Dear Soul Arcanum:
What do you think of Christmas? I feel so disconnected from it all. I know I’m supposed to be merry with the holiday spirit, but I just feel overwhelmed. I like watching my children get excited, but part of me feels detached at the same time, like it’s just a big game. Even when I get past all the materialism and focus on the beautiful spirit of Jesus, something just feels not right. Why do so many people get depressed at this time of year? Do you have any advice on how to get through it all?
– Jan
Dear Jan:
First, know you are not alone. A few weeks ago I was chatting with some of my closest women friends when one of them admitted that she hates Christmas. Another then piped up that she does too, and then I confessed that I wish I could skip the season altogether as well. A great sense of relief washed through the room as we realized that we are not alone in how we feel. These women are all very spiritual, positive thinkers, and yet three-fourths of them can’t stand the “most wonderful time of the year.” What is going on?
There are of course all the obvious issues. We’re strapped for time and money, exhausted, and overwhelmed with all we have to do. We force ourselves to spend time with family who stress us out or bring us down, to attend parties we don’t want to attend, and to host gatherings we don’t want to host. We let ourselves eat all kinds of junk we’d never eat any other time of year, and we often quit working out because we’re so busy. Further, Christmas falls at the time of year when the days are shortest, so many are depressed due to a lack of sunlight. All of this is enough to send anyone over the edge.
Since everyone is conspiring together in this great Christmas fantasy, the energy flying around is intense. The world is turned upside down for a month or so; life is totally twisted out of shape to accommodate the holiday season. People who are highly sensitive can be easily overwhelmed or otherwise affected by all that unusual energy. Further, they will subject themselves to holiday situations even though it doesn’t feel good because there are just some things we do during the holidays without question.
Aside from all of those obvious issues, however, I think many of us share your sense that somehow there is something that is just not right about Christmas. I believe that those who have a hard time swallowing the whole Christmas package are tuning in to a greater truth. It’s similar to how we feel when someone lies to us; something just does not feel right. Sensitive people can feel the dichotomy between what is going on around them and what is really true.
While I’m all for honoring the wisdom of Jesus’ teachings and celebrating the Light He brought into the world, Christmas did not begin as a celebration of the birth of Christ. In fact, Christmas celebrations pre-date Christianity. Long before Christ was born, Romans were celebrating Saturnalia on the winter solstice, which according to the ancient Soul Arcanumn calendar fell on or around December 25. It was a celebration of the rebirth of the Sun, for from that day forward, the days would begin to grow longer again. Saturnalia was a time of drunken debauchery; a week long party of dancing, drinking, sex and gift-giving.
Think about it: how do you translate the birth of Jesus into all we do today, such as decorating our homes with garlands and ornaments, kissing under the Mistletoe, giving each other gifts, etc.? All of those rituals were part of Saturnalia. Besides, we really have no idea when Jesus was born, but we can be pretty sure it wasn’t in December, or the shepherds wouldn’t have been in the fields tending their flocks.
Around the fourth century, Christianity grew popular enough for its leaders to begin challenging existing pagan traditions. In order to do that, they simply renamed some pagan customs, or blended Christian ideas with other holidays. In time, instead of worshipping the “Sun King,” people came to worship the “Son of God.” The holidays fall at the darkest time of year, when the descent into darker and darker days turns around, and the world grows lighter and lighter. Hanukah and Kwanzaa have also been traced back to pagan solstice celebrations, so regardless of the label we put on it, at its essence, the holiday season is basically a celebration of hope.
Given all of this, I feel that many of us dislike Christmas because it rings hollow. Though it’s supposedly a celebration of Jesus’ life, we can assume that Jesus Himself would not be a big Christmas fan. Those of us who cherish His true teachings would naturally have a hard time throwing ourselves into the holiday spirit. Further, we run ourselves ragged and drive ourselves crazy, and we don’t even know WHY we are doing it. We force ourselves to do things that are not in harmony with our inner truths, or we don’t do the things we need to do to remain balanced and centered in well-being. This ignoring of our inner truths in order to comply with outside expectations is exactly what causes depression.
The best remedy to holiday stress I’ve found is use a mantra to remain centered. The word I say to myself whenever I’m slipping into a funk is “light.” Jesus was the light of the world, and his teachings have enlightened us in so many ways. Saturnalia was a celebration of the world growing lighter. On a personal level, the best way to maintain a sense of well-being at this time is to “keep it light.”
Most people who dislike Christmas are really suffering from deep disappointment because the holidays generally fail to fulfill their hopeful expectations. People who are lonely or feeling a lack of familial love and warmth in their lives may do fine the rest of the year, but during the holidays may tend to weigh what they have against this perfect ideal of holiday magic and come up short. It is our expectation that the holidays should be overflowing with joy, laughter, peace and love that sets us up.
If we watch all the holiday movies and look around at our neighbors and believe that everyone else is having a perfectly jolly time, it’s natural for us to feel sad if we don’t seem to have it as good. If we weigh our adult holidays against the “perfect” holidays of our youth when our grandparents were alive, when our parents took care of everything and created “magic” for us, when we had no worries and blessed freedom from school for a few weeks, it’s no wonder we feel let down by the holiday experience of adulthood.
I now focus on “keeping it light.” I don’t expect the holidays to be a big joy trip. My goal is no longer to create the perfect experience for my family; instead, my number one goal is to just stay centered in well-being. Sometimes it helps to think of Jesus’ light. Sometimes it helps to just have fun, drink good wine and celebrate the coming spring like the Romans did. Sometimes it helps to shine my light on others and try to help them through this crazy time. Always, in some way, when I remember to “keep it light,” I find myself feeling more relaxed and peaceful.
I pray my mantra helps all of you to find the endless blessings and joys hidden beneath all the holiday hoopla.
– Soul Arcanum