Category: Relationships


Startling Parallels in Karmic Soul Connections

Filed Under: Energy/Vibration, Past Lives, Reincarnation, Relationships, Strange Phenomena by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Startling Parallels in Karmic Soul Connections

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

It has been a very long road since my husband John’s death, and now that I’ve moved on and found new love, I’ve been trying to figure out how my husband John and boyfriend Michael are connected, for they have many similarities in terms of their likes, expressions and even some aspects of the way they look. I didn’t see any of this upon first meeting Michael, but I did feel an instant sense of recognition. Since then, I’ve been trying to figure out the connection, and after reading some of your articles, it dawned on me that the three of us may have been one soul before, and now we’ve divided into different bodies. Do you think that’s possible? Thanks for sharing your light!
– T.

Dear T.

You’ve reminded me of something strange that happened to me a long time ago. I haven’t told anyone about this before because it’s pretty far out.

My first love, Todd, was on the short side and very stocky/muscular. He had a strong jaw and an unusual scar on his right shoulder. It’s called a keloid scar, and it looked like a raised, reddish bubble about the size of a grape. He was very into rock and roll, and was in a rock band. Though he hid it from everyone (including me), he also had a major problem with drug and alcohol addiction. He was born on January 16, 1967.

Todd died very unexpectedly at the age of 18, and it was due to the incredible experiences I had around the time of his death that I began to question the nature of reality and ponder some big spiritual questions.

I left for college about 18 months after he died, and was placed in a dorm room right next door to that of a young man named Dan. I felt a very strong karmic connection to Dan right away. Here’s where things bend so far beyond the scope of coincidence that any sane, reasonable person has to wonder what the heck is going on.

Dan had the same stocky build Todd had had, the same strong jaw, and he was also into rock and roll. In fact, he played a mean electric guitar, which was really unusual at the very conservative university we were attending. I was soon to learn that Dan also had a serious alcohol addiction.

As I mentioned, I felt a very strong connection to him and he seemed to feel an equally strong attraction to me. We soon became lovers, and that’s when I discovered that he had a scar on his right shoulder that was identical to the one Todd had had in the same place. I could feel something strange rippling beneath the surface here, and without consciously thinking about it, I found myself asking him when he was born.

When he told me he was born on January 16, 1967 – the exact same day that Todd was born – my mind was just totally blown. As I tried to wrap my head around all these amazing parallels, I remembered something that Todd’s mother had told me the first time I met her. At that time it had been a subject of mild interest, but now it was like a flashing neon sign in my mind. She’d told me that Todd was her “miracle baby” because he’d had a twin who had died in the womb.

While I knew this was a really far out idea, I naturally began to wonder if Dan could be Todd’s twin somehow. Perhaps they had intended to be born to the same mother, but then Dan decided that a different body and family situation would better serve his soul’s needs.

I’ve since studied a lot of past life regression research and learned that people who are regressed to the period between lives consistently report that we have a choice about the bodies and families we’ll be born into. However, there are only so many bodies available, so we have to try to find the best fit for us given various factors. If something went wrong with the body of the twin, Dan may have had to find an alternative. Of course, it’s possible that he changed his mind first and when he withdrew his life force energy, the body of the twin stopped growing.

I certainly felt a very strong sense of connection to both of these young men the instant I met them, though at that time, I didn’t know what that strange feeling was. I now believe that our deep karmic connection naturally drew us into each other’s experience again.

As for how all of this may work, when I ponder the idea of reincarnation, I keep returning to a model of the incarnating soul that mirrors biological cellular division. We know that living cells divide into new “incarnations,” which divide into further incarnations, so it makes sense to me to assume that the metaphysical mirrors the physical, and that the same dynamic happens on a spiritual level.

This model resonates with me for many reasons. In fact, it explains all sorts of phenomena. For example:

  • It’s in harmony with the notion that “God” is both our Source and is everywhere and in everything.

 

  • It explains the universal spiritual teaching that we are all ultimately One: all from one Source and all connected on some level. Just as the cells in our bodies have all grown from the same fertilized egg, our souls have all grown from the same Divine spirit.

 

  • It explains how more than one person could remember living the same past life, that incarnation having occurred before that spirit divided into more spirits. It also illuminates the dynamic behind the notion of spiritual families, the members of which would be more directly or recently descended from the same ancestor spirits.

 

  • It explains the keen sense of connection and recognition we feel with some people, these being those we were more recently at one with.

 

  • It explains how reincarnation could be true despite the fact that the population of the planet is increasing, for there are ever more souls to incarnate than there used to be.

 

  • It jibes with our awareness that on a spiritual level, we are immortal, for we are forever expanding into new experiences, world without end. It is our nature to go forth and multiply. It also mirrors our awareness that the Universe is ever expanding.

If your mind can handle a bit more stretching, try this on for size: perhaps to each cell in our bodies, the whole of who we are is “God,” and similarly, what we consider to be God is a living entity of which we are a tiny aspect. The microcosm mirrors the macrocosm.

I don’t know that this is how it works, of course – no one can say for sure. It’s just a mental model that may explain some of the strange things we experience in karmic relationships.

– Soul Arcanum

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Startling Parallels in Karmic Soul Connections

Filed Under: Destiny/Higher Plan, Relationships, Strange Phenomena by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Startling Parallels in Karmic Soul Connections

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

It has been a very long road since my husband John’s death, and now that I’ve moved on and found new love, I’ve been trying to figure out how my husband John and boyfriend Michael are connected, for they have many similarities in terms of their likes, expressions and even some aspects of the way they look. I didn’t see any of this upon first meeting Michael, but I did feel an instant sense of recognition. Since then, I’ve been trying to figure out the connection, and after reading some of your articles, it dawned on me that the three of us may have been one soul before, and now we’ve divided into different bodies. Do you think that’s possible? Thanks for sharing your light!
– T.

Dear T.

You’ve reminded me of something strange that happened to me a long time ago. I haven’t told anyone about this before because it’s pretty far out.

My first love, Todd, was on the short side and very stocky/muscular. He had a strong jaw and an unusual scar on his right shoulder. It’s called a keloid scar, and it looked like a raised, reddish bubble about the size of a grape. He was very into rock and roll, and was in a rock band. Though he hid it from everyone (including me), he also had a major problem with drug and alcohol addiction. He was born on January 16, 1967.

Todd died very unexpectedly at the age of 18, and it was due to the incredible experiences I had around the time of his death that I began to question the nature of reality and ponder some big spiritual questions.

I left for college about 18 months after he died, and was placed in a dorm room right next door to that of a young man named Dan. I felt a very strong karmic connection to Dan right away. Here’s where things bend so far beyond the scope of coincidence that any sane, reasonable person has to wonder what the heck is going on.

Dan had the same stocky build Todd had had, the same strong jaw, and he was also into rock and roll. In fact, he played a mean electric guitar, which was really unusual at the very conservative university we were attending. I was soon to learn that Dan also had a serious alcohol addiction.

As I mentioned, I felt a very strong connection to him and he seemed to feel an equally strong attraction to me. We soon became lovers, and that’s when I discovered that he had a scar on his right shoulder that was identical to the one Todd had had in the same place. I could feel something strange rippling beneath the surface here, and without consciously thinking about it, I found myself asking him when he was born.

When he told me he was born on January 16, 1967 – the exact same day that Todd was born – my mind was just totally blown. As I tried to wrap my head around all these amazing parallels, I remembered something that Todd’s mother had told me the first time I met her. At that time it had been a subject of mild interest, but now it was like a flashing neon sign in my mind. She’d told me that Todd was her “miracle baby” because he’d had a twin who had died in the womb.

While I knew this was a really far out idea, I naturally began to wonder if Dan could be Todd’s twin somehow. Perhaps they had intended to be born to the same mother, but then Dan decided that a different body and family situation would better serve his soul’s needs.

I’ve since studied a lot of past life regression research and learned that people who are regressed to the period between lives consistently report that we have a choice about the bodies and families we’ll be born into. However, there are only so many bodies available, so we have to try to find the best fit for us given various factors. If something went wrong with the body of the twin, Dan may have had to find an alternative. Of course, it’s possible that he changed his mind first and when he withdrew his life force energy, the body of the twin stopped growing.

I certainly felt a very strong sense of connection to both of these young men the instant I met them, though at that time, I didn’t know what that strange feeling was. I now believe that our deep karmic connection naturally drew us into each other’s experience again.

As for how all of this may work, when I ponder the idea of reincarnation, I keep returning to a model of the incarnating soul that mirrors biological cellular division. We know that living cells divide into new “incarnations,” which divide into further incarnations, so it makes sense to me to assume that the metaphysical mirrors the physical, and that the same dynamic happens on a spiritual level.

This model resonates with me for many reasons. In fact, it explains all sorts of phenomena. For example:

  • It’s in harmony with the notion that “God” is both our Source and is everywhere and in everything.
  •  It explains the universal spiritual teaching that we are all ultimately One: all from one Source and all connected on some level. Just as the cells in our bodies have all grown from the same fertilized egg, our souls have all grown from the same Divine spirit.
  •  It explains how more than one person could remember living the same past life, that incarnation having occurred before that spirit divided into more spirits. It also illuminates the dynamic behind the notion of spiritual families, the members of which would be more directly or recently descended from the same ancestor spirits.
  •  It explains the keen sense of connection and recognition we feel with some people, these being those we were more recently at one with.
  •  It explains how reincarnation could be true despite the fact that the population of the planet is increasing, for there are ever more souls to incarnate than there used to be.
  •  It jibes with our awareness that on a spiritual level, we are immortal, for we are forever expanding into new experiences, world without end. It is our nature to go forth and multiply. It also mirrors our awareness that the Universe is ever expanding.

If your mind can handle a bit more stretching, try this on for size: perhaps to each cell in our bodies, the whole of who we are is “God,” and similarly, what we consider to be God is a living entity of which we are a tiny aspect. The microcosm mirrors the macrocosm.

I don’t know that this is how it works, of course – no one can say for sure. It’s just a mental model that may explain some of the strange things we experience in karmic relationships.

– Soul Arcanum

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Cultivating Peace Despite Religious Differences

Filed Under: Emotional Well-being, Relationships, Spiritual Growth by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Cultivating Peace Despite Religious Differences

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

Though my husband didn’t practice any religion when I married him, I converted to his family’s faith because he and his family wanted it that way. I started practicing, reading, and also sharing my new knowledge with my husband, and while he was always happy to hear what I had to say, he took no personal interest in religion for a long time. I put so much into this: I observed all the rituals, recited prayers for hours, fasted, etc., and all on my own. This went on for about 6-7 years. Then my sister took her own life, and the people in my new religion were so condemning and hard-hearted about it, while the people from my old religion came forward to support me with comfort and understanding. At that time, I returned to my old beliefs and stopped practicing the new religion. It’s now some 20 years later and my husband has become religious, which I think is good. However, I have been through a lot since we first married, and I have come to my own understanding of God and my own spiritual beliefs. Now my husband is upset and disappointed in me because I’m not following him in his religion. I should mention that my father was Hindu, my mother was Christian, and my husband is Muslim. I feel like a mixture of all these paths. I see it all, I feel it all, I am all-embracing of them for I feel that in essence, they all teach the same thing. What I don’t know is how to handle the impact this is having on key relationships in my life.
– Kiran

Dear Kiran:

I understand that you’re from a different cultural background than I am, and I apologize in advance if some of my advice just isn’t practical for you. Also, I don’t wish to ignite a theological debate. There is nothing more sacred and personal than our relationship to the Divine, so I don’t believe it’s ever wise or fruitful to argue about spiritual matters. As each human being is as sacred and divine as any other, I would never try to tell others what to believe.

It can be very hard to maintain peace and harmony if we allow religious differences to enter into relationships. Since most religions teach that their God is the one and only true God and their way is the only right and true way, instead of promoting peace on Earth, religion tends to promote physical, emotional, and spiritual violence. (When we try to push our spiritual views on other people, we violate their sacred relationship with the Divine.)

Many people aren’t yet capable of exercising the sociological imagination required to realize that if they had been born into a different culture, they would probably believe just as strongly in the particular religious views of that society as they do in their current beliefs. When they finally manage to do this, they naturally begin to doubt that their religion is the only true one, which makes them more open-minded, tolerant and respectful of others’ beliefs. As they spiritually evolve, everyone naturally grows more compassionate, intelligent, and self-referencing, and at some point, sheds the mindless, impersonal dogma of organized religion for a personal spiritual path.

While your goal may be to create harmony in your marriage despite the spiritual differences between you and other family members, it sounds like your husband is still a number of steps behind you, following the rules as laid out for him by forces far removed from his direct personal experience. So while there is common ground you could meet him on, getting your husband to work with you if he’s not yet ready for a higher approach may be very frustrating.

The key lies in your wise statement that all major religions teach the same basic things (including the religion he identifies with), the most basic teaching of all being the Golden Rule.

Christianity teaches: As ye would that men should do to you, do ye also to them likewise. (Luke 6:31)
For Hindus, it’s worded: This is the sum of duty: do not do to others what would cause pain if done to you. (Mahabharata 5:1517)
In Islam, this is the teaching: None of you truly believes until he loves for his brother what he loves for himself. (Muhammad, Hadith 13 of al-Nawawi’s Forty Hadith)

Clearly, unless your husband is also willing to adopt your personal spiritual beliefs and practices, he isn’t loving for you what he loves for himself: the freedom to worship as he believes is right and best for him. If you can get him to practice the Golden Rule with you, you should be able to create a loving, respectful, happy marriage despite the religious differences between you.

Even if he can’t see the obvious here, there are things you can do to cultivate harmony in this relationship, for you’re operating from a higher vibration and have a great deal of power to influence your own life and the people around you.

First, remember that you are the creator of your own reality and can manifest what you want. Whatever you focus upon and expect will expand in your experience, so worrying about others being displeased with you will just manifest problems.

Don’t debate religious issues with anyone you want to get along with, for then you’ll get caught up in endless arguments over semantics, which will just promote conflict and waste your time and energy. Instead of debating ideas, I recommend working with the law of attraction and radiating love.

There are infinite processes and exercises available for consciously creating what you want in your life. In essence, you’ll want to visualize this relationship feeling just the way you want it to feel and send your husband the accepting, respectful, tolerant vibes you want to receive from him via your heart and mind. Imagine the two of you interacting in wonderful new ways, and how good that will feel.

To rise above all the surface differences and connect on a soul level with anyone, all you have to do is radiate love with faith in its healing power. Regardless of their religious beliefs, all people crave and revere love as divine in nature, for love has the power to conquer all, heal all and endure all.

Just flow love to your husband from your heart. If you can radiate love and divine light even when he is coming from a place of fear or judgment because of your religious differences, you’ll be able to work healing miracles in this situation.

Whenever you allow yourself to get caught up in worrying about what other people think about your religious beliefs and practices, your vibration will sink and you’ll manifest more conflict, which will remind you to pay attention to where you’re investing your mental and emotional energy. When you love yourself just the way you are and love others similarly, you’ll sail above all those abstract debates and manifest whatever you want and need to be happy. The details won’t matter anymore because you’ll be in sync with love and harmony, so that is what you’ll create and experience.

To begin to shift this situation toward harmony, develop the habit of stopping whenever things don’t feel good and praying within for Spirit’s guidance. If you remember to focus on what you want to create and radiate love from your heart, you’ll be amazed at how quickly you can transform heavy conflicts into bright new blessings.

– Soul Arcanum

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When Family Members Clash over Spiritual Beliefs

Filed Under: Relationships, Spiritual Growth by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on When Family Members Clash over Spiritual Beliefs

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

My younger sister and I are both Pisces; we were born on the same day four years apart. However, our spiritual paths are completely different, and we’ve shared some pretty heavy-duty emails back and forth recently. She’s a very strict Catholic who goes by the book, and she thinks that because I accept the theory of reincarnation, practice yoga and meditation, believe that we are all part of God and there is life on other planets, etc., I am doomed to go to hell. She also believes the devil influenced my decision to leave the Church over thirty years ago. I’m hoping to move much further away from her soon because I really don’t feel comfortable around her anymore. In my last email to her, I suggested we just drop the subject entirely. I would love to be able to discuss spiritual issues with her, but alas, I don’t see that happening anytime soon. Do you think she’ll ever question her present spiritual beliefs? I fear our recent tiff over religion may have done some serious damage to our friendship. Thanks for your thoughts on this! – Kay

Dear Kay:

I feel your pain, my friend. My father was a wonderful, devoted parent and a sharp, educated, formidable debate opponent. He also thought everything psychic or paranormal was totally crazy. While he didn’t think these subjects were the work of the devil, he couldn’t even hear someone mention something along these lines without rolling his eyes and changing the subject.

I lived to please my father, so I learned early on to avoid bringing up anything related to spirituality. Given who I am and what I do for a living, you might wonder how we could have had a good relationship if we avoided discussing everything I am about, but we did – we enjoyed an extraordinarily close, harmonious bond. I believe this is because we both avoided talking about spiritual matters. Toward the end of his life, he actually came around a bit, and this meant so much more to me than if he had been behind me all along, for I knew that his respect was hard won.

Some topics are almost guaranteed to spark conflict. I avoid discussing politics and religion with family, since unlike friends, family members are part of our lives whether we like it or not. In fact, I don’t bring up my spiritual beliefs to anyone but known kindred spirits. Take it from me, you CAN have a great relationship with someone even if you have very different spiritual beliefs and never discuss that area of your lives.

Regarding the role of astrology here, we must remember that just because two people have the same sun sign or birthday, that doesn’t mean they’ll be just alike. The whole chart must be taken into account along with other variables such as present and past life experiences, free will, level of spiritual development, etc.

Pisces are generally very spiritual, open-minded, sensitive and compassionate. You two are similar in that you both have some very strong spiritual beliefs. One of Pisces’ greatest desires is to feel understood, and I sense that both you and your sister want to feel understood and accepted by the other.

You’re also dealing with a key turning point in every spiritual journey when people shift from looking outside themselves for support and direction to looking first and foremost within. We all eventually realize that we are co-creators with God, but when this idea is new to us, it can really flip us out.

Many people who cling to traditional religions are really attached to the idea that there are people and supernatural beings who are wiser and more powerful than they are who are in charge of making sure everything is okay. These people need to believe that if they follow a few basic rules, everything will work out and they’ll go to heaven one day. They don’t trust their own judgment or ability to create their own reality yet. Our goal is to have compassion for these folks and to assume that they are where they need to be and will open up to new possibilities when they are ready.

I feel you two may also be simply acting out the dramatic clash between old religious traditions v. new spiritual thinking that is happening on a global level. As Pisces you’re both very sensitive, so you may be more vulnerable to this sort acting out than most people. To break free, you just need to get conscious of what is happening and choose what is important to you personally. It sounds like this is what you’re in the process of doing by trying to let go of this debate.

This is a time of unprecedented accelerated planetary change. In the past 100 years or so, humankind has developed the ability to quickly travel to any spot around the globe and to instantly connect with people from other cultures via the internet, television, etc. This has exposed many people to new beliefs and spiritual practices. A century ago, most people identified with their own country and lived their whole lives in one religious community, while now we are all rocketing toward global unity and cosmic consciousness.

Because this is happening so quickly, many people who are uncomfortable with these changes are really struggling. They’re stressed, anxious and afraid, and as a result, they cling to tradition. Their fear has fueled a resurgence of religious fundamentalism. Instead of debating or criticizing these people, we’re wise to recognize their fear and try to find compassion for them.

As for your own part in this conflict, whenever you have an emotional reaction to anything that someone says to or about you, you can be sure they have pushed one of your ego’s buttons. By contrast, when you’re centered in your higher self, you won’t take anything anyone says personally, and won’t feel threatened by any particular idea.

Deep down, everyone who is intelligent has some doubts about their spiritual beliefs, for these are not matters that anyone can be sure about. Since you grew up in the Catholic Church, you may have some old programs running in the background that make you feel a bit anxious about your new spirituality. This is entirely natural. Even I sometimes look at everything I believe based on my own experiences and wonder if I’m out of my mind! This sort of doubt is healthy. My point is if you feel defensive in any way, it’s an opportunity for you to work through whatever issues may be lurking in the background of your psyche.

Since we can’t convince anyone of anything until they’re ready, there is no point in arguing about others’ personal beliefs. It sounds to me like you and your sister have lost sight of your priorities in this relationship. If what you want is a good debate, then challenging each others’ spiritual beliefs is almost guaranteed to reward you. If instead you want relationship harmony, you’d be wise to save such discussions for your spiritual family.

To turn this relationship around, you might start by giving your sister all you hope to receive: Embrace who she really is, communicate your respect for her views, and tell her that you don’t want your differences to come between you. If you put love first, love will follow.

– Soul Arcanum

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Shifting into a Higher Level of Fulfillment in Love

Filed Under: Emotional Well-being, Karma, Law of Attraction, Manifesting, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Shifting into a Higher Level of Fulfillment in Love

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
Dear Soul Arcanum:

My name is Anne. Glenn is a man that I have been involved with on and off for the last two and a half years. Our relationship has been very stormy and painful for me. When I learned that I had breast cancer in March of 2006, he suddenly moved away. Basically he was running away from my pain. I went through treatment and am now fine. In February he called me and we talked for the first time in almost a year. In March, he came out for business and we saw each other. We ended up being intimate, which kicked up my attachment again. Our relationship revolved around sex. I wanted a lot more and I felt emotionally starved, yet I couldn’t walk away. I was in denial of the truth – that he wanted me on his own terms, and he couldn’t get too close. I always feel that I somehow want to make it right between us, but I don’t even know what that means. I don’t know how to let go. He has such a strong hold on my heart. He is a great artist and has a powerful shamanic side. I am so attracted to that part of him and the sexual connection is so powerful that I find it wrenching to end all contact, yet I feel that’s the only way to move on and hopefully find a true soul mate. Do you have any advice for me on this painful situation? Many blessings to you! – Anne

Dear Anne:

I chose your question because your struggle is such a common one. I frequently hear from women who are suffering from unrequited love, who can’t seem to get over a certain relationship, or who feel miserably, karmically bound to someone and can’t break free no matter what they do. It can happen to a man, but it’s not nearly as common.

There is a very powerful biological reason that women and men generally approach sex and romantic commitment very differently. It’s not just because they were raised in cultures that taught them to be different – those cultural norms arose from biological realities. The fact is that women have far more at stake in sexual relations than men do: if they get pregnant, they take on the greatest challenge and responsibility I can imagine – that of caring for a new life.

This may also be why women’s bodies respond differently to the sex act than men’s do. Whether a woman is in love with her partner or has just met him at a bar, during orgasm, hormones will flood her body that make her feel like she is falling in love. This doesn’t happen with men, so when it comes to having sex, women have far more at stake on all levels: physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. It is thus wise for women to wait until they know a man well and have established that they want the same things in a relationship before getting physically intimate.

On a metaphysical level, our auras reflect what is happening in our bodies. Just as having sex with someone will cause a flood of physical changes, we create energetic ties to that person in our auras. The more we feed those cords of connection through further contact and thinking of that person with love, longing, or other strong emotions, the stronger those cords get.

When women experience a surge of hormones that makes them feel like they’re falling in love after sex, they begin to feed those cords mental and emotional energy, which in turn causes another flood of those hormones, for what we experience in our minds affects our bodies. This creates a cyclic loop that can lead to a state of obsession. Because the hormones involved are so pleasurable, it’s like being addicted to something like cocaine. Since men generally aren’t experiencing anything like this, it’s easier for them to break things off or move on.

On a spiritual level, many people find lovers who are somewhat hard to get extra appealing, and most of the time, it’s because they have some self-esteem issues they are in the process of working out. Part of developing self-love and wisdom involves recognizing that just because someone doesn’t seem to want us as much as we want them, that doesn’t mean that they are better than we are. These sorts of relationship experiences generally lead us through some deep pain, but on the other side, we end up affirming our worthiness of something better.

Whenever someone continues to go back for more from a relationship where their partner repeatedly fails to consider their needs, betrays them, abandons them in a time of need, or makes them feel they’re not important to them, you can be sure there are self-esteem issues involved.

Often when we are in relationship to someone who has better self-esteem than we do – someone who allows himself to want what he wants and live as he chooses – we are attracted not so much to who he is as a person, but to his self-esteem. We want to feel good enough about ourselves to honor our true needs and desires as he does.

We’re also strongly attracted to people who are living dreams we want to live ourselves. It sounds to me like you would like to be an artist and a shaman, and would like to feel less needy in relationships, just like Glenn. THOSE are the things you’re really in lust with, my friend!

These sorts of relationships don’t come into our lives to fulfill our desire for a perfect partner, but to help us realize our own potential. This happens in an organic way because we are naturally attracted to people who embody what we are longing to become or are in the process of working on.

My advice is to let go of needing this to be more than it wants to be, and take the best of what it has to offer you. In this case, I feel that means allowing this relationship to illuminate your own needs and desires, and how you might begin to honor those better. It will really help if you replace all the exciting feelings you have about Glenn with other things that turn you on, so get involved in your own art, in exploring shamanism, or some other personal passion.

If you want a partner who is passionately into you, let yourself have that instead of trying to be happy with a man who doesn’t want what you want and isn’t willing to compromise on his desires. Once you’ve learned whatever this relationship has to teach you, you will have awakened new potential in this area of your life, and will naturally attract a relationship experience that is better suited to you. You may then begin to work on some other life lesson, and be able to enjoy a healthy, loving relationship with a man while you do so.

Basically, once you love YOURSELF the way you want to be loved, you will attract a partner who loves and honors your true desires and feelings similarly. Just focus on how you want to feel about yourself and your love life, and allow whoever is the best match to your desires to flow into your life and your heart.

I do understand your desire to make things right. I always want everyone to be happy and at peace with me too, but we can’t control how other people feel. All we can do is be lovingly honest about how we feel and what we need to do to take good care of ourselves, while at the same time making it clear that we honor the other person’s need to do the same. Even if others don’t share our feelings or our preferences for the way things turn out, we’ll be at peace, for we’ll know we’ve done all we could do given the divine truth we found in our own hearts.

– Soul Arcanum

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Learning to Trust: the Ultimate Spiritual Challenge

Filed Under: Emotional Well-being, Healing, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Learning to Trust: the Ultimate Spiritual Challenge

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
Dear Soul Arcanum:

In a recent column, you wrote that we have no need to hide or protect ourselves or our secrets from other people out of a desire to be loved and accepted. While I want to believe you, I keep thinking that not everyone is going to respond in a loving way. Don’t you know that people can be petty and indiscreet? It would be wonderful if everyone was loving and spiritual, but that hasn’t been my experience. I think it’s normal for us to put on a facade in order to protect ourselves from people who may not be kind and compassionate. Am I missing something here? Keep up the good work, dear Soul Arcanum! – Liz

Dear Liz:

There are two ways to view the question of whether or not we can trust other people. One is from the perspective of the ego, which is separate and mortal, and the other is from the perspective of the higher self, which is universal and immortal.

What you’re struggling with is something everyone has to work through, for it’s at the heart of the human journey. Life in the physical would not be the powerful, dramatic learning experience it is if it were not for the ego. We seem to have a limited amount of time and resources here, and are unable to remember the spiritual life we knew before incarnating. Since it seems like this life is all we have, we are naturally very fearful about anything that could threaten our well-being or happiness. This is why physical life is the perfect situation in which to learn to rise above fear and grow into beings of greater faith and compassion.

I think learning to trust (have faith) is the ultimate spiritual challenge. This issue comes up for everyone as they shift from unconsciously interacting with life primarily through the lower chakras to consciously processing their experiences through the heart and upper chakras.

This shift occurs naturally as we gain self-awareness, realize why we do the things we do, and then try to make better choices. In emotional relationships with other people, everyone longs for more love: no matter how wonderful our childhoods were or how blessed we may be now, we’ve all had many experiences in which we hungered for more love and acceptance than we got.

This is because the experience we are really longing for is the perfect feeling of divine love and wholeness. On some level, we remember what it felt like before we separated from Source, and are constantly yearning to feel that sense of completeness again.

Since most of us don’t consciously recognize that our endless dissatisfaction arises from an unconscious memory of the divine, we go through life looking to other people to give us the love, approval and acceptance we think we need. As long as we look to other people to fulfill a longing that can only be truly satiated by the divine, of course, we will remain dissatisfied.

When begin to awaken in self-awareness, we not only realize why we react to experiences as we do, we learn that it’s silly to take the things that others say and do personally. We see that others are caught up in their own issues, and how they view us has very little to do with us and everything to do with their own past experiences, life lessons, and current mental and emotional state.

At this point we stop comparing ourselves and competing with others and begin to feel compassion for everyone, for we see that they are just like us: though they may go about it in some unskillful ways, what they want is to be happy, loved and accepted too. We then shift from seeking love and approval from others to offering them the same, and then our fear of judgment/rejection falls away.

Of course, this is not as easy or simple as I’m making it sound. No matter how spiritually evolved we may become, we’re still physical beings with very powerful survival instincts. When your intuition is trying to warn you about something or someone, you are wise to honor it. On an inner/emotional level, however, nothing and no one can truly harm you.

We all struggle to stay spiritually centered, to love and accept ourselves, to heal our fears and keep our hearts open, to trust that all is and will be well. In fact, a good amount of the time, I’m running the same social programs you describe in your question. Rising above the ego is an exhausting, demanding, endless challenge, but it helps to realize that we don’t really have any other good alternative – not if we want to feel at peace.

You see, I don’t think we can ever trust another person completely, at least not if we define trust as knowing that they would never do anything that we would consider to be hurtful. Fortunately, once we learn to trust in the benevolent nature of life itself and understand that nothing and no one can ultimately harm us, I don’t believe we need to trust other people. The feeling of divine love and contentment we’re really after can’t be found in temporal relationships anyway – it only be accessed through communion with the divine.

To cultivate trust in life’s benevolence, we must also remember the law of attraction, and how what we experience with other people is always a reflection of our own vibration. What we look for, we find; what we fear, we attract; what we desire, we flow toward.

When we’re afraid of being rejected or criticized, we tend to manifest those very experiences until we heal the inner wounds that make us fear we are not good enough somehow. When we accept who we really are, others accept us too. Have you ever met someone who was unapologetically scandalous or outrageous and just loved them for it even though you would never dare act that way yourself? You love them because they love themselves. Similarly, it’s the things we reject about ourselves that we fear others will reject about us too.

It’s thus wise and powerful to ponder how we feel about certain people and what we believe about relationships in general in order to become conscious of what we’re supposed to be learning.

For example, I tend to be a perfectionistic, hyper-responsible workaholic. As a result, I notice whenever people are lazy or irresponsible, and this sets off all sorts of ego-based judgments and fearful feelings for me. Instead of trying to make others become more responsible or trying to get everyone I deem to be irresponsible out of my experience (which would never work), my job is to work through my own fears surrounding issues of responsibility. (If my faith that all is and will be well was perfectly sound, I wouldn’t worry about a thing.) Once I have learned what I need to learn about this issue, I won’t attract or notice it anymore.

Your experiences in relationships truly are designed for your benefit, and if you view them as reflections of your own inner nature, they can be powerful tools for new spiritual growth. So while I encourage you to be gentle with yourself and remember that your struggle with trust is something we all go through, when you feel ready, please know that it is safe for you to greet others with an open heart.

It’s also totally worth it, for when we reach out to people on a soul level, all sorts of wonderful things begin to happen. For one thing, when we come from our souls instead of our egos, we tend to bring out others’ higher natures, which can transform ordinary situations into life-changing spiritual experiences.

– Soul Arcanum

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Anger, Betrayal and Spirituality

Filed Under: Law of Attraction, Manifesting, Relationships, Spiritual Growth by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Anger, Betrayal and Spirituality

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

I thought I had attained a certain degree of spiritual awareness, but lately I find myself feeling very unevolved. Instead of feeling kind, patient and compassionate, I feel like everything upsets me these days. In particular, people are so disappointing! Every time I turn around I feel like someone I love and trust is betraying me or disappointing me by acting selfish or dishonest, and it makes me really angry because I would never behave like that. How in the world do I keep manifesting this? One upset after another has left me really dispirited. I used to be spiritual and loving all the time – do you think I’m regressing?
– A.

Dear A.: You are definitely not alone in feeling this way. One of the hardest things for me to make peace with is being disappointed by people I love and want to believe in. When someone I really care about does something selfish or hurtful, or keeps lying even though I’m begging them to be honest with me, I can go into a major tailspin myself.

Here’s why so-called spiritual folks struggle with this issue so much: The more we try to embody our spiritual natures, the less we act from our egos. This means at some point, we do become quite different from most people. Where most live from their egos with occasional flashes of divine wisdom and compassion, someone who has long been devoted to spiritual growth tends be centered in their higher self with occasional fits of ego.

If we strive to be extraordinary people but assume the rest of the world will be just like us, we will naturally get discouraged. Life is a journey of spiritual growth, and none of us are enlightened yet. If we expect people to act like wise, compassionate sages, we’re setting ourselves up for disappointment.

It helps me to remember that even the most spiritual beings to ever walk the planet had to deal with the same sort of disappointment. The story of Jesus offers us a great example, for He was betrayed by one of his closest friends (Judas), who sold Him out for cash! Then at the hour of His greatest need, the other apostles all abandoned Him. I figure if Jesus can be betrayed like this, none of us are immune.

It’s also quite normal for life to begin throwing us curve balls if we’ve been batting a thousand for a while. This means if we’ve got a nice, smooth vibe going, inevitably something will happen that stretches our capacity for patience and tolerance. If it didn’t, we wouldn’t learn and grow anymore.

It’s like mastering algebra and then moving on to geometry and feeling lost again. If we stayed in algebra forever, life would seem pretty easy, but it would also get boring and we’d never learn anything new. Whether we like it or not, we can’t keep repeating the same lessons over and over again – we have to move on.

One of the first things you need to realize is that it is not “unspiritual” to get angry. I think being spiritual is simply the habit of self-examination combined with the sincere desire to be a good person. The harder you are on yourself about feeling angry, the more likely you will be to deny or repress your feelings, which is the source of all sorts of problems. What you’re working on at this point in your spiritual journey is making peace with your shadow nature.

If you try to never get angry in the first place, you’ll run up against some powerful biology. Whenever we feel threatened emotionally, our bodies respond as they do when we feel threatened physically. We are WIRED to get angry when something threatens our happiness, and it can take days for the adrenaline that was released when we got angry to go back to normal levels. I find this interesting because it’s hard to stay angry for more than a few days – eventually, we let it go.

Most people are denying, avoiding or repressing all sorts of negative emotions. This is why millions of people are taking anti-depressants, and why so many are addicted to things like drugs, alcohol, food, etc. They’re all trying to avoid emotional pain.

When we work to become more conscious of what’s happening within us, it can seem like we’re suddenly flooded with intense negative feelings. (After all, we generally don’t repress positive emotions). It’s therefore common for negative emotions to bubble over when we’re moving into a new level of conscious awareness or a new level of personal healing, and it may indeed seem like we’re regressing at that point.

One of the greatest pay-offs of spiritual growth is the freedom to choose how we will respond to our experience. When we allow others to upset or anger us, we give our power away. When we center ourselves i n our own divine power within, we can choose how we feel regardless of what is happening in our outer experience. So as spiritual seekers, our goal is not to be rid of anger but to consciously choose what we do with that energy. We must learn how to transmute it into something higher like positive change, new wisdom and understanding, or a greater capacity for forgiveness and unconditional love.

While it’s healthy to acknowledge and process our feelings, I’m not a big fan of primal scream therapy or similar ideas, because when we practice anger, we just get better at it. When we send rage out to the Universe, we get rage back. While it’s healthier to let our anger out than to stuff it down, it’s even better to work with that energy consciously and let it fuel positive change. Properly channeled, anger can be transmuted into powerful motivation and creativity.

What works best for me is to simply cultivate what I want instead of anger. So when I’m feeling angry, I might read a spiritual book, take a walk in nature or do some yoga. Other great tools for transmuting anger into new power and healing include vigorous exercise, art therapy, hypnotherapy, meditation, energy healing, spiritual counseling, and the use of divination tools like runes and tarot to sort out the deeper spiritual truths in upsetting situations.

In terms of the law of attraction, the only way to break free of a cycle of upset and disappointment is to choose to stop getting upset over things that would normally upset you. If you truly believe yourself to be a good person who deserves to be treated better than you’re being treated, you have to begin to treat yourself better first. By allowing people who don’t share your values to disrupt your happiness, you aren’t treating yourself well, and when you don’t treat yourself very well, your vibration drops and other people begin to treat you badly too.

To manifest more uplifting relationships, you have to stop allowing anyone to bring you down. You have to be your own best friend – not the friend who is always late, forgets your birthday, and never really listens to you – the best friend you would LIKE to have.

As you do this, you will begin to meet new people. This is no accident. When you become happier, you attract people of a higher vibration. If you begin to love yourself well by choosing to be happy, one of two things will happen: everyone who doesn’t or can’t love you similarly will fade out of your experience, or you’ll bring out something better in the folks who remain.

– Soul Arcanum

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Are Sexual Fantasies a Form of Psychic Harassment?

Filed Under: Intuitive Development, Psychic Protection, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Are Sexual Fantasies a Form of Psychic Harassment?

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Dear Soul Arcanum:

In the past I engaged in astral sex: by focusing my energy on someone, I would have intense sexual experiences. This was amplified by the use of drugs, and now that I’ve quit using, I find I can still make these connections but in a far less powerful way. Now I want to discontinue doing this because it doesn’t feel right anymore. When I try to draw the line, however, I am discovering that just having an ordinary sexual fantasy about someone connects me to them in an energetic way. I’m starting to think it’s impossible to avoid having energetic experiences with other people. What do you think? I’ve also discovered I need to work on my relationship to the divine as it expresses itself in a feminine way. During the time when I was discovering sexual energy projection, I journeyed into disrespectful and degrading attitudes. I am working on changing that, and am seeking others’ forgiveness for my past behaviors.
– L.

Dear L.:

If the past behaviors you’re seeking forgiveness for are non-physical in nature (such as fantasies about other people), then you need do nothing but choose to think in new ways and forgive yourself. If it makes you feel better, you can mentally apologize to the people you feel you’ve wronged and ask them to forgive you. (To speak to them directly would probably really freak them out, which would do more harm than good.)

Regarding your current dilemma, you are absolutely right: it is impossible to avoid interacting energetically with others, for we are in constant energetic interaction with everyone around us. Every time we think of someone, we send them energy. In fact, even if you were to have a fantasy about some imaginary person, you would be interacting with a being in some dimension.

You can, however, resolve your worries telepathically. In becoming aware of auric exchanges, you are moving into some deep psychic territory, and you will have to develop some new psychic skills anyway. If you find yourself fantasizing about someone, and you’re not sure if this is okay, you can simply (mentally!) ask them for permission to continue. Think about it: if you can affect them with your sexual “fantasies,” surely you can also affect them with a soulful “fantasy” conversation.

Now let’s explore sex and spirituality and what a complicated subject this has become for us all. I believe we can tell a great deal about our relationship to life (and “God”) from our attitude toward sex. People who have yet to develop conscious spiritual awareness tend to be rather animalistic in their approach to sex. As we evolve spiritually, we seek physical release less and emotional union more. At first, we seek this union in another person; in time, however, we realize that what we really long for is union with the Divine.

There is a reason why highly spiritual people often turn to practices like celibacy and tantra. At first glance, these may seem totally unrelated, but such choices reflect awareness that sexual energy is powerful and can be harnessed toward spiritual aims.

Unfortunately, our evolutionary journey in relationship to sex is not simply a matter of how we express our desires. Because sex is so important and so powerful, mankind has developed all sorts of ways to try to control it, from harsh laws and religious edicts to the insidious psychological weapon of shame and social rejection. Depending on how we’ve been socialized, we all have various degrees of awakening and healing to accomplish regarding sexual energy. Most of us have been taught to believe that sex is dirty, sexual desire is wrong, and even our bodies are somehow shameful. Repression eventually becomes obsession, whether we’re obsessed with having sex or with NOT having it.

In backlash to all that control, many people now choose to believe that sex can be purely recreational – that we don’t have to exert any self-control so long as we practice good hygiene. Of course, this careless approach breeds all sorts of emotional, spiritual, social and economic issues.

As with anything else that brings us great pleasure, sex is also easy to get addicted to or obsessed with. This is when it begins to rule us and we surrender our freedom to choose wisely. If we can’t control our sexual thoughts and feelings in addition to our sexual acts, we can become addicted, and may become earthbound by our desires when we depart this world. This is why great spiritual teachers have warned us against lust: it’s not because sex is inherently evil, but because it is so enticing that it’s easy to lose our heads about it.

Like all energy, sexual energy can be directed and redirected, stored and released, but it can’t be destroyed. When it is repressed, it will seek some sort of outlet. The greater the tension between sexual energy and the forces trying to repress it, the more twisted it may become as it seeks an outlet for expression.

What you call “degrading” in your question others might call perverted, which simply means distorted or unnatural. Thus sex that is perverse or degrading involves the distortion of whatever would be natural for us if we didn’t have so many artificial ideas about it. This sort of perversion is now pervasive and self-perpetuating: it has become yet another thing we inherit from our cultures if we’re not conscious enough to choose something higher for ourselves.

Of course, conscious awareness is the key to making wise choices on any path. This involves knowing why we want what we want, why we do what we do, and how what we choose may affect other people. Without such awareness, we can’t purposefully cultivate the quality of experience we most value.

To have a healthy relationship to sexual energy, we must recognize it as a normal, natural, beautiful expression of life and love. We must also remain in control of our own thoughts and impulses, and carry the basic intention of loving ourselves and others.

You are at a natural turning point in your own evolution: you’re waking up to all the cultural issues you’ve absorbed about sex, and are in the process of making some new conscious choices for yourself. This is very positive, for it is only in aligning with the loving heart of sexual desire that we are freed from compulsion and empowered to manifest true fulfillment.

The simplest advice I can give you is just to LOVE: Cultivate loving thoughts, send loving energies, and choose whatever is most loving when you’re not sure what to do, and you can’t go wrong. If you are just sending love and appreciation to others and you end up in blissful sexual fantasies about them, then you are making love to the Universe, my friend – and there is nothing wrong with that!

– Soul Arcanum

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The Opposite of Grief: Reuniting with Someone from a Past Life

Filed Under: Afterlife, Death and Dying, Destiny/Higher Plan, Emotional Well-being, Healing, Past Lives, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on The Opposite of Grief: Reuniting with Someone from a Past Life

 

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Dear Soul Arcanum:

My husband of six years passed away two years ago after a long battle with cancer. I have been blessed with sensing his presence at times, and with truly believing he is free from suffering and I will see him again someday. Nevertheless, I can’t seem to move on. Maybe I’m just not sure where to go from here. I’m in my mid-thirties, we had no children together, and I have a satisfying career. Despite all the good things in my life, it feels like I’ve already had the best love had to offer me. I would appreciate any advice you could give me.
– Brenda

Dear Brenda:

I’d like to share a personal experience with you.

When I was a young woman, my first love died very suddenly. There are many amazing spiritual stories surrounding that event, but there is one in particular that is relevant here.

A few days after Todd died, I awoke in the middle of the night in a panic. I was burning up with heat and gasping for breath, and as I opened my eyes, I could see the room was filled with smoke. Assuming the house was on fire, and I catapulted out of bed and flew across the hall, where I pounded on my parents’ door yelling, “Fire! Fire!”

My father was at the door in a flash with a fire extinguisher in his hand, shouting, “Where? Where?” As I turned and looked back into my room, the smoke was gone. There was nothing there. Speechless, I mumbled something like, “It was there, I swear…”

For three nights in a row I was awakened the same way. The second night I actually repeated my frantic scramble for help. (My father did NOT make it to the door nearly as quickly that time). The third night I forced myself to sit still in bed, and as I did so, the smoke dissipated before my eyes.

Many years later, I am now married to the love of my life. I don’t have room here to go into all the incredible details of how we found each other, but it was definitely preordained. The important thing to note is that I have found even greater love than I lost long ago – and with a firefighter. It took me nearly 20 years to figure out those “fire” experiences in the night, but I now believe that Todd was trying to give me a sign that I would find true love again, and how it would come to me.

When our grief over someone’s passing has subsided but we still feel empty, I believe we are wise to focus on just what Todd was trying to shift my attention to: all the people we have yet to meet whom we already love so well. We must remember that just as death is inevitable, life is ever leading us back to people we have loved in other lives. The cure for your emptiness is deciding to reconnect with these kindred spirits.

Also, while I believe that grief is totally natural, I think we have developed some unhealthy ways of dealing with it. Some people, for example, assume that the devastation they feel when someone dies must indicate that death is indeed a horrible and final end.

As I see it, grief is a natural response to the end of anything we have loved well. It’s normal to be sad when we are leaving some person, place or era that has held a lot of happiness for us. Ironically, it’s my understanding that many souls feel some grief about leaving the spirit world to incarnate here on Earth, which makes our grief over doing the reverse seem a bit overblown. It’s focusing on the past that causes us pain; at some point, it only makes sense to shift our attention to all the possibilities on the horizon.

Every time someone we love departs our experience, it creates room in our lives for someone else who is just as special. Too often people feel that they are somehow betraying a departed loved one by loving someone else. I say that by holding themselves back from new love, they may betray someone they have loved just as deeply in another life, whom they have yet to meet again in this one. Just think: what if you had met someone else prior to meeting your husband, and when that person died, you closed yourself off from new love?

Romance aside, there are many people you have loved in other lives who are waiting to love you again, and I think you owe it to all of those loved ones to stay open to creating new happiness with them. For example, I have done readings for parents who had lost a child, and to whom that same soul had already returned in the form a new baby. It often takes such parents years to recognize the departed child in the younger sibling. Eventually when the child begins to talk, however, they will do things or say things evidential of their true identity. Some children will even refer to the “last time” they were here, before they died in some manner, when they were so and so, etc. Then those parents realize that they have spent years grieving for a child who was sitting right beside them!

I have similarly read for number of widows and widowers who say that they will never fall in love again, and been shown an even greater love for them in the future. This is always a love that already exists, and usually it is with someone they have loved even more deeply and truly than the person they say they will never get over. I think it’s exciting to know that for each one of us, there are many people out there whom we have been missing on an unconscious level and have yet to meet up with again in this lifetime.

While big reunions between souls are often destined to happen at certain junctures, there are some things you can do to reconnect with as many people you’ve loved in other lives as possible. Here are a few:

  • Act on your impulses to go certain places and speak to certain people.
  • Stay open to meeting new people and letting them get close to you.
  • Call or contact people who frequently come to mind, for often these are relationships you are being guided to pursue.
  • Accept invitations from strangers you feel drawn to.
  • Honor your hunches and feelings about seemingly unrelated matters, such as which job you will take and where you will live. Often we are led to meet important people through such decisions.

Here are a few signs that you’re in the presence of someone you have loved before:

  • You have a very strange feeling, or it seems like time stands still when you first meet them.
  • They seem vaguely familiar or you feel unusually drawn to them.
  • The way you meet is surrounded by lots of synchronicity, like you were guided or destined to find each other.
  • You can see certain turning points or incidents in the past that are strongly connected to this meeting or to this person. For example, my ex-husband said that for his entire life, he’d had a picture in his mind of his “ideal girl.” He thought this was just a fantasy until he met me and discovered that the girl with that face actually existed.
  • Other people in your life are strongly connected to someone you feel an instant sense of kinship with. For example, if you have a strong feeling of familiarity upon meeting your brother’s fiance, it could mean that you’re GOING to know her in the future, but it could also mean you’ve known and loved her in another life. Since we reincarnate in soul groups, it’s common for there to be strong connections between your loved ones.
  • This relationship seems to have a life of its own – it just happens.

As I see it, my friend, the future is rich with exciting opportunities to love again. Please do remember that the karmic bond you feel to people from past lives is no more special just because it began in another time and place. As a very wise song goes, if you can’t be with the one you love, then love the one you’re with. You could create the most magnificent relationship EVER with someone you meet for the first time today.

– Soul Arcanum

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Is It Harder to Communicate with the Spirits of Suicides?

Filed Under: Afterlife, Death and Dying, Energy/Vibration, Intuitive Development, Psychic Ability, Relationships, Spirit Communication, Spirits by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Is It Harder to Communicate with the Spirits of Suicides?

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

Last September my husband took his own life. I am spiritually evolved in many ways, but have questioned my beliefs about death since the day he died. I have been able to communicate with souls that have passed over for family members here, such as my husband’s grandfather, but I’m not sure if I’ve been able to reach my husband because I wonder if I want so badly to have him with me that I’m imagining things. What do you think? Also, how does suicide affect spirit communication? I’m unsure what I believe anymore. Thank you very much for your time. Namaste!
– Chelle

Dear Chelle:

My heart goes out to you. I can only imagine how hard it must be to heal from a loss of this nature. Before I explore general ideas, I want to tell you that I feel that your husband is trying hard to connect with you, and it is only your own pain and doubt that is keeping these experiences from being more real and fulfilling for you.

As I’ve explained a number of times, having a strong desire to connect with a certain spirit is very powerful, but if we pressure ourselves to produce, it may just hinder us. This is why I may bring through great evidence from spirits for strangers, but will have a harder time bringing through loved ones for people I know. When I feel I “must” succeed, I know I tend to stretch for evidential details more, which causes me to question everything I perceive more stringently. I also expect more of myself and my own loved ones in Spirit than I do of strangers, and this bogs the whole spirit communication process down.

It can be very confusing, disappointing, and even disillusioning to receive clear, evidential communication from a casual acquaintance in Spirit, and not be able to connect with your own spouse, parent or child. In such cases, however, we are almost always the source of whatever is preventing successful interaction. Our vibration may be too low due to grief, we may be too invested in making a connection, or we may doubt everything we perceive both because messages from those we were very close to tend to be more subtle, and because we know we are prone to wishful thinking.

While most people who are grieving tend to see even the smallest coincidences as signs from a loved one in Spirit, lots of us go too far the other way, and refuse to accept as valid anything less than a full blown miracle. We must remember that EVERYTHING we experience in life is ultimately a result of “wishful thinking,” and trust the power of our desire as much as we do the discernment of our intellects.

In light of all of this, I encourage you to trust that the experiences you’re having are real and valid. By trusting them, you will be able to cultivate clearer, more validating experiences with your husband, who probably just wants you to understand why he did what he did and forgive him.

As for suicides in general, and how this act may affect spirit communication, it all depends on that person’s motivation for taking their own life, for that will greatly affect where they end up on the other side. If you think about it, there are what we might call “degrees” of suicide.

For example, it seems to me that a soldier who throws himself on a grenade to save his comrades is way ahead of your average American couch potato, who is slowly killing himself with junk food, inactivity and cigarettes. The first man is demonstrating great reverence for the gift of life by sacrificing himself in order that a number of others may go on living, while the second man is demonstrating a profound lack of appreciation for his physical existence. Given all the “suicide” possibilities we might imagine in between, it’s easy to see how each individual’s motivations would greatly affect what happens when they get to the afterlife.

Further, when we cross over, how we have lived will be far more important than how we have died. A person’s general nature will greatly affect their ability to reach through from Spirit, regardless of how they passed. Someone who was highly conscious, intelligent, sane, positive, grateful, kind and spiritual in life will tend to be easy to communicate with on the other side. It’s like we each carry our own torch into the afterlife in the form of our spirits. If we are radiant with light, we can see far and are empowered to do much more than if we are stumbling through darkness.

People who were unconscious, ignorant, insane, negative, ungrateful, selfish, and cynical or disbelieving while alive will be much harder to communicate with when they cross into Spirit, as they will be in dark, murky territory. If their lights are very dim, they can’t see to do much. Some even reincarnate without regaining consciousness in the afterlife.

As we continue on in death much as we were in life, two of the most rewarding and powerful traits we can cultivate are a strong, positive belief in Spirit and knowledge of spiritual principles. The more we focus upon and center our lives on higher spiritual values, the lighter and freer we’ll be in the spirit realm.

Now, when most of us hear the word suicide, we don’t think of military heroes or couch potatoes, of course: we think of someone who was of sound body and mind who became depressed and lost hope of ever turning their lives around. As these people were in mental and emotional hell while living, they tend to continue to be in mental and emotional hell when they cross over. Contrary to some religious teachings, this suffering is not a punishment, but arises from natural spiritual law. It is no more imposed upon them than the hell they created for themselves while alive.

These sorts of spirits tend to be as hard to get through to in the afterlife as they were when they were living, at least until they attain a higher state of mind. Such spirits often become earthbound, and continue to wander in the inner darkness and confusion that led them to take their lives in the first place. The lessons they were supposed to learn while living are still on their metaphorical “to-do” lists, but they have no clear way to complete those tasks, and thus we might say they have “unfinished business.” They do not remain like this forever, of course. When they realize how precious life is, they begin to “see the light.”

It takes a lot of focus and energy for any spirit to communicate inter-dimensionally. While it does happen, someone who couldn’t summon the will to live is unlikely to pull that sort of personal power together. Sometimes, however, suicides are shocked to find they still exist, and realize that killing themselves just made things worse. They may then want nothing more than to tell us they are sorry and urge us not to follow in their footsteps. When they witness how much pain they’ve caused those they love, they may be overwhelmed with remorse, and go to great lengths to seek forgiveness. As we pray for them and send them love, we bathe them in light, which can help them quickly rise in vibration and understanding, and move on to higher planes.

Again, I feel that your husband is not lost on the other side, but is definitely trying to reach you. Keep praying for him and visualize him being flooded by divine light. It will help him to heal, which will empower him to connect with you in a more fulfilling way. I know it’s hard and you have your own healing to work through, but try to have compassion for how much he must have been suffering to take his own life, and offer him your forgiveness if you can.

I’m sending you prayers for love and healing, my friend.

– Soul Arcanum

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