Category: Relationships


Forgiving “Bad” Parents

Filed Under: Emotional Well-being, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Forgiving “Bad” Parents

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

I have had to go through a lot of stress in my life. My mom never really set rules for me, and when she tried to, I would never obey them. Because of this, I got into heavy drugs, drinking and so forth. Now that I have gotten out of it, I see everything I have done, and for some stupid reason, I blame my mother for not setting any boundaries when I was a kid. I know I am contradicting myself here. I know that when we are in the spiritual plane, we pick who our parents are going to be, so if I picked her to be my mom and she picked me to be her daughter, then there is a lesson we had to learn together. Still, I feel like I should forgive her, and I need to go deeper than just saying it. So I guess what I’m asking is how I can go about doing that. I would really appreciate your help with this.
– Ivy

Dear Ivy:

I chose your question because I personally know many people who struggle to forgive their parents for not being “good enough” in some way.

When I was seven, my mother took off for California and left me and my brothers on my dad’s doorstep late one night. I didn’t have a relationship with her again until I was in my twenties. While this was traumatic at the time, I eventually realized that in leaving us, she gave us a great gift. She knew she wasn’t up for the job of raising us well, so she got out of the way. From that time on I had a great childhood, and was blessed with a wonderful step-mother.

Not all kids are so lucky. Many are raised by parents who don’t really want them, but who stick around for various selfish reasons. These children are often physically and emotionally abused by their parents. A good friend of mine was raped from the time she was an infant until she escaped her father’s clutches. My husband was regularly tied to the bed and beaten by his father. I frequently counsel people who had truly terrible childhoods, so I could go on about all the evil things parents do to kids who want nothing more than to win their love. THESE are bad parents, Ivy. You and I can thank our lucky stars we were blessed with a whole different sort of experience.

Let’s frame your stressful experiences in some historic perspective. Had you done the things you did in some other place or time, you may have been stoned to death, cast out of your community, sold into slavery, or any number of other unsavory prospects. So your mom didn’t set strict rules. She didn’t beat you, have you arrested, or blindfold you and drop you off in the middle of nowhere. She let you learn the only way you would: the hard way. Now somehow she is to blame because you chose to do the very things she warned you away from?

“Your past is not a fixed reality; it is what you choose by focus and interpretation. Interpret your past through the eyes of appreciation, and it will become only a blessing.” – Alan Cohen

To find forgiveness and healing, we must shift our perspective from one of lack and blame to one of gratitude and personal responsibility. You might start by giving thanks that your mother was there and at least trying. (Where was your father throughout all of this?)

We must also remember that children come into this world with souls and lessons to learn, and there is only so much a parent can do. If failing to rein in a wild teen were a crime, 1 out of 4 parents would probably be in jail. Unfortunately, these days it’s far more likely that a parent will land in trouble for trying to keep their kids on the right track.

A few months ago I heard a story on the news that illustrates how disempowered parents are today. A mother overheard her daughter talking to a friend on the phone about some illegal activity, so the mother secretly picked up an extension. In listening further, she learned that her daughter (who had been growing out of control) and the daughter’s friend had stolen something. Though it was a hard decision, she decided the right thing would be to turn both kids in to the police. Guess what? The mother was charged with a crime for eavesdropping on her own phone line!

We’re living in a time of tremendous personal freedom, both legally and spiritually. Those of us who have chosen to incarnate at this time have come forth to learn big spiritual lessons about free will. Even God can’t make us choose wisely; it’s up to us to listen within and choose for ourselves and then learn from the consequences. So blaming your mom for your bad choices is sort of like blaming God for not forcing you to stay on a path of purity and righteousness.

With freedom comes responsibility. As we have more freedom than ever, we must also take more responsibility for what we create in our lives than ever before. Right now, you’re in the middle of learning that you can’t blame anything or anyone outside of you for your own choices in life.

Remember that hindsight is 20/20. Perhaps in looking back now and knowing how things turned out, you can see how your mom “should have” done things differently. I’m sure we could say the same thing about many of your own choices. However, you don’t know what would have happened had she been stricter. Perhaps it would have just driven you away and made things worse.

I believe that your mom was doing the best she could. I believe that all parents do; some people’s bests are just better than others’, and some kids respond to certain approaches better than others. For the record, kids are doing their bests too. People will learn by the easiest path possible – some people just need to learn the hard way.

You HAVE been wronged. The modern culture you were born into led you to believe that life should always be easy, your parents owe you a perfect childhood, and as a “child,” you should not be held responsible for your choices. In truth, life is complicated, relationships are tricky, and you owe your parents just as much love, respect and devotion as they owe you. When we take responsibility for our own actions and feelings, we quit blaming others and start to really learn. When we acknowledge that everyone is doing their bests, forgiveness becomes not only easy – it becomes unnecessary.

Perhaps the true wound you need to heal is your feeling that if your mom had truly loved you as you long to be loved, she would have tried harder. Well, she could say the same thing, Ivy. If you had loved her as she longed to be loved as a mother, you might have tried harder too. As I see it, you two were a great match for each other. Since you didn’t listen to her, if anyone should be forgiven, maybe it’s you. So to “forgive” your mom, quit blaming her in the first place, and take full responsibility for your own choices.

I don’t want to come down hard on you. I know you are processing some very heavy feelings, and I admire your honesty and sincerity. I know that beneath the blame you feel for your mother, there is a little girl who scared herself silly by recklessly pushing and breaking the limits.

You’ve come a long, hard way. Pat yourself on the back for living and learning and seeing the light, and look for the gifts in your experiences. I feel you have a lot to offer young people who may at this very moment be heading in the wrong direction, just as you once were. If you try to help them, you may just walk a mile in your mom’s shoes, and learn how hard it is to try to stop people from making mistakes when they just don’t want to listen.

Difficult journeys bring big lessons. Instead of lamenting the past, you can heal by focusing on the gifts it brought you and how your experiences made you who you are today. I know your feistiness will take you far in life if you channel it in a positive direction and put your hard won wisdom to good use.

– Soul Arcanum

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When Your Best Friends are Energy Vampires

Filed Under: Emotional Well-being, Energy/Vibration, Intuitive Development, Psychic Protection, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on When Your Best Friends are Energy Vampires

 

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)

Dear Soul Arcanum:

I don’t have many friends, for I choose them carefully. At the moment, I have two women in my life who could be described as psychic vampires. One is an internationally respected healer/teacher. My intuition is growing more and more refined, and I was shocked when the manipulative, calculating, dishonest energy I was picking up about this healer was confirmed. I realized I had given my power away by putting her on a pedestal and making less of my own gifts. She tried to discredit the healer I currently see, and suggested one of her students start treating me while she supervised my case. I’ve decided to keep my distance from her and not leave my current healer, who has helped me tremendously. This is clearly a case of professional jealousy. The other friend is also very spiritual. I feel she’s a little jealous of me, and sees me as somehow better off than her in many ways. It’s like she thinks I have some secret to the universe and wants a piece of it. Why am I attracting these energy vampires? I don’t have that many friends, and at this rate, they are dropping like flies! Thanks, Soul Arcanum!

Sitara

Dear Sitara:

I’m not sure the friends you’re describing are really energy vampires. Energy vampires are people who can’t get all their energy needs met directly from Source, so they try to feed on other people’s energy. To determine if these friends are truly stealing your energy, ask yourself how you feel when you’ve been around them for a while.

Do you feel energized and uplifted or down and drained? Do you feel like there is balance in your relationship in terms of give and take, or does your friend talk endlessly about herself? Are you doing all the giving? Do you find yourself constantly feeling like you should do something to help or save her? Does she make you feel better about yourself, or does she put you down or compete with you in order to feel superior?

If none of these really fit, odds are good that you’re not dealing with energy vampires so much as you are ordinary people with egos and human weaknesses and faults, just like the rest of us.

People who are highly spiritual like we are tend to be very idealistic. We want to believe in people, see the best in them and love them with all our hearts. It can be very disillusioning when we meet someone who seems to be everything we’ve ever wanted in a friend, and they turn out to be a mere mortal instead of the demi-god we’ve been worshiping.

There are a couple of dynamics worth mentioning here, given the relationships you describe. First, the more we tap into our own personal power, the more we evoke deep issues in other people. If there are buried issues that need to be brought to light and healed in our friends, then our dynamic energy will tend to bring those issues to life in some way. This is especially true if we’re devoted healers and counselors. In personal relationships, the interactions may not be overt; instead, they tend to come out in subtle ways through the ever changing dynamics of our connection. We thus spark things for the people around us without knowing that we are doing so simply because our main intention is to help others heal and grow.

Also, as we develop intuitively, we begin to psychically pick up on all sorts of stuff that people tend to hide. Nearly everyone hides their shadow side, so it can be shocking to sense these hidden truths, and difficult to make peace with living at this level of awareness. Everything is naturally perfect, of course, for once we attain this level of awareness, we’re ready for the deep lessons in unconditional love that psychic awareness evokes.

Your spiritual teacher friend is clearly insecure about her wisdom and abilities. The wisest and best teachers always are, by the way, for they constantly question themselves. Having you see someone else for healing and that person apparently being able to truly help you has brought her insecurities up. While her behavior is disappointing, we must strive not to take anything personally, and simply be the best person we can be with everyone we know and love. As I see it, if a friend disappoints us, our job is to reach for a higher, more loving road in order to nurture good things in that relationship. Maybe right now, this relationship is not about her meeting your friendship needs, but about you giving her something important such as an opportunity to work on her ego issues, learn a lesson, or observe you setting a shining example of love and wisdom.

I like what you wrote about putting her on a pedestal and discounting your own wisdom and abilities. I think instead of expecting her to be the spiritual leader in your relationship, you should step forward and reach for a higher level of love and wisdom yourself regardless of what she says or does. Then you can become a source of healing both for her and your relationship. You might do this by recognizing with compassion that her ego is kicking up, and she perhaps is worried that she is not good enough or that she will lose your friendship or respect and admiration via your experiences with this other healer.

Similarly, instead of viewing your other friend as someone who is trying to steal something from you, it would be wise to stay in a very high vibration and view her admiration as a positive thing. The more we align with a high level of life experience by working with the law of attraction and cultivating a high vibration, the more we attract people who want this for themselves like moths to a flame. Sometimes these people do want to suck our energy, but sometimes they just think we’re wonderful, and they want to study us so they can emulate us.

The higher we go in terms of quality of experience and vibration, the harder it is to find peers. Then instead of journeying through life with all our classmates, we naturally become teachers. In a typical schoolroom setup, there are way more students than teachers, and it’s the same on our spiritual journeys. As you evolve, you will be surrounded by more people who are in position to learn from you, and you’ll only know a few other teachers, who will often be off in their own classrooms, doing their thing.

You’re wise to ask how and why you are attracting friends like this, but it’s more important to figure out how you can manifest a higher level of experience. I’ve had great results with working with the law of attraction to manifest good friends. For example, years ago I told the Universe very clearly and with all of my heart that I wanted to meet a friend who was <q>just like me.</q> I ended up meeting a friend in a most unusual way who practically IS me! The ways we are alike are astounding. This experience taught me that we all have many kindred spirits in the world, and we just need to work with the law of attraction to draw them into our experience.

In summary, I encourage you to stop expecting your friends to be free of faults. Our goal is not to find perfect people, but to learn how to love everyone around us despite their imperfections. We all have our issues and everyone is doing spiritual battle with their egos every day. Do keep choosing your friends carefully, and when they disappoint you, examine your experiences for how you can use them to work on yourself and become an ever brighter light wherever you go. Also, remember that we have the power to manifest what we want in our lives, and we can use the law of attraction to both bring out the best in people and draw wonderful new friends into our lives.

Soul Arcanum

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Symptoms of Energy Cording

Filed Under: Chakras/Auras, Emotional Well-being, Energy/Vibration, Healing, Psychic Protection, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Symptoms of Energy Cording


Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

I read your article on promiscuity and how it affects the aura and creates energetic links. I have read this before from a Hindu saint. My question is: How does this astral tie affect the individual? I mean, let’s say I have been with many partners – how would I notice these astral connections? Are there observable mental, emotional or physical symptoms? Besides thinking of the person, I don’t notice anything else.

Ryan

Dear Ryan:

Since the influence of psychic cording is subtle/energetic, how much you notice would depend on how psychically sensitive you are. Of course, the stronger the bond, the more likely one is to notice these effects. For example, the strongest psychic bond is typically that between mother and child, so even mothers who aren’t especially psychic may have striking experiences of this connection. Similarly, someone who is highly psychic can pick up things about people they barely know. If you are highly psychic, you may have an acquaintance pop into your head only to have that person phone you just after this, or learn that this person was thinking of you at that time.

Please note that I’m talking about conscious effects: we are all influenced by the psychic cords we have with other people whether we know it or not. Further, the less conscious we are of these interactions, the more they tend to influence us.

The cords that are formed when we have sex with someone are never completely broken unless something is done to purposefully break them. They do tend to fade or diminish over time, however. The stronger they are at their foundation, the more they tend to endure. Thus a long, passionate, true love affair is like a castle: though we may leave it behind, it remains standing and will continue to exist even as it falls into ruins. Only if we purposefully disassemble it and re-appropriate its materials will it disappear from the landscape.

Along the same lines of this metaphor, when we sleep with someone in a casual way without forming a deep bond, it’s like throwing up a little hut in our psychic territory. If we sleep around a lot, soon we’ll have a little ghetto in our psychic back yard. These creations aren’t as strong and enduring as true love affairs, so they will fall apart faster. Since they aren’t enormous like castles, it’s much easier to ignore, dismiss or overlook them.

It’s interesting that I’m writing this column today, because just last night I had long, delightful dreams of a boy I loved decades ago. Our bond is a good example of the castle I describe above. Though we’ve only run into each other a handful of times since we broke up, we continue to have fond feelings for each other, and I continue to have him pop into my mind on a regular basis. I also tend to dream about him every now and again, which is a very clear indication that we continue to have a strong psychic bond.

Having frequent or striking dreams about someone is one sign that we have a psychic bond with them. Here are some others:

On a mental level, the most common sign is that these folks will tend to just pop into our heads for no apparent reason. Of course, it’s wise to ponder what may have caused them to come to mind. If there is a song playing on the radio that reminds us of them, it could be nothing more than a mental association. If we can think of no reason why that person may be popping into our heads, then odds are good that we’re psychically linked.

As for why they would come to mind at that time, all sorts of things are possible. If we are working on some particular issue in our current lives, and that issue is somehow tied to the experiences we had with that person, it’s natural for those energies to be reawakened. It’s also very common for our thoughts about someone to make them think about us. Therefore, when someone pops into our heads, it may be because they’ve been thinking about us for some reason. Having a psychic connection to someone is sort of like having an intercom system: when one party sends a signal through it, it starts something of a telepathic dialogue that can go on indefinitely. Of course, for most people, this is mainly happening at an unconscious level.

On a mental level we can also pick up thoughts and ideas from people we are psychically bonded to. For example, I often see images of desert mountains, and when I follow the line of these images, the face of an old lover comes up, so I assume I am seeing images from his life. This is very similar to the images I see when I purposefully connect with someone on a psychic level in order to do a reading for them. It’s also similar to how spirits show me images and memories from their lives. This is really helpful to know if you’re trying to develop your psychic abilities, for if you examine the random images and thoughts that pop into your head, you will have a sense of what it is like to pick up psychic impressions.

On an emotional level, we can be suddenly overtaken by moods and feelings that seem to come out of nowhere. While we tend to feel like our moods just come over us, our feelings aren’t random. When we choose to be in a certain mood, our feelings are coming from within us; when we don’t consciously set our own tone, our moods tend to entrain to the strongest signal around us. This is why being around someone who is depressed can really get us down, while being around someone who is in a great mood can lift our spirits.

Sometimes the strongest signal is the emotional wavelength of someone we have a psychic bond to. This is why we may sense that someone is in danger even though they are miles away, for being in danger sends a very strong signal. Since we are rarely conscious of this type of influence, it tends to be extra powerful. It’s relatively easy to notice the influence of someone who is depressed and make a conscious choice to set our own tone, but when the influence is psychic in nature, we may be baffled as to why we suddenly feel down.

On a physical level, we can pick up the aches, pains and problems of people we are strongly connected to. This is especially true when we empathize with someone and we are powerful creators. Through years of working with the law of attraction, I have gotten to the point where I can give something my attention and manifest it very quickly. When I’m not careful with my thoughts and vibration, this tends to yield undesirable results!

It’s tricky to keep my vibration high when someone I love is hurting. Recently my athletic daughter had a lower back injury, and my heart went out to her because she was so frustrated and disappointed at her inability to compete. Within two days, I had the exact same pain in the same spot in my lower back. Similarly, my husband has been struggling with a painful elbow, which we’ve learned is due to bone chips in the joint. Within about a month of him developing this problem in his left elbow (and me listening to him talk about it and watching him struggle with it every day), I had pain in my left elbow!

The key to resolving such matters is conscious awareness. Once I became conscious that I was empathizing with and thus entraining to these vibrations, I was able to quickly release those conditions. Given the endless ways that psychic bonds can influence us, we are wise to choose the people we bond to carefully, and to cultivate conscious awareness of the subtle energetic interactions constantly flowing through our lives.

Soul Arcanum

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The Influence of Past Lives on Current Relationships

Filed Under: Past Lives, Reincarnation, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on The Influence of Past Lives on Current Relationships


Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

I started dating my new boyfriend two months ago, and we have a very harmonious, happy relationship. After a month, I began to receive pictures in my mind of us together but in Victorian dress. The scenario I get is that he was courting me and I was starting to fall in love with him, but something went wrong on my part; I’m not sure what it was. As a result, he broke off the relationship and I never saw him again in that life.  Now I sometimes get the feeling that we have a second chance, or feel anxious that I will make a horrible mistake which will end the relationship. Of course, this is also a product of my own insecurities. I have asked him if he has any fears or insecurities about me or our relationship, but he has none. I haven’t told him about these past life memories, but we both found it strange that we remember seeing each other growing up on two separate occasions (we grew up in the same area), but never met officially and felt an immediate kinship when we did meet. In any event, I am curious if these mental pictures are from another time, or if they are just a product of my subconscious working out my fears. I’d appreciate your feedback.

Elle

Dear Elle:

These definitely sound like past life memories to me, especially given the Victorian style of dress. However, before we look for metaphysical explanations, it’s prudent to rule out some conventional psychological reasons why you may be thinking and feeling as you have been.

It’s possible that despite the fact that on a conscious level you are sure of what you want in this relationship, deep down you may fear commitment for some reason. It’s normal to fear the loss of any great blessing, and when it comes to relationships, this fear can lead to commitment issues if you want to avoid potential pain in the future even more than you want to enjoy great love now.

It’s also possible that you dread all the work and sacrifices that intimate relationships require, and are repressing awareness of this fear because it’s threatening to your self-image. Of course, it may also be that deep down, you don’t feel worthy of great love, and these feelings of unworthiness seem so threatening that you are manufacturing potential problems in this relationship in order to avoid having to work through your insecurities.

Some people will actually work themselves into a state where they believe all sorts of unfounded things in order to give themselves a reason to sabotage a relationship that feels too close or threatens to unearth some overwhelming issues. I’m not saying that this is what is happening in this relationship – in fact, none of these explanations feel right to me at all – but they are certainly worth considering.

To sort out what is going on, I recommend hypnotherapy with a therapist who has experience in working with past lives. Once you become conscious of the roots of your uneasiness, you can learn whatever you need to learn from these feelings, which will empower you to create something better this time around. It will also quickly lead you to new peace regarding all of this.

Hypnotherapy designed to communicate directly with your higher self in order to reach for the true cause of these feelings is sure to reveal their source, and can also empower you to leap into a higher level of experience in this area of your life. Often, the cause for inexplicable problems could never be predicted or discerned from a conscious level of awareness. We can try to reason our way to them without ever accessing the true insights that produce quick and lasting healing.

This is what is so fascinating and powerful about hypnotherapy: you just never know what is going to come up, but whatever does come up is always just right given your healing focus or intention. What comes up also always makes sense in retrospect – it just can’t be foreseen from a conscious state of awareness.

Some people are hesitant to explore memories that may be unpleasant, but this very resistance suggests that fear is running the show and is thus preventing them from attaining the peace, happiness and fulfillment they long for. Instead of causing new distress, past life work is always therapeutic and cathartic; by making peace with the past, we are empowered to shed old problems and manifest a higher level of experience.

There are endless ways we may resist facing some scary truth about ourselves. In a fear-driven attempt to understand and gain control over the course of our experience, often we make up stories about the way things are that are distorted or skewed. I don’t feel that this is what you’re doing, however. I feel that you’re in the process of getting conscious about some old issues and lessons so that you can consciously choose differently this time around, and thus manifest a better outcome for yourself. In fact, I can see you in the past life you describe, feeling heart-broken over the way things went and vowing to yourself that would learn from that experience and never make that same “mistake” again.

It is the powerful energy of that vow that is bringing these past life memories back to you now. It’s like you are reaching through time to remind yourself that you have made this journey before, and would be wise to make different choices this time around.

To shed your worries, it’s wise to trust that all we need to do is listen to our hearts and give the best of ourselves to whatever we’re trying to create in our lives and everything will work out just fine. There is really nothing to be anxious about. Everything happens for a higher reason: either to lead us to something we need to learn or to lead us to the fulfillment of some desire. Your experience here is a bit extraordinary in that you are gaining conscious awareness of the lesson you are currently working on and the karma you’re in the process of resolving. We do this sort of thing all the time, but where most people are feeling our way in the dark, you’ve had a light switched on!

When we have faith that everything happens for a higher reason, it’s easy to lighten up, which leads us into a higher vibration and empowers us to consciously influence the course of our experience. It’s a bit ironic, but when we can relax about whether a certain relationship will go the way we want it to because we have faith that one way or another, we can manifest what we want in love, we either find the power to draw from that relationship what we desire, or we slip away from it to embrace greater potentials.

When we can get into this calm, faithful frame of mind, our anxieties naturally fall away, and this is when we can begin to truly enjoy all the blessings in our lives. (It’s hard to truly enjoy anything if we’re constantly anxious that we’ll lose it, and in losing it, lose all hope of finding the happiness and fulfillment we long for.)

You would therefore be wise to trust that there is nothing to get anxious about here. Be grateful for the love and other blessings in your life, and give the best of yourself to them. Give thanks for this gift of awareness, and use it to make the wisest choices you can. By devoting your mind and heart to the cultivation of faith, love, and all that you desire, you will bless yourself and align with deep fulfillment.

– Soul Arcanum

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Does Profound Loneliness Have Spiritual Roots?

Filed Under: Emotional Well-being, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — 1 Comment

 

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)

Dear Soul Arcanum:

My whole life I have felt deeply lonely. This was true even when I was married and regardless of what was going on in my life. I’ve always felt like a part of me was missing. I have a few theories but would love to hear yours.

Mary

Dear Mary:

Before I delve into the subject of existential loneliness, I think it’s important to cover some of the simpler dynamics that can cause people to constantly feel the way you describe.

First, we are all subconsciously missing people we’ve loved profoundly in other lives. Though we may never have known them in this life and have no conscious memories of them, our souls still remember, so it’s normal to feel a vague sense that there is great love <q>out there</q> that we can’t seem to find. We can even miss our spirit guides with whom we have ongoing but subconscious bonds that surpass all the physical relationships we may form. On some level, we remain aware that there is greater love and union possible than we’ve ever consciously known in this lifetime. Fortunately, our love and longing for reunion with those souls is like a gravitational force that will lead us back to them eventually, if not in this life, then on the other side.

Also, we are all missing parts of our own selves in various ways, and this can leave us feeling incomplete. This may include our higher self – that part of us that is eternal and remains in the spirit world when we incarnate here – to which we may be more or less consciously connected depending on our level of spiritual development. We can also miss parts of ourselves that we may have ‘lost’ due to traumatic experiences and the desire to avoid pain. Since my space here is limited, for more information on this idea, research the term ‘soul retrieval.’

Finally, we all naturally long for the bliss and ease of the spirit world and the greater sense of union we experience when we’re not so compartmentalized in physical bodies. For example, it is easier to commune in the astral, for there we can communicate telepathically and consciously meld energies with other beings.

Of course, we are ultimately all one, and just like the Universe supposedly exploded in a big bang, thus creating a force that will eventually draw everything back together again, there is a force that acts like a gravitational pull on our souls and is forever tugging us back to Source.

So what you’re describing is something that we all experience to some degree, though artistic types and deep thinkers perhaps suffer from it on a more profound level; it’s what fuels their endless introspection and extraordinary creativity. This is not loneliness due to a lack of healthy, fulfilling relationships. It’s more existential in nature, so no matter how good our relationships with other people may be, they can’t remedy this loneliness because what we are longing for is a deep and personal relationship with ‘Spirit’ – with ‘God,’ the Universe, the Divine.

While being alone in life puts us in the quiet space in which deep ideas and feelings grow best, in fact, it is often after we achieve highly fulfilling relationships with other people that this loneliness begins to surface. I suppose this is because we expect relationships with other people or some other worldly goal to make us feel happy and complete. When we finally ‘have it all,’ we are dismayed to note that we still feel a sense of inner longing, angst or loneliness, and this is when we begin the deeper work of exploring our true natures and consciously pursuing direct experience of Source.

Most people are constantly running away from this loneliness by staying forever busy with external affairs and investing more importance in temporal matters than those matters warrant. This running is one of the driving forces behind addictions like alcoholism. When someone is terrified of what lies beyond everyday experience, they will do anything to avoid facing it. Similarly, when someone finds the will and courage to face their fears, they gain the power to heal themselves.

Of course, on some level, we are all constantly aware of the impermanence of life and how some day we will lose every worldly thing we treasure. We will be separated from our bodies, from the bodies of the people we love and from all we build and cherish on Earth: our homes, our careers, our accomplishments. Some of us avoid thinking about such things as much as possible, but nevertheless, this awareness remains on some level, where it fuels a desire to find something meaningful and eternal. For some people, this desire only surfaces occasionally; for others, it becomes all-consuming and sends them on a spiritual quest for that which is both lasting and truly fulfilling.

It is this fear of death and longing for Divine comfort that drives the religious/spiritual impulse in humankind, and thus the spiritual quest is the answer to the suffering of existential loneliness. Such a quest won’t erase this deep feeling, however, for that sense of longing for something more is essential to the human experience. If embrace this feeling and work with it, however, it can fuel our spiritual journey and inspire us to reach beyond mundane life to explore that which lies beneath the surface, and motivate us to develop higher qualities like love, compassion, wisdom and integrity.

The key is to stop fighting this feeling as a sign that something is wrong, and instead, embrace it as a precious homing device that is ever trying to guide us ‘home.’ It’s like we’re explorers on another planet, and though we may get absorbed in our adventures, in our pockets, we have a device that is ever ready to lead us home when we’re ready.

This deep loneliness inspires introspection and spiritual exploration, so without this feeling of incompleteness, we can become entirely absorbed in superficial, temporal concerns. Existential loneliness thus moves us to lose interest in the mundane business of daily life and transcend everyday concerns to search for something more meaningful. Many spiritual practices that have survived the test of time are designed to help us in this transcendence. Two that come immediately to mind are yoga and meditation.

By working with our existential loneliness, we begin to dance with the Universe. We ask for signs and receive them, wonder over the meaning of our experiences, open up to new ways of perceiving life, and explore new spiritual practices. We are then blessed with moving dreams; spiritual powers; otherworldly adventures; and moments of healing, grace, peace and ecstasy.

So though our first impulse is to run away from spiritual suffering, it is what ultimately leads us to new growth and awareness. When we stop fearing this deep longing and instead embrace it, everything flips around. Then instead of fleeing our existential fear, we move through it and discover that this seeming void is actually the heart of bliss we have been longing for all along.

I encourage you to redefine your loneliness as longing for Divine union. If you meditate to get past ‘yourself,’ you will find that part of you that is eternal and always connected to Source. Cultivate this relationship; move into the center of it and begin to live your life from there. Then, like sad but beautiful poetry, your longing will bless you with a sense of deep feeling and purpose. It will keep you questioning, exploring, and ever reaching toward that vast spiritual horizon beyond which a whole new level of experience awaits us all.

Soul Arcanum

 

 

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Happiness is an Open Heart

Filed Under: Emotional Well-being, Energy/Vibration, Healing, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Happiness is an Open Heart


Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

I dream things before they happen and most of the time my dream world is hell. My waking life is hell too. Very few people can understand these things. I’ve had OCD since I was a teenager. I don’t fit anywhere. I feel tormented, alone and disappointed with myself. People just really don’t like me, and the few friends I allow myself always tell me I intimidate people with my intelligence. A gifted psychic told me that people don’t get me – that they are frightened because they sense that I know things. He said I was a strong empath and I hadn’t learned how to control it. My energy is really strong but not in a good way. I’m a psychologist by profession, so I’m supposed to be helping people spiritually but I can’t even help myself. Everything seems so bleak and it’s not getting better. Can you please advise me about how to feel better? I’m an Aquarius Sun, Cancer Moon and Cancer Rising. Thank you.

Cat

Dear Cat:

I chose your question because you remind me a bit of myself when I was a teenager. Though I was popular and generally happy, I too had trouble forming meaningful relationships, and I often felt profoundly lonely. I was often told that my energy was overwhelming and I was intimidating. I also struggled with OCD for a couple of years, though I licked that for good a long time ago.

Like many psychologists, it sounds like you went into this line of study in order to help yourself. (No offense, but psychologists are ironically known for being troubled souls.) I’m glad to hear that you can see the connection between being able to help yourself and being able to help others.

Here’s the thing about Aquarians and everyone who is highly intellectual by nature: though we may impress others with our minds, we’re not usually warm and fuzzy types. In fact, often the more intelligent a person is, the more challenged they are emotionally because they’re out of balance: their strengths and energy are skewed to the mind more than the heart, body or spirit. A lack of heart energy can hold us back socially and keep us from attaining deep fulfillment, especially in relationships.

Though the reasons may sound obvious to other people, intellectuals like Aquarians can be truly baffled as to why people don’t like them. After all, they’re bold, intelligent and interesting, opinionated, confident and original. If what we want is to be happy, however, our heads can’t take us there – we have to go through the heart.

It took me a ridiculous amount of time to figure out that what people crave and really respond to is love. (Isn’t love what you’re really craving too?) People are attracted to humble, self-effacing types, not brilliant know-it-alls. Further, even when we intellectuals have studied the law of attraction and think we know how to create what we want in our lives, we tend to overanalyze everything and work from the head instead of the heart.

To effectively work with the law of attraction, we have to know how to get into the feeling state of the quality of experience we desire, and sadly, feelings aren’t our forte. Like all of us, you are creating your own reality, and what you focus upon will expand in your life. From your letter, it seems you focus mainly on your fears (OCD), how your life is miserable and how no one seems to like you. You write that things aren’t getting any better, which suggests that you’re waiting for that to happen instead of taking charge and working with the law of attraction to create positive change. To attract positive experiences and people who love you, you’ll have to fill your inner world with love and positive vibes first.

The Cancer in your chart would tend to make you more emotional and less aloof than the typical Aquarius. It would also make you much more sensitive, which supports the idea that you could both be highly intellectual and highly sensitive/empathic. Astrology aside, however, much that you wrote suggests that you are really centered in your head, and what you need most is to develop your heart by cultivating love and faith. Love will attract others to you like a magnet, while faith will heal you of the OCD. (OCD is driven by fear so pervasive it takes over your life.)

The main event that changed me and my course was the death of my first love, which led me to develop compassion for the grieving and inspired me to want to help ease their suffering. This is different from pursuing work along a certain line in order to try to help ourselves, though one usually does lead to the other because to help others heal, we have to care about their struggles and have overcome them ourselves.

Along the way, I spent years working on myself and reaching for spiritual growth. Looking back, I now see that the thing I needed most was an open heart, and I believe this is true of you too: the magic elixir you’re looking for is big love. I don’t mean more love from others, but to center yourself in love and cultivate a greater capacity to love others and radiate divine love in all you say and do.

Another turning point for me was realizing that constant mental activity wasn’t a good thing. When I began to practice meditation, I realized that there are all sorts of different types of wisdom in the world, and if what I was after was enlightenment, endlessly processing things in my head wasn’t smart but detrimental.

I also noted that people who seemed to truly be at peace didn’t care one bit about how smart they were, impressing other people or convincing anyone of anything. Instead, they looked for the beauty in others, offered others love and support, and kept their hearts open to each moment. This was radically different from the way I was accustomed to living, which largely focused on proving that I was worthy of admiration and always right.

Love demands that we rise above the endless fears and desires of the ego to care about more than our own happiness, satisfaction and popularity. Ironically, by letting go of endlessly worrying about ourselves, we gain the peace, love and happiness we’ve been longing for all along.

The first thing I recommend is that you own and work with the truth that what you focus on will determine how you feel. The remedy for unhappiness is gratitude. Though your life may seem hellish in some ways, it is endlessly blessed in others. Look for things to appreciate in others, in yourself, and in every situation, and point those good things out. The more you do this, the better you will feel and the more others will be drawn to you.

Next, strive to send the warmest, highest energy you can out into the world.
Instead of trying to have all the answers for people, just give them the love, support and understanding they need to get through their struggles. Strive to be kind-hearted instead of right. Whenever you’re tempted to try to prove that you’re lovable to others, instead, focus on uplifting them and making them feel good about themselves. Since we get back what we send out into the world, this will quickly turn your course of experience around.

Finally, take up a spiritual practice that gets you out of your head, centers you in the heart and puts you in touch with gentle, spiritual people. Yoga would be a great choice, as would meditation designed to open your heart and guide you to love yourself more while sending more love out into the world. As your thoughts, feelings and inner world grow brighter, your outer experiences will follow suit. If you sincerely try, you will see that by working with the power of love, you can profoundly transform every aspect of your life.

– Soul Arcanum

 

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How to Attract True Love

Filed Under: Law of Attraction, Manifesting, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on How to Attract True Love

 

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)

Dear Soul Arcanum:

How can I use the law of attraction to manifest true love with the perfect man for me?
Kezzer

Dear Kezzer:

There are a couple of ideas we need to explore before moving on to the subject of manifesting true love.

While reunions with soul mates tend to happen on a destined schedule, in many cases, we may have some control over the speed with which we draw certain people into our lives. Usually such reunions occur when ‘the time is right’ and ‘the stars align.’ Other times, the only thing holding us up is a lack of readiness for such a relationship on our part or the part of the one we’re seeking.

It’s important to realize that the perfect relationship for us at any given time may not be one that is meant to last a lifetime or fulfill all our dreams for love, passion and harmony. We are all in the process of healing old wounds, working through old karma and growing into greater personal potential, and the greatest forum for doing so is our relationships. This means that every relationship is perfect for us at that time, for it is there to fulfill some desire or teach us something we need to learn in order to move on to a higher experience of love.

This doesn’t mean that we have to take whatever comes our way. In fact, there are lots of things we can do to prepare ourselves for true love. Should we have to wait on destiny in order to meet up with a certain individual, we can also create a delightful experience of love in the mean time.

One of the most common misconceptions I run into in my counseling work is the idea that if a relationship doesn’t work out, something must have gone wrong. In fact, all relationships arise for a good reason, and from a higher spiritual perspective, these become clear as underlying patterns of experience. It can therefore be very helpful to seek higher awareness via meditation, hypnotherapy and other spiritual practices, or via spiritual counseling with a gifted intuitive reader, for when we become conscious of the issues we’re working on, we can spark breakthroughs and fast progress.

The first thing I recommend is to work on any subconscious (or conscious) issues that may be holding you back from a fulfilling romantic experience. We all have these issues, for behind and beneath all we do there is profound longing to be loved and to love others on a deep, rich level. Further, we’ve all had painful or less than fulfilling experiences of love in the past, and if these are left unresolved, unhealed or incomplete somehow, they will hold us back from greater fulfillment until they are addressed.

All of this is perfect, for it’s what propels us toward personal growth and spiritual evolution. Our longing for a deeper sense of happiness and fulfillment keeps us trying, which is all we need to keep doing in order to naturally discover, heal and release old wounds, karma and issues. In my view, it is love and the longing for love that makes the world go ’round and gets us out of bed each morning.

As each person is a unique and beautiful individual, the issues holding people back from true love are unique and personal to them. This is another reason why it’s important to go beyond the advice and philosophies of self-help gurus and get our hands dirty by embracing spiritual practices and therapies.

There are some general common stumbling blocks, of course. I think we’re all familiar with how a lack of self-esteem can prevent people from pursuing a relationship that is truly healthy and fulfilling. Similarly, fears of rejection and abandonment hold many people back from fulfilling their dreams for love. Limiting beliefs about what is possible in love are also common obstacles. When these issues remain unconscious, they hold us emotionally hostage until they are faced, worked through and transformed to align with a higher level of experience.

Whenever we find ourselves in a pattern that is frustrating or unfulfilling, we are therefore wise to look to our inner world. To make new progress, we must examine old wounds, deep fears and limiting beliefs, and continue to stretch ourselves to heal, empower ourselves and reach for greater personal potential. If you feel blocked, I highly recommend hypnotherapy, through which you can go back and heal and release old wounds and also cultivate new beliefs and a more constructive approach to love.

As I mentioned above, there are things we can do to align with a delightful experience of love even as we’re doing whatever inner work is necessary in order to prepare for the soul mate experience our souls are yearning for.

How we feel about love is ultra-important, for we tend to manifest what we expect, and what we focus upon grows larger in our experience. Just as it is important to let go of worrying about symptoms and focus on well-being in order to cultivate good health, we are wise to look past whatever we lack in terms of love and focus on embodying love itself in order to manifest more of it in our lives.

The more we give our attention to love with a positive feeling, the more we become magnets for it in all sorts of wonderful ways. If you don’t have a partner to shower with love and affection yet, you can love the one you’re with, by which I mean that you infuse all the relationships already in your life with more love. Flow love to your friends, family, neighbors and acquaintances. Upon greeting someone, say to yourself, The love in me greets the love in thee. Visualize your heart chakra openly flowing love and good will to everyone you meet.

One of the most powerful tools for working with the law of attraction is to write the story of what you want to happen in the past tense. The key to infusing this exercise with lots of power lies in the emotional vibration it carries you into.

First just sit for a few moments and think about all you long for in love. Imagine yourself with a partner who has all the traits you find attractive. Take a few moments to get very clear about how you want to feel. Allow images to come to you as you do this. You may imagine yourself receiving flowers, going on dates and kissing someone passionately. You may see yourself attending family functions with your partner on your arm. You may imagine how wonderful it will be to have someone you adore to snuggle up with in bed. Allow this to just flow naturally.

Now sit down and write out the story of how you found this love. This is not going to be published, so don’t censor yourself. Do make sure your phrasing is positive, however, and most importantly, take time as you write this to pause and sink into all the wonderful feelings that imagining this brings up for you. If you really get into this exercise, your heart will soon be soaring. You will feel like your chest is tingling or expanding with light or energy – this is what you want!

Once your story is complete and you’ve basked in all those wonderful feelings for a while, let it go. You can put it away in a drawer or file it away on your computer. It doesn’t matter. You’re not going to go back to it because you’re going to trust that what you desire has been set in motion, and the love you long for is already on its way to you.

If you now just consciously strive to embody and flow love to everyone you meet, and you stay in a high vibration, soon delightful love will be knocking on your door.

 

– Soul Arcanum

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Why Do We Feel So Attracted to Some People?

Filed Under: Destiny/Higher Plan, Karma, Past Lives, Reincarnation, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Why Do We Feel So Attracted to Some People?


Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

Why do we fall in love with someone we hardly know? Why does this sort of thing happen? If we don’t really know them, how can we love them? I find myself in this situation and it’s just not right because it breaks all social rules and conventions. I feel a very strong, happy pull towards a particular gentleman. It’s like my heart recognizes him and is so happy to hear his name and see him, but my head is telling me to stop being silly. I think he has a soft spot for me as well. Is this just some fleeting fantasy, or is his energy pulling me toward him? Are there spiritual reasons for why we feel so drawn to some people from the moment we meet them?
K.R.

Dear K.R.:

The first thing that struck me about your question is your assumption that if something breaks social rules and conventions, it’s just ‘not right.’ I believe the only way to know what is truly right is to listen to our hearts, for there are all sorts of social conventions that are pretty crazy.

There is always a reason why we feel a certain way, but that doesn’t mean we should act on all our feelings. For example, we may feel like punching someone who makes us angry or like eating a huge bag of candy, but that doesn’t mean we’re wise to act on those impulses.

Often we distract ourselves with momentary obsessions in order to avoid facing feelings or issues that are overwhelming. Many people in unhappy marriages try to distract themselves by projecting their unfulfilled desires on a third party. This allows them to focus on something that feels good while avoiding upsetting or disturbing thoughts and feelings.

Repressed desires can also spark inexplicable attractions. Many crushes are simply the result of boredom. We all crave excitement and romance, and if we are repressing our desires by not pursuing our dreams, the passion burning within us will seek release in some other way.

I’m not suggesting that all strange attractions are somehow misguided or unfounded – far from it – but in order to determine if there are good soulful reasons behind a strange attraction, it’s important to eliminate some of the more mundane possibilities. This is sort of like ghost hunting: before we attribute phenomena to something otherworldly, we’re wise to rule out common explanations.

There are many spiritual reasons we may feel strangely attracted to someone. Usually this strong pull is karmic in nature, and suggests a positive past life relationship. Since there are many reasons we may feel as we do, however, we’re wise to consider other possibilities. For example, we may fall in love with someone we didn’t know in a past life simply because they remind us of someone we once loved deeply. In these cases, we may have that familiar feeling of recognizing someone from a past life, and old feelings of love and passion may be stirred up even though the person before us is not the soul we are “remembering.”

This can also happen with people we’ve known in the past in this life. Often we are attracted to someone because they remind us of someone else. This doesn’t have to be romantic: if we meet someone who reminds us of a beloved grandfather, we may feel strongly drawn to him, especially if we haven’t fully grieved Grandpa yet. Our subconscious is forever guiding us to finish old business and resolve personal issues, so if we meet someone who stirs up something in us that needs more attention, it’s normal to feel a sense of attraction.

Our souls are also guiding us to what we need to experience in order to learn whatever we need to learn next. I often counsel women who are looking for true love, and as I peek into the future, I may see a man coming in who is not going to be a life long partner, but who will prove to be essential to her journey to fulfillment. Somehow, this relationship will help her to learn whatever she needs to learn or heal whatever she needs to heal in order to move to a higher level of experience.

The forces behind attraction are like the force of gravity: like naturally attracts like, and holes in our beings are naturally the first things to be filled as the river of time and experience washes over us. We all have deep issues that we’re not conscious of as well as desires and questions burning in our hearts, and we naturally draw into our lives the people and experiences that can help us move toward peace and fulfillment.

Further, we often mistake the soulful things we need for the people who represent them. A good example of this is the experience of transference, when someone who is seeking something profound like inner peace, happiness or healing falls in love with his therapist. The therapist represents feeling better, but in essence is just one channel through which what is needed can flow.

Something similar happens when a person symbolizes or embodies some trait or aspect we are being called to develop further ourselves. If we are drawn to someone deeply spiritual, our own inner being may be trying to get us to lean in a more spiritual direction. If we’re out of balance, we may feel strongly drawn to someone who represents the other end of the spectrum – hence the saying that opposites attract.

Attraction is energetic. When someone’s energy harmonizes well with our own, we feel like we “click.” If someone has a higher vibration than we do, it’s natural to feel drawn to them, and if someone has a lower vibration, it’s natural to feel repelled. So if being in this man’s energy field makes you feel uplifted, it’s natural for you to want to be near him.

Often we feel deeply drawn to someone because they are a soul mate � someone we’ve loved deeply in another place and time. In such cases, it’s important to remember that what we do with our loving feelings is up to us. If acting on romantic attractions would compromise our own values somehow, we can still love that person without going in a romantic direction.

Romance is a human experience: there is never a soul reason to have physical sex with someone, except for when we are destined to have a child together in order to bring a particular soul into the world. At the same time, however, there is never a soul reason NOT to have sex with someone. As long as we don’t go against our own truths and values, we are free to follow our hearts. Of course, depending on our circumstances, we are only as free as we are brave enough to break with convention.

Often this sort of situation arises as a spiritual test: Will we find the courage to honor the truth in our own hearts? Sometimes doing the right thing means one course of action, and at other times, it means something totally different. Here social rules and conventions prove to be great spiritual tools, for what we’re really doing is learning to trust our own judgment so much that we don’t need social convention to tell us what’s right anymore.

To figure out what this attraction means for you, you must first trust that there is a good reason for it. Then ask yourself what this person represents or symbolizes to you, and how he makes you feel. If this attraction was not about this individual, what might it be about for you on a deeper soul level?

I believe we’re placed in situations where we feel drawn to people and experiences that are somehow forbidden because we’re supposed to learn how to listen to and trust our own hearts. Choosing love is always the answer, but since what that means is unique to each situation, we must ask within and trust our inner knowing to guide us.

– Soul Arcanum

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Why Do We Feel So Attracted to Some People?

Filed Under: Destiny/Higher Plan, Law of Attraction, Past Lives, Reincarnation, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Why Do We Feel So Attracted to Some People?

 

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)

Dear Soul Arcanum:

Why do we fall in love with someone we hardly know? Why does this sort of thing happen? If we don’t really know them, how can we love them? I find myself in this situation and it’s just not right because it breaks all social rules and conventions. I feel a very strong, happy pull towards a particular gentleman. It’s like my heart recognizes him and is so happy to hear his name and see him, but my head is telling me to stop being silly. I think he has a soft spot for me as well. Is this just some fleeting fantasy, or is his energy pulling me toward him? Are there spiritual reasons for why we feel so drawn to some people from the moment we meet them?
K.R.

Dear K.R.:

The first thing that struck me about your question is your assumption that if something breaks social rules and conventions, it’s just ‘not right.’ I believe the only way to know what is truly right is to listen to our hearts, for there are all sorts of social conventions that are pretty crazy.

There is always a reason why we feel a certain way, but that doesn’t mean we should act on all our feelings. For example, we may feel like punching someone who makes us angry or like eating a huge bag of candy, but that doesn’t mean we’re wise to act on those impulses.

Often we distract ourselves with momentary obsessions in order to avoid facing feelings or issues that are overwhelming. Many people in unhappy marriages try to distract themselves by projecting their unfulfilled desires on a third party. This allows them to focus on something that feels good while avoiding upsetting or disturbing thoughts and feelings.

Repressed desires can also spark inexplicable attractions. Many crushes are simply the result of boredom. We all crave excitement and romance, and if we are repressing our desires by not pursuing our dreams, the passion burning within us will seek release in some other way.

I’m not suggesting that all strange attractions are somehow misguided or unfounded – far from it – but in order to determine if there are good soulful reasons behind a strange attraction, it’s important to eliminate some of the more mundane possibilities. This is sort of like ghost hunting: before we attribute phenomena to something otherworldly, we’re wise to rule out common explanations.

There are many spiritual reasons we may feel strangely attracted to someone. Usually this strong pull is karmic in nature, and suggests a positive past life relationship. Since there are many reasons we may feel as we do, however, we’re wise to consider other possibilities. For example, we may fall in love with someone we didn’t know in a past life simply because they remind us of someone we once loved deeply. In these cases, we may have that familiar feeling of recognizing someone from a past life, and old feelings of love and passion may be stirred up even though the person before us is not the soul we are <q>remembering.</q>

This can also happen with people we’ve known in the past in this life. Often we are attracted to someone because they remind us of someone else. This doesn’t have to be romantic: if we meet someone who reminds us of a beloved grandfather, we may feel strongly drawn to him, especially if we haven’t fully grieved Grandpa yet. Our subconscious is forever guiding us to finish old business and resolve personal issues, so if we meet someone who stirs up something in us that needs more attention, it’s normal to feel a sense of attraction.

Our souls are also guiding us to what we need to experience in order to learn whatever we need to learn next. I often counsel women who are looking for true love, and as I peek into the future, I may see a man coming in who is not going to be a life long partner, but who will prove to be essential to her journey to fulfillment. Somehow, this relationship will help her to learn whatever she needs to learn or heal whatever she needs to heal in order to move to a higher level of experience.

The forces behind attraction are like the force of gravity: like naturally attracts like, and holes in our beings are naturally the first things to be filled as the river of time and experience washes over us. We all have deep issues that we’re not conscious of as well as desires and questions burning in our hearts, and we naturally draw into our lives the people and experiences that can help us move toward peace and fulfillment.

Further, we often mistake the soulful things we need for the people who represent them. A good example of this is the experience of transference, when someone who is seeking something profound like inner peace, happiness or healing falls in love with his therapist. The therapist represents feeling better, but in essence is just one channel through which what is needed can flow.

Something similar happens when a person symbolizes or embodies some trait or aspect we are being called to develop further ourselves. If we are drawn to someone deeply spiritual, our own inner being may be trying to get us to lean in a more spiritual direction. If we’re out of balance, we may feel strongly drawn to someone who represents the other end of the spectrum – hence the saying that opposites attract.

Attraction is energetic. When someone’s energy harmonizes well with our own, we feel like we “click.” If someone has a higher vibration than we do, it’s natural to feel drawn to them, and if someone has a lower vibration, it’s natural to feel repelled. So if being in this man’s energy field makes you feel uplifted, it’s natural for you to want to be near him.

Often we feel deeply drawn to someone because they are a soul mate � someone we’ve loved deeply in another place and time. In such cases, it’s important to remember that what we do with our loving feelings is up to us. If acting on romantic attractions would compromise our own values somehow, we can still love that person without going in a romantic direction.

Romance is a human experience: there is never a soul reason to have physical sex with someone, except for when we are destined to have a child together in order to bring a particular soul into the world. At the same time, however, there is never a soul reason NOT to have sex with someone. As long as we don’t go against our own truths and values, we are free to follow our hearts. Of course, depending on our circumstances, we are only as free as we are brave enough to break with convention.

Often this sort of situation arises as a spiritual test: Will we find the courage to honor the truth in our own hearts? Sometimes doing the right thing means one course of action, and at other times, it means something totally different. Here social rules and conventions prove to be great spiritual tools, for what we’re really doing is learning to trust our own judgment so much that we don’t need social convention to tell us what’s right anymore.

To figure out what this attraction means for you, you must first trust that there is a good reason for it. Then ask yourself what this person represents or symbolizes to you, and how he makes you feel. If this attraction was not about this individual, what might it be about for you on a deeper soul level?

I believe we’re placed in situations where we feel drawn to people and experiences that are somehow forbidden because we’re supposed to learn how to listen to and trust our own hearts. Choosing love is always the answer, but since what that means is unique to each situation, we must ask within and trust our inner knowing to guide us.

– Soul Arcanum

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Breaking Old Patterns to Manifest True Love

Filed Under: Healing, Hypnotherapy, Law of Attraction, Manifesting, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Breaking Old Patterns to Manifest True Love

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

I have been in a relationship for almost four years with a man that I deeply love and thought I was going to marry. We have just recently parted ways. He lost his wife over five years ago, and it seems the longer we were together, the more his grief grew and his love for me diminished. I have sadly accepted that our relationship was not healthy, and it is better for both of us to move on separately. At times I’m relieved to be free of his depression and lack of love, but I’m devastated by his rejection and the trauma of having to quickly move from our beautiful home to a very small apartment. I have been in three relationships in my life, each time with men that were emotionally unavailable for one reason or another. I now have realized that I attract men who will ultimately reject and abandon me. I’m 46 years old. How can I stop this pattern so I can enjoy a mutually loving, emotionally supportive relationship?
Warm Regards,
Michele

Dear Michele:

As I see it, you’re already on your way to something better. You’ve become consciously aware of this pattern in your life, and by seeking deeper understanding of it, you will gain the power to break free and create positive change.

In order to move on, the first thing is to become conscious of why you tend to get involved with men who are emotionally unavailable. You may think you know why, but if you continue to end up in this same situation over and over again, there must be more that you have yet to uncover.

To unearth the buried beliefs or issues behind this pattern of experience, I highly recommend hypnotherapy. Through regression work and dialoging with your higher self, you can manifest amazing transformations in your life practically overnight. I’ve been truly amazed by the breakthroughs I’ve seen people tap into by addressing the subconscious beliefs underlying undesirable patterns of experience.

For example, some months ago I worked with a friend who had all sorts of rules about love that had been drilled into her since childhood. Her mother had married for financial security, and even though her own marriage was miserable, she’d always told her daughter to find a man with money. Despite the fact that my friend is very financially successful herself, she had major hang-ups about how much money a guy had to make in order for her to be interested in him. On a conscious level, she could see that this rule about marrying money was holding her back from finding a truly nice guy because the men she dated tended to be rich, self-centered, demanding, arrogant workaholics. Nevertheless, she believed that she couldn’t be attracted to a man who wasn’t a huge financial success.

After just three sessions in hypnotherapy, everything began to change. In addition to becoming conscious of why she kept doing what she was doing, and working through some of the fears behind this limiting pattern, she also became aware of some of the lessons she is working on this lifetime, which include finding faith in her ability to take good care of herself instead of needing a man to lean on. While she is still looking for the one, instead of feeling miserable about her love life, she is now having a fantastic time dating all sorts of kind, wonderful men.

Like my friend, we all repeat dysfunctional patterns over and over again until we heal the deep wounds and learn the big lessons that keep leading us back into those situations. Thus women who grew up in families without fathers may subconsciously pursue men who will leave them, and in this way, recreate a situation where all the pain from the past can be brought to the surface and finally healed. By consciously working through the issues involved, they empower themselves to move on to a higher level of experience.

So when we find ourselves repeating the same destructive, unfulfilling patterns over and over again, we can be sure that there is something deep within us that is driving this behavior. Usually, this isn’t something we can clearly point to on a conscious level, which is why things like hypnotherapy and spiritual counseling often prove powerful where all sorts of practical, reasonable efforts fail.

Once you’ve brought any shadows into the light and healed and released them, you just need to get into vibrational harmony with what you want. This can be trickier than it sounds, for in addition to thinking about what we want, we have to FEEL the way we want to feel. To manifest true love, we have to fall in love with love and feel just as buoyant now as we expect to feel when we’ve found the one we’re looking for.

One powerful way to shift ourselves into a higher vibration in order to manifest something that has proven tricky for us is to get soaring in every other area of our lives. So if we want to have a fabulous love relationship, we’re wise to ask ourselves if every other aspect of our lives is fabulous. If we have goals or dreams that we could be pursuing in other areas, then we’re wise to get going on those relatively easy things first.

So if you want a fabulous love relationship, ask yourself these questions: Is my house in fabulous order? Am I wonderfully successful in my career? Do I look and feel fabulous? Are my finances in terrific shape? Is my daily life in order and ready for a big, wonderful new addition?

We all have things that we want and need to do that we put off for various reasons. When there are things that we CAN do to improve our lives, and we don’t get on them, we keep ourselves from the realm of bigger dreams. When we begin to stretch ourselves by doing the things we can do to shift into a higher level of experience, then new potentials move within reach and things begin to change in exciting ways.

It’s also essential to trust that things happen for a higher reason, and to give thanks for all of our experiences. For example, when things don’t work out in one relationship, we are wise to assume that we’re meant for something better.

Once we get ourselves into a state where we feel fabulous about ourselves and all we have to offer a new lover, are totally trusting that everything happens for a good reason, and can think about love and feel buoyed by a rich sense of joy and possibility, that’s when magic happens. When we’re in this very high vibration, heaven and earth move to answer our prayers for true and lasting fulfillment.

Once you’ve prepared yourself by healing old wounds, putting your life in order, and getting into a high vibration, you just need to clearly tell the Universe what you’re looking for and remain open to doing things differently this time. This may mean that you take a different approach than you’ve ever taken before, or that you open up to dating a different type of guy than you would normally be attracted to. The point is to expand your potential, and to do that, you’ll have to open up to a broader range of possibilities.

After you tell the Universe what you want, happily embrace whatever comes your way as either the solution or a stepping stone to where you want to go. The more you can love whatever comes your way with faith that it is leading you to what you really want, the faster you’ll flow toward fulfillment, and the more fun you’ll have along the way.

Finally, we get what we give in life, so wherever you are and whomever you’re with, embody LOVE. If you give the love and affection you are hoping to get to others, big love will flow back to you.

– Soul Arcanum

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