Tag Archive: relationships


Psychic is Plagued by Jealousy

Filed Under: Psychic Ability, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Psychic is Plagued by Jealousy

 

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)

Dear Soul Arcanum:

I am highly psychic and can often tell what other people are feeling or going through. Most of the time this is a good thing, but lately, I fear it’s going to ruin the otherwise wonderful relationship I have with my fiance. The trouble is that I can tell when he is attracted to another woman, which happens frequently. When I tell him that I can tell when he is checking someone out even when he tries to hide it (and he’s really good at hiding it), he usually lies about it. I can then tell that he’s lying, and at that point, we usually get into a big fight. I’m starting to wonder if I should marry him or not, for he is attracted to other women and dishonest about it, and both of those things are driving me crazy. I would love to hear your spiritual advice on this one!

Brooke

Dear Brooke:

I know just what you’re talking about, for I can sense when my husband is attracted to another woman as well as how it feels to have him lie to me about it. We’re pretty much at peace with this issue these days, so hopefully, my own journey will prove helpful to you.

First, you’re probably right in your intuitions that he is indeed attracted to other women, for our instincts are particularly sharp when it comes to protecting our “territory.” Further, if he wasn’t interested in beautiful women, he wouldn’t be in a relationship with you to begin with. People who love to garden don’t admire just one kind of flower; if they have an eye for beauty, they look for and see the beauty in all of nature. They may have a favorite kind of flower, of course, but just as we couldn’t expect a rose gardener to stop finding tulips and daisies delightful, we can’t expect a person to stop finding other people beautiful just because they’re in a committed relationship.

Speaking of that commitment, it would be easy to be faithful if we never found anyone but our partner attractive. What makes commitment so meaningful is the fact that we do find other people attractive but we choose to refrain from acting on those feelings in order to focus our time and attention on the person we’ve decided to put first in our lives. So making a commitment is not about losing attraction for everyone else; we just choose to resist those fleeting desires in order to safeguard something we deem to be more important.

If you want to be a happy psychic, you’re going to have to find a way to raise your vibration in order to see the divine beauty and perfection in everyone you meet, for you’re going to see all the “unacceptable” stuff we’ve been conditioned to hide from others’ view.

This brings me to my key point, which is that we can’t help how we feel. Your fiance lies to you when you confront him about checking out other women because he feels attacked, and also because he doesn’t want you to feel slighted. Since your fiance can’t help how he feels any more than you can stop feeling jealous, what can you do?

First, it’s important that you don’t repress your feelings, for then you will start to act in “crazy” ways and things will just get more confusing. We’ve all been down this road before, where we try to repress or deny our anger only to totally lose our temper over something insignificant. Repressing our feelings doesn’t get rid of them; it just lets them fester and slowly poison us from the inside out. Further, if you decide to try to hide how you are feeling, you will tend to pull back while you process, and may even try to love him less in order to protect your heart. This is not the answer if you want a vibrant, fulfilling relationship.

The key to a warm, intimate bond is for both of you to feel free to feel how you feel and let your feelings show. This will also naturally lead to personal growth and healing. To feel connected to each other, you must feel safe to gently express how you feel and he must feel the same. This doesn’t mean he has “made” you feel as you do; in fact, it’s important for you to tell him that you don’t expect him to make you feel better and that this is your own issue – you just need to express how you’re feeling in order to feel close to him. If you can lovingly tell him that you know you are feeling this way because he is so important to you, all the better.

When we stop trying to blame one person for being wrong, relationship dynamics get much lighter. We have gotten to the point in my marriage where I can indicate that I’m feeling jealous in a light and playful way because I know it’s my own issue. When I take this approach, my husband wisely chooses to see this as a sign that I really care and usually responds by reassuring me that he would never want to lose me either.

Instead of viewing jealousy as a sign of trouble in an otherwise wonderful relationship, we’re wise to stop when we feel insecure and look at our upset as a sign pointing toward some fear or issue we are being personally called to work on. When we feel jealous, it’s because we’re afraid of losing our position in someone’s heart; we’re afraid they will find someone they like better than us, and we will be alone or things will change for the worse.

Here’s the deal: everything changes, so resisting change is a recipe for suffering. Further, nothing lasts forever except for true love. Only when we make peace with this truth are we able to really love and build a deep connection on a soul level, for we can’t mandate that someone love us as we want to be loved, and when we try, we usually just destroy whatever love was there to begin with.

It is wise and empowering to trust that whatever happens, all is well. If we stay together for the rest of our lives, that is good; if we don’t stay together for the rest of our lives, that must also be good, for everything happens for a good reason. Getting past fear by finding faith in this truth empowers us to love from love instead of from fear, and then our relationships become blessed and harmonious.

So to truly love another person, we can’t come from fear and a sense of needing them. As nothing lasts forever, we’re wise to give thanks for the love and blessings in our lives today and make the most of them. This approach tends to keep relationships warm and growing. When we cling to someone out of fear, we become like a parasite, strangling the relationship. This is what happens when someone is constantly jealous and angry: instead of drawing others close, they drive them away because they aren’t coming from love but from fear and self-concern.

Instead of trying to ferret out and forbid your fiance’s attraction for everyone but you, I recommend you make peace with your jealousy as well as your fiance’s natural attraction to the beauty around him, whether that beauty is in a sunset, a flower or another woman’s figure. To expect him to be open to your beauty but closed to the beauty in every other female is unreasonable. When people demand this of their partners, they may get it, but at the expense of their partner’s attraction to them as well, for the partner closes down and stops looking for beauty in general because he has been conditioned to associate feelings of attraction with being punished.

When someone beautiful comes along, you can let your own beauty shine through by admiring them too. Look for the beauty in what your fiance finds attractive and try to appreciate it. Above all, remain thankful for the fact that even though your partner may find other people beautiful, he is choosing to just watch them pass by while he makes a life with you.

– Soul Arcanum

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Forgiving “Bad” Parents

Filed Under: Emotional Well-being, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Forgiving “Bad” Parents

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

I have had to go through a lot of stress in my life. My mom never really set rules for me, and when she tried to, I would never obey them. Because of this, I got into heavy drugs, drinking and so forth. Now that I have gotten out of it, I see everything I have done, and for some stupid reason, I blame my mother for not setting any boundaries when I was a kid. I know I am contradicting myself here. I know that when we are in the spiritual plane, we pick who our parents are going to be, so if I picked her to be my mom and she picked me to be her daughter, then there is a lesson we had to learn together. Still, I feel like I should forgive her, and I need to go deeper than just saying it. So I guess what I’m asking is how I can go about doing that. I would really appreciate your help with this.
– Ivy

Dear Ivy:

I chose your question because I personally know many people who struggle to forgive their parents for not being “good enough” in some way.

When I was seven, my mother took off for California and left me and my brothers on my dad’s doorstep late one night. I didn’t have a relationship with her again until I was in my twenties. While this was traumatic at the time, I eventually realized that in leaving us, she gave us a great gift. She knew she wasn’t up for the job of raising us well, so she got out of the way. From that time on I had a great childhood, and was blessed with a wonderful step-mother.

Not all kids are so lucky. Many are raised by parents who don’t really want them, but who stick around for various selfish reasons. These children are often physically and emotionally abused by their parents. A good friend of mine was raped from the time she was an infant until she escaped her father’s clutches. My husband was regularly tied to the bed and beaten by his father. I frequently counsel people who had truly terrible childhoods, so I could go on about all the evil things parents do to kids who want nothing more than to win their love. THESE are bad parents, Ivy. You and I can thank our lucky stars we were blessed with a whole different sort of experience.

Let’s frame your stressful experiences in some historic perspective. Had you done the things you did in some other place or time, you may have been stoned to death, cast out of your community, sold into slavery, or any number of other unsavory prospects. So your mom didn’t set strict rules. She didn’t beat you, have you arrested, or blindfold you and drop you off in the middle of nowhere. She let you learn the only way you would: the hard way. Now somehow she is to blame because you chose to do the very things she warned you away from?

“Your past is not a fixed reality; it is what you choose by focus and interpretation. Interpret your past through the eyes of appreciation, and it will become only a blessing.” – Alan Cohen

To find forgiveness and healing, we must shift our perspective from one of lack and blame to one of gratitude and personal responsibility. You might start by giving thanks that your mother was there and at least trying. (Where was your father throughout all of this?)

We must also remember that children come into this world with souls and lessons to learn, and there is only so much a parent can do. If failing to rein in a wild teen were a crime, 1 out of 4 parents would probably be in jail. Unfortunately, these days it’s far more likely that a parent will land in trouble for trying to keep their kids on the right track.

A few months ago I heard a story on the news that illustrates how disempowered parents are today. A mother overheard her daughter talking to a friend on the phone about some illegal activity, so the mother secretly picked up an extension. In listening further, she learned that her daughter (who had been growing out of control) and the daughter’s friend had stolen something. Though it was a hard decision, she decided the right thing would be to turn both kids in to the police. Guess what? The mother was charged with a crime for eavesdropping on her own phone line!

We’re living in a time of tremendous personal freedom, both legally and spiritually. Those of us who have chosen to incarnate at this time have come forth to learn big spiritual lessons about free will. Even God can’t make us choose wisely; it’s up to us to listen within and choose for ourselves and then learn from the consequences. So blaming your mom for your bad choices is sort of like blaming God for not forcing you to stay on a path of purity and righteousness.

With freedom comes responsibility. As we have more freedom than ever, we must also take more responsibility for what we create in our lives than ever before. Right now, you’re in the middle of learning that you can’t blame anything or anyone outside of you for your own choices in life.

Remember that hindsight is 20/20. Perhaps in looking back now and knowing how things turned out, you can see how your mom “should have” done things differently. I’m sure we could say the same thing about many of your own choices. However, you don’t know what would have happened had she been stricter. Perhaps it would have just driven you away and made things worse.

I believe that your mom was doing the best she could. I believe that all parents do; some people’s bests are just better than others’, and some kids respond to certain approaches better than others. For the record, kids are doing their bests too. People will learn by the easiest path possible – some people just need to learn the hard way.

You HAVE been wronged. The modern culture you were born into led you to believe that life should always be easy, your parents owe you a perfect childhood, and as a “child,” you should not be held responsible for your choices. In truth, life is complicated, relationships are tricky, and you owe your parents just as much love, respect and devotion as they owe you. When we take responsibility for our own actions and feelings, we quit blaming others and start to really learn. When we acknowledge that everyone is doing their bests, forgiveness becomes not only easy – it becomes unnecessary.

Perhaps the true wound you need to heal is your feeling that if your mom had truly loved you as you long to be loved, she would have tried harder. Well, she could say the same thing, Ivy. If you had loved her as she longed to be loved as a mother, you might have tried harder too. As I see it, you two were a great match for each other. Since you didn’t listen to her, if anyone should be forgiven, maybe it’s you. So to “forgive” your mom, quit blaming her in the first place, and take full responsibility for your own choices.

I don’t want to come down hard on you. I know you are processing some very heavy feelings, and I admire your honesty and sincerity. I know that beneath the blame you feel for your mother, there is a little girl who scared herself silly by recklessly pushing and breaking the limits.

You’ve come a long, hard way. Pat yourself on the back for living and learning and seeing the light, and look for the gifts in your experiences. I feel you have a lot to offer young people who may at this very moment be heading in the wrong direction, just as you once were. If you try to help them, you may just walk a mile in your mom’s shoes, and learn how hard it is to try to stop people from making mistakes when they just don’t want to listen.

Difficult journeys bring big lessons. Instead of lamenting the past, you can heal by focusing on the gifts it brought you and how your experiences made you who you are today. I know your feistiness will take you far in life if you channel it in a positive direction and put your hard won wisdom to good use.

– Soul Arcanum

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When Your Best Friends are Energy Vampires

Filed Under: Emotional Well-being, Energy/Vibration, Intuitive Development, Psychic Protection, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on When Your Best Friends are Energy Vampires

 

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)

Dear Soul Arcanum:

I don’t have many friends, for I choose them carefully. At the moment, I have two women in my life who could be described as psychic vampires. One is an internationally respected healer/teacher. My intuition is growing more and more refined, and I was shocked when the manipulative, calculating, dishonest energy I was picking up about this healer was confirmed. I realized I had given my power away by putting her on a pedestal and making less of my own gifts. She tried to discredit the healer I currently see, and suggested one of her students start treating me while she supervised my case. I’ve decided to keep my distance from her and not leave my current healer, who has helped me tremendously. This is clearly a case of professional jealousy. The other friend is also very spiritual. I feel she’s a little jealous of me, and sees me as somehow better off than her in many ways. It’s like she thinks I have some secret to the universe and wants a piece of it. Why am I attracting these energy vampires? I don’t have that many friends, and at this rate, they are dropping like flies! Thanks, Soul Arcanum!

Sitara

Dear Sitara:

I’m not sure the friends you’re describing are really energy vampires. Energy vampires are people who can’t get all their energy needs met directly from Source, so they try to feed on other people’s energy. To determine if these friends are truly stealing your energy, ask yourself how you feel when you’ve been around them for a while.

Do you feel energized and uplifted or down and drained? Do you feel like there is balance in your relationship in terms of give and take, or does your friend talk endlessly about herself? Are you doing all the giving? Do you find yourself constantly feeling like you should do something to help or save her? Does she make you feel better about yourself, or does she put you down or compete with you in order to feel superior?

If none of these really fit, odds are good that you’re not dealing with energy vampires so much as you are ordinary people with egos and human weaknesses and faults, just like the rest of us.

People who are highly spiritual like we are tend to be very idealistic. We want to believe in people, see the best in them and love them with all our hearts. It can be very disillusioning when we meet someone who seems to be everything we’ve ever wanted in a friend, and they turn out to be a mere mortal instead of the demi-god we’ve been worshiping.

There are a couple of dynamics worth mentioning here, given the relationships you describe. First, the more we tap into our own personal power, the more we evoke deep issues in other people. If there are buried issues that need to be brought to light and healed in our friends, then our dynamic energy will tend to bring those issues to life in some way. This is especially true if we’re devoted healers and counselors. In personal relationships, the interactions may not be overt; instead, they tend to come out in subtle ways through the ever changing dynamics of our connection. We thus spark things for the people around us without knowing that we are doing so simply because our main intention is to help others heal and grow.

Also, as we develop intuitively, we begin to psychically pick up on all sorts of stuff that people tend to hide. Nearly everyone hides their shadow side, so it can be shocking to sense these hidden truths, and difficult to make peace with living at this level of awareness. Everything is naturally perfect, of course, for once we attain this level of awareness, we’re ready for the deep lessons in unconditional love that psychic awareness evokes.

Your spiritual teacher friend is clearly insecure about her wisdom and abilities. The wisest and best teachers always are, by the way, for they constantly question themselves. Having you see someone else for healing and that person apparently being able to truly help you has brought her insecurities up. While her behavior is disappointing, we must strive not to take anything personally, and simply be the best person we can be with everyone we know and love. As I see it, if a friend disappoints us, our job is to reach for a higher, more loving road in order to nurture good things in that relationship. Maybe right now, this relationship is not about her meeting your friendship needs, but about you giving her something important such as an opportunity to work on her ego issues, learn a lesson, or observe you setting a shining example of love and wisdom.

I like what you wrote about putting her on a pedestal and discounting your own wisdom and abilities. I think instead of expecting her to be the spiritual leader in your relationship, you should step forward and reach for a higher level of love and wisdom yourself regardless of what she says or does. Then you can become a source of healing both for her and your relationship. You might do this by recognizing with compassion that her ego is kicking up, and she perhaps is worried that she is not good enough or that she will lose your friendship or respect and admiration via your experiences with this other healer.

Similarly, instead of viewing your other friend as someone who is trying to steal something from you, it would be wise to stay in a very high vibration and view her admiration as a positive thing. The more we align with a high level of life experience by working with the law of attraction and cultivating a high vibration, the more we attract people who want this for themselves like moths to a flame. Sometimes these people do want to suck our energy, but sometimes they just think we’re wonderful, and they want to study us so they can emulate us.

The higher we go in terms of quality of experience and vibration, the harder it is to find peers. Then instead of journeying through life with all our classmates, we naturally become teachers. In a typical schoolroom setup, there are way more students than teachers, and it’s the same on our spiritual journeys. As you evolve, you will be surrounded by more people who are in position to learn from you, and you’ll only know a few other teachers, who will often be off in their own classrooms, doing their thing.

You’re wise to ask how and why you are attracting friends like this, but it’s more important to figure out how you can manifest a higher level of experience. I’ve had great results with working with the law of attraction to manifest good friends. For example, years ago I told the Universe very clearly and with all of my heart that I wanted to meet a friend who was <q>just like me.</q> I ended up meeting a friend in a most unusual way who practically IS me! The ways we are alike are astounding. This experience taught me that we all have many kindred spirits in the world, and we just need to work with the law of attraction to draw them into our experience.

In summary, I encourage you to stop expecting your friends to be free of faults. Our goal is not to find perfect people, but to learn how to love everyone around us despite their imperfections. We all have our issues and everyone is doing spiritual battle with their egos every day. Do keep choosing your friends carefully, and when they disappoint you, examine your experiences for how you can use them to work on yourself and become an ever brighter light wherever you go. Also, remember that we have the power to manifest what we want in our lives, and we can use the law of attraction to both bring out the best in people and draw wonderful new friends into our lives.

Soul Arcanum

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Does Profound Loneliness Have Spiritual Roots?

Filed Under: Emotional Well-being, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — 1 Comment

 

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)

Dear Soul Arcanum:

My whole life I have felt deeply lonely. This was true even when I was married and regardless of what was going on in my life. I’ve always felt like a part of me was missing. I have a few theories but would love to hear yours.

Mary

Dear Mary:

Before I delve into the subject of existential loneliness, I think it’s important to cover some of the simpler dynamics that can cause people to constantly feel the way you describe.

First, we are all subconsciously missing people we’ve loved profoundly in other lives. Though we may never have known them in this life and have no conscious memories of them, our souls still remember, so it’s normal to feel a vague sense that there is great love <q>out there</q> that we can’t seem to find. We can even miss our spirit guides with whom we have ongoing but subconscious bonds that surpass all the physical relationships we may form. On some level, we remain aware that there is greater love and union possible than we’ve ever consciously known in this lifetime. Fortunately, our love and longing for reunion with those souls is like a gravitational force that will lead us back to them eventually, if not in this life, then on the other side.

Also, we are all missing parts of our own selves in various ways, and this can leave us feeling incomplete. This may include our higher self – that part of us that is eternal and remains in the spirit world when we incarnate here – to which we may be more or less consciously connected depending on our level of spiritual development. We can also miss parts of ourselves that we may have ‘lost’ due to traumatic experiences and the desire to avoid pain. Since my space here is limited, for more information on this idea, research the term ‘soul retrieval.’

Finally, we all naturally long for the bliss and ease of the spirit world and the greater sense of union we experience when we’re not so compartmentalized in physical bodies. For example, it is easier to commune in the astral, for there we can communicate telepathically and consciously meld energies with other beings.

Of course, we are ultimately all one, and just like the Universe supposedly exploded in a big bang, thus creating a force that will eventually draw everything back together again, there is a force that acts like a gravitational pull on our souls and is forever tugging us back to Source.

So what you’re describing is something that we all experience to some degree, though artistic types and deep thinkers perhaps suffer from it on a more profound level; it’s what fuels their endless introspection and extraordinary creativity. This is not loneliness due to a lack of healthy, fulfilling relationships. It’s more existential in nature, so no matter how good our relationships with other people may be, they can’t remedy this loneliness because what we are longing for is a deep and personal relationship with ‘Spirit’ – with ‘God,’ the Universe, the Divine.

While being alone in life puts us in the quiet space in which deep ideas and feelings grow best, in fact, it is often after we achieve highly fulfilling relationships with other people that this loneliness begins to surface. I suppose this is because we expect relationships with other people or some other worldly goal to make us feel happy and complete. When we finally ‘have it all,’ we are dismayed to note that we still feel a sense of inner longing, angst or loneliness, and this is when we begin the deeper work of exploring our true natures and consciously pursuing direct experience of Source.

Most people are constantly running away from this loneliness by staying forever busy with external affairs and investing more importance in temporal matters than those matters warrant. This running is one of the driving forces behind addictions like alcoholism. When someone is terrified of what lies beyond everyday experience, they will do anything to avoid facing it. Similarly, when someone finds the will and courage to face their fears, they gain the power to heal themselves.

Of course, on some level, we are all constantly aware of the impermanence of life and how some day we will lose every worldly thing we treasure. We will be separated from our bodies, from the bodies of the people we love and from all we build and cherish on Earth: our homes, our careers, our accomplishments. Some of us avoid thinking about such things as much as possible, but nevertheless, this awareness remains on some level, where it fuels a desire to find something meaningful and eternal. For some people, this desire only surfaces occasionally; for others, it becomes all-consuming and sends them on a spiritual quest for that which is both lasting and truly fulfilling.

It is this fear of death and longing for Divine comfort that drives the religious/spiritual impulse in humankind, and thus the spiritual quest is the answer to the suffering of existential loneliness. Such a quest won’t erase this deep feeling, however, for that sense of longing for something more is essential to the human experience. If embrace this feeling and work with it, however, it can fuel our spiritual journey and inspire us to reach beyond mundane life to explore that which lies beneath the surface, and motivate us to develop higher qualities like love, compassion, wisdom and integrity.

The key is to stop fighting this feeling as a sign that something is wrong, and instead, embrace it as a precious homing device that is ever trying to guide us ‘home.’ It’s like we’re explorers on another planet, and though we may get absorbed in our adventures, in our pockets, we have a device that is ever ready to lead us home when we’re ready.

This deep loneliness inspires introspection and spiritual exploration, so without this feeling of incompleteness, we can become entirely absorbed in superficial, temporal concerns. Existential loneliness thus moves us to lose interest in the mundane business of daily life and transcend everyday concerns to search for something more meaningful. Many spiritual practices that have survived the test of time are designed to help us in this transcendence. Two that come immediately to mind are yoga and meditation.

By working with our existential loneliness, we begin to dance with the Universe. We ask for signs and receive them, wonder over the meaning of our experiences, open up to new ways of perceiving life, and explore new spiritual practices. We are then blessed with moving dreams; spiritual powers; otherworldly adventures; and moments of healing, grace, peace and ecstasy.

So though our first impulse is to run away from spiritual suffering, it is what ultimately leads us to new growth and awareness. When we stop fearing this deep longing and instead embrace it, everything flips around. Then instead of fleeing our existential fear, we move through it and discover that this seeming void is actually the heart of bliss we have been longing for all along.

I encourage you to redefine your loneliness as longing for Divine union. If you meditate to get past ‘yourself,’ you will find that part of you that is eternal and always connected to Source. Cultivate this relationship; move into the center of it and begin to live your life from there. Then, like sad but beautiful poetry, your longing will bless you with a sense of deep feeling and purpose. It will keep you questioning, exploring, and ever reaching toward that vast spiritual horizon beyond which a whole new level of experience awaits us all.

Soul Arcanum

 

 

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Happiness is an Open Heart

Filed Under: Emotional Well-being, Energy/Vibration, Healing, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Happiness is an Open Heart


Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

I dream things before they happen and most of the time my dream world is hell. My waking life is hell too. Very few people can understand these things. I’ve had OCD since I was a teenager. I don’t fit anywhere. I feel tormented, alone and disappointed with myself. People just really don’t like me, and the few friends I allow myself always tell me I intimidate people with my intelligence. A gifted psychic told me that people don’t get me – that they are frightened because they sense that I know things. He said I was a strong empath and I hadn’t learned how to control it. My energy is really strong but not in a good way. I’m a psychologist by profession, so I’m supposed to be helping people spiritually but I can’t even help myself. Everything seems so bleak and it’s not getting better. Can you please advise me about how to feel better? I’m an Aquarius Sun, Cancer Moon and Cancer Rising. Thank you.

Cat

Dear Cat:

I chose your question because you remind me a bit of myself when I was a teenager. Though I was popular and generally happy, I too had trouble forming meaningful relationships, and I often felt profoundly lonely. I was often told that my energy was overwhelming and I was intimidating. I also struggled with OCD for a couple of years, though I licked that for good a long time ago.

Like many psychologists, it sounds like you went into this line of study in order to help yourself. (No offense, but psychologists are ironically known for being troubled souls.) I’m glad to hear that you can see the connection between being able to help yourself and being able to help others.

Here’s the thing about Aquarians and everyone who is highly intellectual by nature: though we may impress others with our minds, we’re not usually warm and fuzzy types. In fact, often the more intelligent a person is, the more challenged they are emotionally because they’re out of balance: their strengths and energy are skewed to the mind more than the heart, body or spirit. A lack of heart energy can hold us back socially and keep us from attaining deep fulfillment, especially in relationships.

Though the reasons may sound obvious to other people, intellectuals like Aquarians can be truly baffled as to why people don’t like them. After all, they’re bold, intelligent and interesting, opinionated, confident and original. If what we want is to be happy, however, our heads can’t take us there – we have to go through the heart.

It took me a ridiculous amount of time to figure out that what people crave and really respond to is love. (Isn’t love what you’re really craving too?) People are attracted to humble, self-effacing types, not brilliant know-it-alls. Further, even when we intellectuals have studied the law of attraction and think we know how to create what we want in our lives, we tend to overanalyze everything and work from the head instead of the heart.

To effectively work with the law of attraction, we have to know how to get into the feeling state of the quality of experience we desire, and sadly, feelings aren’t our forte. Like all of us, you are creating your own reality, and what you focus upon will expand in your life. From your letter, it seems you focus mainly on your fears (OCD), how your life is miserable and how no one seems to like you. You write that things aren’t getting any better, which suggests that you’re waiting for that to happen instead of taking charge and working with the law of attraction to create positive change. To attract positive experiences and people who love you, you’ll have to fill your inner world with love and positive vibes first.

The Cancer in your chart would tend to make you more emotional and less aloof than the typical Aquarius. It would also make you much more sensitive, which supports the idea that you could both be highly intellectual and highly sensitive/empathic. Astrology aside, however, much that you wrote suggests that you are really centered in your head, and what you need most is to develop your heart by cultivating love and faith. Love will attract others to you like a magnet, while faith will heal you of the OCD. (OCD is driven by fear so pervasive it takes over your life.)

The main event that changed me and my course was the death of my first love, which led me to develop compassion for the grieving and inspired me to want to help ease their suffering. This is different from pursuing work along a certain line in order to try to help ourselves, though one usually does lead to the other because to help others heal, we have to care about their struggles and have overcome them ourselves.

Along the way, I spent years working on myself and reaching for spiritual growth. Looking back, I now see that the thing I needed most was an open heart, and I believe this is true of you too: the magic elixir you’re looking for is big love. I don’t mean more love from others, but to center yourself in love and cultivate a greater capacity to love others and radiate divine love in all you say and do.

Another turning point for me was realizing that constant mental activity wasn’t a good thing. When I began to practice meditation, I realized that there are all sorts of different types of wisdom in the world, and if what I was after was enlightenment, endlessly processing things in my head wasn’t smart but detrimental.

I also noted that people who seemed to truly be at peace didn’t care one bit about how smart they were, impressing other people or convincing anyone of anything. Instead, they looked for the beauty in others, offered others love and support, and kept their hearts open to each moment. This was radically different from the way I was accustomed to living, which largely focused on proving that I was worthy of admiration and always right.

Love demands that we rise above the endless fears and desires of the ego to care about more than our own happiness, satisfaction and popularity. Ironically, by letting go of endlessly worrying about ourselves, we gain the peace, love and happiness we’ve been longing for all along.

The first thing I recommend is that you own and work with the truth that what you focus on will determine how you feel. The remedy for unhappiness is gratitude. Though your life may seem hellish in some ways, it is endlessly blessed in others. Look for things to appreciate in others, in yourself, and in every situation, and point those good things out. The more you do this, the better you will feel and the more others will be drawn to you.

Next, strive to send the warmest, highest energy you can out into the world.
Instead of trying to have all the answers for people, just give them the love, support and understanding they need to get through their struggles. Strive to be kind-hearted instead of right. Whenever you’re tempted to try to prove that you’re lovable to others, instead, focus on uplifting them and making them feel good about themselves. Since we get back what we send out into the world, this will quickly turn your course of experience around.

Finally, take up a spiritual practice that gets you out of your head, centers you in the heart and puts you in touch with gentle, spiritual people. Yoga would be a great choice, as would meditation designed to open your heart and guide you to love yourself more while sending more love out into the world. As your thoughts, feelings and inner world grow brighter, your outer experiences will follow suit. If you sincerely try, you will see that by working with the power of love, you can profoundly transform every aspect of your life.

– Soul Arcanum

 

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How to Attract True Love

Filed Under: Law of Attraction, Manifesting, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on How to Attract True Love

 

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)

Dear Soul Arcanum:

How can I use the law of attraction to manifest true love with the perfect man for me?
Kezzer

Dear Kezzer:

There are a couple of ideas we need to explore before moving on to the subject of manifesting true love.

While reunions with soul mates tend to happen on a destined schedule, in many cases, we may have some control over the speed with which we draw certain people into our lives. Usually such reunions occur when ‘the time is right’ and ‘the stars align.’ Other times, the only thing holding us up is a lack of readiness for such a relationship on our part or the part of the one we’re seeking.

It’s important to realize that the perfect relationship for us at any given time may not be one that is meant to last a lifetime or fulfill all our dreams for love, passion and harmony. We are all in the process of healing old wounds, working through old karma and growing into greater personal potential, and the greatest forum for doing so is our relationships. This means that every relationship is perfect for us at that time, for it is there to fulfill some desire or teach us something we need to learn in order to move on to a higher experience of love.

This doesn’t mean that we have to take whatever comes our way. In fact, there are lots of things we can do to prepare ourselves for true love. Should we have to wait on destiny in order to meet up with a certain individual, we can also create a delightful experience of love in the mean time.

One of the most common misconceptions I run into in my counseling work is the idea that if a relationship doesn’t work out, something must have gone wrong. In fact, all relationships arise for a good reason, and from a higher spiritual perspective, these become clear as underlying patterns of experience. It can therefore be very helpful to seek higher awareness via meditation, hypnotherapy and other spiritual practices, or via spiritual counseling with a gifted intuitive reader, for when we become conscious of the issues we’re working on, we can spark breakthroughs and fast progress.

The first thing I recommend is to work on any subconscious (or conscious) issues that may be holding you back from a fulfilling romantic experience. We all have these issues, for behind and beneath all we do there is profound longing to be loved and to love others on a deep, rich level. Further, we’ve all had painful or less than fulfilling experiences of love in the past, and if these are left unresolved, unhealed or incomplete somehow, they will hold us back from greater fulfillment until they are addressed.

All of this is perfect, for it’s what propels us toward personal growth and spiritual evolution. Our longing for a deeper sense of happiness and fulfillment keeps us trying, which is all we need to keep doing in order to naturally discover, heal and release old wounds, karma and issues. In my view, it is love and the longing for love that makes the world go ’round and gets us out of bed each morning.

As each person is a unique and beautiful individual, the issues holding people back from true love are unique and personal to them. This is another reason why it’s important to go beyond the advice and philosophies of self-help gurus and get our hands dirty by embracing spiritual practices and therapies.

There are some general common stumbling blocks, of course. I think we’re all familiar with how a lack of self-esteem can prevent people from pursuing a relationship that is truly healthy and fulfilling. Similarly, fears of rejection and abandonment hold many people back from fulfilling their dreams for love. Limiting beliefs about what is possible in love are also common obstacles. When these issues remain unconscious, they hold us emotionally hostage until they are faced, worked through and transformed to align with a higher level of experience.

Whenever we find ourselves in a pattern that is frustrating or unfulfilling, we are therefore wise to look to our inner world. To make new progress, we must examine old wounds, deep fears and limiting beliefs, and continue to stretch ourselves to heal, empower ourselves and reach for greater personal potential. If you feel blocked, I highly recommend hypnotherapy, through which you can go back and heal and release old wounds and also cultivate new beliefs and a more constructive approach to love.

As I mentioned above, there are things we can do to align with a delightful experience of love even as we’re doing whatever inner work is necessary in order to prepare for the soul mate experience our souls are yearning for.

How we feel about love is ultra-important, for we tend to manifest what we expect, and what we focus upon grows larger in our experience. Just as it is important to let go of worrying about symptoms and focus on well-being in order to cultivate good health, we are wise to look past whatever we lack in terms of love and focus on embodying love itself in order to manifest more of it in our lives.

The more we give our attention to love with a positive feeling, the more we become magnets for it in all sorts of wonderful ways. If you don’t have a partner to shower with love and affection yet, you can love the one you’re with, by which I mean that you infuse all the relationships already in your life with more love. Flow love to your friends, family, neighbors and acquaintances. Upon greeting someone, say to yourself, The love in me greets the love in thee. Visualize your heart chakra openly flowing love and good will to everyone you meet.

One of the most powerful tools for working with the law of attraction is to write the story of what you want to happen in the past tense. The key to infusing this exercise with lots of power lies in the emotional vibration it carries you into.

First just sit for a few moments and think about all you long for in love. Imagine yourself with a partner who has all the traits you find attractive. Take a few moments to get very clear about how you want to feel. Allow images to come to you as you do this. You may imagine yourself receiving flowers, going on dates and kissing someone passionately. You may see yourself attending family functions with your partner on your arm. You may imagine how wonderful it will be to have someone you adore to snuggle up with in bed. Allow this to just flow naturally.

Now sit down and write out the story of how you found this love. This is not going to be published, so don’t censor yourself. Do make sure your phrasing is positive, however, and most importantly, take time as you write this to pause and sink into all the wonderful feelings that imagining this brings up for you. If you really get into this exercise, your heart will soon be soaring. You will feel like your chest is tingling or expanding with light or energy – this is what you want!

Once your story is complete and you’ve basked in all those wonderful feelings for a while, let it go. You can put it away in a drawer or file it away on your computer. It doesn’t matter. You’re not going to go back to it because you’re going to trust that what you desire has been set in motion, and the love you long for is already on its way to you.

If you now just consciously strive to embody and flow love to everyone you meet, and you stay in a high vibration, soon delightful love will be knocking on your door.

 

– Soul Arcanum

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Why Do We Feel So Attracted to Some People?

Filed Under: Destiny/Higher Plan, Law of Attraction, Past Lives, Reincarnation, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Why Do We Feel So Attracted to Some People?

 

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)

Dear Soul Arcanum:

Why do we fall in love with someone we hardly know? Why does this sort of thing happen? If we don’t really know them, how can we love them? I find myself in this situation and it’s just not right because it breaks all social rules and conventions. I feel a very strong, happy pull towards a particular gentleman. It’s like my heart recognizes him and is so happy to hear his name and see him, but my head is telling me to stop being silly. I think he has a soft spot for me as well. Is this just some fleeting fantasy, or is his energy pulling me toward him? Are there spiritual reasons for why we feel so drawn to some people from the moment we meet them?
K.R.

Dear K.R.:

The first thing that struck me about your question is your assumption that if something breaks social rules and conventions, it’s just ‘not right.’ I believe the only way to know what is truly right is to listen to our hearts, for there are all sorts of social conventions that are pretty crazy.

There is always a reason why we feel a certain way, but that doesn’t mean we should act on all our feelings. For example, we may feel like punching someone who makes us angry or like eating a huge bag of candy, but that doesn’t mean we’re wise to act on those impulses.

Often we distract ourselves with momentary obsessions in order to avoid facing feelings or issues that are overwhelming. Many people in unhappy marriages try to distract themselves by projecting their unfulfilled desires on a third party. This allows them to focus on something that feels good while avoiding upsetting or disturbing thoughts and feelings.

Repressed desires can also spark inexplicable attractions. Many crushes are simply the result of boredom. We all crave excitement and romance, and if we are repressing our desires by not pursuing our dreams, the passion burning within us will seek release in some other way.

I’m not suggesting that all strange attractions are somehow misguided or unfounded – far from it – but in order to determine if there are good soulful reasons behind a strange attraction, it’s important to eliminate some of the more mundane possibilities. This is sort of like ghost hunting: before we attribute phenomena to something otherworldly, we’re wise to rule out common explanations.

There are many spiritual reasons we may feel strangely attracted to someone. Usually this strong pull is karmic in nature, and suggests a positive past life relationship. Since there are many reasons we may feel as we do, however, we’re wise to consider other possibilities. For example, we may fall in love with someone we didn’t know in a past life simply because they remind us of someone we once loved deeply. In these cases, we may have that familiar feeling of recognizing someone from a past life, and old feelings of love and passion may be stirred up even though the person before us is not the soul we are <q>remembering.</q>

This can also happen with people we’ve known in the past in this life. Often we are attracted to someone because they remind us of someone else. This doesn’t have to be romantic: if we meet someone who reminds us of a beloved grandfather, we may feel strongly drawn to him, especially if we haven’t fully grieved Grandpa yet. Our subconscious is forever guiding us to finish old business and resolve personal issues, so if we meet someone who stirs up something in us that needs more attention, it’s normal to feel a sense of attraction.

Our souls are also guiding us to what we need to experience in order to learn whatever we need to learn next. I often counsel women who are looking for true love, and as I peek into the future, I may see a man coming in who is not going to be a life long partner, but who will prove to be essential to her journey to fulfillment. Somehow, this relationship will help her to learn whatever she needs to learn or heal whatever she needs to heal in order to move to a higher level of experience.

The forces behind attraction are like the force of gravity: like naturally attracts like, and holes in our beings are naturally the first things to be filled as the river of time and experience washes over us. We all have deep issues that we’re not conscious of as well as desires and questions burning in our hearts, and we naturally draw into our lives the people and experiences that can help us move toward peace and fulfillment.

Further, we often mistake the soulful things we need for the people who represent them. A good example of this is the experience of transference, when someone who is seeking something profound like inner peace, happiness or healing falls in love with his therapist. The therapist represents feeling better, but in essence is just one channel through which what is needed can flow.

Something similar happens when a person symbolizes or embodies some trait or aspect we are being called to develop further ourselves. If we are drawn to someone deeply spiritual, our own inner being may be trying to get us to lean in a more spiritual direction. If we’re out of balance, we may feel strongly drawn to someone who represents the other end of the spectrum – hence the saying that opposites attract.

Attraction is energetic. When someone’s energy harmonizes well with our own, we feel like we “click.” If someone has a higher vibration than we do, it’s natural to feel drawn to them, and if someone has a lower vibration, it’s natural to feel repelled. So if being in this man’s energy field makes you feel uplifted, it’s natural for you to want to be near him.

Often we feel deeply drawn to someone because they are a soul mate � someone we’ve loved deeply in another place and time. In such cases, it’s important to remember that what we do with our loving feelings is up to us. If acting on romantic attractions would compromise our own values somehow, we can still love that person without going in a romantic direction.

Romance is a human experience: there is never a soul reason to have physical sex with someone, except for when we are destined to have a child together in order to bring a particular soul into the world. At the same time, however, there is never a soul reason NOT to have sex with someone. As long as we don’t go against our own truths and values, we are free to follow our hearts. Of course, depending on our circumstances, we are only as free as we are brave enough to break with convention.

Often this sort of situation arises as a spiritual test: Will we find the courage to honor the truth in our own hearts? Sometimes doing the right thing means one course of action, and at other times, it means something totally different. Here social rules and conventions prove to be great spiritual tools, for what we’re really doing is learning to trust our own judgment so much that we don’t need social convention to tell us what’s right anymore.

To figure out what this attraction means for you, you must first trust that there is a good reason for it. Then ask yourself what this person represents or symbolizes to you, and how he makes you feel. If this attraction was not about this individual, what might it be about for you on a deeper soul level?

I believe we’re placed in situations where we feel drawn to people and experiences that are somehow forbidden because we’re supposed to learn how to listen to and trust our own hearts. Choosing love is always the answer, but since what that means is unique to each situation, we must ask within and trust our inner knowing to guide us.

– Soul Arcanum

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The Role of Karma in Relationships

Filed Under: Destiny/Higher Plan, Karma, Past Lives, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on The Role of Karma in Relationships

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

My question concerns karmic bondage. It is generally said that when we have unfinished karma with another person, like if there is strong hatred, anger or guilt, then after we leave this physical world, we reincarnate together to play exact opposite roles to clear up the karmic baggage of previous incarnations. Does this happen even when one has unconditional love towards the other? Can love make people reincarnate again, even if one of them has achieved self-realization? Can we stay un-affected by others’ intention to reincarnate with us? Thank you!
Muralidhar

Dear Muralidhar:

I’m sure that humankind’s understanding of karma, reincarnation, and similar subjects is very limited. As these are huge questions, I can only offer you what I’ve come to understand via some 20 years of past life readings as well as in depth study of research into these matters, such as the work of Dr. Michael Newton, Ph.D., who has regressed many subjects to the period between lives and then asked them deep questions about how incarnations are planned, as well as the research of great minds such as Dr. Brian Weiss, Dr. Ian Stevenson, Carol Bowman, etc.

It’s my understanding that when we are acting out karma in an unconscious way, we tend to do one of two things: we either act/react as you describe, or we get stuck in the same pattern over and over again. By the way, I believe this is true whether we’re talking about past lives or past experiences in our current life, so it may be easier to understand what I’m describing if we ponder how we all deal with various types of issues in a single lifetime.

Let’s take, for example, a relationship between young siblings. One child lashes out and strikes the other, at which point, the other child tends to respond by hitting back, cowering in submission, running away for help, etc. What an individual chooses to do in response to another’s actions depends on theirpersonality, social conditioning, level of spiritual development, etc. It is only when young souls mature that they begin to attempt more skillful, mindful responses.

So when we are acting out karma from an unconscious level, we do tend to either act/react or get stuck in certain patterns from one lifetime to the next. We may spend lifetime after lifetime trying to do unto others as they’ve done unto us, or playing the victim or bully over and over again in relationships. With time and experience we learn and grow, however, which leads us to change.

Please note my qualifier above that this is what happens when we act out karma from an unconscious level. When we grow conscious of why we are doing what we are doing, and we make a choice to reach for something better, we set ourselves free from this mindless karmic dance, and can then move into a higher level of experience.

When we grow more spiritually aware than your average bear and begin to consciously work from a metaphysical level, we can purposefully affect situations as desired. (We are unconsciously creating our realities all the time. The difference here is in our level of awareness: the more aware we are, the more empowered we are to break free of subconscious patterns and influences.)

So what’s missing from the simple view of karma as an endless dance of cause and effect is the truth that we are all divine creators of our own experiences, and are blessed with free will. Some people do unconsciously act and react over and over again, playing out the sort of karmic dynamics you describe, while others will purposefully break those patterns and make quantum leaps into new levels of experience instead of endlessly bouncing back and forth along the same old line.

It is thus through the cultivation of higher awareness that we attain liberation from karmic bondage. (Sound familiar?)

The way you phrased your question suggests that life on Earth is something we are better off avoiding. We must remember that our perspective on rebirth while we’re here in the physical is very different from how we may view it when we’re in Spirit and planning our next incarnation. It’s my understanding that we don’t have to reincarnate with someone if we don’t want to, but if it would be beneficial for us to do so on a soul level, then we may happily choose to do just that. From a higher spiritual perspective, this feels like a powerful opportunity, not a prison sentence.

On the flip side, love can and does lead us to reincarnate. In fact, all heartfelt desires tend to be fulfilled, so if we long to live with someone we loved in the past again, we will reincarnate in order to fulfill that wish. I often see this with people who fall in love with someone whom they can’t live with for some reason. When it’s not possible for them to be together as life partners, and they deeply desire to have this experience, then their strong desire naturally leads to a future life in which they can be together. Vows and promises are powerful soul contracts, so whether we promise someone we’ll come back to them or we vow to get even, we will play those plans out on a subconscious level until we become conscious of them and make a new choice. I view incarnating like taking a big trip or vacation: we choose to do it for the sake of the experience/adventure. Yes, traveling can be exhausting and scary and full of mishaps and inconveniences. Nevertheless, we all hunger to explore and experience something new and different, for it is our nature (as well as the nature of the Universe) to continue to expand: to spiral up and out, ad infinitum.

Also, our quality of life and our feelings about rebirth are greatly influenced by our level of spiritual development: the greater our power to consciously create what we want in the physical, the better our trips get. Thus there are people living in third world countries who long to escape this life, and there are also people who have attained a higher level of spiritual power and awareness who are signing up to go over with the Peace Corps for the sake of the experience and the opportunity to help make the world a better place. Both end up living in the same basic circumstances, but one is coming from a position of disempowerment and suffering, while the other is empowered and having a fine time.

In summary, yes: some people do mindlessly repeat the same karmic dance over and over again throughout many lifetimes as you describe. Eventually, however, we all learn and become motivated to change, which leads us to a higher level of experience. The bottom line is that our karma is personal: we are the ones who determine our level of freedom. The more we cultivate higher awareness, the freer we are to consciously choose our own course of experience.

– Soul Arcanum

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Empathy and Emotional Control

Filed Under: Emotional Well-being, Healing, Intuitive Development, Psychic Ability, Psychic Protection, Spiritual Growth by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Empathy and Emotional Control

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:
I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder a few years ago, and while I agree with the diagnosis, the label doesn’t quite fit me. I am fairly psychic and more so all the time. I’m clairsentient: I feel too much, care too much (though I don’t think that’s really true!), and I’m always feeling other people’s feelings. Sometimes the energy of others is so strong it can make me go nearly insane. One big facet of borderline personality is an unclear sense of self. I can’t be in a relationship because days into one I’ll have a flip and think, What the hell am I doing? I don’t like this person! and I’ll bail. Some days I see through the eyes of a poorly evolved person; other days I am lost in the glory of Spirit’s sight. It is a true gift but also a curse because I can’t fit into this human world. I don’t expect you to cure me. I know this is my fate. I just want to know if someone like me can find peace between the two worlds I inhabit, or if I will always struggle. Thanks for listening, Soul Arcanum.
Your friend wading through the unseen worlds with her pants hitched up…
Ingrid

Dear Ingrid:

It sounds like you’re a highly sensitive, empathic person. All empaths have an unclear sense of personal boundaries; this is what enables them to feel what other people are feeling.

I recommend you resist being labeled, for you are so much more than BPD or any other abstract idea. Not long ago, you would have been seen to have an impulsive, sensitive, perhaps artistic nature, but no one would have considered you mentally ill. My sense is that you are able to basically function in life, so I would take a spiritual perspective on your struggles instead of accepting a medical diagnosis like this one.

As for whether or not you will always struggle, it’s important to remember that you have the power to create what you want in your life. Much of what you’re dealing with is challenging for all human beings. We are all affected by other people’s emotional energies; some of us are just more affected than others, or are more aware that those vibes are originating outside of us.

Your relationship issues are also pretty normal. They may be a bit more dramatic for you, or perhaps you are extra self-aware and able to observe yourself in relationships and question why you do the things you do. It is important for empaths to realize that sometimes the emotional swings they experience result from shifts between their own feelings and the feelings of others. For example, if someone really likes us and feels good around us, and we tune in to their emotions, we will feel really good around them too. When we later center in our own truth, we may feel very different. So learning how to stay centered in your own emotional truth is key.

As for creating what you want in your life, it sounds to me like you are already on a path to greater spiritual growth and positive change. You are highly sensitive, self-aware, and clearly desirous of a higher level of experience. You know that you want to find a greater sense of peace, and you are manifesting answers and guidance from the Universe, such as this very article. So in my view, there is no need to feel wrong, incomplete or hopeless; things are not so bad, and they’re getting better all the time.

Ultimately, this is a matter of emotional and psychic control. When we get out of balance in terms of development, we experience struggles like those you describe. For example, when someone is centered in their lower chakras, they may work like crazy but without planning or foresight. Someone who is centered in their heads will tend to be overly rational and analytical, and out of touch with their bodies, hearts and spirits.

In your case, you seem to be at the mercy of your own and others’ emotional energy. Since it’s never wise to repress or deny your feelings, in order to create a better sense of balance, you need to bring other aspects of your being up to speed.

On a physical level, this may mean getting more grounded, strong and healthy. Since you also need to learn how to control emotional energy (your own as well as the psychic energy of others), training in a martial art like Chi Gong may prove very helpful. This will also strengthen your aura, which is your natural defense against outside psychic influences. Yoga would also help you get centered energetically and give you a way to find a calm center within whenever you start to feel frazzled or overwhelmed.

On a mental level, meditation should prove perfect for you, since you need to find a way to get calm and gain control of your emotions. By strengthening your mind, you will learn to control your impulses and also become more aware of what is yours energetically versus what is coming from other people.

On a spiritual level, I recommend learning how to control your psychic sensitivity, and developing greater faith. To control your sensitivity, you must get centered within yourself. When a sensitive person lacks a strong sense of self-awareness and self-control, they’re like a tree without a deep, strong root system: with the slightest breeze they can be blown right over. If you get grounded and centered in your own truth, self-awareness and sense of well-being, you’ll develop personal strength from within. Then no matter how the wind may blow around you, nothing will topple you.

This is all about learning how to set your own tone. This means you decide how you want to feel and you consciously cultivate that vibration from within. Basically, you are deciding who you want to be and how you want to feel, and you are consciously generating that vibration and radiating it outward instead of soaking up the energies all around you.

You can still be sensitive and helpful to others if you do this; in fact, you can be far more helpful. For example, to save someone who is drowning, you don’t want to dive into the water and start drowning yourself; you want to remain stable on the shore, throw them a lifeline, and then pull them in. When you are rooted in a high vibration, you can lift those who are struggling up to a higher state of being.

Faith is absolutely essential, for when you have faith that all is well and everything happens for a good reason, you can remain centered in your higher self even when others are going down. When your faith is sound, you can feel compassion for others without having to literally feel their pain. Some people think they are better healers or counselors if they are empathic, but I disagree: two people in pain is NOT better than one. It’s better to have one person in pain and a caring person who is feeling great who can lift the one who is hurting to higher ground.

Finally, despite what many people may tell you, I encourage you to let go of the idea that you need to be protected from other people’s energy. I know that because you are sensitive, you often feel overwhelmed, but that’s mainly because you resist intense energies out of fear. You’ve been overwhelmed for a long time, and you’ve survived just fine. Instead of trying to protect yourself from intense, dramatic or unsettling energies, RELAX. Trust that everything is and will be fine. Send love to everything and everyone. This will reverse the flow of energy, so instead of being bombarded by others’ feelings, you will radiate your own vibration outward. Divine love will then flow through you, which will make you feel wonderful and may help others in many ways as well.

– Soul Arcanum

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Cultivating Romantic Chemistry

Filed Under: Law of Attraction, Manifesting, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Cultivating Romantic Chemistry

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:
I have been trying to attract new love into my life using the law of attraction. Two years ago, I had a few dates with a great guy who has all the qualities I’m looking for. We could talk and laugh for hours. We went on four dates, and then I backed out because I was unable to feel sexually attracted to him and figured it would be better to stop sooner rather than later. I kept his number in my cell phone, and a couple of months ago when I seriously started praying for new love and trying to attract it into my life, I started noticing his name in my cell phone book. Every time I tried to visualize this new love, he would pop into my mind. I thought perhaps I should give it another try. We’ve now reconnected, and it’s just as easy and natural as it was before. We’re even on the same page spiritually in terms of what we’ve been up to recently. We’ve seen each other again, and it was wonderful, but I was still not physically attracted. I’m wondering what’s happening with me. Am I resisting attraction at an unconscious level because part of me is still afraid of men? (I’ve always been more attracted to men who weren’t good for me.) Am I trying to force myself into a relationship with this guy because I know he would be a wonderful partner? If I get to know him better, might I become sexually attracted to him?
S.

Dear S.:

First it’s important to note that whenever we have trouble manifesting something we think we really desire, there are usually lessons we need to learn or wounds we need to heal that are tripping us up. When it comes to finding a soul mate, there are lots of issues that can cause people to search endlessly in vain. Many people do block chemistry due to various fears; I see this all the time in my own friends and the clients I counsel. For example, I know a number of women who only want what they can’t have: they find everyone who is attracted to them to be inadequate for some reason, and always get hung up on guys who are out of their league, married, or somehow unavailable, which effectively prevents them from getting seriously involved with anyone.

Many people have deep psychic wounds that need to be healed. If women were abused, raped, shamed for being sexual or rejected in this life or another lifetime, those wounds must be healed in order for them to have a healthy, fulfilling sex life. (Women who died in childbirth in past lives often have sexual problems in future lives as well.) Similarly, men who were abused, raped, shouldered with the heavy burdens of providing for an unexpected family, unable to sexually perform, infected with an STD, or romantically rejected must also heal those wounds to find sexual fulfillment.

Deep issues aside, there are all sorts of energetic interactions constantly happening between people. These largely determine whether we feel drawn to them as well as the quality of relationship we form with them. For example, you can meet someone who seems really nice on the surface and yet feel uneasy around them because on an unconscious level, you sense that who they are pretending to be is not who they really are.

There are two issues at work here: how we are vibrating, and how we are vibrating in relationship to another individual. We have tremendous control over our own vibration, and some control over how we vibrationally relate to others.

We can cultivate passion and sensuality just like we manifest anything else in life. For example, I had a lover long ago who awakened me to a new level of sensuality. Until my experiences with him, I had been rather repressed but didn’t know it. We were amazing together, for he brought me sensually to life.

This taught me that it’s possible to bring out in lovers whatever turns us on. To awaken another, however, we must first embody the sensuality we’re hoping to find instead of looking for someone else to make it happen for us. So instead of looking for someone with whom you have good chemistry, you might try becoming more passionate and sensual yourself, focusing energetically on what you want to manifest, and setting that tone for whatever relationship you want to evoke good chemistry in. In this particular relationship, you can focus on cultivating all kinds of sensual pleasure, evoking the wonderful lover in him, and enjoying yourself no matter what.

This approach will only take us so far in particular relationships, however, just like being kind will only take us so far with certain people. If their idea of being a good friend is way off from our own, then we’re just not going to click. Similarly, if we don’t even really like someone, we won’t find them sexually attractive, or if they have sexual issues that need to be healed, they may not be ready to engage at the higher level of experience we’re longing for.

Of course, just as every combination of elements produces a different chemical reaction, there are all sorts of different chemistries between people. It’s particularly interesting to observe how new babies in a family will immediately demonstrate great rapport with some family members and show an aversion to others. No doubt this is in part due to past life experiences/karma.

Regardless how it comes to be, the chemistry between any two people is determined by the quality of the vibration of the relationship. Just as the individuals in the relationship have personal vibrations, the relationship itself has a certain feeling or tone.

Music offers us a great metaphor for understanding this better. Let’s say that everyone has an overall vibration that matches a certain note of the scale, and whenever we get together with one or more other people, we strike a chord. Clearly, there will be some combinations that sound really good and others that are discordant.

When we meet someone who shares our personal note, we feel like they are very much like us. We are kindred spirits, so we communicate and get along very well. It sounds like you and this wonderful man are very similar in nature, which is why you feel so at ease around him.

When we meet someone who has a different vibration but one that sounds really good with our own, we complement each other. The more complex but complementary a chord is, the more interesting it sounds. This is when you get a very passionate sort of bond, for you are different enough to be fascinated by each other, but at the same time, you complement each other or sound good together. Even when we are very similar to someone else, however, we can create a melody with them that is simple but moving and beautiful.

All of this is a gross oversimplification, of course, for we are all so much more than one note, and we are forever changing. This is where we have a lot of room to play at creating something beautiful. I believe that we can cultivate good chemistry with anyone we basically like, respect, and feel good around. If we are too similar, it may become sort of routine after a while, but every relationship feels like that after we’ve ironed out all the kinks – it just happens sooner rather than later when we’re highly compatible with someone. On the other hand, with someone who is too different from us, we may feel intense passion but so much conflict that it’s just not worth it.

Life is full of beautiful people and endless opportunities for passion and pleasure. To find deep fulfillment, we must become within what we seek in our outer experience, and make the most of love wherever and however we may find it.

– Soul Arcanum

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