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Dear Soul Arcanum: In a recent column, you advised the woman who wrote in to learn how to control her psychic sensitivity. Can you offer some specific tips or exercises on how to do so? I’m the caregiver for a disabled man who is deeply depressed, and some days I can set my own tone as you advised, but on other days, I end up feeling really down or out of sorts as soon as I cross the threshold into his house. I’ve thought about quitting this job but I figure it would be better to learn how to control my sensitivity.
Kate

Dear Kate:

I’m so glad you asked about this, for I never seem to have enough room in my column to go into as much detail as I’d like. Though most people aren’t conscious of it, this is a common issue for everyone except the most thick-skinned among us.

As anyone who nurtures others regularly will develop empathy, nurses, caregivers, counselors, etc., all tend to be empathic. This makes sense since trying to understand how other people feel exercises our empathy muscles. Further, people who are highly empathic tend to go into these fields because they feel others’ pain and want to help. (When you feel others’ feelings, it’s only natural to want others to feel great.)

I went through something like this not long ago with my teenage son. I was high on life and feeling wonderful in every way when he moved home from college because he was deeply depressed. At first I was fine, for even though I was channeling a lot of attention and energy to him, I had prepared myself and was remaining conscious of my own vibration. After he began to do better, however, I naturally relaxed.

Then one day I woke up and realized that I hadn’t felt like myself for a while. While I wasn’t depressed, I had become rather indifferent to things that usually mean a great deal to me. I pondered this for a while and could come up with no good reason why I should feel so blah when I am by nature an intense, passionate person. When I finally decided to meditate on it, I instantly realized that I wasn’t feeling like myself because I was feeling like my son!

I then remembered that I had actually asked to feel like him, though not in so many words. In order to better parent him, I kept trying to understand him. Even when he’s perfectly happy and healthy, he is by nature way more easygoing and laid back than I am, which makes it hard for me to relate to him sometimes.

When we try to understand others, we actively connect on an empathic level whether we realize it or not. I believe I do know how it feels to be my son now, for I’ve felt that way myself. As him, I don’t get worked up about anything. This means I don’t get upset or stressed but I also don’t get passionate or ambitious. Since I prefer to feel like me, I realized I had to take control of my own vibration.

We all connect empathically to others sometimes. I’m sure you’ve tried hard to understand how the man you care for feels and how difficult it must be to be in his shoes. While there are many things we can do to control our psychic sensitivity, when we lose ourselves in a relationship, usually just getting conscious of what is happening energetically will set us free. For example, as soon as I realized what was happening, I returned to feeling like myself again.

It helps to remember that the more time we spend with someone, the more likely we are to be influenced by their energy. Further, the closer we are to someone emotionally or the more we try to care for them or help them, the more likely we are to forge an empathic bond. We are therefore wise to pay attention and consciously cultivate our own vibration whenever we spend a lot of time with someone who is in any sort of distress, especially if we are trying to help them in some way.

Ideally, helpers have a higher, stronger vibration than those they help, but this isn’t a given. Further, trying to help someone who is deeply depressed can eventually weigh down even the sunniest caregiver. It’s sort of like trying to save someone who is drowning: the more hours you spend in the water with them, the harder it becomes to keep everyone afloat.

Usually the first sign that you’re losing control of your own vibration is the vague sense of not feeling like yourself. (When you don’t feel like yourself, odds are good that you are feeling like someone else.) Once you become aware that you feel different, you can usually pinpoint who you’re channeling and then take action to consciously deal with that bond in a healthier way.

Here are some things you might try:

First, consciously set your tone every morning. You can do this via meditation or some other spiritual practice like writing in a gratitude journal. The important thing is to get rooted in the positive vibration you desire.

Make your number one goal to feel good. You may or may not be able to help this man feel better, for there is only so much you can do. Remember that you feeling bad for him or others won’t help anyone, and make your first priority to stay in a high vibration yourself.

If you suddenly find your mood sinking for no apparent reason, break all empathic connections. You can do this whenever you are talking to someone or listening to something and you start to get upset. It’s especially effective when you are arguing with someone about something and they are trying to convince you to see things their way. All you have to do is set the strong intention of breaking your psychic connection with whomever or whatever is upsetting you, and then wave your hand/s vehemently in front of your torso. I usually go up and down between my heart chakra and my solar plexus chakra.

This can have a startlingly powerful effect. I’ve done it on the spot with someone who was arguing with me, and the sensation was almost physically tangible. If you fear you’ll freak someone out by doing this, you could excuse yourself (perhaps to go to the bathroom) and do it there. See all cords between you and others being snapped and wiped away. If you have no idea why a dark mood has suddenly come over you, this can still work. Just visualize that whatever or whomever is encroaching on your mood is being wiped away.

You can also shake off any unwanted energy like a dog would shake off water. Let your arms and hands and legs go crazy. It will feel really good! Blow your breath out forcefully, move however feels good to you, and imagine all those unwanted vibes flying off into the cosmos.

If someone tries to encroach on your energy after you do this, visualize yourself as a porcupine with quills of light. Send your energy outward through your spikes and then mosey contentedly on your way with confidence that you’re invulnerable.

After you break an empathic connection, consciously get centered in the vibration you desire again. See your own core essence within like a little light, and turn that light up and let it shine. See it growing from within you, glowing brighter, shining out through your skin, through your eyes, flowing out your hands. When we say that someone is glowing we mean that on some level, we perceive that they are radiating their own divine light like this. If your vibration is the strongest one in the vicinity, you will uplift the downtrodden instead of getting dragged down yourself, so let yourself shine!

– Soul Arcanum

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