Tag Archive: forgiveness


Can Hatred be Healing?

Filed Under: Emotional Well-being, Healing, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Can Hatred be Healing?

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

Over the last three years, I’ve had some wonderful unfolding through trance and healing work, but now I really feel stuck. I was severely abused as a child, and my whole family is still covering up for the abusers. The spiritual counselor I’ve been working with took a sharp turn from many good things to this whole new place I hate: He wants me to forgive my mother. Why should I forgive someone who beat the heck out of me? I just don’t see it. I’m not stupid; I understand that she came from her own bad karma; I get that letting go helps me. However, hating her is the only real spiritual clarity I’ve had in years. I know how awful that sounds but I feel a great clearing to see what she did, so to ask me to forgive her makes me nuts! He is insisting that I am staying stuck. It sounds right but I can’t even imagine letting go of my newfound hate of her and all she did. Any suggestions?
Susan

Dear Susan:

I feel both you and your therapist are right – you’re just viewing this from different perspectives. It sounds like this healer knows what he is doing, for he has helped you a great deal, proven his wisdom and earned your trust thus far. I agree with his assessment of the situation: that holding on to hatred of your mother will keep you stuck.

At the same time, however, it’s imperative that you love and trust yourself enough to honor your true feelings. If it doesn’t feel right to let go of this hatred yet, then you must do what feels right and best to you.

Please do note that when we forgive someone, that doesn’t mean we’re to blame for whatever they did. Further, when we have feelings of hatred for someone, that doesn’t mean we are somehow at fault. It feels to me like you really need to love your inner child by clearly acknowledging what happened to you when you were small and validating your feelings about that.

Perhaps it doesn’t feel like you can let go of this hatred because you’re waiting for validation of your feelings from some of the key people involved. As you move forward and learn to love yourself even better, it won’t be so important to get that external validation, and this will empower you to release more of the deep pain that you’ve been carrying around for years.

For now, by allowing yourself to be angry with your mother, you are finally starting to affirm your love for yourself. Children who are abused tend to have very low self-esteem, and when they decide that they deserve better and they get angry, then instead of turning all that pain inward, they start to flow it outward toward whomever or whatever mistreated them. This begins to release the energy, which can bring a profound sense of relief. Hatred can thus indeed be healing when it represents a shift toward greater self-love. It’s just one step, but when we’ve come from an even lower vibration, we may feel much better than we felt before.

I feel your counselor is trying to help you but needs to be patient and understanding of where you are in this process. This is one of the trickier aspects of spiritual counseling: when we’re forever tapping into higher truths and aligning with a super high vibration, we can lose touch with ordinary life, which diminishes our effectiveness as healers.

You are naturally conflicted. In seeking help from this counselor, you are in essence asking him to guide you to a warmer, happier place. Let’s say that initially, when you were in a place of tremendous emotional pain and struggle, it was like you were living in a frozen, barren tundra. As you began to shift out of feeling powerless, unlovable and victimized, you moved into feeling more empowered and angry at your abusers. While this doesn’t sound all that wonderful, it was like moving from that frozen tundra to someplace like Toronto: even though it’s still really cold there, it feels so much better than where you were before.

Meanwhile, your healer is living in a tropical paradise and is eager to help you find your way to the wonderful place he has found. In continuing to work with him, you are in essence asking him to help you keep moving to a better/warmer place. At the same time, however, you are telling him that you don’t want to leave the cold weather (hatred) behind.

No doubt you just need a chance to rest and recover from your recent trek, to integrate your experiences and gather the strength and courage for another journey. On a spiritual level, you’re feeling pretty worn out and at the same time, feeling so much better than you did before that you’re wondering if you really do need to keep moving.

You are free to stay where you are with all of this for as long as you like. If and when you feel ready, you can inch your way toward paradise or you take a big, sudden leap. It all depends on what feels right to you, what you’re ready for, and your own inner guidance.

In terms of your relationship with this healer, the important thing is to recognize that he may have the answers you need, that you may not be ready to hear them or act on them yet, and that is all okay.

I believe the lessons in this situation are naturally perfect for everyone involved. You are learning to honor your feelings, trust yourself, and make choices based on what feels right to you. You’re learning that if you try to deny or repress your feelings, they will get swept under the rug again, and there they will make all sorts of lumps and bumps that you will trip over in the future. As they’ll then be hidden, you won’t know why you feel the way you do or keeping doing the self-destructive, crazy things you keep doing. Thus you are very wise to take all the time you need to fully work through and release your feelings.

Further, until you give yourself permission to feel all that you really feel, you will naturally resist moving on. Imagine yourself on that journey south, and that someone else is pushing you to keep moving even though you’re weary and need to rest a bit. In this scenario, it’s natural to resist being pushed. If, however, you claim your right to set your own pace, then you will sense when it’s time to get going again; it will feel comfortable and right for you to do so.

Your healer also has lessons in all of this. He’s being reminded to respect and honor his clients as unique spiritual beings who are being guided by Divine wisdom via their own hearts. He’s being reminded that everyone is always in just the right place for them. He’s being reminded that, in order to be a good teacher, he must teach at his students’ pace, not the pace that he would prefer. He’s being reminded that he can do his best to help, but he can’t move for you: only you can truly change your life, and trying to rush the process will only take longer in the end and prove more stressful than necessary. Your spiritual counselor does sound wise. My sense is that he isn’t truly trying to rush you, but is instead simply spelling things out for you, letting you know that when you want to make further progress, you will have to head in a certain direction. You can take all the time you need getting ready for that spiritual journey, but he’s right that in order to get to a tropical paradise, you’re eventually going to have to head toward the equator. You can take all the time you need, of course, for the relative paradise of inner peace will always be there, ready for you to call it home.

– Soul Arcanum

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Healing Karma with Father who Abused Her

Filed Under: Emotional Well-being, Healing, Karma, Past Lives, Reincarnation by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Healing Karma with Father who Abused Her


Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

I “divorced” my father when I was in my late 20s because he was a pedophile who refused to acknowledge the harm he’d done to my siblings and me. I pressed criminal charges against him when I was in my early 30s and he went to jail. My brother kept in contact with him until a few years ago when he took a sexploitation trip through Thailand. I’ve been through 12-step programs for incest survivors and have done a lot of inner work. My children know why they don’t have a second grandfather. I consider myself a full survivor but want to know if there are ways to complete the emotional healing process so I don’t carry unfinished karma into my next incarnation. Thank you for the great work you do through your columns. My friends and family appreciate them too.

Moneca

Dear Moneca:

First I have to commend you for all the inner work you’ve already done to heal from the past and empower yourself for the future. I also applaud your foresight, for you are right in assuming that until this experience is fully healed, it will come up again and again for you, if not in this lifetime, then in future lives.

My sense is that you’ve pretty much made peace with this on a personal level; what’s left is to make peace with your father so you can align with a higher level of experience with him in future lives. On the other hand, you may already be at the point where you can look at the blessings that came from this experience and give thanks for the unique journey that has been yours, which is a sign that you’re at peace and ready to move on.

Before those readers who can’t see how such an experience could possibly involve any sort of blessing start sending me hate mail, let me explain. I’m sure this difficult journey made you question life and become a deeper thinker, that it stretched you to find inner strength you didn’t know you had, and that it led you to develop compassion for everyone who suffers abuse. We tend to view painful experiences as curses, but in my experience, the more life stretches our capacity to endure, the stronger and wiser we grow.

There is a key turning point in the spiritual healing process where one who has been abused begins to find compassion for the abuser. Let me share my own experience to demonstrate that I know what I’m talking about.

When I was a teenager, I was stalked and eventually raped by a crazy guy in his twenties. Though I was too young to fully realize it at the time, I have come to understand that our meeting was destined and that we already had a strong but troubled karmic bond.

His mother cut and styled hair out of her home, which is where we first encountered each other – at least, in this lifetime. When I saw him, every hair on my body stood up at attention. There was a sense of instant recognition I’ve come to associate with reuniting with someone from a past life, only this time, the feeling was far from positive. In fact, I was inexplicably terrified.

Since there was no logical reason to feel this way, I pushed the feelings aside. It’s too long a story to go into in detail here, but this guy must have felt something strong too because he began to stalk me. I would be driving home from work and see him in his car, following me. When I left school for the day, he would be in the parking lot, leaning against his car, just staring at me. He began to call me every night. When I tried to shake him off, he began to threaten to harm my little brother or my friends. I had learned that he had a number of friends who were convicted felons, so I decided to take his threats seriously.

He stalked me for months before he managed to get me alone; that’s when the rape occurred. I guess I was naïve, but I was truly shocked at how violent he became. It was following that experience that I took my power back, shed my fear of him, and took a stand by telling him that if he ever contacted me again, I would go to the police. (I know I should have gone to the police anyway, but I was sure my father would kill him if he found out, and I couldn’t bear the thought of my dad spending the rest of his life in prison.)

The turning point in my healing process came when I realized that I would rather be me and be raped by this man than to be him. As I struggled to understand why he had done what he’d done, I realized that his inner world was a really twisted, ugly place. I only had to live with his ugliness for a while; for him, it was a constant and inescapable prison.

As I had karmic encounters with other people from past lives, I also realized that I must have some history with this guy. I don’t know what happened back then, but I came to understand that we were both unconsciously acting out some old patterns. I also realized that if I didn’t want to keep circling this enemy throughout future lives, I would have to consciously change things for the better.

This is where your own story comes in. While I am in no way suggesting you try to find a way to justify what your father did or equating an attack by a stranger with the profound betrayal of a parent, it’s nevertheless true that in order to fully heal and set yourself free from this for all time, you would be wise to try to find compassion for your father.

Can you imagine what it would be like to be him? There is a lot of wisdom in saying to yourself, There but for the grace of God go I. While people like to tell themselves that they could never be as selfish or cruel as the individuals they most despise, in my view, that sort of thinking is a good way to be born as just such an individual because walking some miles in their shoes may the only way to develop compassion and understanding for them.

On my own quest for healing, it occurred to me that I may have hurt this man really badly at some point. As I pondered the karma between us, I also imagined him being raped or abused in a future lifetime in order to learn some compassion, and that’s when it occurred to me that perhaps this was why I had been attacked – to develop greater kindness and compassion than I had embodied in the past. (To better understand karmic relationships and why we reincarnate with the same people over and over again, you might want to explore the research of Michael Newton, Ph.D.)

If finding compassion for your dad proves too difficult, hypnotherapy may be just what you’re looking for. A gifted therapist can guide you in hearing your higher self so you can determine what needs to be done next in your healing process, help you heal and release any issues that are still sore spots for you, and empower you to move past any beliefs that could be preventing you from fully resolving all of this. For example, if you believe it’s not safe to forgive because you could be hurt again, working with a hypnotherapist can help you reprogram your belief system so you can bless yourself with greater peace and healing.

You will know that you have completed the healing process when you can give thanks for the wisdom, strength, compassion and other benefits you received from this experience, and when you can feel compassion for your father and sincerely hope he finds his way to the same peace you hunger for in your own heart.

Soul Arcanum

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Forgiving “Bad” Parents

Filed Under: Emotional Well-being, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Forgiving “Bad” Parents

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

I have had to go through a lot of stress in my life. My mom never really set rules for me, and when she tried to, I would never obey them. Because of this, I got into heavy drugs, drinking and so forth. Now that I have gotten out of it, I see everything I have done, and for some stupid reason, I blame my mother for not setting any boundaries when I was a kid. I know I am contradicting myself here. I know that when we are in the spiritual plane, we pick who our parents are going to be, so if I picked her to be my mom and she picked me to be her daughter, then there is a lesson we had to learn together. Still, I feel like I should forgive her, and I need to go deeper than just saying it. So I guess what I’m asking is how I can go about doing that. I would really appreciate your help with this.
– Ivy

Dear Ivy:

I chose your question because I personally know many people who struggle to forgive their parents for not being “good enough” in some way.

When I was seven, my mother took off for California and left me and my brothers on my dad’s doorstep late one night. I didn’t have a relationship with her again until I was in my twenties. While this was traumatic at the time, I eventually realized that in leaving us, she gave us a great gift. She knew she wasn’t up for the job of raising us well, so she got out of the way. From that time on I had a great childhood, and was blessed with a wonderful step-mother.

Not all kids are so lucky. Many are raised by parents who don’t really want them, but who stick around for various selfish reasons. These children are often physically and emotionally abused by their parents. A good friend of mine was raped from the time she was an infant until she escaped her father’s clutches. My husband was regularly tied to the bed and beaten by his father. I frequently counsel people who had truly terrible childhoods, so I could go on about all the evil things parents do to kids who want nothing more than to win their love. THESE are bad parents, Ivy. You and I can thank our lucky stars we were blessed with a whole different sort of experience.

Let’s frame your stressful experiences in some historic perspective. Had you done the things you did in some other place or time, you may have been stoned to death, cast out of your community, sold into slavery, or any number of other unsavory prospects. So your mom didn’t set strict rules. She didn’t beat you, have you arrested, or blindfold you and drop you off in the middle of nowhere. She let you learn the only way you would: the hard way. Now somehow she is to blame because you chose to do the very things she warned you away from?

“Your past is not a fixed reality; it is what you choose by focus and interpretation. Interpret your past through the eyes of appreciation, and it will become only a blessing.” – Alan Cohen

To find forgiveness and healing, we must shift our perspective from one of lack and blame to one of gratitude and personal responsibility. You might start by giving thanks that your mother was there and at least trying. (Where was your father throughout all of this?)

We must also remember that children come into this world with souls and lessons to learn, and there is only so much a parent can do. If failing to rein in a wild teen were a crime, 1 out of 4 parents would probably be in jail. Unfortunately, these days it’s far more likely that a parent will land in trouble for trying to keep their kids on the right track.

A few months ago I heard a story on the news that illustrates how disempowered parents are today. A mother overheard her daughter talking to a friend on the phone about some illegal activity, so the mother secretly picked up an extension. In listening further, she learned that her daughter (who had been growing out of control) and the daughter’s friend had stolen something. Though it was a hard decision, she decided the right thing would be to turn both kids in to the police. Guess what? The mother was charged with a crime for eavesdropping on her own phone line!

We’re living in a time of tremendous personal freedom, both legally and spiritually. Those of us who have chosen to incarnate at this time have come forth to learn big spiritual lessons about free will. Even God can’t make us choose wisely; it’s up to us to listen within and choose for ourselves and then learn from the consequences. So blaming your mom for your bad choices is sort of like blaming God for not forcing you to stay on a path of purity and righteousness.

With freedom comes responsibility. As we have more freedom than ever, we must also take more responsibility for what we create in our lives than ever before. Right now, you’re in the middle of learning that you can’t blame anything or anyone outside of you for your own choices in life.

Remember that hindsight is 20/20. Perhaps in looking back now and knowing how things turned out, you can see how your mom “should have” done things differently. I’m sure we could say the same thing about many of your own choices. However, you don’t know what would have happened had she been stricter. Perhaps it would have just driven you away and made things worse.

I believe that your mom was doing the best she could. I believe that all parents do; some people’s bests are just better than others’, and some kids respond to certain approaches better than others. For the record, kids are doing their bests too. People will learn by the easiest path possible – some people just need to learn the hard way.

You HAVE been wronged. The modern culture you were born into led you to believe that life should always be easy, your parents owe you a perfect childhood, and as a “child,” you should not be held responsible for your choices. In truth, life is complicated, relationships are tricky, and you owe your parents just as much love, respect and devotion as they owe you. When we take responsibility for our own actions and feelings, we quit blaming others and start to really learn. When we acknowledge that everyone is doing their bests, forgiveness becomes not only easy – it becomes unnecessary.

Perhaps the true wound you need to heal is your feeling that if your mom had truly loved you as you long to be loved, she would have tried harder. Well, she could say the same thing, Ivy. If you had loved her as she longed to be loved as a mother, you might have tried harder too. As I see it, you two were a great match for each other. Since you didn’t listen to her, if anyone should be forgiven, maybe it’s you. So to “forgive” your mom, quit blaming her in the first place, and take full responsibility for your own choices.

I don’t want to come down hard on you. I know you are processing some very heavy feelings, and I admire your honesty and sincerity. I know that beneath the blame you feel for your mother, there is a little girl who scared herself silly by recklessly pushing and breaking the limits.

You’ve come a long, hard way. Pat yourself on the back for living and learning and seeing the light, and look for the gifts in your experiences. I feel you have a lot to offer young people who may at this very moment be heading in the wrong direction, just as you once were. If you try to help them, you may just walk a mile in your mom’s shoes, and learn how hard it is to try to stop people from making mistakes when they just don’t want to listen.

Difficult journeys bring big lessons. Instead of lamenting the past, you can heal by focusing on the gifts it brought you and how your experiences made you who you are today. I know your feistiness will take you far in life if you channel it in a positive direction and put your hard won wisdom to good use.

– Soul Arcanum

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Are You Hung up on the Past and What Might Have Been?

Filed Under: Destiny/Higher Plan, Emotional Well-being, Spiritual Growth by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Are You Hung up on the Past and What Might Have Been?

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

Is there some way to find out from Spirit if we made the right decisions in the past? For example, lately I’ve been feeling like if I’d made different decisions over the past seven years or so, I would be on a higher or better path now. Can I find out? I’m a Christian, and at church I often hear that if I don’t do the right thing or act according to divine timing, things will go wrong for me. I believe that we do have to make the best choices for us to manifest good things in our lives, and the problem is that I don’t know if I’ve been making the best choices for me for the past seven years or so, because so much in my life is really a mess. Would my life be better now if I had made better choices? I keep going back to a couple of key junctures along the way, and a couple of key choices I made over and over again, and now I wonder if I was digging myself into a hole. I’m 26 years old and I’m ready to turn my life around, but I don’t know where to start.
– Elena

Dear Elena:

Congratulations – you are on the verge of a major personal breakthrough!

We’ve all known people who keep doing the same things over and over and expecting different results because they have not yet realized that they are causing their own misery. When they DO truly realize this – when they stop waiting for some outside force or person to save them, and they stop blaming other people for their problems – they will change.

Life brings many tests and challenges, and some are like entrance exams to the next level of our spiritual education. When the veil of denial begins to lift and we get an inkling that perhaps our old interpretation of life was somehow false or illusionary, what we do at that point is very important. If we push that thought away because we’re too “proud” to face the truth or because we’re just too lazy to do anything with it, we shift into denial and get caught up in limiting patterns.

If, however, we are ever consulting our hearts and souls and listening for the truth within, and we have the courage to face our faults and mistakes as soon as we catch a glimmer of them, then we’ll move on from false thinking before we dig ourselves into a rut.

There are basically three steps to healing and releasing the past so you can move on to new happiness: First you must face facts, then you must forgive yourself and others, then you’ll be free to focus on what you want for the future.

Step One: Facing Facts

When the past is haunting us, it’s a call for us to question some of the lies we’ve been telling ourselves. Negative emotion is the main symptom to watch out for, as whenever we’re caught up in sorrow, anger, fear, regret, etc., we are not seeing the whole truth. We should therefore question every thought that makes us feel bad.

We also need to let go of the need to judge everything – including the past. It was what it was, and we can safely assume that it was just what we needed it to be, and we did just what we needed to do, in order to learn just what we needed to learn.

To heal on a psychic/emotional level, however, we do have to face the truth about ourselves and our past actions and hold ourselves accountable for them. This doesn’t mean that we beat ourselves up about them forevermore. In fact, just facing the truth will launch us toward healing; the truth will indeed set us free.

When we have absorbed all the wisdom our experiences hold for us, we naturally graduate to a new level of life lessons, so when we’re hung up on the past, it’s generally because we’ve yet to learn something we need to learn. Until those lessons are integrated, the past will tug at us to go back and explore our experiences again. While I’m a firm believer in focusing on what we do want in life, in such situations, the only way to truly move on is to stop and review the past for whatever we seem to have missed.

It’s a bit like having a thread from your sweater snagged on something you’ve tried to walk away from – you have to go back to whatever you got hung up on, free yourself from it, and do whatever repair work is necessary if you want to move forward looking and feeling your best.

To accomplish this, you will have to examine your own choices and behavior and honestly ask yourself how you might have been more skillful. This will involve going back over any memories that hold a strong emotional charge for you. This charge may involve negative feelings about yourself such as shame, guilt or embarrassment, or they may involve negative feelings towards others such as anger, bitterness, jealousy or rage. These feelings indicate that there are psychic wounds that still need healing.

You might also want to explore the possibility that past life issues are at play in this situation. I don’t normally recommend looking for possible problems, but if you feel like the past is tugging at you or weighing you down, past life regression therapy may prove very helpful. (It would also be wise to stop and ask yourself what you may be avoiding in the now with all of this focus on the past.)

Step Two: Forgiveness

Once you have pinpointed those emotionally charged memories, it’s time to forgive yourself and others for anything you perceive to be a mistake or bad decision. While there are some transgressions that may seem unforgivable, it’s wise to understand that EVERYONE is always doing the best they can in any situation.

Granted, sometimes that best is really lame. In those situations, I recommend you do as I do: give thanks that you are not as lost and clueless as that person seems to be. It will help you find compassion for them, which will help you forgive whatever they did.

I’m reminded of when I was a kid and would try to tattle on my little brother, and my mother would wisely say, “You just worry about yourself.” We would all be wise to just worry about our own karma. Besides, when we forgive others, we don’t erase their karma for whatever they did – we set ourselves free from the pain and suffering of living with negative emotion and a heavy vibration.

Further, it doesn’t really make sense to second-guess our past decisions, because if we hadn’t lived what we lived, we wouldn’t know what we know now. So instead of regretting the past, it’s wise to give thanks above all for the bad experiences that led us to new wisdom and understanding.

If you really want to change your life for the better, I thus recommend you seek out everyone you believe you’ve ever wronged and apologize to them and try to make amends. Also, bring everyone who has ever wronged you into your heart and forgive them. This alone will TRANSFORM your life. It will free you from all sorts of negative patterns, send your vibration soaring, and open doorways to a rich assortment of new blessings.

Step 3: Focus on Fulfillment

Once you’ve faced facts and forgiven everyone you can think of, it’s time to start cultivating new blessings. At rudimentary levels of spiritual development, our main goal is to resist temptation and avoid making big mistakes. As we evolve, however, we soon realize that we have endless potential for cultivating wonderful karmic rewards.

Once you’ve healed the past, if you begin to actively strive to be good and kind, you will see miracles blossom all around you. By aiming to do the right thing, performing good deeds, and wishing yourself and others well, you can launch yourself onto a higher level of experience and reap the benefits of your wise habits forevermore.

– Soul Arcanum

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Making Peace with Past Mistreatment

Filed Under: Emotional Well-being, Healing, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Making Peace with Past Mistreatment

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

I was once married to a man I trusted, who turned out to be a con man. When he became not only verbally/ emotionally abusive, but also physically abusive, I left him. He was able to steal a vast sum of money from me, and reaped great financial rewards during the marriage and after the divorce. Though he was arrested, he has gotten away with paying less child support than he should. He even rigged my car to break down! I traded it in, and he bought it back! He has married very well (she is exactly like me), taken many vacations, lives in an extravagant home, etc. Whatever happened to “what goes around, comes around?” On the positive side, God blessed me with two angelic daughters. I have a nice home, but it’s very modest compared to what I lived in before. Best of all, I am free and far happier now. He is certainly an angry, negative, miserable person to be around most of the time. (This is my opinion, as well as that of his awesome wife, who confided in me.) He has also had a host of health problems. I grapple constantly with trying to let this all go, as it is affecting the wonderful relationship I’m in now. Please tell me how I can feel better about this situation.
– L.M.C.

Dear L.M.C.:

Let’s see: you’re happy, in a wonderful new relationship, and enjoying the sweet daughters born of this marriage. Meanwhile, your ex is miserable, angry, suffering, and disliked by his own wife. You feel good about yourself, for you maintained your integrity throughout this relationship. Meanwhile, he has walked through tremendous stress, and despite the big house and grand vacations, he’s far from happy. It certainly sounds to me like “what goes around, comes around” is working just fine, my dear! :)

There is one thing about manifesting that is often confusing when we observe others’ experiences: you don’t have to be “nice” to manifest what you want in life – you just have to feel that you deserve it, focus on it, and expect it to come to you. Thus we can all see people who are not the “nicest” folks around manifesting wealth, status, beauty, etc. If you really think about it, equating worldly things with happiness is usually a sign that someone is not all that evolved anyway. Someone wiser would more likely focus on manifesting love, true friendship, spiritual growth, deep well-being and joy – not sports cars and mansions.

If we look deeper, however, we discover that everyone does manifest the QUALITY of life experience that they give to others. What we send out comes back to us; what we focus upon expands, whether we desire it for ourselves or for someone else. Thus people who focus on doing the right thing and on bringing others joy and happiness will have a generally happy life, while those who desire revenge or to take advantage of others will tend to feel persecuted and cheated by life no matter how much wealth they are able to manifest.

I do understand your struggle. It can be maddening to treat others with kindness and integrity, only to have them take advantage of our trust. This is especially difficult with ex-spouses. Many years of observation have taught me that divorce has extraordinary power to bring out the worst in people.

I can assure you, however, that even with divorce, spiritual law always creates balance eventually. Time and time again, I’ve seen people who aim high manifesting higher experiences, and people who aim low manifesting lower experiences. The “bad guys” may seem to win the battle of the moment, but then find themselves in a horrible war long-term, while we move on to new peace and happiness.

Let’s look at someone else’s divorce situation as an example. I have had the enlightening opportunity to closely watch a couple go through a divorce scenario that is all too common these days. After the initial uproar and upset, the individuals involved settled into two very different camps. While the husband was determined to be fair and get along for the sake of the kids, the wife was bitter and demanding. When he stood up for himself and refused to let her order him around, she began an ugly campaign against him. She told the kids that he was the cause of all her problems, and she basically tried to turn them against him. In order to win them over, she removed all rules and limits on her teen’s behavior.

At first, the victim seemed to be primarily the husband, who was maligned and disempowered as a parent, and had to stand by and watch his kids struggle through all sorts of trouble: drugs, promiscuity, crime, school failure, nasty attitudes, etc. As they could always choose to live with mom, there wasn’t anything he could do about it. The secondary victims, of course, were the kids themselves, whose mother’s ego issues prevented her from providing the guidance and boundaries they needed to enjoy health, success, happiness and well-being.

In the end, however, it was clear that the one to suffer the most was the mother herself. She is the one who ended up living in a house full of juvenile delinquents who may have “liked” her permissiveness, but certainly showed her no respect. The stole from her, lied to her, threatened her with physical violence, etc. While she may have won her popularity contest, she got far more than she bargained for.

While this woman and her children were enmeshed in one harrowing drama after another, the husband did the only thing he could do: he simply focused on living by his own higher standards, and soon, many great new blessings began to flow into his life. While at first he looked like the victim of his ex-wife’s crazy campaign, in time we can see how he was actually spared the stress of living with his teens when they were downright obnoxious. As they learn and grow, his children are starting to see the truth of the whole experience, and how in being “strict,” he was trying to love and protect them.

I relay this story because often, it’s easier to objectively observe someone else’s life. Hopefully, it illustrates how eventually, integrity DOES pay. This carries over into all sorts of relationships, of course. If a good employee is treated unfairly and is fired or quits, the management loses a good worker, and the employee ends up with a better job. If we look at any situation with enough distance/ perspective, eventually we see that what goes around DOES come around.

Further, those who conquer their negative feelings in order to take the “high road” are rewarded with blessings far more valuable than houses and vacations: they retain their self-respect, the respect of others, and a clear conscience. When they are able to forgive those who have “abused” them, they also enjoy a sense of inner peace and the freedom to enjoy new happiness.

Ask yourself which you think would be easier: for you to forgive your ex, or if you WERE him, for you to forgive yourself for all that he has done. You would not trade places with him for a huge home or great vacation. When you can find compassion for all he suffers due to his spiritual ignorance and his inability to conquer his monstrous ego, your heart will be cleansed of bitterness, and you will be at peace with all that has happened.

No matter how much his outer world may sparkle, on the inside, it’s so much darker than your own. Try to find compassion for him and pray for him to find the light, so you can complete this learning experience and truly enjoy your many blessings.

– Soul Arcanum

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