Dear Soul Arcanum:
I’ve been on a spiritual journey for a number of years now, and for the most part I’ve kept this to myself. Now and then, however, I get questioned about my beliefs, and for some reason, I’m really uncomfortable talking about them. For example, the other day I gave a coworker a ride home, and she noticed a spiritual book on the seat of my car and started asking me about it. Do you think I should be more open about my beliefs? It sort of feels right to keep them to myself.
Margie
Dear Margie:
I can totally relate to your question. In fact, most acquaintances know only that I’m a writer and editor: they have no idea about my spiritual work and beliefs.
For one thing, I have no desire to engage in endless intellectual debates. My ego used to get a kick out of that sort of thing, but I now feel it’s just a waste of time that I could be using for far greater purposes. Years ago I asked the Universe to do me a little favor. I requested that if someone would benefit from hearing about my spiritual views, then they would find a way to ask me about them that made me want to open up and share. I also asked that if such a conversation would prove less than uplifting or beneficial for either party, then I would be spared the hassle. Ever since, I’ve not really had a problem with this issue. I also don’t discuss politics, nor do I debate parenting styles with other parents, for these sorts of conversations tend to breed conflict instead of love and harmony.
Nevertheless, there are times when I do feel called to explain my spiritual beliefs to others. Before I go into how I do that, I would like to remind you that you are never required to reveal anything about your spiritual beliefs to anyone else. There is nothing more personal than your relationship to God or the divine, so give yourself permission to hold this area of your life close to your heart and protect it as sacred. Also, always listen to and trust your intuition. If you feel called to stay mum, then you’re wise to do so.
My next observation has become something of a cliche in New Age circles, but that’s in part because it has a lot of truth in it: its the idea that many free thinkers alive today were religiously persecuted in past lives, or witnessed other people being ostracized, tortured and murdered for their religious beliefs. This has naturally made us wary about opening up about any uncommon or unusual views we may hold. From former pagans who were burned as witches to the many people alive now who were murdered during the Holocaust, there are many in New Age circles who have been through hell for their spiritual beliefs and learned that it’s just not worth it to rock the boat.
We enjoy far more religious freedom now than we have since the dawn of civilization. For many lifetimes we’ve had to either conform or keep our views quiet, so this is a long-established habit. Keeping these things in mind can help us understand our hesitation to put our beliefs on the chopping block.
There is a bright side to this dynamic, however, as it creates some ideal spiritual challenges for us. We are all learning to think for ourselves and trust the voice whispering in our own hearts more than our priests, teachers, parents, therapists, or any other outside influences. As this is a huge step forward spiritually, it naturally entails the need to overcome some fears and other ego issues. We’re all learning to rise above worrying about what other people will think of our spiritual beliefs so we can fully honor our personal truths and put our relationship with God first.
We’re also learning the fine balance required to honor our own truths while respecting others’ at the same time. Arenas like politics and religion offer us great opportunities to practice finding a wise approach. So if you think you’re a good diplomat and you want a new challenge, you might see how things go when you try engaging others in deep conversations about their spiritual beliefs.
I also don’t see any real need to discuss these matters unless we feel called to do so. In my view, everyone is just where they’re supposed to be, and the law of attraction will deliver what everyone needs when they need it, so I feel no duty to pursue or avoid anything in particular in this domain. If someone asks me about my beliefs and it feels right and good to open up, I do so. If I feel at all anxious or uncertain, I just keep things light and general, and shift the focus back to them. (Fortunately, people love to talk about themselves, so this is never a hard thing to do.)
Besides, I already know my own theories and stories, and I am genuinely interested in others’ spiritual views and experiences, so I prefer to be the one asking the questions instead of doing all the talking. My goal above all is to remain open-minded and open-hearted, so really listening to others is essential.
In fact, when I encounter someone who is really intense about their beliefs, I always stop and ask myself how I’ve attracted this person and if I’m just as rooted in my own views as they are in theirs. I can get just as complacent as anyone else, and have to be reminded that there is much I haven’t learned yet. This sort of conversation is great for illuminating our own ego issues, whether they involve self-esteem/fear of rejection or the arrogant assumption that I’ve got things figured out better than the other person.
When talking to others about this sort of thing, I do find it really helpful to focus on my experiences more than my beliefs. I also find it wise to convey how I used to be much more mainstream (perhaps just like them) and was just as blown away by the things that happened to me as anyone else would be. This tends to diffuse any ego tension in such conversations because people will argue with general ideas but they can’t argue with what you say happened to you personally. Instead of getting defensive because they think I’m trying to convince them of something, when I just explain what happened to me, people tend to be more open.
Despite my careful approach, sometimes people do reject me for being strange or different from them. They don’t usually say that out right, but since I’m super sensitive, I know what they’re generally feeling. I’m the sort of person who wants everyone to like me, but I’ve learned that this desire is also rooted in ego, so I’ve learned to be at peace with rejection. (On the bright side, I figure being rejected saves me from continuing to try to connect with someone I wouldn’t want to spend any real time with anyway.)
If you find yourself feeling worried about what others think of you, you might view it as a red flag that you have an ego issue rearing its ugly head, and seize that opportunity to work on your relationship to yourself, which is far more important than any relationship you’ll have with another person. You’ll know that you’re free of ego issues when you can open up and share from the heart with respect for the other person’s feelings but no concern for how they may judge or perceive you.
– Soul Arcanum
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