Dear Soul Arcanum:
My brother-in-law in New Jersey died at home of a fatal heart attack on June 17. We have a strong bond: I am very dear to him and he has been very open about that with everyone in the family. He would always say that I am his favorite sister-in-law. A few days after he died, I believe I had an eerie encounter with him. (By the way, I am working in Qatar.) I was nearly asleep around 1:30 a.m. My eyes were closed when I felt something like a magnet pinning my body down, and an unexplainable feeling emanating from my body. Then I felt a kiss being planted on my head three times. I could even feel the breathing and my right hand was being caressed at the same time. I was so scared, I just kept my eyes shut and prayed the Lord’s Prayer, and then I felt my body being released. I strongly felt that it was my brother-in-law saying goodbye to me. I called up my sister (his wife) and my parents and really cried, as this had frightened me so much. Am I correct in my assumption that it was really him? I have been through a lot, and my sister told me that he was always very concerned about my well-being.
Evelyn
Dear Evelyn:
Your letter reminded that we can hear all sorts of stories about spiritual experiences, but we won’t begin to truly believe until we have our own personal encounter – and that’s how it should be. Once we DO have our own experience, however, it’s imperative that we trust in our own perceptions.
I believe that what you experienced was exactly what you think it was: a visit from your beloved brother-in-law at the time of his death. This sort of thing is surprisingly common. In fact, it’s estimated that between 20 – 40% of people in the U.S. have had personal spontaneous contact from a deceased loved one. For more information, check out the work of Bill and Judy Guggenheim or the After Death Communication Research Foundation.
That he visited at the time he was leaving this world makes sense, for often spirits will visit someone they loved in order to say good-bye or let them know that they have died. Physical distance is no obstacle: many people have been halfway around the world from the dying person who visited them.
Interestingly, I’ve had your question slated for publication for about a month now, yet just a few days ago a friend of mine experienced something similar. Her beloved uncle was dying from cancer but he was expected to live for another day or two. She was at home when suddenly books flew off the shelf, two bedroom doors slammed, and her kitchen light turned on and then off again. She began to talk out loud to her uncle, asking if that was him. That’s when her phone rang: it was family calling to tell her that her uncle had just passed.
There are many ways that spirits may appear after their deaths. I believe that these forms are determined by a combination of the proclivities of the spirit and the living person. For example, a spirit who was very physical in life may make his presence known through a touch, as your brother-in-law did. Someone who was very auditory may be heard to speak either out loud or telepathically, while someone who was very visual may be perceived as an apparition.
At the same time, those who perceive spirits will experience visitations in their own way. Of course, it is generally those who are psychically open and sensitive who have such experiences to begin with. Sometimes spirits target those who are sensitive right off the bat, while other times spirits try to come through to all their loved ones but quickly figure out that some people are able to perceive them while others are oblivious to their presence. They then naturally focus on the sensitive ones in hopes of getting a message through to the whole gang.
Some encounters are entirely visual; spirits may even try to communicate a message through sign language. Similarly, some visits are just auditory: a voice heard is out loud or in one’s head. Other experiences are kinesthetic in that one feels a presence or a touch. Many visits are combinations of the various psychic senses. For example, someone may feel a pat on the leg and hear the spirit’s voice in her head, while another may smell the spirit’s favorite cologne and sense their presence.
It doesn’t surprise me one bit that you saw your brother-in-law while you were falling asleep. Being in a trancelike state greatly facilitates spirit communication because we’re not focused on the physical dimension and our minds are awake but quiet and receptive. I believe this is why so many visitations involve spirits standing at the foot of the bed: It’s not that spirits want to scare us in the middle of the night, but rather that we are more able to perceive them when we’re sleepy.
Just as there are many ways spirits can communicate, there are many reasons they may do so as well. Spirits who visit around the time of their deaths may be trying to say good-bye, inform us of their passing, or in the case of murder victims, try to let someone know what happened so that justice can be served. Usually, spirits just want us to know that they are okay: that we needn’t worry about them; that they are happy where they are; that they feel no more pain or suffering; and that they want us to be happy and go on with our lives. Sometimes spirits have information to relay, such as where hidden money, important papers or other treasures can be found.
When spirits visit a number of years after they died, they may be trying to give us advice or warn us of danger. For example, grandparents have been known to warn parents that a baby is choking or that a child is in trouble. Spirits have warned people that the house was on fire, that they shouldn’t go on a certain trip, or that they should lock their doors and windows to protect themselves from a prowler.
Before closing, I must mention that I feel you and your brother-in-law have a deep karmic bond. I’m sure you two were close because you shared a lot of love in past lives. Since we incarnate with the same souls over and over again, it can be fascinating to study family dynamics. When two family members share an inexplicably close bond, it’s often because they grew close in other lifetimes. This would make your brother-in-law a key member of your soul family – perhaps much more important to you on a soul level than either of you consciously realized – so it’s understandable that he would come to say goodbye to you.
This visit was a great gift for you and the rest of the family above and beyond the love that was conveyed. It is personal experiences like this that break open people’s belief systems and launch them on conscious spiritual journeys. As there is nothing more important or rewarding than that, I urge you to give thanks for his visit, and encourage you to explore the big questions it has raised for you. Also, as you move forward on this new spiritual adventure, please trust your own perceptions and intuitions whether they jibe with what you’ve been taught is real and possible or not.
– Soul Arcanum
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