Dear Soul Arcanum:
My name is Linda. I can’t tell you the last time I was truly happy. I have been struggling with a dead-end relationship that has been going on for four years. His name is Mark, and he’s a Scorpio. He’s complicated but magnetic. I can’t seem to let go, when all the signs are there, telling me I’m on the wrong path. He’s done me so much wrong, yet I still love him and he tells me he loves me and I believe him. I feel like I’m in a twilight zone, like he put a spell on me. Just when I’ve had it and have made up my mind to break free from him, somehow I’m right back. I feel like he makes me weak. I know all I have to do to find peace is move on, but whenever I try, I just miss him terribly. It’s sickening, Soul Arcanum. I wish I wasn’t so depressed all the time. It’s not heathy. Is it possible that I’m somehow “under his spell” for real? If you reply, I would really appreciate it. Thanks.
Linda
Dear Linda:
I really feel for you. Part of me wants to lovingly shake you and tell you to snap out of it, but I have been where you are, and it’s just not that simple.
I consider myself to be a very strong woman. Some have even called me intimidating. I am the master of my universe, the orchestrator of my fate. That didn’t save me, however, from “falling prey” to the kind of addictive relationship you’re describing here many years ago.
I have seen the same sort of thing happen to others time and time again, and often to the nicest people you’d ever want to meet. Being nice – too nice – is part of the equation. These addictive relationships often offer the most euphoric, compelling sexual chemistry we’ve ever experienced. It’s like our heads know better, but there’s something primal within us that just can’t resist. Our childhoods play a role too. Whether alcohol or some other addiction is clearly involved or not, we’re all wise to ponder if perhaps we’re reenacting patterns from long ago.
Let’s first consider that you may simply be a victim of your own addiction to the intensity of this relationship. You imagine that he is “holding you” or has “put a spell on you,” but in truth, he’s just unconsciously going about getting his own energy needs met, and is unaware or doesn’t care how it all affects you. In this scenario, you’re a victim of your own addiction. You love the way you feel with him when things are good (and in this sort of relationship, the “highs” usually match amp for amp the lows, or no one would stick around all that long). No one has ever made you feel so alive, so even though it’s devastating when things are bad, you go through withdrawals when you’re not with him.
The number one thing you need to do if this is the case, you’re already doing. You’re recognizing that you’re “under a spell” of some kind, but what I want you to recognize is that the spell may not be something he is doing to you, but rather is something coming from within you. You are not a helpless victim. Think of it more like you’ve been drugged, and so your entire thought process is totally out of whack. You need to get off the drugs for a while (out of this relationship and away from him) before you’ll be able to think clearly and feel like yourself again.
Now, this does not negate the reality that others can and do influence us all the time. If you get hooked up with someone with intense, magnetic energy, you will feel just as you describe: like you can’t help yourself. Someone who is really energetically powerful can turn you upside down and leave you in an emotional puddle on the floor.
I had a girlfriend once who was a beautiful, intelligent, talented and sweet young woman. She was also a witch, meaning that she practiced Wicca, and she was rockin’ powerful. She had seen right through all the cultural issues that have subjugated women for millennia, had reclaimed her strength as a woman and thoroughly embraced feminism. She fell in love with a young man who was also spiritual, beautiful, into tantra, etc., and together, they fell into the sort of relationship you’re describing. On top of it all, this young man was Muslim, and he was a very experienced martial artist and in a heavy duty relationship with a spiritual teacher/guru of some kind. (I was never sure if the guru was his spiritual teacher or his martial arts master; it seemed he was both).
We all knew that this relationship was bad for her. It almost seemed like a bizarre spiritual test of her inner strength and her feminist convictions. When she couldn’t take it anymore, she broke away from him, but she still wasn’t free. This is when she gathered her coven around her and pleaded for help. She said that he was astrally stalking her. When questioned, she explained that he would appear outside her window just staring at her menacingly, or just seem to materialize in the strangest places. She said she’d sense him, and suddenly he was just standing some distance away from her, wherever she may be, looking at her. At first, she thought he was physically there, but then she realized that he was astrally traveling to “stalk” her. Given who he was and all the stuff he was into, it seemed like if anyone could pull stuff like that off, it would be him. She was unable to eat or sleep; she probably weighed about 85 pounds at this point. The time had come for action. I don’t have room to go into the ritual that was employed to set her free, but it did work.
Please understand that up until this point, no one could have really helped her because part of her was fleeing from him, but another part of her was holding on at the same time. Only when everything in her was ready to be free was it possible for her to break away.
Since you believe in the power of spells, it’s time for you to try one of your own. Whether he’s consciously holding you or not, it can’t hurt! I recommend you get a couple of friends to help you. Choose women you admire for their inner fortitude; they’ll have the strength you need to draw upon. (Readers, please note that it’s not just women who suffer as Linda is suffering, and men can of course take the same sort of approach to breaking free of addictive relationships).
I don’t have the space here to offer you a detailed spell, but I will give you the basics of what you need to do, and then you can do your own research on casting spells in general and incorporate these elements into your own ritual. I don’t believe the power of spell work comes from the color of the candles you choose or even the sage you burn: it comes from your focused intention, so the details are really unimportant. It’s all about your energy!
Gather your friends and together affirm your very clear intention to the universe that you now choose to be free of this destructive relationship. Pray for help from God, Spirit, Angels, Artemis – whoever you feel inspired to draw upon. Together, you must declare that from this time forward, you will be free. Then you must declare that as you wish, so it is. Then visualize yourself cutting ALL chords to this man. You may be tempted to “save” a couple, to keep a small link to him. Recognize that this will be your undoing, and cut them. You can incorporate candles, chants, etc. You can write down all that you don’t want from this relationship any more and burn it, then write down what you do want and save it – whatever works for you. Make your spell/ ritual appealing, vivid and absorbing. Try it on a new moon to affirm your new freedom and your new start.
Once you’re “out” of this, you’ll look back and just be amazed at how you once felt you couldn’t break free. Your own higher self and your guides have led you to conscious awareness that this is becoming a very unhealthy situation, so from here on out, you can’t truly be held against your will unless you allow yourself to be.
If you find yourself struggling with all of this, I encourage you to make good use of the tools you’ll find HERE. Once you’re ready, the process entitled Manifest Big Love will set you on a path to a relationship that is so big, deep and fulfilling that you will never look back wistfully on this relationship again.
May Spirit light your way to new freedom, love and joy!
– Soul Arcanum