Dear Soul Arcanum:
Though my husband didn’t practice any religion when I married him, I converted to his family’s faith because he and his family wanted it that way. I started practicing, reading, and also sharing my new knowledge with my husband, and while he was always happy to hear what I had to say, he took no personal interest in religion for a long time. I put so much into this: I observed all the rituals, recited prayers for hours, fasted, etc., and all on my own. This went on for about 6-7 years. Then my sister took her own life, and the people in my new religion were so condemning and hard-hearted about it, while the people from my old religion came forward to support me with comfort and understanding. At that time, I returned to my old beliefs and stopped practicing the new religion. It’s now some 20 years later and my husband has become religious, which I think is good. However, I have been through a lot since we first married, and I have come to my own understanding of God and my own spiritual beliefs. Now my husband is upset and disappointed in me because I’m not following him in his religion. I should mention that my father was Hindu, my mother was Christian, and my husband is Muslim. I feel like a mixture of all these paths. I see it all, I feel it all, I am all-embracing of them for I feel that in essence, they all teach the same thing. What I don’t know is how to handle the impact this is having on key relationships in my life.
– Kiran
Dear Kiran:
I understand that you’re from a different cultural background than I am, and I apologize in advance if some of my advice just isn’t practical for you. Also, I don’t wish to ignite a theological debate. There is nothing more sacred and personal than our relationship to the Divine, so I don’t believe it’s ever wise or fruitful to argue about spiritual matters. As each human being is as sacred and divine as any other, I would never try to tell others what to believe.
It can be very hard to maintain peace and harmony if we allow religious differences to enter into relationships. Since most religions teach that their God is the one and only true God and their way is the only right and true way, instead of promoting peace on Earth, religion tends to promote physical, emotional, and spiritual violence. (When we try to push our spiritual views on other people, we violate their sacred relationship with the Divine.)
Many people aren’t yet capable of exercising the sociological imagination required to realize that if they had been born into a different culture, they would probably believe just as strongly in the particular religious views of that society as they do in their current beliefs. When they finally manage to do this, they naturally begin to doubt that their religion is the only true one, which makes them more open-minded, tolerant and respectful of others’ beliefs. As they spiritually evolve, everyone naturally grows more compassionate, intelligent, and self-referencing, and at some point, sheds the mindless, impersonal dogma of organized religion for a personal spiritual path.
While your goal may be to create harmony in your marriage despite the spiritual differences between you and other family members, it sounds like your husband is still a number of steps behind you, following the rules as laid out for him by forces far removed from his direct personal experience. So while there is common ground you could meet him on, getting your husband to work with you if he’s not yet ready for a higher approach may be very frustrating.
The key lies in your wise statement that all major religions teach the same basic things (including the religion he identifies with), the most basic teaching of all being the Golden Rule.
Christianity teaches: As ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise. (Luke 6:31)
For Hindus, it’s worded: This is the sum of duty: do not do to others what would cause pain if done to you. (Mahabharata 5:1517)
In Islam, this is the teaching: None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself. (Muhammad, Hadith 13 of al-Nawawi’s Forty Hadith)
Clearly, unless your husband is also willing to adopt your personal spiritual beliefs and practices, he isn’t loving for you what he loves for himself: the freedom to worship as he believes is right and best for him. If you can get him to practice the Golden Rule with you, you should be able to create a loving, respectful, happy marriage despite the religious differences between you.
Even if he can’t see the obvious here, there are things you can do to cultivate harmony in this relationship, for you’re operating from a higher vibration and have a great deal of power to influence your own life and the people around you.
First, remember that you are the creator of your own reality and can manifest what you want. Whatever you focus upon and expect will expand in your experience, so worrying about others being displeased with you will just manifest problems.
Don’t debate religious issues with anyone you want to get along with, for then you’ll get caught up in endless arguments over semantics, which will just promote conflict and waste your time and energy. Instead of debating ideas, I recommend working with the law of attraction and radiating love.
There are infinite processes and exercises available for consciously creating what you want in your life. In essence, you’ll want to visualize this relationship feeling just the way you want it to feel and send your husband the accepting, respectful, tolerant vibes you want to receive from him via your heart and mind. Imagine the two of you interacting in wonderful new ways, and how good that will feel.
To rise above all the surface differences and connect on a soul level with anyone, all you have to do is radiate love with faith in its healing power. Regardless of their religious beliefs, all people crave and revere love as divine in nature, for love has the power to conquer all, heal all and endure all.
Just flow love to your husband from your heart. If you can radiate love and divine light even when he is coming from a place of fear or judgment because of your religious differences, you’ll be able to work healing miracles in this situation.
Whenever you allow yourself to get caught up in worrying about what other people think about your religious beliefs and practices, your vibration will sink and you’ll manifest more conflict, which will remind you to pay attention to where you’re investing your mental and emotional energy. When you love yourself just the way you are and love others similarly, you’ll sail above all those abstract debates and manifest whatever you want and need to be happy. The details won’t matter anymore because you’ll be in sync with love and harmony, so that is what you’ll create and experience.
To begin to shift this situation toward harmony, develop the habit of stopping whenever things don’t feel good and praying within for Spirit’s guidance. If you remember to focus on what you want to create and radiate love from your heart, you’ll be amazed at how quickly you can transform heavy conflicts into bright new blessings.
– Soul Arcanum