Category: Relationships


Strong Attraction to Spiritual Healer

Filed Under: Relationships by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Strong Attraction to Spiritual Healer


Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

For the past three years, I have felt a strong feeling of attraction to a spiritual healer. We have a strong telepathic connection. The love is unconditional love, not romantic, and we often encounter each other in the astral. Why do I constantly have him in my thoughts? I also feel a strong desire just to be physically near where he is to pick on his energy; it makes me feel content. We both avoid saying anything when we see each other but my higher self often nudges me to ask for a hug, which is out character for me. I get my hug and we both walk away as if nothing happened. I’m past looking for a partner as I am 61 and he is considerably younger. Can you explain this strong sense of physical attraction? Many thanks!

Valdie

Dear Valdie:

The attraction you describe is much like the phenomenon known in psychology as transference; it is very common for people to feel attracted to people who have the power and willingness to help them when they desperately need it, and the compassion to love and accept them for who they really are.

To me it is clear that you are not so much attracted to this man as you are attracted to his energy. As a healer, he no doubt shines with divine light and embodies a very high vibration. You don’t have to be psychic to pick up on this; on some level, we are all aware of others’ energy and are naturally drawn toward people with “good vibes.” Since we are all constantly evolving toward a higher vibration, it’s a bit like you are a flower and he is the sun; you naturally turn toward the the light that nourishes you and makes you grow.

As a spiritual healer, he is also a signpost for you of where you are heading on your own journey. He represents profound well-being and the ability to heal oneself, both of which you are in the process of developing. It is perfectly natural to feel attracted to people who display qualities we are in the process of developing ourselves. This is how we find our way in life and develop our own set of personal values: we feel drawn toward that which represents where we are meant to go and repelled by that which represents what we have moved away from.

This is one reason why we find people who are crude, rude and selfish highly unattractive. No doubt we have all behaved thus in the past, if not in this life, then in past lives. We learned not to be this way by experiencing painful lessons about how what we do to others comes back to us. When we see someone doing something we learned NOT to do, it’s normal to feel repelled. Similarly, we all have an inner compass guiding us to grow more personally powerful, wise, strong, beautiful and loving. When we encounter people who are “more” than we are in these ways – who are a little further down the same spiritual path we are walking – we naturally feel drawn towards them.

This attraction is exponentially magnified in someone like the healer you describe, for he not only embodies who you want to be, he embodies the divine love and light of Spirit. I have had a number of people I helped in my capacity as a spiritual healer/minister think they were in love with me over the years, and have had to explain that they weren’t really in love with me the person, they were in love with the energy of the divine that I helped them reconnect with.

Healers are able to heal because they are exceptionally adept at channeling a very high level of divine life force energy. They are the opposite of psychic vampires, for they know there is endless life force energy available to them, they know how to tap into that energy, and they are clear, open channels for it. Experienced, gifted healers never worry about being drained by needy people, for they know that they have only to stay connected to Source to enjoy an endless supply of energy. This is why you never catch your healer friend asking YOU for a hug, and why he has no qualms about giving you what you ask for: he is getting all the hug energy he needs directly from Source. You sometimes need a boost because you aren’t as clear a channel for the life force energy you need. When you do this, it’s a bit like your laptop is dying and you need to plug into someone else’s outlet to get a charge.

We all get energetically replenished as we sleep at night; in fact, this is WHY we sleep – it’s like our physical bodies are laptops that perform all sorts of tasks all day; the more we do, the more charge we use up. Sleeping, resting, and meditating are ways we plug into source to recharge our batteries.

The main thing to keep in mind is that this man represents something bigger and greater to you than the relationship itself, and THAT is what you feel drawn toward. You are being called to embody more of the energy he embodies and to become better able to channel your own divine energy instead of plugging in to other people.

Of course, you two also have a personal relationship, which is why you think about him and meet up with him in the astral. It sounds to me like he is an important spiritual teacher in your life, so it makes sense that you may seek him out or he may find you when you’re out of your body to continue your work together on other planes. I’m sure there is a karmic connection between you; it may even be that in a past life, he was not embodied but was a spirit guide for you, and you are blessed to have him with you in a physical way this lifetime.

The important thing to keep in mind is that this is not a relationship of spiritual equals: He is the healer and you are the one who is healed. He has the energy and you are the one who plugs into it. As such, this is not so much a friendship as it is a teacher/student relationship. If you view this as a friendship, you may feel uneasy about how he seems to be emotionally more important to you than you are to him.

Students are naturally drawn toward the teachers with the knowledge they need to learn just like patients naturally go to the doctors and healers who can help them. This is why you feel so attracted to him while he probably has a much more relaxed, easy energy about your relationship; he’s happy to share what you need with you, but you don’t have anything he needs in return. Because of this dynamic, it would be wise for you to focus on WHAT you are drawn to in him as opposed to focusing on how you feel about him as a person.

Please note that none of the above is meant to diminish the beauty of your bond with this special person; the connection between spiritual teacher and student is an ancient, sacred relationship. This man is blessing you with healing and illuminating the spiritual path before you, so it makes perfect sense that you would feel strongly drawn toward him even more than you might to someone who was meant to be a lover or a friend.


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Can a Relationship Make You Physically Ill?

Filed Under: Emotional Well-being, Energy/Vibration, Healing, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Can a Relationship Make You Physically Ill?


Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

I married a man I had dated for eight years. He swept me off my feet and I loved him with all my heart. After almost two years of marriage and the birth of our daughter, I was diagnosed with a blood disease that causes low blood platelets. It was an awful ordeal that involved a lot of drugs and surgery, none of which helped. This disease was active for over eight years but has been in remission for the past year. During the time I was ill, I gave birth to my son and divorced my husband, who was going to school in another town. I was supporting two households while I was sick and running the family business with no support. I was in survival mode. In the past few years, I have developed a wonderful support group. The problem is that we have two kids together, so we have to be in some kind of contact. Lately, on his visits to town, my ex has become more intimidating. Last time he came into my house and started looking through the kitchen cabinets and touching everything. While this was happening, I became physically ill and felt like I was going to throw up. After he left, I developed severe lower back pain. This subsided but now my TMJ has flared up. I know that TMJ is associated with repressed anger, which makes sense since whenever I expressed anger in the relationship, the sword was turned against me so I learned to just be quiet. I don’t know if this is some kind of karmic debt or psychic attack, but I do know that I am happier and healthier when my ex is absent from my life and my mind. Do you think that a relationship can make you physically ill? If so, what do I do to protect myself?

– Soul Arcanum

Dear J:

Since stress can make you physically ill, anyone who upsets you can affect your sense of well-being. It sounds like back when you developed this rare blood disease, you were under a great deal of stress. It’s interesting that since you made some big changes in your life and developed a strong support group, the disease has gone into remission. I believe this is not so much about your relationship with your ex as it is about how you take care of yourself.

I’m glad that you shared that you learned to repress your anger. In doing this, you were not honoring your true feelings. Stifling our true feelings leads to churning energy, which can cause all sorts of physical problems from TMJ to the dis-ease you describe. If instead of “fighting” for what you believe in, you repress your feelings, that energy will fight within you. This can cause a war in your immune system that destroys your platelets and sense of well-being instead of the “outer war” that should be taking place in the troubled relationship. (I am not advocating war or fighting but rather dealing with what is really bothering you instead of repressing your feelings.)

Any emotional disharmony or discomfort will eventually filter down to a physical level if you allow it to grow severe or go on long enough. I learned this the hard way in my own first marriage. I was deeply unhappy but since I had two small children, I was very reluctant to end the marriage. The more I tried to ignore my feelings and do what I thought I “should” do, the sicker I got. For the last year of my marriage, I could literally not breathe because I had chronic sinus infections. I’m not just talking about headaches and stuffiness; I’m talking about filling Kleenex with gobs of green gunk every hour of every day and feeling like I was drowning in mucus. Nighttime was especially miserable because I could never breathe through my nose. As soon as I left the marriage, my sinuses cleared up and I’ve not had another problem since. Was I allergic to my ex? Was my constant inner turmoil causing psychic congestion? All I know for sure is that not honoring my true feelings made me very ill indeed.

I feel your journey was similar; when you began to honor your true feelings and fulfill your true needs, you healed yourself. I encourage you to view yourself not as being in remission but rather as cured. Remember: every cell in our bodies is replaced on a regular basis, so the body you have today is NOT the same body you had years ago when you experienced problems. You have recreated yourself and have every reason to expect your health and well-being to continue because you now know how to take good care of yourself.

I also feel that the extreme discomfort you experienced when your ex was in your house was largely a result of your own fear; you had already learned to associate him with not being good for you, so when he came in and started touching all of your things, you became anxious. This was also an instinctive reaction, of course: your body knows he is not good for you, but since you were trying to be nice and polite, your instincts had to shout to be heard. Imagine that you have a loyal Golden Retriever. What would she have done in that situation? No doubt she would have started barking like crazy and refused to let your ex in. This is an uninhibited instinctive reaction; instead, you stifled your bark, put on a smile, and wound up feeling ill.

You could go one of two ways with this: you could nicely refuse to allow your ex anywhere near you or your things, or you could stop giving him so much power over you. (Personally, I would opt for the latter!)

In the situation you describe, your ex had more power than you; his chi was stronger because fear/negative emotions made you weak and vulnerable. Whenever we succumb to negative emotions, we become vulnerable to negative experiences. No one can create in your experience unless you let them; people can only negatively affect you when you are not consciously creating what you want and your own vibration is not soaring. If you are aligned with peace, love, joy and well-being, people can knock themselves out trying to upset you or control you but they will have no emotional power over you whatsoever.

There are many things you can do to reclaim your power. First, cultivate a high, fearless vibration. Assume that all is and will be well. Send positive thoughts and feelings out. Develop greater chi through practices like meditation, martial arts, yoga and prayer. Consciously channel your energy toward what you desire through various rituals like surrounding yourself with protection and cleansing your environment.

For example, you could erect a force field around your space to keep your ex from wanting to come in or touch your stuff. Have fun with this; play at it. Wouldn’t it be amusing if, after you erected this psychic force field, he stopped at the threshold and kept his hands in his pockets? If you lighten up and exercise your own power, you’ll feel better whether you work obvious magic or not.

Finally, try to send your ex love. Whether he chooses to bless you back or not, you will brighten your own world. Begin by silently saying the divine in me greets the divine in thee whenever you see him or think about him. Remember that you are both more than your personalities this lifetime, and that your souls are part of a very old story. By reaching for this higher, more loving attitude, it won’t matter what he does; you will set yourself free from any icky old karmic patterns and align with the peace and well-being you desire.


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Healing Guilt After Friend’s Suicide

Filed Under: Afterlife, Death and Dying, Energy/Vibration, Healing, Relationships, Spirit Communication, Spirits by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Healing Guilt After Friend’s Suicide

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

A very dear friend just killed himself on 3/11/11. He had come to see me a week before and we talked about how he was feeling. I tried to help by giving him ideas on how to handle his problem, and at the end of our conversation, I thought all was well with him as we were laughing at the situation he had been so concerned about. I was devastated when I heard what he had done. I can see that when he left his body, he was in a dark, cloudy, dense fog with no light. I am feeling so sad for the waste, and keep wondering if there was something more I could have done to stop him. Perhaps instead of joking about the problem, I should have been more serious. He has always said that 10 years ago, I was responsible for saving his life when he was in another very dark place – that I had pulled him back from the brink. If that’s true, why couldn’t I save him this time? What is happening to him on the other side? Will I ever hear from him again? He was not spiritual; he believed that when we die, that’s it. Anything you can say to help me deal with all of this would be so appreciated.

Marla
Dear Marla:

Though it’s normal for you to be feeling as you are feeling, I can assure you that your guilt is wholly unfounded. Your friend didn’t kill himself because of you: He killed himself because he was in more pain than he could bear. You are no more responsible for his death than if he had died of cancer or been hit by a bus.

Your question reminded me of a startling exchange I had with one of the wisest men I have ever known – my father. I was 12 years old at the time, and was mired in adolescenet angst and depressed about all I deemed to be wrong with the world. As I tried to communicate how horrible I was feeling to my father, I confessed that I had thought about killing myself. To my great surprise, he didn’t try to change my mind or save me from myself. He simply said, “It would break my heart if you ended your life, but if you are determined to do it, there is nothing I or anyone else can do to stop you.” Since my father loved me wholeheartedly, this response totally shocked me. However, it also instantly struck me as wise and true. Over the years, I have many times fallen back on this lesson when dealing with loved ones who were depressed: though we can love and support people, it is impossible to save them from themselves, for what they choose to do with their lives is ultimately up to them.

There is a wonderful book that powerfully illustrates our ultimate freedom to succumb to despair or rise above it. I’m referring to Man’s Search for Meaning in which Viktor Frankl describes his experiences in a Nazi concentration camp and how he refused to allow his persecutors to break his spirit. He wrote, Everything can be taken from a man or a woman but one thing: the last of human freedoms to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way. Your friend exercised this ultimate freedom when he chose to end his life. If someone is in despair, we can love them with all our hearts, but can’t give them the will to live.

As for what your friend is now experiencing, it’s important to keep in mind that death is a personal experience, so not all suicides are equal. What we experience when we leave this world is entirely a matter of who and how we are on the inside, for when we die, we shed our physical bodies and begin to inhabit our astral bodies. If our astral bodies are light, peaceful and happy, we end up in a happy, peaceful place. If they are heavy and dark with despair, we end up in a dark, heavy feeling place. This is why suicide is associated with negative afterlife consequences: since our astral bodies are our emotional bodies, if we are in tremendous emotional pain when we die, we end up in an emotionally dark and painful place.

That being said, I don’t believe it is any worse to be in a state of despair in the astral than it is to be in the same state here in the physical. People tend to freak out when they think about someone who has committed suicide ending up in a hellish realm, but in truth, they were already in hell when they were living. Their mistake was in thinking that by killing themselves, they could put an end to their emotional pain.

Killing oneself is an effective way to end physical pain. If a person commits suicide in order to spare himself and his family more suffering because he is terminally ill, and he does so from a feeling of love, then he may end up in a fine place in the astral; it is all dependent on his inner energy. Since the astral body lives on, suicide does not end emotional suffering. There is no quick escape from emotional despair; instead, we must grow through it and find a way to transform and heal it. This can and will eventually happen whether we are here in the physical or in the astral.

Since your friend was in emotional despair when he took his life, your perception that he is in a dark place is probably accurate. This does not mean he will remain there for all eternity any more than he would remain in emotional torment forever were he still alive here on Earth. Eventually, he will realize that running away is not the answer, which will lead him to seek a new and more effective way to feel better.

You can help him by praying for him and visualizing him in a state of well-being. You could also learn to astral travel and try to find him so you can help him directly. For more information on this, research soul rescue as practiced by shamans. I also recommend you explore the work of  Bruce Moen; he’s an expert using astral travel to find and help lost souls.

Sinking into grief and sorrow yourself won’t help your friend; it will just make him feel worse about himself for bringing you down. Blaming yourself serves no one; instead, I urge you to try to transform this experience into something positive. When you start to feel bad for any reason, remember to celebrate your blessings and live each day fully. Cultivate love in your life and strive to spread joy wherever you go. Know that your new strength, wisdom and happiness are blessings that came from your friend’s decision.

I lost my first love when he was just 18 years old. While this was certainly tragic, there are many good things that came of his death. For one thing, it launched me on a conscious spiritual journey; I would not be who I am or doing the work I am doing had this not happened. If you work with it, this can be a profound spiritual growth experience for you. You are now exploring the nature of life and death and suffering; you are searching your soul and opening up to new spiritual experiences. If you honor your desire to find a way to help your friend, you may develop all sorts of new skills and knowledge that you can use to do a lot of good in the future. By creating something positive from his tragic end, you will truly honor your friend and bless yourself with the healing you need to feel at peace again.

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Why We Feel a Magnetic Pull Toward Certain Individuals

Filed Under: Past Lives, Reincarnation, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Why We Feel a Magnetic Pull Toward Certain Individuals


Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

I am acquainted with a gentleman who evokes a strange reaction in me. Every time I see him, I feel a strong pull towards him but also a profound sense of grief. I know his energy is different from anyone else’s I have met; it’s very strong and magnetic. I don’t particularly like the way he looks, the way he dresses or even the sound of his voice. Since I don’t find him attractive, I’m baffled as to why I feel so drawn to him. After seeing him, I always end up in tears. I don’t really know what I am crying about but my soul seems to know something I don’t. I’m hoping you can explain why we feel magnetically drawn toward certain individuals and what we’re supposed to do with those feelings.

K.

Dear K.:

I know the feeling you describe well and am sure we have many readers who have had similar experiences. Though we tend to associate karmic reunions with the soul mate experience of “love at first sight,” in truth we may experience any number of different feelings upon meeting someone we’ve known in a past life.

I have experienced love at first sight a few times, and each time this happened, I wound up in a very powerful romantic relationship. I have also, however, met individuals and instantly felt inexplicable terror, unease, or simply a strange sense of familiarity. Experience has taught me to trust these feelings as meaningful. For example, the instant I first met a man who would one day end up stalking and attacking me, I felt inexplicably terrified. I am convinced that we had very intense karma between us, and that this is why he became obsessed with me. On a more positive note, when I interviewed for a job one summer in Chicago, I knew that I would both get a job offer and accept it because the woman who was to be my boss felt like someone I was going to be seeing a lot of.

It is possible to feel both drawn toward someone and unnerved by them. The relationships these connections foster usually prove to be powerful spiritual teachers. For example, when I was in college, I got involved with a <q>mean drunk</q> and went through a very painful time. When I first met this young man, I felt strongly drawn to him and at the same time profoundly uneasy around him. I believe I was intuitively sensing both the karma already between us and the challenges ahead.

The more psychically awake you are, the more you’ll tend to notice such feelings and be able to sense what they’re all about. However, even people who are psychically asleep may have such experiences when the karmic bond involved is very strong or important to their destined life plans. I believe these feelings arise from an inner spiritual compass; they help us to recognize the members of our soul family from one lifetime to the next, and they compel us to interact with the people we need to resolve karma with in order to fulfill our destined plans for each particular lifetime.

If before incarnating, two souls plan to meet and marry, they will carry this plan like a seed in their subconscious until the time comes for it to be set in motion. When they do meet, the seed comes to life and begins to grow. Their reunion awakens this memory on a more or less conscious level, which creates a sense of familiarity. The energy (karma) between them stirs up feelings that belie the nature of their existing connection. While karmic reunions tend to involve key relationships like romantic partnerships, they can involve all sorts of other bonds. Parents and children would experience strong feelings of familiarity if they were to meet for the first time as adult strangers do. In fact, adoptive parents often have strong feelings of connection when they first meet the children they are going to adopt. People who are highly psychic may recognize people they’ve known in past lives whether those people are going to be important characters in their futures or not.

It is always wise to trust our intuitive feelings and instincts. The first thing to do when these feelings arise is pay attention, for they are signs that something important is happening. When we feel frightened by someone for no apparent reason, we should take it as a sign that we should tread very carefully. When we feel drawn to someone, we should take it as a sign that we are meant to interact with them.

My feeling is that you loved this man deeply in a past life. This may have been a romantic relationship but it could just have easily been a different sort of relationship altogether. He could have been your son, your brother, your mother, your sister, your aunt, your friend or your teacher. Since you feel both strongly drawn toward him and at the same time experience profound feelings of grief whenever you see him, it is likely that when you loved him in a past life, he died before you did and you never fully healed from that loss. Just as we carry our strength and wisdom forward from past lives, we also carry old wounds that still need healing. When you see this man again, it reawakens the energy of the grief you have carried with you from the past. This grief is coming up in order to be healed and released. This will happen naturally if you simply allow those feelings to flow. Allow yourself to cry even if you don’t know why you’re crying. Allow yourself to feel what you really feel even if it seems crazy to care for someone you don’t really know well – this lifetime.

When you judge your feelings as nonsensical, you stop the flow of this energy. If instead, you surrender to your feelings with trust that they make sense on some level, you will allow those old feelings to flow through you, which will enable you to find peace in the present. You could also engage in past life therapy with a hypnotherapist to bring whatever is happening on a soul level up into your conscious awareness. This can lead to instant insights, healing and transformation.

I don’t know if it’s practical for you (my feeling is that it is not), but sometimes confessing our feelings is enough to initiate a profound shift. When we tell people we feel a strange sense of connection to them, the experience moves from an internal level to an external one, which relieves psychic tension. This makes sense because we feel strongly drawn toward someone because we are supposed to interact with them. Of course, the other person may not share our sense of connection, for they may not be as psychically awake and aware as we are. Someone who is psychically turned off may not feel anything, while someone keenly awake may both feel a sense of connection and know or intuit the reason behind it by remembering the past life experiences involved or the future destiny they are being drawn into.

It sounds like you are somewhere in the middle in that you are aware of feeling drawn toward him without knowing why. If you trust your feelings and allow them to come to the surface either of your awareness or your outer experience, you will naturally resolve any karmic tension involved and begin to fulfill your destiny as concerns this individual. Please do keep in mind that feeling strongly drawn toward someone does not mean that we are supposed to be in relationship to them forever, but rather that they are one important stop along an infinitely larger journey.

Soul Arcanum

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Healing Ancestral Wounds

Filed Under: Healing, Karma, Past Lives, Reincarnation, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Healing Ancestral Wounds


Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

Through research, I have found that recurring patterns like addictions and limiting beliefs that get passed down through generations are due to ancestral wounds. How does one go about healing an ancestral wound in order to stop the recurring pattern once and for all?

M.

Dear M.:

Though the Bible does mention that the “sins of the fathers” may be visited upon future generations, I think most of us born and raised in the West are surprised by the idea that we may both be paying for the “sins” of our ancestors and able to heal our ancestor’s wounds. However, in many Eastern and tribal cultures, it is commonly believed that we not only have individual karma to work through but family karma as well.

We inherit far more from our ancestors than our hair and eye color and our tendency to develop diabetes or heart disease. Along with gifts like athletic and artistic ability, we may receive certain mental and emotional problems. Since there is no hard line between the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual, from a metaphysical perspective, this makes sense. It’s possible to inherit all sorts of things from our ancestors, from a tendency toward violence, laziness, depression and despair to addictions, phobias, and emotional problems. If you step back and view the generations as a river of life, it’s easy to conceptualize how there is a never ending flow of energy from our ancestors down to us, which will continue on down to our descendants.

We all hold certain beliefs that we are not consciously aware of. In fact, we may think we believe one thing while our behavior tells an entirely different story. These beliefs are programmed into our subconscious minds and stored in our cellular memory. Some of these we picked up from early childhood; some were developed in past lives; some we absorbed as if by osmosis from what we sensed the people around us believed; some we inherited from our ancestors through our DNA. We have also inherited survival beliefs and instincts from our ancestors, so we may instinctively react to experiences in a way that would have been more appropriate in a different time and place. Since nearly everything we do and assume arises from the subconscious, it is very powerful to become conscious of what we really believe and work on cultivating the beliefs we truly desire to hold on this level. This is the power underlying hypnotherapy.

According to many cultures and shamanic traditions, we can not only inherit the unresolved wounds and issues of our ancestors, we can also heal them. This is because time is not actually linear. If we step outside of time to connect with those ancestors and help them to heal, we actually change our own present and future. (Since time is not linear, it is possible for those ancestors to be reincarnated and for us to connect with them anyway.) If we view moments as places, we can perhaps imagine that we have only to travel upstream to where the problem occurred to be able to work on addressing and resolving it, which will change what flows down the line to us.

Sometimes it is obvious that a family pattern is being repeated. For example, if you struggle with alcoholism and you come from a long line of alcoholics, you are clearly dealing with something you’ve inherited. Sometimes, however, we have no idea that we are playing out an unconscious program we’ve inherited. Often, it’s only when everything else has been tried that a person ends up in the hands of a healer who discovers an ancestral connection during the healing process. Of course, it is important not to assume that an ancestral pattern is the cause of a problem, for it may just as well be rooted in a past or past life experience. Spirit attachment could also be involved. Since we tend to reincarnate in the same family lines, we could even be the ancestor causing the problem!

If you suspect that you are dealing with family karma or ancestral wounds, it’s a good idea to find a healer who is experienced in such matters. A hypnotherapist will ask your own higher self/subconscious mind what’s going on and what you need in order to create what you want in your life. Some healers may use kinesiology testing or dowsing to determine the root problem. A good psychic may be able to pick up on what’s happening and what you need to do to resolve it.

As for how healers resolve such matters, it depends on who you see. A hypnotherapist will first guide you into a deep trance state. From there, she may dialog with your higher self or subconscious mind to ask what the root problem is and what needs to happen in order to resolve it. If it’s determined that you are acting out an undesirable pattern you’ve inherited from someone else, she will guide you in giving back or releasing that pattern. If it’s discovered that the belief or pattern causing you trouble is rooted in a past or past life experience, she will guide you in healing and releasing that experience and any limiting imprints and patterns you picked up as a result of it. Since every person and situation is unique, a good therapist has to know how to work intuitively with an individual in order to respond to their personal needs in the moment.

If you see a shaman and it’s determined that there are ancestral wounds that need healing, the shaman may lead you through a ritual designed to transcend space/time, connect with the ancestor, and facilitate healing. This may involve all sorts of wonderful elements such as incense, drumming, chanting, guided meditation, journeying, etc.

There are a few things you can do on your own. There are many cultures that build altars devoted to their ancestors. If you are feeling some tension or conflict with your family line, you might use regular prayer or meditation in front of a family altar as a ritual to help you begin to consciously work through your familial karmic inheritance. You can also send healing back to your ancestors much as you would send distant healing to a family member living now. I recommend meditating on whatever it is you are struggling with and sending healing to whatever comes to you, whether it’s ancestral in nature or not. Also, when we keep experiences secret, we actually give those experiences power over us. If there are any family secrets you’re holding close to your chest, you may want to unburden yourself of the power they hold over you by bringing them out into the open where you can face and deal with them.

Finally, it’s important to remember that what we inherit is a tendency, not a certainty. What we are unconscious of controls us; what we become conscious of, we can control. In my view, the most powerful way to free yourself of a negative outside influence, whether that influence comes from the people you’re descended from, the people you are living with now, or the circumstances you find yourself in, is to consciously choose to create what you want in your life. This is the power underlying personal and spiritual growth. It’s the power of working with the subconscious mind in order to cultivate positive beliefs. It’s the power of working with the law of attraction.

Biology is not destiny: you have the power and freedom to take whatever you’ve been given and mold it into whatever you desire. The key is to bring whatever is happening up into the light where you can see it clearly, for then you’ll have the power to transform it.

Soul Arcanum

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Relationship Still Haunts her Many Years Later

Filed Under: Destiny/Higher Plan, Emotional Well-being, Healing, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Relationship Still Haunts her Many Years Later


Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

I am wondering about a relationship that started when I was 20 and ended three years later. It was very rocky and passionate; it still haunts me to this day. I am married to a wonderful man who is in many ways the opposite of the man who left me to pursue his dream career. Despite my best efforts to get over it, this haunts me daily. Is this unfinished business, some sort of karmic destiny, or am I obsessed by what I can’t have ever again in this life? When I found out that he got married five years after we had broken up, I felt like someone had winded me. It was one of the worst and most embarrassing moments of my life, since our mutual aquaintance assumed I was past all of this. I’m hoping you have some insights for me. Will we ever meet again to put this to rest? Will we be together in the next life?

Anne

Dear Anna:

You are not alone; I receive many questions like yours at Soul Arcanum, and also do many readings for people who have similar issues. You’ve asked if this is unfinished business, karma or obsession, and I think all three are going on. You have a strong karmic connection to this individual, which means your relationship never really ended – it just went dormant on a physical level for a while. There is a lot of unfinished emotional business here, which is causing you to obsess about him. Though we tend to view obsession as something that is unhealthy, obsession is really a call from our subconscious that we are missing something important. In this case, it’s a sign that you have a deep wound that needs more healing.

Many people continue to have dreams about important people from their past for the rest of their lives. I often dream about my ex-husband; in fact, I probably dream about him more than I dream about my current husband, which feels strange and unsettling. In these dreams, I am usually hoping my ex will be “nice” to me. At first, I never had dreams in which he was kind to me, but over the years, the dreams have gotten more and more positive. I always wake up from those dreams feeling ridiculously happy that he bothered to give me the time of day.

These dreams have led me to realize that I still feel guilty about our marriage ending and some of the choices I made when we were together. I feel bad that I was unable to fulfill my vow to remain married to him until death. While I am very happily remarried, my ex doesn’t seem happy in his own life, so I still have a strong desire to make sure he is okay. Every time I interact with him in some way, I am reminded that he may still be hurting because of choices I made in the past. Though I may have moved on in my physical life, on a metaphysical level, I am still a few decades back, trying to find a way to make everything all better.

I also often think about a boyfriend I had in college who hurt me very deeply. As he was an angel when he was sober but a devil when he was drunk, I just can’t believe some of the things he did when he was drinking. There is a part of me that still seeks to understand and make peace with it all. Whether we are dreaming about someone from the past or they keep popping into our minds when we’re awake, it’s a sign that we have some unfinished business with that person or a wound that needs more healing.

The feelings you describe are both normal and very common. Just as the body is constantly seeking to return to balance, the soul is constantly seeking to work out any kinks or issues in order to find new peace and understanding. On a conscious or physical level, we may have moved on, but if there is debris from the past that has been swept under the proverbial rug, our subconscious mind will keep trying to drag it out so we can deal with it more appropriately.

This is what is happening when someone from the past pops into our minds. Usually, the feelings we last experienced in relationship to that person come with the thought of them; at the first hint of emotional pain, most of us stuff our thoughts of that person back under the rug. Thus we may go through years of having someone pop into our minds, for if we keep pushing them back under the rug, they remain where we may trip over them every time we pass through that inner room.

As we move through life, we are constantly growing in strength and wisdom. When we become more capable of dealing with something that happened in the past, we tend to notice thoughts about it more because we aren’t so quick to shove it back under the rug. When we finally become capable of truly dealing with something, instead of pushing those thoughts away, we begin to turn toward them with curiosity, as you are doing now. We begin to ask why this person keeps coming to mind and perhaps drawing correlations between what we’re experiencing, the patterns we’ve experienced over the years, and this old wound or issue from long ago. Instead of shoving thoughts of that person under the rug, we hold them up to the light and ponder the best way to deal with them.

It is highly likely that you will be drawn back into relationship with each other in future lives so that you can work through the karma between you. Further, whether positive or negative in nature, strong emotions create a gravitational force that draws us toward the object of those feelings. However, it is important to keep in mind that these relationships are ultimately not about the other person; they are about our own personal lessons and issues. While we may have karma with someone, we don’t actually need to interact with that person to learn whatever that relationship may have to teach us or to make peace with that individual. All of that can happen on a metaphysical level.

That being said, if you keep thinking about someone from the past and longing for closure, I think you’re wise to honor those thoughts and feelings as signs from your inner being regarding something important that you need in order to feel the way you want to feel and create what you want to create in your life. In many readings on such matters, Spirit has encouraged people to act on such feelings by seeking the person involved out and meeting with them. This can be very powerful, for it almost always leads to a far different experience than the person expects. For example, when the person who has felt “in love” with a certain individual for many years meets them in person again, they may realize that the person they have been in love with no longer exists and perhaps never did. In other words, they’ve been in love with an idea of a person, not a real individual. If someone has <q>hated</q> someone for years, they may realize upon meeting them again that they are not the monster of their memory and imagination. Such meetings can spark sudden and lasting change as they lead the sufferer to let go of fantasies rooted in the past and move on to more fully enjoy present realities.

When the individual can’t be met in person for some reason, meeting on a metaphysical level can be just as healing. This is especially helpful when the individual who is “haunting” you has died. While these encounters can be affected via meditation, a hypnotherapist would be able to guide you into a deeper level of experience and help you work through any strong feelings that come up so that you can achieve lasting peace and freedom from obsession.

Soul Arcanum

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Can Spiritual Growth Lead to Divorce?

Filed Under: Relationships, Spiritual Growth by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Can Spiritual Growth Lead to Divorce?


Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

Does our life partner change as we grow and develop on our path? As we become more spiritual, does God sometimes feel that we are ready for another partner, and is that why some marriages break? Thanks and warm regards to you!

Kiran

Dear Kiran:

I do see a strong relationship between spiritual growth and divorce. While spiritual growth can lead to incompatibility in relationships, the end of big relationships can also spark new spiritual growth. Of course, people can also avoid personal growth by bailing out of marriage or by resisting the end of an obsolete relationship.

Over the years, I’ve watched many new spiritual seekers experience upheaval in every area of their lives, and I went through something like this myself when first awakening. This is such a common phenomenon that there is even a word for it: “spiritual emergency.” It generally occurs when a person first awakens to a conscious spiritual path and begins to seek a more expanded way of being and deeper sense of meaning in their lives.

In this newly awakened state, people begin to question pretty much everything, such as who they have assumed themselves to be, what they’ve believed to be right and true, and many of the decisions they made in the past, including whether and whom to marry. As they search for an extraordinary level of experience, they have a tendency to break free of conventional occupations, lifestyles and situations.

This is all in the name of living a more authentic life. Most people go to school, pursue certain careers, get married and “settle down” simply because this is what everyone else seems to be doing. When a person awakens from this reverie, they begin to live in a more conscious manner, which naturally leads them to abandon much of what has already been established.

However, there is some danger in ascribing our feelings of attraction for others to some divine plan. Though I sense this is not what you want to hear, in my experience, when spiritual growth is behind the dissolution of a marriage, there is no third party involved. If spiritual growth is the driving force behind a divorce, a person will leave the marriage for their own true selves, not for someone else.

While it’s possible to have spiritual growth be the main cause of divorce and for there to be a lover (or potential lover) waiting in the wings, it’s generally wise to make sure that the reason for ending a marriage is not this other person. I’m even going to go out on a big limb and suggest that it’s never a good idea to leave one person for another. Statistics support me in this, for research indicates that when a person leaves a spouse to pursue a relationship with a third party, that second relationship is twice as likely to fall apart as the relationship that was ended.

Further, people who end a marriage for someone else are the most likely to regret getting divorced. This is because the divorce was not caused by spiritual growth but a desire to avoid something and unfounded assumptions. Since all relationships are important, if we’ve already made a sacred vow to someone, I believe we owe it to everyone involved to base our decisions about that relationship on the relationship itself instead of our hopes or feelings for some third party.

It is true that spiritual growth can make us incompatible with someone we used to be in harmony with. While both partners can simply grow in different directions, usually one partner awakens before the other. This can create tension, especially if partners put pressure on each other to be more like them. The loneliness of feeling unaccepted and misunderstood can lead one or both partners to search for kindred spirits, which can lead to all sorts of confusion and complications.

Since like does attract like, we are naturally attracted to people who are of a similar vibration. We are also naturally drawn toward people to whom we already have a deep spiritual bond due to other/past life experiences. This pull doesn’t necessarily mean that being with them will make us happy, however – it just means we have something to gain from interacting with them.

People often feel irresistibly drawn toward each other and end up having a tumultuous sort of relationship because big karma drew them back together. Instead of happily ever after, what they get is a whole new set of challenges. In my reading work, I often see love affairs as destined connections that aren’t meant to be permanent but are instead designed to help individuals reconnect with who they really are and what they really want. As such, they involve strong feelings of attraction, but are only meant to be temporary bridges between what has been and a more authentic future. It is foolish to expect such attractions to fulfill all our dreams for love or to allow them to affect how we feel about the other people in our lives.

For what it’s worth, I think the high divorce rate is a natural sign of the times, for life on Earth has changed dramatically since the invention of marriage. Where we used to struggle to physically survive, we now have the luxury of pursuing emotional fulfillment and spiritual growth. The pace of life has also increased dramatically, and we’ve all gained an incredible amount of freedom. Where we used to live in one place our whole lives and have few choices in terms of mates, we can now travel around the world and connect with anyone on the planet with the help of the internet.

As a result of all of these changes, people are living the equivalent of several lifetimes’ worth of experiences in just one incarnation, which means they are growing and changing at a faster rate than ever before. Given this new pace, it just makes sense that we may need several lifetimes’ worth of relationships in order to keep making progress.

I’m not suggesting we abandon marriage whenever the impulse strikes us – far from it. To determine the value of a relationship, we must ask ourselves if it is based on love or fear. If people stay together because they’re worried about how others will react if they split up, they are staying together out of fear. One might argue that they are staying together out of love for those other people, but the bottom line is that they are afraid of what will happen if they listen to their hearts. When we do anything from fear, it will eventually break down and lead us back to make a new decision.

Though we might be able to physically force people to stay together, love can’t be legislated, and hearts can’t be bound by spoken words or written contracts. We should stay with someone because we love them and want to be with them, for this the only sort of relationship that proves to be truly happy for everyone involved.

Though we tend to view the choice to divorce in a negative light, from a higher spiritual perspective, it’s more like a graduation from one phase of life and the launch of a fresh new beginning. We don’t condemn someone who has long been miserable in a particular career when they finally quit that job to pursue their dreams; we celebrate their courage and their determination to live a fuller, more rewarding life. With the right perspective, the end of a marriage can similarly be celebrated as a tremendous opportunity to expand and enrich our lives. For more on how divorce can be a positive spiritual experience, I recommend the book Spiritual Divorce: Divorce as a Catalyst for an Extraordinary Life by Debbie Ford.

Soul Arcanum

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Psychic Feels like a Fraud

Filed Under: Intuitive Development, Psychic Ability, Psychic Readings, Relationships, Spiritual Growth by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Psychic Feels like a Fraud


Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

I do psychic readings for a living and also because I enjoy helping others. However, over the last few months, I panic as soon as I think about doing a reading because I feel like I’m a fraud. I have had a lot of stress over the last few years. I’ve lost faith in myself so much that I feel utterly lost. It may help you to know that I’m also very concerned about my choice of life partner. I feel like something is not quite right about this relationship but I can’t work out what’s wrong. We’ve been together for three years, and within that time, my life, work, health and spirituality have suffered a marked decline. He is always nice to me so I don’t understand what’s wrong.

Karen

Dear Karen:

This may sound a little odd, but I think the fact that you feel like a fraud for no apparent reason says good things about your ethics. To me, it says that you care deeply about the quality of your work and would never want to misrepresent yourself or your services. I bet all the best psychic professionals regularly question themselves, their abilities, and the value of their work – I know I certainly do!

There are a number of good reasons for this questioning. For one thing, being a psychic is an unusual endeavor. There is also a lot of denigration of the term “psychic” and everything related to psychic reading work in mainstream society, so it takes an extraordinary amount of self-esteem to walk this path. Telling someone you’re a psychic is sure to raise eyebrows; while some people will be intrigued, many will immediately write you off as either self-deluded, crazy or a charlatan. If you don’t have rock solid faith in yourself, other people’s opinions will constantly eat away at your confidence.

The psychic realm is itself slippery and ethereal, for we’re dealing with that which can’t be perceived or measured by physical means. In this sense, doubt about one’s psychic abilities is similar to all the other spiritual doubts that plague humankind. I regularly review all the amazing experiences I’ve had that contributed to my spiritual beliefs. When I take all of that evidence together, I can’t deny what it’s saying, but when I don’t “live” that reality day after day because I’m immersed in mundane life, it’s natural to start doubting the conclusions I came to in the past.

Being a psychic is like being a painter. It’s pretty easy to determine if you’ve done a “good job” when you’re painting walls and trim, but if you’re creating original works of art, “good” becomes a very subjective matter. Most poets, novelists, dancers and other creative types regularly go through periods of doubt when they wonder if they’re deluded, if it’s ridiculous to consider themselves artists, and even if what they produce is utter crap. In fact, I bet the more successful the artist, the more they doubt the quality of their work.

You don’t have to be an artist to suffer this sort of self-doubt, however. Many highly skilled, knowledgeable and successful people suffer from “Impostor” or “Fraud Syndrome” in which they feel like their success is nothing more than luck or others mistakenly believing them to be more capable, skilled and knowledgeable than they really are. In fact, in 1984, a study of randomly selected American psychologists demonstrated that nearly 70% of them felt like impostors! When you add in the extra challenges of the psychic component, it’s no wonder psychic professionals sometimes feel this way.

Working as a psychic or spiritual counselor is a very heavy responsibility. In my view, it’s like surgery for the soul, for when people reach out for help from us, they are often desperate for comfort, hope and guidance. Since people tend to believe whatever psychics say more than their own inner guidance and common sense, our words have extraordinary power both for better and for worse. Many traditional counselors trying to help deeply troubled people also regularly doubt themselves and their ability to be of true help because so much is at stake.

There is something I do that helps when I start to doubt myself. I’ve always asked for feedback on my reading work, and I keep all of that feedback in computer files. When I start to experience the doubts you’re going through, I’ll go back and read through some of this feedback. When I read email after email full of appreciation and amazement for my work, I begin to relax and remember that I have only to keep doing what I’ve been doing to continue to succeed.

I do think the fact that your life has not been going well is playing a big role in all of this. In fact, one way to evaluate the power of your intuition is to ponder how well your own life is going. Since it sounds like things have been going downhill in many areas for some time now, odds are good that you’re not listening to your intuition, and this would certainly prevent you from doing good psychic reading work for others. I also happen to be of the opinion that if you’re feeling utterly lost yourself, you shouldn’t be trying to guide others. This may be another reason you’re feeling like something of a fraud.

There are lots of reasons why someone who is highly psychic may turn off the voice of their intuition. In your case, your inner guidance has been telling you that something is not right about your relationship, but your head has been arguing with your intuition by saying that this guy is nice to you so your feelings must be unfounded. Since you’re still in this relationship, your head is obviously winning. You can’t regularly deny or ignore what your intuition has to tell you about yourself and still get great psychic impressions for others.

You don’t mention if you’ve had any professional training. If not, now would be a good time to get some. Once you’ve reconnected with your own inner guidance and honored it by taking action to create what you want in your own life, you should be able to return to reading for others with a reasonable degree of confidence, especially if you’ve learned and mastered reliable techniques for tuning in to a high level of spiritual guidance.

Trust plays a huge role in psychic performance. This is a bit of a Catch-22, but if you doubt yourself, you’ll tend to fail, which will just create more doubt. To bring through pure psychic information, we have to connect to Spirit and relay what we get without filtering it. Knowing that we’ve been trained by the best can give us the confidence to relay our impressions without censoring them.

It’s also essential to develop a good working relationship with Spirit and then simply trust that whatever is needed will be provided. I always feel a little tense when beginning a reading because I care deeply about doing my best. After I pray for Spirit to help me deliver a reading that is accurate, useful and empowering for my client, I place the outcome in Spirit’s hands and just get on with it.

What we do as psychics is really extraordinary; if we thought we had to do it all on our own, it would be natural to feel paralyzed by trepidation. Fortunately, all we have to do is remain clear channels for a high level of guidance and trust in Spirit to deliver whatever the person we’re working with needs to hear at that time.

– Soul Arcanum

 

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Soul Work, Soul Contracts and Karma

Filed Under: Destiny/Higher Plan, Karma, Past Lives, Reincarnation, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Soul Work, Soul Contracts and Karma

 

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)

Dear Soul Arcanum:

I’m confused about the nature of soul work and soul contracts. I was involved with a man I know to be my soul mate. He wouldn’t commit and was seeing a younger woman. Through various experiences, I came to realize that I have shared a number of past lives with him. In the most recent past lives as well as in this life, a third soul has interfered with us establishing a relationship. (It is always this younger woman. Whenever we start to work things out, she interferes.) I know we have a deep soul connection, but I also know that he is afraid of doing the soul work to resolve the karma between us because it is painful. I need to know if it is possible to complete the soul work between us without him, since he is refusing to fulfill the soul contract between us. We were supposed to be together, but he is thinking of marrying the younger woman. I wish him the best but want to be free of all of this suffering.

Karan

Dear Karan:

I’m not crazy about the term soul contract; it could be misleading by causing some of us to feel like our loved ones somehow owe us something, and if they don’t do what we think they should do, then somehow they are failing us or reneging on some cosmic deal. When we talk about working on karma, we are wise to always focus on what we can do to make things right with others, not what we think they need to do to make things right with us.

Many people assume that finding a soul mate is the answer to their lifelong prayers for love, but this is often far from the truth. Soul mate relationships tend to be intense, passionate and often volatile because they are ripe with learning and growth opportunities. Further, many people view divorce or the end of long-term love affairs as the failure of those relationships, but in truth, those endings always propel us forward into new lessons and experiences, so they facilitate new growth and the potential for greater love.

I would keep an open mind about the deeper nature of your relationship, for no one can say for sure what the higher plan for you all may be. Even if your assumptions are valid, then the three of you all have strong soul connections to each other. It may be that your man has chosen to fulfill the contract he has with this younger woman and to tackle the lessons involved in that relationship instead of focusing on the lessons that your relationship may have to offer.

This brings us to the wisdom of remembering that we all have free will. Life puts before us an endless smorgasbord of learning paths and potentials, and we get to choose moment by moment what we will savor next. It’s entirely possible that your man is following his heart and in line with fulfilling his destiny, and is therefore not really avoiding anything. When we assume that we are right and others are wrong about deeper truths such as the soul nature of a relationship, we are almost always stuck in ego.

It’s also possible that you are caught up in a vow from a past life that is no longer valid or beneficial. When we make sacred vows, they can follow us from lifetime to lifetime until we consciously withdraw them and tell all levels of our being that we are free to move on. When we are caught up in an old vow, we often experience just what you describe: a tumultuous roller coaster of passion and conflict, union and separation, followed by reunion and another round of drama.

It’s clear to me that you have lessons to learn from the situation exactly as it is, and that it would be wise to smile upon all that happens with trust in a higher plan. It may be, for example, that your soul agreement was to come together in just the manner you describe: to return together lifetime after lifetime and feel that sense of connection, only to have him be pulled away or choose another path, and for you to learn to make peace with his decision and not having things go the way you think they should go.

Not even the greatest psychic can say for sure exactly what has been happening throughout your lifetimes together, and more importantly, WHY. One thing I do know is that any perspective that blames one party in a situation as wrong and the other as somehow unfairly victimized is very limited and distorted. On a soul level, you are agreeing to go through all of this too, so there must be a good reason for it. Given your inner conflict and turmoil about it all, it clearly holds powerful lessons for you personally.

All of this being said, I do understand how you feel. I had a similar experience with a woman I remembered having a very deep and troubled past life history with. I wanted us to do everything we could to make peace with each other and cultivate new love so that the next time we meet, we would have lots of good karma going in instead of repeating the same old patterns. She, however, demonstrated no interest whatsoever in working on our karma together. It became clear to me that I was far more troubled about the state of our relationship than she was, and perhaps there was great wisdom in simply letting it all go. Certainly it made no sense to insist on dancing with someone who clearly didn’t want to dance with me. To my great surprise, I eventually realized that I had learned and grown more from her refusal to “love me” as I wanted to be loved than I would have from working on the relationship with her.

What did I learn? I learned that I can’t always bend my spiritual path in the direction I think it should go. I learned to surrender with trust that everything happens for a good reason. I learned that I don’t need anyone else to do anything in particular for me to feel better – that I can reach for a high vibration and cultivate love and joy in my heart all on my own. I learned to trust even more in the law of attraction, and to keep in mind that when relationships go against nature or a higher plan, it’s like swimming upstream to try to keep them together. Perhaps most of all I learned that I don’t have to get a certain person’s love or approval to be happy and to love and approve of myself.

This is a really huge lesson to learn, for we all hunger for love, and we also tend to value the love of people who are hard to win over more than the love of the people who already adore us. We can thus spend lifetime after lifetime seeking the love of one particular individual obsessively, when deep down, what we really hunger for us a sense of wholeness and well-being in and of ourselves. All these relationships, soul agreements, soul contracts, karmic entanglements and the like are just dramas through which we work out the love within us and between us and the Divine, which means we can get what we need through an endless number of experiences. We don’t need any particular individual to soar free and clear of old issues, wounds and hang-ups, for everything is ultimately about us and our own journey to Divine Grace.

I recommend you let go of making this guy so special in your mind and heart, and begin to look at all of this in a more general, symbolic way. What does this man symbolize for you? What are the lessons and issues you’ve been working out through this relationship? If you focus on those deeper personal issues, you can set yourself free of this drama and move on to new lessons and more fulfilling connections. Your own heart and soul determine the quality of your experiences far more than your history does; if you are at peace and full of love, you can soar free of old patterns to cultivate much higher levels of experience.

– Soul Arcanum

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Psychic is Plagued by Jealousy

Filed Under: Psychic Ability, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Psychic is Plagued by Jealousy

 

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)

Dear Soul Arcanum:

I am highly psychic and can often tell what other people are feeling or going through. Most of the time this is a good thing, but lately, I fear it’s going to ruin the otherwise wonderful relationship I have with my fiance. The trouble is that I can tell when he is attracted to another woman, which happens frequently. When I tell him that I can tell when he is checking someone out even when he tries to hide it (and he’s really good at hiding it), he usually lies about it. I can then tell that he’s lying, and at that point, we usually get into a big fight. I’m starting to wonder if I should marry him or not, for he is attracted to other women and dishonest about it, and both of those things are driving me crazy. I would love to hear your spiritual advice on this one!

Brooke

Dear Brooke:

I know just what you’re talking about, for I can sense when my husband is attracted to another woman as well as how it feels to have him lie to me about it. We’re pretty much at peace with this issue these days, so hopefully, my own journey will prove helpful to you.

First, you’re probably right in your intuitions that he is indeed attracted to other women, for our instincts are particularly sharp when it comes to protecting our “territory.” Further, if he wasn’t interested in beautiful women, he wouldn’t be in a relationship with you to begin with. People who love to garden don’t admire just one kind of flower; if they have an eye for beauty, they look for and see the beauty in all of nature. They may have a favorite kind of flower, of course, but just as we couldn’t expect a rose gardener to stop finding tulips and daisies delightful, we can’t expect a person to stop finding other people beautiful just because they’re in a committed relationship.

Speaking of that commitment, it would be easy to be faithful if we never found anyone but our partner attractive. What makes commitment so meaningful is the fact that we do find other people attractive but we choose to refrain from acting on those feelings in order to focus our time and attention on the person we’ve decided to put first in our lives. So making a commitment is not about losing attraction for everyone else; we just choose to resist those fleeting desires in order to safeguard something we deem to be more important.

If you want to be a happy psychic, you’re going to have to find a way to raise your vibration in order to see the divine beauty and perfection in everyone you meet, for you’re going to see all the “unacceptable” stuff we’ve been conditioned to hide from others’ view.

This brings me to my key point, which is that we can’t help how we feel. Your fiance lies to you when you confront him about checking out other women because he feels attacked, and also because he doesn’t want you to feel slighted. Since your fiance can’t help how he feels any more than you can stop feeling jealous, what can you do?

First, it’s important that you don’t repress your feelings, for then you will start to act in “crazy” ways and things will just get more confusing. We’ve all been down this road before, where we try to repress or deny our anger only to totally lose our temper over something insignificant. Repressing our feelings doesn’t get rid of them; it just lets them fester and slowly poison us from the inside out. Further, if you decide to try to hide how you are feeling, you will tend to pull back while you process, and may even try to love him less in order to protect your heart. This is not the answer if you want a vibrant, fulfilling relationship.

The key to a warm, intimate bond is for both of you to feel free to feel how you feel and let your feelings show. This will also naturally lead to personal growth and healing. To feel connected to each other, you must feel safe to gently express how you feel and he must feel the same. This doesn’t mean he has “made” you feel as you do; in fact, it’s important for you to tell him that you don’t expect him to make you feel better and that this is your own issue – you just need to express how you’re feeling in order to feel close to him. If you can lovingly tell him that you know you are feeling this way because he is so important to you, all the better.

When we stop trying to blame one person for being wrong, relationship dynamics get much lighter. We have gotten to the point in my marriage where I can indicate that I’m feeling jealous in a light and playful way because I know it’s my own issue. When I take this approach, my husband wisely chooses to see this as a sign that I really care and usually responds by reassuring me that he would never want to lose me either.

Instead of viewing jealousy as a sign of trouble in an otherwise wonderful relationship, we’re wise to stop when we feel insecure and look at our upset as a sign pointing toward some fear or issue we are being personally called to work on. When we feel jealous, it’s because we’re afraid of losing our position in someone’s heart; we’re afraid they will find someone they like better than us, and we will be alone or things will change for the worse.

Here’s the deal: everything changes, so resisting change is a recipe for suffering. Further, nothing lasts forever except for true love. Only when we make peace with this truth are we able to really love and build a deep connection on a soul level, for we can’t mandate that someone love us as we want to be loved, and when we try, we usually just destroy whatever love was there to begin with.

It is wise and empowering to trust that whatever happens, all is well. If we stay together for the rest of our lives, that is good; if we don’t stay together for the rest of our lives, that must also be good, for everything happens for a good reason. Getting past fear by finding faith in this truth empowers us to love from love instead of from fear, and then our relationships become blessed and harmonious.

So to truly love another person, we can’t come from fear and a sense of needing them. As nothing lasts forever, we’re wise to give thanks for the love and blessings in our lives today and make the most of them. This approach tends to keep relationships warm and growing. When we cling to someone out of fear, we become like a parasite, strangling the relationship. This is what happens when someone is constantly jealous and angry: instead of drawing others close, they drive them away because they aren’t coming from love but from fear and self-concern.

Instead of trying to ferret out and forbid your fiance’s attraction for everyone but you, I recommend you make peace with your jealousy as well as your fiance’s natural attraction to the beauty around him, whether that beauty is in a sunset, a flower or another woman’s figure. To expect him to be open to your beauty but closed to the beauty in every other female is unreasonable. When people demand this of their partners, they may get it, but at the expense of their partner’s attraction to them as well, for the partner closes down and stops looking for beauty in general because he has been conditioned to associate feelings of attraction with being punished.

When someone beautiful comes along, you can let your own beauty shine through by admiring them too. Look for the beauty in what your fiance finds attractive and try to appreciate it. Above all, remain thankful for the fact that even though your partner may find other people beautiful, he is choosing to just watch them pass by while he makes a life with you.

– Soul Arcanum

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