like we were on the same page, so to speak. Then about four months ago, he was promoted to a new position that requires him to travel every week. (He’s home on the weekends.) I’ve noticed a dramatic shift in our relationship since this change; I just don’t feel that same sense of connection. I’m afraid we’re drifting apart on a deep, energetic level. How can we recreate and maintain that strong psychic connection we had in the beginning? Thank you so much!
Holly

Dear Holly:

When people live together, they naturally grow closer. In fact, the more time we spend with someone, the closer we grow to them. This is more than a result of our overt interactions, for we actually entrain to each others’ vibrations. This is also why it’s so powerful to spend time with a guru. A guru’s energy would be more powerful than our own, so it would raise our vibration. Similarly, when we’re in a weakened or vulnerable state, and we’re around someone who is down or depressed, they may drag us down to their level too.

When we first fall in love with someone, we are constantly building deep psychic cords with them. When we’re in their presence, we send tons of energy to them and receive the same back. We stare into their eyes, listen very intently to all they say, and send them tons of love and admiration from our hearts. We spend as much time as possible with them, and when we’re not with them, we’re usually sending out cords to them by thinking of them and feeling full of love for them, and all of this forges deep psychic bonds. When we then move in together and begin to sleep in the same bed, we spend about 1/3 of our lives basking in each others’ auras, which naturally leads to a great deal of entrainment. (Of course, having sex with someone is one of the most potent ways to form a psychic bond with them.)

Soul mates are people we forged strong loving psychic cords to in other lives. It’s like there is a rubber band connected between our hearts, and the stronger the love, the stronger and thicker that elastic band. Wherever we go, whether in this life or the afterlife, if we are separating from someone we’re strongly corded to, tension is created on that band. In this way, we are naturally drawn back together again. The same thing happens with people who hate each other, by the way: any intense emotion will create a strong cord that draws those parties back together again.

Since all of the above things deepen psychic bonds, it only makes sense that when we do the reverse – when we spend less time with someone, don’t sleep with them every night, and are caught up in lots of individual new personal activities or endeavors – we tend to feel distanced from them because we’re not feeding that psychic cord like we used to.

How to Maintain a Strong Psychic Bond with Someone at a Distance:

First I encourage you to talk to your husband about how you’re feeling. Depending on how open he is to metaphysical subjects, you may have to phrase some of what I suggest here in more mainstream terms. (For example, instead of talking about your auras and psychic connection, you might talk about your feelings and your desire to feel closer to him.) Your goal with this talk is to make a joint conscious agreement that you will both pour a lot of psychic/ emotional/ mental energy into maintaining a strong sense of connection.

My husband and I often talk about how connected (or disconnected) we feel. We’ve been together for nearly a decade now, and because we established in the beginning that we wanted to maintain the passionate connection we had early on, it has become normal for us to feel strongly linked. When we don’t, we miss it right away. As high divorce rates reveal, sustaining passionate relationships long-term takes a LOT of focus and energy; it doesn’t just happen. Many people wake up too late to this truth – like when their partner is walking out the door in frustration. If you want this relationship to prosper, you’ll both have to devote yourselves to keeping it vibrantly alive.

Though you may not be able to be together physically during the week, you can still be together mentally, emotionally and spiritually. After all, it’s only the physical body that is restricted by the laws of space and time – this is why psychics are able to peek into the future or tap into others’ energies even when they’re a world apart.

To remain metaphysically connected, you should communicate often. You might text each other throughout the day or send daily emails to each other. If you don’t know what to say, agree on a couple of things you’ll both cover, such as what stands out to you as you look back on your day, or what you’re most missing or appreciating about your partner at that time. The more you open up emotionally when communicating, the more you’ll feed your psychic bond to each other.

It would also be wise to schedule a phone call once or twice a day, perhaps first thing in the morning and then again at night before you go to bed. The key with this is not to just chat like this is some daily chore but to truly connect via the phone.

When you hang up, you might agree that as you drift off to sleep, you’ll meditate upon each other and imagine connecting in love: hugging, kissing, whatever you want to do. This will send energy to each other and also facilitate you both connecting in your dreams/on the astral plane, which will really help you stay connected. You might ask for this to happen as you fall asleep at night by setting your intention or praying for help from your guides and angels in meeting up with your partner during the night.

Surround yourselves with each others’ essence. For example, while he’s away, you could sleep in a shirt he has worn. The more it smells like him, the better. My husband wears Brut deodorant, which I love, and his shirts always smell like this. When he used to spend nights working at the fire station, I would often sleep in his shirt and breathe in his smell to feel close to him. Obviously, you want your husband to have something of yours that smells of your own essence too. (If he doesn’t want to wear it, he can just snuggle up with it, of course!)

You could also buy each other necklaces to affirm your mutual commitment to staying close. Wedding bands serve a similar function, but it will be especially powerful if you devote these articles of jewelry to creating and maintaining an extraordinary level of connection. Charge them by holding them in your joined hands. (Place his in your hands, and yours in his, and then place your hands so they’re touching.) Talk together about how you are going to keep this relationship full of passion and intimacy, and vow to each other to devote yourselves to this purpose. Then put the necklaces on each other. Every time you look at the necklaces in the mirror, touch them or think about them, remember your vow and send some loving energy to your partner.

Finally, make plans for what you’ll do together when he gets home on the weekend, and look forward to that time with a wonderful sense of anticipation. Talk about it all week long, think about it and smile, and remember: absence can make the heart grow fonder. With the right frame of mind, I think his new schedule could lead to some really passionate weekends!

– Soul Arcanum

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Keeping Spiritual Views Private

Filed Under: Psychic Ability, Relationships, Spiritual Growth by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Keeping Spiritual Views Private

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

I’ve been on a spiritual journey for a number of years now, and for the most part I’ve kept this to myself. Now and then, however, I get questioned about my beliefs, and for some reason, I’m really uncomfortable talking about them. For example, the other day I gave a coworker a ride home, and she noticed a spiritual book on the seat of my car and started asking me about it. Do you think I should be more open about my beliefs? It sort of feels right to keep them to myself.
Margie

Dear Margie:

I can totally relate to your question. In fact, most acquaintances know only that I’m a writer and editor: they have no idea about my spiritual work and beliefs.

For one thing, I have no desire to engage in endless intellectual debates. My ego used to get a kick out of that sort of thing, but I now feel it’s just a waste of time that I could be using for far greater purposes. Years ago I asked the Universe to do me a little favor. I requested that if someone would benefit from hearing about my spiritual views, then they would find a way to ask me about them that made me want to open up and share. I also asked that if such a conversation would prove less than uplifting or beneficial for either party, then I would be spared the hassle. Ever since, I’ve not really had a problem with this issue. I also don’t discuss politics, nor do I debate parenting styles with other parents, for these sorts of conversations tend to breed conflict instead of love and harmony.

Nevertheless, there are times when I do feel called to explain my spiritual beliefs to others. Before I go into how I do that, I would like to remind you that you are never required to reveal anything about your spiritual beliefs to anyone else. There is nothing more personal than your relationship to God or the divine, so give yourself permission to hold this area of your life close to your heart and protect it as sacred. Also, always listen to and trust your intuition. If you feel called to stay mum, then you’re wise to do so.

My next observation has become something of a cliche in New Age circles, but that’s in part because it has a lot of truth in it: its the idea that many free thinkers alive today were religiously persecuted in past lives, or witnessed other people being ostracized, tortured and murdered for their religious beliefs. This has naturally made us wary about opening up about any uncommon or unusual views we may hold. From former pagans who were burned as witches to the many people alive now who were murdered during the Holocaust, there are many in New Age circles who have been through hell for their spiritual beliefs and learned that it’s just not worth it to rock the boat.

We enjoy far more religious freedom now than we have since the dawn of civilization. For many lifetimes we’ve had to either conform or keep our views quiet, so this is a long-established habit. Keeping these things in mind can help us understand our hesitation to put our beliefs on the chopping block.

There is a bright side to this dynamic, however, as it creates some ideal spiritual challenges for us. We are all learning to think for ourselves and trust the voice whispering in our own hearts more than our priests, teachers, parents, therapists, or any other outside influences. As this is a huge step forward spiritually, it naturally entails the need to overcome some fears and other ego issues. We’re all learning to rise above worrying about what other people will think of our spiritual beliefs so we can fully honor our personal truths and put our relationship with God first.

We’re also learning the fine balance required to honor our own truths while respecting others’ at the same time. Arenas like politics and religion offer us great opportunities to practice finding a wise approach. So if you think you’re a good diplomat and you want a new challenge, you might see how things go when you try engaging others in deep conversations about their spiritual beliefs.

I also don’t see any real need to discuss these matters unless we feel called to do so. In my view, everyone is just where they’re supposed to be, and the law of attraction will deliver what everyone needs when they need it, so I feel no duty to pursue or avoid anything in particular in this domain. If someone asks me about my beliefs and it feels right and good to open up, I do so. If I feel at all anxious or uncertain, I just keep things light and general, and shift the focus back to them. (Fortunately, people love to talk about themselves, so this is never a hard thing to do.)

Besides, I already know my own theories and stories, and I am genuinely interested in others’ spiritual views and experiences, so I prefer to be the one asking the questions instead of doing all the talking. My goal above all is to remain open-minded and open-hearted, so really listening to others is essential.

In fact, when I encounter someone who is really intense about their beliefs, I always stop and ask myself how I’ve attracted this person and if I’m just as rooted in my own views as they are in theirs. I can get just as complacent as anyone else, and have to be reminded that there is much I haven’t learned yet. This sort of conversation is great for illuminating our own ego issues, whether they involve self-esteem/fear of rejection or the arrogant assumption that I’ve got things figured out better than the other person.

When talking to others about this sort of thing, I do find it really helpful to focus on my experiences more than my beliefs. I also find it wise to convey how I used to be much more mainstream (perhaps just like them) and was just as blown away by the things that happened to me as anyone else would be. This tends to diffuse any ego tension in such conversations because people will argue with general ideas but they can’t argue with what you say happened to you personally. Instead of getting defensive because they think I’m trying to convince them of something, when I just explain what happened to me, people tend to be more open.

Despite my careful approach, sometimes people do reject me for being strange or different from them. They don’t usually say that out right, but since I’m super sensitive, I know what they’re generally feeling. I’m the sort of person who wants everyone to like me, but I’ve learned that this desire is also rooted in ego, so I’ve learned to be at peace with rejection. (On the bright side, I figure being rejected saves me from continuing to try to connect with someone I wouldn’t want to spend any real time with anyway.)

If you find yourself feeling worried about what others think of you, you might view it as a red flag that you have an ego issue rearing its ugly head, and seize that opportunity to work on your relationship to yourself, which is far more important than any relationship you’ll have with another person. You’ll know that you’re free of ego issues when you can open up and share from the heart with respect for the other person’s feelings but no concern for how they may judge or perceive you.

– Soul Arcanum

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Why Irritating People are Great Spiritual Teachers

Filed Under: Relationships, Spiritual Growth by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Why Irritating People are Great Spiritual Teachers

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

I understand that what irritates us about others is really about us. The part I have trouble with is figuring out how to actually take that irritation and apply it to myself. It’s like looking in a mirror with everything being backwards. Can you give me a short course on this matter?
– DeDe

Dear DeDe:

When someone does or says something that pushes a personal button for us, we tend to have a personal emotional reaction. By contrast, when someone does something abhorrent that we would never do, we may feel appalled but we won’t be personally indignant or annoyed.

For example, we may be shocked to hear about someone robbing a bank but not have a personal emotional reaction because this behavior is foreign and baffling to us. By contrast, we may feel really irritated when someone allows themselves to act in ways we wish we could act but rarely allow ourselves to.

I find it really annoying when people are lazy. No one would say that I am personally lazy; in fact, I tend to work all the time and rarely allow myself any down time. This doesn’t mean I’m not lazy, however; it means I don’t allow myself to be lazy. Whenever there is a lack of healthy balance, tension is born. I have traced my strong feelings about laziness back to my childhood, and even though I’m aware that I have some false beliefs and imbalances surrounding this subject, I haven’t resolved them yet, so I still tend to feel irritated when other people bring this issue up for me by being lazy.

By contrast, when I see someone working really hard and being rewarded for it, it underscores my own belief that it’s good to work hard. Thus I tend to like and respect hard workers because they’re like me. What I don’t consciously recognize most of the time is that lazy folks are like me too – they’re just like a part of me that I repress and deny because I don’t like it.

Another common example is the need to be right. I always think I’m right, and I find it really annoying to deal with someone who seems to think they are smarter than I am. When I step outside the ego and observe how I do the same thing, it’s pretty amusing. That sense of easy, nonjudgmental awareness is enlightening. When we can stop needing to be perfect and taking ourselves so seriously, we begin to see ourselves clearly. Then we can shift from the ego stance of I’m right and you’re wrong, to something more like Well, whaddya know!

Now let’s examine a subject I believe I have no real hang-ups about: sexuality. In my view – when it hasn’t been perverted by fear, shame, repression and denial – sex is all good. I have no problem with public displays of affection; in fact, it makes me happy to see others in love. I have no problem with homosexuality, bi-sexuality, free love or anything that doesn’t harm another person. I have no issue with anyone talking openly about sex or my own teenagers safely and respectfully exploring their sexuality. Given their intense socialization on this subject, most people have at least some repressed sexual issues, so many people are a bit shocked and disturbed by my relatively free sexuality.

That strong reaction is the thing to look for. As we become more conscious and begin to step outside the ego to truly observe ourselves, we begin to realize that our reactions to life and other people are not about them – they are entirely about us. No one else can make us feel any particular way at all: our responses are determined by who we are, what we believe, and how we interpret our experiences.

The more attached we are to seeing ourselves in a certain light, the stronger our reaction will be when others bring up parts of ourselves we don’t want to face. This doesn’t necessarily mean we act like those people; it usually means we have feelings we have fearfully repressed. Of course, sometimes we do act as they do but we don’t want to recognize it.

Further, the other person doesn’t even have to be a true reflection of ourselves – it’s what we see in them that reflects our own nature. A clear example of this is when one partner suspects the other partner of being unfaithful, when in truth, it is the suspicious partner who has been fooling around or at least thinking about it. This is where it becomes really clear that what we see in others is a reflection of our own true nature. People who assume the best of others tend to be well-intentioned themselves, while people who assume the worst are simply projecting their own shadows outward.

Once we realize we’re having a strong negative reaction to something or someone, we have to use our divine gift of reason to work our way toward some important realizations, such as:

I recognize that when I always need to look smart and right, I often just look ridiculous.

When I make up my mind that I already know the answers, I become incapable of learning anything new, and thus become LESS intelligent.

I’m attached to being right because I’m afraid of losing control of situations and the one-up position in relationships.

Being right may bring temporal satisfaction, but being loving brings lasting happiness.

This reasoning process naturally leads to greater wisdom and softens the ego so that the higher self may emerge more and more. When we become conscious of why we feel the way we do and how we’d like to feel and be instead, we become capable of positive change.

So when you have a negative reaction to someone or something, you might view it as a red flag drawing your attention to a personal issue or lesson. To resolve this, first shift from resistance to love by asking yourself what the other person is really after with their so-called negative behavior. If you can find compassion for them and give them what they want, you will move from hating them (and this part of yourself) to loving them (and this part of yourself), which will facilitate growth and healing. Further, we get what we give in life, so by giving to others what they seem to want, you will begin to attract a higher level of experience yourself.

For example:

If the other person wants to be right, can you let them be right? 

If they want to talk endlessly about themselves, can you let them talk and really listen? 

If they want more than their fair share, can you let them have it? 

If they want to criticize you, can you accept their criticism and apologize for anything you may have done or said to upset them? 

If they are rude, can you be polite in response? 

If they are angry, can you be soothing and validating? 

If they are lazy or misguided, can you allow them to learn from their own mistakes and reap whatever they sow? 

As you align with love, look within yourself. If you are annoyed because someone is lazy, ask yourself, Do I wish I gave myself more permission to be lazy too? Then examine your life for a lack of balance. If others are selfish, ask yourself if you wish you gave yourself permission to give more to yourself without feeling guilty about it. If they are angry, ask yourself if you are angry deep down and trying to deny or repress that anger.

Meditation, journaling, counseling and hypnotherapy are great tools for working through any issues that come up. When you get to the point where no one is wrong – where everyone is just doing their best to learn and grow – then you’ll know that you’re no longer caught up in ego-born denial or repression, and are on your way to greater embodiment of your own higher nature.

– Soul Arcanum

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Cultivating Peace Despite Religious Differences

Filed Under: Emotional Well-being, Relationships, Spiritual Growth by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Cultivating Peace Despite Religious Differences

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

Though my husband didn’t practice any religion when I married him, I converted to his family’s faith because he and his family wanted it that way. I started practicing, reading, and also sharing my new knowledge with my husband, and while he was always happy to hear what I had to say, he took no personal interest in religion for a long time. I put so much into this: I observed all the rituals, recited prayers for hours, fasted, etc., and all on my own. This went on for about 6-7 years. Then my sister took her own life, and the people in my new religion were so condemning and hard-hearted about it, while the people from my old religion came forward to support me with comfort and understanding. At that time, I returned to my old beliefs and stopped practicing the new religion. It’s now some 20 years later and my husband has become religious, which I think is good. However, I have been through a lot since we first married, and I have come to my own understanding of God and my own spiritual beliefs. Now my husband is upset and disappointed in me because I’m not following him in his religion. I should mention that my father was Hindu, my mother was Christian, and my husband is Muslim. I feel like a mixture of all these paths. I see it all, I feel it all, I am all-embracing of them for I feel that in essence, they all teach the same thing. What I don’t know is how to handle the impact this is having on key relationships in my life.
– Kiran

Dear Kiran:

I understand that you’re from a different cultural background than I am, and I apologize in advance if some of my advice just isn’t practical for you. Also, I don’t wish to ignite a theological debate. There is nothing more sacred and personal than our relationship to the Divine, so I don’t believe it’s ever wise or fruitful to argue about spiritual matters. As each human being is as sacred and divine as any other, I would never try to tell others what to believe.

It can be very hard to maintain peace and harmony if we allow religious differences to enter into relationships. Since most religions teach that their God is the one and only true God and their way is the only right and true way, instead of promoting peace on Earth, religion tends to promote physical, emotional, and spiritual violence. (When we try to push our spiritual views on other people, we violate their sacred relationship with the Divine.)

Many people aren’t yet capable of exercising the sociological imagination required to realize that if they had been born into a different culture, they would probably believe just as strongly in the particular religious views of that society as they do in their current beliefs. When they finally manage to do this, they naturally begin to doubt that their religion is the only true one, which makes them more open-minded, tolerant and respectful of others’ beliefs. As they spiritually evolve, everyone naturally grows more compassionate, intelligent, and self-referencing, and at some point, sheds the mindless, impersonal dogma of organized religion for a personal spiritual path.

While your goal may be to create harmony in your marriage despite the spiritual differences between you and other family members, it sounds like your husband is still a number of steps behind you, following the rules as laid out for him by forces far removed from his direct personal experience. So while there is common ground you could meet him on, getting your husband to work with you if he’s not yet ready for a higher approach may be very frustrating.

The key lies in your wise statement that all major religions teach the same basic things (including the religion he identifies with), the most basic teaching of all being the Golden Rule.

Christianity teaches: As ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise. (Luke 6:31)
For Hindus, it’s worded: This is the sum of duty: do not do to others what would cause pain if done to you. (Mahabharata 5:1517)
In Islam, this is the teaching: None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself. (Muhammad, Hadith 13 of al-Nawawi’s Forty Hadith)

Clearly, unless your husband is also willing to adopt your personal spiritual beliefs and practices, he isn’t loving for you what he loves for himself: the freedom to worship as he believes is right and best for him. If you can get him to practice the Golden Rule with you, you should be able to create a loving, respectful, happy marriage despite the religious differences between you.

Even if he can’t see the obvious here, there are things you can do to cultivate harmony in this relationship, for you’re operating from a higher vibration and have a great deal of power to influence your own life and the people around you.

First, remember that you are the creator of your own reality and can manifest what you want. Whatever you focus upon and expect will expand in your experience, so worrying about others being displeased with you will just manifest problems.

Don’t debate religious issues with anyone you want to get along with, for then you’ll get caught up in endless arguments over semantics, which will just promote conflict and waste your time and energy. Instead of debating ideas, I recommend working with the law of attraction and radiating love.

There are infinite processes and exercises available for consciously creating what you want in your life. In essence, you’ll want to visualize this relationship feeling just the way you want it to feel and send your husband the accepting, respectful, tolerant vibes you want to receive from him via your heart and mind. Imagine the two of you interacting in wonderful new ways, and how good that will feel.

To rise above all the surface differences and connect on a soul level with anyone, all you have to do is radiate love with faith in its healing power. Regardless of their religious beliefs, all people crave and revere love as divine in nature, for love has the power to conquer all, heal all and endure all.

Just flow love to your husband from your heart. If you can radiate love and divine light even when he is coming from a place of fear or judgment because of your religious differences, you’ll be able to work healing miracles in this situation.

Whenever you allow yourself to get caught up in worrying about what other people think about your religious beliefs and practices, your vibration will sink and you’ll manifest more conflict, which will remind you to pay attention to where you’re investing your mental and emotional energy. When you love yourself just the way you are and love others similarly, you’ll sail above all those abstract debates and manifest whatever you want and need to be happy. The details won’t matter anymore because you’ll be in sync with love and harmony, so that is what you’ll create and experience.

To begin to shift this situation toward harmony, develop the habit of stopping whenever things don’t feel good and praying within for Spirit’s guidance. If you remember to focus on what you want to create and radiate love from your heart, you’ll be amazed at how quickly you can transform heavy conflicts into bright new blessings.

– Soul Arcanum

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When Family Members Clash over Spiritual Beliefs

Filed Under: Relationships, Spiritual Growth by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on When Family Members Clash over Spiritual Beliefs

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

My younger sister and I are both Pisces; we were born on the same day four years apart. However, our spiritual paths are completely different, and we’ve shared some pretty heavy-duty emails back and forth recently. She’s a very strict Catholic who goes by the book, and she thinks that because I accept the theory of reincarnation, practice yoga and meditation, believe that we are all part of God and there is life on other planets, etc., I am doomed to go to hell. She also believes the devil influenced my decision to leave the Church over thirty years ago. I’m hoping to move much further away from her soon because I really don’t feel comfortable around her anymore. In my last email to her, I suggested we just drop the subject entirely. I would love to be able to discuss spiritual issues with her, but alas, I don’t see that happening anytime soon. Do you think she’ll ever question her present spiritual beliefs? I fear our recent tiff over religion may have done some serious damage to our friendship. Thanks for your thoughts on this! – Kay

Dear Kay:

I feel your pain, my friend. My father was a wonderful, devoted parent and a sharp, educated, formidable debate opponent. He also thought everything psychic or paranormal was totally crazy. While he didn’t think these subjects were the work of the devil, he couldn’t even hear someone mention something along these lines without rolling his eyes and changing the subject.

I lived to please my father, so I learned early on to avoid bringing up anything related to spirituality. Given who I am and what I do for a living, you might wonder how we could have had a good relationship if we avoided discussing everything I am about, but we did – we enjoyed an extraordinarily close, harmonious bond. I believe this is because we both avoided talking about spiritual matters. Toward the end of his life, he actually came around a bit, and this meant so much more to me than if he had been behind me all along, for I knew that his respect was hard won.

Some topics are almost guaranteed to spark conflict. I avoid discussing politics and religion with family, since unlike friends, family members are part of our lives whether we like it or not. In fact, I don’t bring up my spiritual beliefs to anyone but known kindred spirits. Take it from me, you CAN have a great relationship with someone even if you have very different spiritual beliefs and never discuss that area of your lives.

Regarding the role of astrology here, we must remember that just because two people have the same sun sign or birthday, that doesn’t mean they’ll be just alike. The whole chart must be taken into account along with other variables such as present and past life experiences, free will, level of spiritual development, etc.

Pisces are generally very spiritual, open-minded, sensitive and compassionate. You two are similar in that you both have some very strong spiritual beliefs. One of Pisces’ greatest desires is to feel understood, and I sense that both you and your sister want to feel understood and accepted by the other.

You’re also dealing with a key turning point in every spiritual journey when people shift from looking outside themselves for support and direction to looking first and foremost within. We all eventually realize that we are co-creators with God, but when this idea is new to us, it can really flip us out.

Many people who cling to traditional religions are really attached to the idea that there are people and supernatural beings who are wiser and more powerful than they are who are in charge of making sure everything is okay. These people need to believe that if they follow a few basic rules, everything will work out and they’ll go to heaven one day. They don’t trust their own judgment or ability to create their own reality yet. Our goal is to have compassion for these folks and to assume that they are where they need to be and will open up to new possibilities when they are ready.

I feel you two may also be simply acting out the dramatic clash between old religious traditions v. new spiritual thinking that is happening on a global level. As Pisces you’re both very sensitive, so you may be more vulnerable to this sort acting out than most people. To break free, you just need to get conscious of what is happening and choose what is important to you personally. It sounds like this is what you’re in the process of doing by trying to let go of this debate.

This is a time of unprecedented accelerated planetary change. In the past 100 years or so, humankind has developed the ability to quickly travel to any spot around the globe and to instantly connect with people from other cultures via the internet, television, etc. This has exposed many people to new beliefs and spiritual practices. A century ago, most people identified with their own country and lived their whole lives in one religious community, while now we are all rocketing toward global unity and cosmic consciousness.

Because this is happening so quickly, many people who are uncomfortable with these changes are really struggling. They’re stressed, anxious and afraid, and as a result, they cling to tradition. Their fear has fueled a resurgence of religious fundamentalism. Instead of debating or criticizing these people, we’re wise to recognize their fear and try to find compassion for them.

As for your own part in this conflict, whenever you have an emotional reaction to anything that someone says to or about you, you can be sure they have pushed one of your ego’s buttons. By contrast, when you’re centered in your higher self, you won’t take anything anyone says personally, and won’t feel threatened by any particular idea.

Deep down, everyone who is intelligent has some doubts about their spiritual beliefs, for these are not matters that anyone can be sure about. Since you grew up in the Catholic Church, you may have some old programs running in the background that make you feel a bit anxious about your new spirituality. This is entirely natural. Even I sometimes look at everything I believe based on my own experiences and wonder if I’m out of my mind! This sort of doubt is healthy. My point is if you feel defensive in any way, it’s an opportunity for you to work through whatever issues may be lurking in the background of your psyche.

Since we can’t convince anyone of anything until they’re ready, there is no point in arguing about others’ personal beliefs. It sounds to me like you and your sister have lost sight of your priorities in this relationship. If what you want is a good debate, then challenging each others’ spiritual beliefs is almost guaranteed to reward you. If instead you want relationship harmony, you’d be wise to save such discussions for your spiritual family.

To turn this relationship around, you might start by giving your sister all you hope to receive: Embrace who she really is, communicate your respect for her views, and tell her that you don’t want your differences to come between you. If you put love first, love will follow.

– Soul Arcanum

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Learning to Trust: the Ultimate Spiritual Challenge

Filed Under: Emotional Well-being, Healing, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Learning to Trust: the Ultimate Spiritual Challenge

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
Dear Soul Arcanum:

In a recent column, you wrote that we have no need to hide or protect ourselves or our secrets from other people out of a desire to be loved and accepted. While I want to believe you, I keep thinking that not everyone is going to respond in a loving way. Don’t you know that people can be petty and indiscreet? It would be wonderful if everyone was loving and spiritual, but that hasn’t been my experience. I think it’s normal for us to put on a facade in order to protect ourselves from people who may not be kind and compassionate. Am I missing something here? Keep up the good work, dear Soul Arcanum! – Liz

Dear Liz:

There are two ways to view the question of whether or not we can trust other people. One is from the perspective of the ego, which is separate and mortal, and the other is from the perspective of the higher self, which is universal and immortal.

What you’re struggling with is something everyone has to work through, for it’s at the heart of the human journey. Life in the physical would not be the powerful, dramatic learning experience it is if it were not for the ego. We seem to have a limited amount of time and resources here, and are unable to remember the spiritual life we knew before incarnating. Since it seems like this life is all we have, we are naturally very fearful about anything that could threaten our well-being or happiness. This is why physical life is the perfect situation in which to learn to rise above fear and grow into beings of greater faith and compassion.

I think learning to trust (have faith) is the ultimate spiritual challenge. This issue comes up for everyone as they shift from unconsciously interacting with life primarily through the lower chakras to consciously processing their experiences through the heart and upper chakras.

This shift occurs naturally as we gain self-awareness, realize why we do the things we do, and then try to make better choices. In emotional relationships with other people, everyone longs for more love: no matter how wonderful our childhoods were or how blessed we may be now, we’ve all had many experiences in which we hungered for more love and acceptance than we got.

This is because the experience we are really longing for is the perfect feeling of divine love and wholeness. On some level, we remember what it felt like before we separated from Source, and are constantly yearning to feel that sense of completeness again.

Since most of us don’t consciously recognize that our endless dissatisfaction arises from an unconscious memory of the divine, we go through life looking to other people to give us the love, approval and acceptance we think we need. As long as we look to other people to fulfill a longing that can only be truly satiated by the divine, of course, we will remain dissatisfied.

When begin to awaken in self-awareness, we not only realize why we react to experiences as we do, we learn that it’s silly to take the things that others say and do personally. We see that others are caught up in their own issues, and how they view us has very little to do with us and everything to do with their own past experiences, life lessons, and current mental and emotional state.

At this point we stop comparing ourselves and competing with others and begin to feel compassion for everyone, for we see that they are just like us: though they may go about it in some unskillful ways, what they want is to be happy, loved and accepted too. We then shift from seeking love and approval from others to offering them the same, and then our fear of judgment/rejection falls away.

Of course, this is not as easy or simple as I’m making it sound. No matter how spiritually evolved we may become, we’re still physical beings with very powerful survival instincts. When your intuition is trying to warn you about something or someone, you are wise to honor it. On an inner/emotional level, however, nothing and no one can truly harm you.

We all struggle to stay spiritually centered, to love and accept ourselves, to heal our fears and keep our hearts open, to trust that all is and will be well. In fact, a good amount of the time, I’m running the same social programs you describe in your question. Rising above the ego is an exhausting, demanding, endless challenge, but it helps to realize that we don’t really have any other good alternative – not if we want to feel at peace.

You see, I don’t think we can ever trust another person completely, at least not if we define trust as knowing that they would never do anything that we would consider to be hurtful. Fortunately, once we learn to trust in the benevolent nature of life itself and understand that nothing and no one can ultimately harm us, I don’t believe we need to trust other people. The feeling of divine love and contentment we’re really after can’t be found in temporal relationships anyway – it only be accessed through communion with the divine.

To cultivate trust in life’s benevolence, we must also remember the law of attraction, and how what we experience with other people is always a reflection of our own vibration. What we look for, we find; what we fear, we attract; what we desire, we flow toward.

When we’re afraid of being rejected or criticized, we tend to manifest those very experiences until we heal the inner wounds that make us fear we are not good enough somehow. When we accept who we really are, others accept us too. Have you ever met someone who was unapologetically scandalous or outrageous and just loved them for it even though you would never dare act that way yourself? You love them because they love themselves. Similarly, it’s the things we reject about ourselves that we fear others will reject about us too.

It’s thus wise and powerful to ponder how we feel about certain people and what we believe about relationships in general in order to become conscious of what we’re supposed to be learning.

For example, I tend to be a perfectionistic, hyper-responsible workaholic. As a result, I notice whenever people are lazy or irresponsible, and this sets off all sorts of ego-based judgments and fearful feelings for me. Instead of trying to make others become more responsible or trying to get everyone I deem to be irresponsible out of my experience (which would never work), my job is to work through my own fears surrounding issues of responsibility. (If my faith that all is and will be well was perfectly sound, I wouldn’t worry about a thing.) Once I have learned what I need to learn about this issue, I won’t attract or notice it anymore.

Your experiences in relationships truly are designed for your benefit, and if you view them as reflections of your own inner nature, they can be powerful tools for new spiritual growth. So while I encourage you to be gentle with yourself and remember that your struggle with trust is something we all go through, when you feel ready, please know that it is safe for you to greet others with an open heart.

It’s also totally worth it, for when we reach out to people on a soul level, all sorts of wonderful things begin to happen. For one thing, when we come from our souls instead of our egos, we tend to bring out others’ higher natures, which can transform ordinary situations into life-changing spiritual experiences.

– Soul Arcanum

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She’s Nervous about a Psychic Who Knows Her Embarassing Secrets

Filed Under: Emotional Well-being, Psychic Readings by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on She’s Nervous about a Psychic Who Knows Her Embarassing Secrets

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

I visited a local psychic about three times, so naturally she got to know all my personal problems. I was very surprised when I saw her at the gym that I attend, and it made me feel uneasy. Then in the locker room she had the audacity to ask me outright if my son is still doing drugs, along with some other personal questions. I felt disgusted because in my opinion, she should not discuss the matters from my readings somewhere else. I motioned for her to shut her mouth, and she replied “Not to worry.” I have also noticed that when she talks to me, she stands very close, fixes her eyes on me, and asks personal questions. I think she’s reading me, and I feel uneasy every time I see her. I have made it clear that I no longer desire her services, and I’m no longer friendly with her. Can she harm me in any way? How do I prevent her from reading me?
– Liz

Dear Liz:

A dear friend of mine is a popular local psychologist, and I’ve had other friends react with similar nervousness when they realize I know him. While some worry that he’ll share their secrets with me, for the most part, they’re uneasy because who they are in public is so different from who they are when they’re in his office and getting “real,” so they don’t know how to act around him in a different setting. Since he would never betray their confidence, the real problem is the chasm between who these people really are and who they like to pretend to be in “polite society.”

Psychologists are trained and required by law to maintain strict confidentiality, and while psychics should follow the same protocol, there is no official training or laws governing this sort of work, so it’s natural for clients to worry. I maintain strict confidentiality for my clients and would never disclose that someone had even asked me for a reading, much less what we had discussed. This is especially important when someone else may know my client, or my client is a well-known celebrity or other public figure. So I certainly agree that this psychic is not handling herself in a professional manner! (I’m also doubtful of her psychic sensitivity, for she should be able to sense your uneasiness and respond accordingly.)

At the same time, I have to say that I don’t pick up any malice from her. Like so many psychics, she is probably just socially quirky. Psychics tend to be extraordinarily open and honest because so much that escapes others’ awareness is quite plain to us. While many people ONLY get emotionally naked in very private settings, we see through people’s social masks all the time.

Just the other day my son complained, “Having a psychic for a mom is so not fair! Not only do I get in trouble for the things I say, I get in trouble for the things I DON’T say!” He was referring to both my ability to sense his true thoughts and feelings, and my habit of insisting on bringing the truth to light.

I do this because I believe it’s a waste of time and disrespectful of everyone involved to be anything but real. Further, whenever we are false, we disconnect from our personal power to create positive change. In addition, on some level everyone knows the truth – they may not know it consciously, but they still know. When we use words to hide the truth or twist it around, we’re just playing games.

Life is not a competition to see who can keep their act together more than anyone else, it’s an experiment through which we all cultivate new wisdom and understanding. Everything we feel and experience happens for a good reason. We are all divine spirits living out big dramas here on Earth, and we’re in this together. So if someone is being false with me by lying, avoiding, denying, etc., I will usually communicate what I feel is really happening because I see no reason for anyone to hide. (As you might imagine, I have often been told that I’m very intense and honest to a fault!)

Given all of this, I see no need for you to block yourself from being read. Instead, I recommend you heal yourself of the fear of being exposed for who you really are, and the belief that if people knew the real you, they would find you somehow unworthy of their love and respect.

If you are honest with yourself, you’ll realize that the reason you want to keep your secrets hidden is because deep down, you’re ashamed of yourself for some reason. You’re afraid that somehow you’re not as good as other people, or your children aren’t as good as they “should” be, which must be your fault. If you recognize that everyone struggles with all sorts of problems just as big as yours, hopefully you’ll realize that there is no reason for you to feel bad about yourself.

It’s easy for psychics to forget that not everyone is like us. For example, we hear everyone’s most scandalous secrets, greatest fears and deepest regrets, and if we’re coming from a higher vibration as we should be, we don’t judge anyone for their problems and decisions. From Spirit’s perspective, there is nothing to feel ashamed about and therefore nothing to hide because you’ve not done anything wrong! There is only compassion for you and all you’re going through.

This is one of the qualities that makes great therapists true healers: they see you as divinely perfect just the way you are, and they help you to see your own divine perfection as well. In this way, you make peace with yourself and your life.

If I were you, I would thank this woman for showing you that she cares, and gently explain that you’d rather not talk about these things when you’re at the gym, for you’re not mentally prepared to deal with them then, and just want to get in a good workout.

Then instead of keeping all those skeletons buried in the back of some metaphorical closet, I encourage you to work on finding compassion for yourself. Whenever you feel the urge to cover something up or pretend to be someone you’re not, recognize that your ego is kicking in, and try to relax and let go of needing others’ acceptance. Remember that gaining others’ approval by pretending to be someone you’re not is pretty silly, and it will just fill your life with all sorts of meaningless, hollow relationships and interactions.

Remember too that getting emotionally vulnerable takes love and faith in yourself, and if you open up about what you’re really going through, it will encourage the people you talk with to do the same. Trust me – everyone feels the way you do – we all want to look good in others’ eyes. So instead of worrying about impressing others, try to give them what you’d like to receive: acceptance and understanding for who they really are and all they’re really going through.

If you do this, you will end up in some powerful, meaningful relationships wherein you know you can truly be yourself and be accepted for who you really are. Ironically, this approach will also bring you the respect and admiration of some wonderful kindred spirits.

 

– Soul Arcanum

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Anger, Betrayal and Spirituality

Filed Under: Law of Attraction, Manifesting, Relationships, Spiritual Growth by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Anger, Betrayal and Spirituality

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

I thought I had attained a certain degree of spiritual awareness, but lately I find myself feeling very unevolved. Instead of feeling kind, patient and compassionate, I feel like everything upsets me these days. In particular, people are so disappointing! Every time I turn around I feel like someone I love and trust is betraying me or disappointing me by acting selfish or dishonest, and it makes me really angry because I would never behave like that. How in the world do I keep manifesting this? One upset after another has left me really dispirited. I used to be spiritual and loving all the time – do you think I’m regressing?
– A.

Dear A.: You are definitely not alone in feeling this way. One of the hardest things for me to make peace with is being disappointed by people I love and want to believe in. When someone I really care about does something selfish or hurtful, or keeps lying even though I’m begging them to be honest with me, I can go into a major tailspin myself.

Here’s why so-called spiritual folks struggle with this issue so much: The more we try to embody our spiritual natures, the less we act from our egos. This means at some point, we do become quite different from most people. Where most live from their egos with occasional flashes of divine wisdom and compassion, someone who has long been devoted to spiritual growth tends be centered in their higher self with occasional fits of ego.

If we strive to be extraordinary people but assume the rest of the world will be just like us, we will naturally get discouraged. Life is a journey of spiritual growth, and none of us are enlightened yet. If we expect people to act like wise, compassionate sages, we’re setting ourselves up for disappointment.

It helps me to remember that even the most spiritual beings to ever walk the planet had to deal with the same sort of disappointment. The story of Jesus offers us a great example, for He was betrayed by one of his closest friends (Judas), who sold Him out for cash! Then at the hour of His greatest need, the other apostles all abandoned Him. I figure if Jesus can be betrayed like this, none of us are immune.

It’s also quite normal for life to begin throwing us curve balls if we’ve been batting a thousand for a while. This means if we’ve got a nice, smooth vibe going, inevitably something will happen that stretches our capacity for patience and tolerance. If it didn’t, we wouldn’t learn and grow anymore.

It’s like mastering algebra and then moving on to geometry and feeling lost again. If we stayed in algebra forever, life would seem pretty easy, but it would also get boring and we’d never learn anything new. Whether we like it or not, we can’t keep repeating the same lessons over and over again – we have to move on.

One of the first things you need to realize is that it is not “unspiritual” to get angry. I think being spiritual is simply the habit of self-examination combined with the sincere desire to be a good person. The harder you are on yourself about feeling angry, the more likely you will be to deny or repress your feelings, which is the source of all sorts of problems. What you’re working on at this point in your spiritual journey is making peace with your shadow nature.

If you try to never get angry in the first place, you’ll run up against some powerful biology. Whenever we feel threatened emotionally, our bodies respond as they do when we feel threatened physically. We are WIRED to get angry when something threatens our happiness, and it can take days for the adrenaline that was released when we got angry to go back to normal levels. I find this interesting because it’s hard to stay angry for more than a few days – eventually, we let it go.

Most people are denying, avoiding or repressing all sorts of negative emotions. This is why millions of people are taking anti-depressants, and why so many are addicted to things like drugs, alcohol, food, etc. They’re all trying to avoid emotional pain.

When we work to become more conscious of what’s happening within us, it can seem like we’re suddenly flooded with intense negative feelings. (After all, we generally don’t repress positive emotions). It’s therefore common for negative emotions to bubble over when we’re moving into a new level of conscious awareness or a new level of personal healing, and it may indeed seem like we’re regressing at that point.

One of the greatest pay-offs of spiritual growth is the freedom to choose how we will respond to our experience. When we allow others to upset or anger us, we give our power away. When we center ourselves i n our own divine power within, we can choose how we feel regardless of what is happening in our outer experience. So as spiritual seekers, our goal is not to be rid of anger but to consciously choose what we do with that energy. We must learn how to transmute it into something higher like positive change, new wisdom and understanding, or a greater capacity for forgiveness and unconditional love.

While it’s healthy to acknowledge and process our feelings, I’m not a big fan of primal scream therapy or similar ideas, because when we practice anger, we just get better at it. When we send rage out to the Universe, we get rage back. While it’s healthier to let our anger out than to stuff it down, it’s even better to work with that energy consciously and let it fuel positive change. Properly channeled, anger can be transmuted into powerful motivation and creativity.

What works best for me is to simply cultivate what I want instead of anger. So when I’m feeling angry, I might read a spiritual book, take a walk in nature or do some yoga. Other great tools for transmuting anger into new power and healing include vigorous exercise, art therapy, hypnotherapy, meditation, energy healing, spiritual counseling, and the use of divination tools like runes and tarot to sort out the deeper spiritual truths in upsetting situations.

In terms of the law of attraction, the only way to break free of a cycle of upset and disappointment is to choose to stop getting upset over things that would normally upset you. If you truly believe yourself to be a good person who deserves to be treated better than you’re being treated, you have to begin to treat yourself better first. By allowing people who don’t share your values to disrupt your happiness, you aren’t treating yourself well, and when you don’t treat yourself very well, your vibration drops and other people begin to treat you badly too.

To manifest more uplifting relationships, you have to stop allowing anyone to bring you down. You have to be your own best friend – not the friend who is always late, forgets your birthday, and never really listens to you – the best friend you would LIKE to have.

As you do this, you will begin to meet new people. This is no accident. When you become happier, you attract people of a higher vibration. If you begin to love yourself well by choosing to be happy, one of two things will happen: everyone who doesn’t or can’t love you similarly will fade out of your experience, or you’ll bring out something better in the folks who remain.

– Soul Arcanum

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