I have been separated from my husband for two and a half years, but I still frequently dream of him coming back. In these dreams, instead of asking, he just walks back into my house and my life. I find myself angry and resentful about that, as I can’t tell him to go since I know the children want him there. I’ve had this dream frequently, with the story changing only slightly. In the most recent dreams, he comes back with his new wife’s children, the youngest of which is his own biological child. (In real life, they don’t have any children yet.) What is most upsetting is that I have these dreams when I pray to have good dreams that night. I can’t figure out why this is happening, as I don’t want him to come back because we are happier now that he’s gone. Many thanks! – Michelle
Dear Michelle:
This is a very common type of recurring dream, especially in people who have been separated or divorced. Whenever we end a major relationship, it’s normal to continue to dream about that person, which can be a bit unsettling.
Many people dream of their ex-spouses more than they dream of their current partners, especially when some big transition has taken place. For example, those who are newly divorced, who have just begun to date again, or are recently remarried tend to dream about their exes a lot. This only makes sense because there are all sorts of repressed feelings and issues that need to come to the surface to be processed, healed and released.
This is the common psychological explanation for what you’re experiencing, but there is a higher metaphysical purpose behind these recurring dreams as well. While they are guiding you to heal and resolve the painful feelings and issues you’ve carried from the end of your marriage, the reason you’re being nudged to do this goes beyond your well-being in this lifetime. Your soul is urging you to realize that this relationship is not really over and never will be, for you two have a timeless spiritual bond and a lot of work to do in clearing up the karma between you.
I strongly feel these dreams are foreshadowing that your ex will indeed come back into your experience – in future lives. Further, you can’t prevent this from happening, but you can work on making it the most positive experience possible for all concerned. The main thing to realize is that where you pick up with him next time around will depend on how you leave things this lifetime.
In fact, what you experience in a future life with him will be very similar to what you experienced in this life unless you make a conscious effort to create something different. Our unconscious minds are ever prompting us to repeat the same experiences time after time until we see the light and resolve old psychic wounds and issues. As a result, many people struggle with the same troubling relationships or problems lifetime after lifetime until they find the wisdom and strength to create something better.
Many of our most painful relationships are rooted past life issues that were never worked through, healed and resolved. By contrast, many relationships between soul mates
that seem easy, loving and rewarding for both partners arise from past life bonds in which the partners worked very hard to make their connection the best it could be.
In your dreams you know that your children want your ex there because on some level you know that their spiritual relationship to him is just as strong as yours, though most likely it is more pleasurable in nature. Since we reincarnate with the same people over and over again, to be with your children in other incarnations, you will also have to deal with your ex – even when you’re not directly pursuing growth and healing in your personal relationship to him.
It’s also highly likely that you have a strong karmic connection to his new wife and perhaps their past and future children. This only make sense, since he is obviously very central to your own journey, and anyone who is very central to his journey may have been in your own past lives.
For example, I have memories of being my husband’s ex-wife’s sister in a past incarnation, and sense that we may have an even deeper history together than my husband and I share. If you think about how people come into each other’s experience lifetime after lifetime, it only makes sense that this would happen. I always find it fascinating to meet the friends and family of people I sense I have known in other lives, for there are frequently all sorts of intense connections to be discovered.
I recently had the wonderful experience of facilitating healing in the relationship between my husband and his ex, and in large part, I was able to motivate them to reach for forgiveness by explaining to them that they would be together again in future lives and would pick up right where they left off. Since they both experienced tremendous emotional pain and suffering as a result of their relationship, they were both highly motivated to reach for something higher.
Also, despite what people may tell themselves, the pain of destructive relationships does not end with the break-up; it is just pushed aside until healing can occur. So while my husband and his ex believed they were happier apart, in fact, in the decades since the end of their marriage, both continually struggled with all sorts of heartaches, conflicts and dramas on both an inner and outer level as a direct result of all the anger and bitterness they carried for each other.
This is because deep psychic bonds don’t begin with a marriage ceremony or end with a divorce decree: they have an eternal life of their own. When people realize that relationships never truly end, they realize how wise it is to work on healing them and making them the best they can be.
It’s interesting to me that you’re getting these dreams when you pray to have good dreams that night. It seems your inner being is trying to tell you that if you want to have happier experiences now and in the future, then you must first work on healing and transforming whatever is heaviest, most painful, or darkest in your life. These dreams are showing you that the most powerful thing you can do to create new happiness in your life is to find a way to make peace with your ex.
After deeply painful experiences, it’s normal to feel like we need some time before we can forgive, and that’s fine – we are always free to do as we desire. However, it helps to know that until we heal the pain of the past, it will hold us back from fulfilling our highest dreams for peace, love and happiness.
We are led back time and time again to whatever is heaviest for us because that also happens to be the most powerful thing we could work on. When we summon the strength and the courage to tackle our darkest fears and heal our deepest wounds, we also tap into our greatest power to create big changes in our lives.
When the time is right and you feel ready, open your heart, mind and spirit to the possibility of truly healing this relationship. If you come from a place of humility, compassion, tolerance, honesty, integrity and faith, you will set yourself free to enjoy a much brighter future than your past in both this incarnation and all the other lives ahead of you.
– Soul Arcanum
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