Dear Soul Arcanum: For a while now, my husband and I have fantasized about having a threesome. Recently that wish came true, though it didn’t go so well. We met a lady from another town and we clicked immediately. I was excited to have a close girlfriend, so right away she came and stayed with us so we could all go on a boating trip together. I promise you that the threesome was entirely her idea. In fact, she was quite aggressive: She went topless on the boat all day and climbed into our bed naked that night. I wasn’t comfortable with this, but my husband was insistent so I went ahead with it. I felt exhausted and horrible afterward. How can I clear this energy and disconnect from her? We made plans to go shopping, but she isn’t returning my phone calls. I feel so disappointed. I don’t want her as a lover, just as a friend, but she has totally dropped us. (I have always wanted to have a really close girlfriend.) Is it possible to clear this energetic connection, or will I forever be tied to her and her lovers? I’m sorry if asking about this makes you uncomfortable; I don’t know who else to turn to.
M.
Dear M.:
The desires that got you into this situation are perfectly normal. Most people want to keep the passion burning in marriage and will try all sorts of different ways to do that. Further, we all have feelings and desires that don’t fit into the neat boxes we’ve been socialized to squeeze into, so we’re constantly longing for something new, more or different.
While your yearning for a close girlfriend is natural, it also could have deep roots beyond the simple desire for a true companion. Perhaps you had a very close friend in a past life and haven’t enjoyed a relationship like that in this one, or you had a romantic relationship with a woman in a past life and part of you vaguely remembers and longs for the pleasure you felt then. (You may have been male or female in that relationship, though odds are you would have been male.)
As I read your question, I saw you in a past life in a very deep, close friendship with another woman. You were both Asian females. You lived in the same house and you were closer to her than you’ve ever been to anyone else. I don’t usually offer this sort of personal information in this forum, but I feel it will help you understand your profound yearning for a close friend.
While you’re wise to remain conscious of things like psychic cords, cutting any cords that were created in this situation is just the first step: to feel better, you’ll need to determine what you really want and go after it in a more effective way. First, however, let’s explore the nature of psychic cords for those who are unfamiliar.
We forge psychic cords to everyone we are close to or interact with on a deep or frequent basis. We thus have psychic cords to our spouses, children, parents and friends, and we have lesser cords to people we interact with on a more casual or infrequent basis. As profound experiences lead to strong cords, and the exchange of bodily fluids also creates potent connections, lovers and mothers/babies tend to have very strong psychic connections.
Psychic cords aren’t bad; in fact, they are the energetic foundation of relationships. In healthy romantic/sexual relationships, the energy flows both ways and is basically balanced. One key aspect of creating a healthy relationship between two adults is clear understanding of what the relationship will entail – a mutual agreement that has both spoken and unspoken rules. Making a commitment is also powerful, so when we get married, we forge a strong psychic bond that endures both because of our commitment and because the rules of the relationship have been so clearly spelled out.
When we jump into bed or into relationships with people we don’t know well, it’s easy to end up in unstable, unhealthy situations. The thing about casual sex is that people are casual about it: There is no commitment and there are no clear agreements made, so these connections tend to be very short-lived.
When we engage in casual sex, we interact in an intense, tangible way, which creates strong psychic cords, but then the whole thing very quickly falls apart. This leaves everyone with their cords hanging, so to speak. Even when there is no overt interaction anymore, if we don’t create closure at the end of a relationship, it’s like leaving a light on when we depart a building: some of our energy is still flowing but we’re not getting any good return for it. In order to have all our energy for other relationships and endeavors, we have to turn off undesired relationships by withdrawing our energy from them.
This will happen on its own in time, which is sort of like that light bulb eventually burning out. However, until you learn whatever you need to learn in order to create the healthy relationships you desire, you’ll tend to keep creating unhealthy cords with new people.
It’s important to get conscious about what you really want so you can find the fulfillment your heart is yearning for. It sounds like you actually had two goals here: to spice up your marriage and to make a deep, true girlfriend. As your approach didn’t work out as you expected, I think you’d be wise to separate these goals. To spice up your marriage, you need to find something that feels good to you on every level. To create a true and lasting bond with a girlfriend, you’d be wise to avoid having casual sex with prospective pals.
Since this woman isn’t returning your interest, you can assume she wasn’t right for you. Now that you know that, you can move on and focus on finding someone who shares your desire for true friendship.
To get closure and directly move on to pursue what you really want, you might perform a ritual to cut cords with this woman. Set aside special time for this purpose, then get quiet, close your eyes, and visualize the cord between you like a string linking you together.
If it feels right, mentally explain to her why you are cutting the cord, or explain to the Universe what you are doing and why. Focus on the positive: on what you want and the good that you expect to come from this. The point is to communicate to yourself and the Universe that you are taking conscious control of creating what you want in your life now.
You may hear something from her or the Universe. These may be impressions, insights, ideas or solutions, so pay attention and allow whatever comes to you to lead you to new awareness and healing. When the time feels right, cut the cord by visualizing yourself with scissors or a knife cutting away whatever connects you. As you do so, say out loud: I cut this cord so that we may both be free to find greater love and happiness. The more you can embody the feeling of love and happiness you desire for yourself and everyone involved, the more powerful the ritual will be.
After you cut the cord, smudge yourself, your husband, your home, your boat and your bed with sage. (Wash all the bedding if you haven’t yet!) Also, get rid of anything this woman gave you and remove all traces of her from your world.
You’ve now created space for new blessings, so read up on the law of attraction and ask the Universe to guide you to the passion and true friendship you desire. Start focusing wholeheartedly on manifesting what you want, and before you know it, you’ll have chalked all of this up to a good learning experience and be absorbed in something new.
– Soul Arcanum