Dear Soul Arcanum:
I was once married to a man I trusted, who turned out to be a con man. When he became not only verbally/ emotionally abusive, but also physically abusive, I left him. He was able to steal a vast sum of money from me, and reaped great financial rewards during the marriage and after the divorce. Though he was arrested, he has gotten away with paying less child support than he should. He even rigged my car to break down! I traded it in, and he bought it back! He has married very well (she is exactly like me), taken many vacations, lives in an extravagant home, etc. Whatever happened to “what goes around, comes around?” On the positive side, God blessed me with two angelic daughters. I have a nice home, but it’s very modest compared to what I lived in before. Best of all, I am free and far happier now. He is certainly an angry, negative, miserable person to be around most of the time. (This is my opinion, as well as that of his awesome wife, who confided in me.) He has also had a host of health problems. I grapple constantly with trying to let this all go, as it is affecting the wonderful relationship I’m in now. Please tell me how I can feel better about this situation.
– L.M.C.
Dear L.M.C.:
Let’s see: you’re happy, in a wonderful new relationship, and enjoying the sweet daughters born of this marriage. Meanwhile, your ex is miserable, angry, suffering, and disliked by his own wife. You feel good about yourself, for you maintained your integrity throughout this relationship. Meanwhile, he has walked through tremendous stress, and despite the big house and grand vacations, he’s far from happy. It certainly sounds to me like “what goes around, comes around” is working just fine, my dear!
There is one thing about manifesting that is often confusing when we observe others’ experiences: you don’t have to be “nice” to manifest what you want in life – you just have to feel that you deserve it, focus on it, and expect it to come to you. Thus we can all see people who are not the “nicest” folks around manifesting wealth, status, beauty, etc. If you really think about it, equating worldly things with happiness is usually a sign that someone is not all that evolved anyway. Someone wiser would more likely focus on manifesting love, true friendship, spiritual growth, deep well-being and joy – not sports cars and mansions.
If we look deeper, however, we discover that everyone does manifest the QUALITY of life experience that they give to others. What we send out comes back to us; what we focus upon expands, whether we desire it for ourselves or for someone else. Thus people who focus on doing the right thing and on bringing others joy and happiness will have a generally happy life, while those who desire revenge or to take advantage of others will tend to feel persecuted and cheated by life no matter how much wealth they are able to manifest.
I do understand your struggle. It can be maddening to treat others with kindness and integrity, only to have them take advantage of our trust. This is especially difficult with ex-spouses. Many years of observation have taught me that divorce has extraordinary power to bring out the worst in people.
I can assure you, however, that even with divorce, spiritual law always creates balance eventually. Time and time again, I’ve seen people who aim high manifesting higher experiences, and people who aim low manifesting lower experiences. The “bad guys” may seem to win the battle of the moment, but then find themselves in a horrible war long-term, while we move on to new peace and happiness.
Let’s look at someone else’s divorce situation as an example. I have had the enlightening opportunity to closely watch a couple go through a divorce scenario that is all too common these days. After the initial uproar and upset, the individuals involved settled into two very different camps. While the husband was determined to be fair and get along for the sake of the kids, the wife was bitter and demanding. When he stood up for himself and refused to let her order him around, she began an ugly campaign against him. She told the kids that he was the cause of all her problems, and she basically tried to turn them against him. In order to win them over, she removed all rules and limits on her teen’s behavior.
At first, the victim seemed to be primarily the husband, who was maligned and disempowered as a parent, and had to stand by and watch his kids struggle through all sorts of trouble: drugs, promiscuity, crime, school failure, nasty attitudes, etc. As they could always choose to live with mom, there wasn’t anything he could do about it. The secondary victims, of course, were the kids themselves, whose mother’s ego issues prevented her from providing the guidance and boundaries they needed to enjoy health, success, happiness and well-being.
In the end, however, it was clear that the one to suffer the most was the mother herself. She is the one who ended up living in a house full of juvenile delinquents who may have “liked” her permissiveness, but certainly showed her no respect. The stole from her, lied to her, threatened her with physical violence, etc. While she may have won her popularity contest, she got far more than she bargained for.
While this woman and her children were enmeshed in one harrowing drama after another, the husband did the only thing he could do: he simply focused on living by his own higher standards, and soon, many great new blessings began to flow into his life. While at first he looked like the victim of his ex-wife’s crazy campaign, in time we can see how he was actually spared the stress of living with his teens when they were downright obnoxious. As they learn and grow, his children are starting to see the truth of the whole experience, and how in being “strict,” he was trying to love and protect them.
I relay this story because often, it’s easier to objectively observe someone else’s life. Hopefully, it illustrates how eventually, integrity DOES pay. This carries over into all sorts of relationships, of course. If a good employee is treated unfairly and is fired or quits, the management loses a good worker, and the employee ends up with a better job. If we look at any situation with enough distance/ perspective, eventually we see that what goes around DOES come around.
Further, those who conquer their negative feelings in order to take the “high road” are rewarded with blessings far more valuable than houses and vacations: they retain their self-respect, the respect of others, and a clear conscience. When they are able to forgive those who have “abused” them, they also enjoy a sense of inner peace and the freedom to enjoy new happiness.
Ask yourself which you think would be easier: for you to forgive your ex, or if you WERE him, for you to forgive yourself for all that he has done. You would not trade places with him for a huge home or great vacation. When you can find compassion for all he suffers due to his spiritual ignorance and his inability to conquer his monstrous ego, your heart will be cleansed of bitterness, and you will be at peace with all that has happened.
No matter how much his outer world may sparkle, on the inside, it’s so much darker than your own. Try to find compassion for him and pray for him to find the light, so you can complete this learning experience and truly enjoy your many blessings.
– Soul Arcanum
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