Dear Soul Arcanum:
Do you ever get sudden impulses to do bad things? Sometimes, particularly when I’m on the internet, I get a sudden impulse to do or say something. I have an online journal wherein I try to understand myself and my deepest motives better. I know that the people who read my journal can be affected by it, as I notice ripple effects. For example, I make a hateful post about something, and then the next day several other people are complaining and being really negative.
Because of this ripple effect, I’ve gotten much more careful about what I say and why I say it, but sometimes I still get impulses to say harsh or extreme things and I go with it, not knowing why. It’s very important to me to do the right thing, so often after I act on those impulses, I start to feel really uncomfortable and wonder why I did that. Do you have insights into this?
– N.
N.:
You’re wrestling in a battle between your lower and higher natures, which I’ll call the ego and the higher self here. This is something everyone on the planet is struggling with. As we become more spiritually aware, we become more conscious of this struggle, and as you described, it becomes more important to us to do the right thing.
Sometimes we put too much pressure on ourselves to be perfect, which can lead to a backlash. It’s like when I go into a store full of breakable objects, and I get so tense about accidentally breaking something that sometimes I have the impulse to just thrash around wildly. (I never do that of course, but this is a good example of the tension we create when we put a lot of pressure on ourselves.)
The ego will also start to freak out as we evolve spiritually and the higher self gains ground, and when the ego is really taking a licking, it may begin to thrash around like a drowning man desperate to save himself.
Picture your being as a very important group, and for years and years, Ego has been its leader. Ego has determined the general direction for the group and had the ultimate say in things. All along, of course, Higher Self has sat quietly in the background, gently interjecting now and then as the voice of your conscience, slipping in wise, positive suggestions to try to keep everyone on track.
There have been countless debates between Ego and Higher Self, wherein Ego would shout about strategy and protecting the group’s interests, while Higher Self would calmly respond with suggestions to relax, trust, forgive, reach out, be kind, etc. At some point, the group began to listen more and more to Higher Self, and many members nominated him to be the new group leader.
Now when Ego raises his hand, he’s usually ignored, so he’s begun to leap up in outbursts of frustration, trying to get some attention and hold on to his former power. Despite how crazy he’s acting, now and then he manages to stir up a lot of fear in the group, and gets them to go along with one of his desperate plans. After everyone calms down, they realize they’ve been misled again, and they wonder why they keep listening to this guy.
This is mainly what you’re dealing with here: you’ve grown a lot recently, and are in the process of consciously aligning with your higher self. Your ego is fighting for its life, for when we ultimately realize the truth that we are all one and we reunite with Source, the ego ceases to exist.
This is all part of the universal battle between good and evil, which is quite real despite what many lovely New Age folks will tell you. If there was nothing but love and light, we’d all just be floating around in a state of perpetual bliss. Everything has a shadow side or opposite, and life itself springs from the tension born of this contrast.
So what you’re struggling with is wonderful fertilizer for spiritual growth. Without the temptation to be bad, how could we strive to be good? Without the temptation to be hateful, how could we learn to be loving? Everyone on the planet is wrestling with the same issues and temptations. The question of the hour is which will YOU choose?
Beyond this personal level, we’re all virtual pioneers trying to sort out all sorts of unprecedented challenges and opportunities. The world is racing along faster than ever before in history. We can connect with strangers in every corner of the globe, and information can travel around the planet at the click of a button now.
Because of this pace, we can learn and experience more in this lifetime than we could in many lifetimes in other historic periods. We can do more good but we can also do more damage. For example, with the flip of one switch, some crazy guy could cause global nuclear disaster. At the same time, anyone with a computer and a bold vision can unite the world in love and compassion. Everything has shifted upward toward the etheric or virtual realm where we have more power to affect other people through metaphysical means than ever before, and with that power comes great responsibility.
Picture that your personal power is like a fire: if you control it and use it for positive purposes, such as warming a house or cooking nourishing food, your fire can do a lot of good. If you don’t control it, however, it can cause a lot of damage.
Further, let’s say that dark forces are like water. They like things cold, dark and wet, not bright, warm and toasty, so their natural goal is to put your divine fire out. As your fire grows bigger and brighter, it becomes more of a target for dark forces, so you have to tend it more carefully.
When we consciously cultivate a high vibration and we develop the habit of using self-discipline to rise above the ego’s temptations, it becomes normal for us to stay centered in the higher self. We then notice immediately if our light begins to dim, and when we stoke it up bright and hot again, it naturally drives dark shadows away. What many earnest seekers fail to realize, however, is that you can’t scold or punish yourself into a high vibration – you have to love your way there.
So when we combine the power of modern technology with the personal power gained through spiritual growth, we’re dealing with a lot of power and the need for a lot of responsibility. Our thoughts, feelings and words can affect people around the world in an instant, and as you noted, this can ripple out and affect the whole planet.
I encourage you to recognize how powerful you are and to make a conscious choice about how you want to use that power. You might scrap the online journal you’ve had going or transform it into a new blog with a higher intention. Instead posting whatever thoughts or feelings come up for the world to see, you could consciously cultivate something beautiful and bright with divine love.
– Soul Arcanum