Category: Past Lives


Can Departed Toddler Come Back as New Baby?

Filed Under: Death and Dying, Destiny/Higher Plan, Past Lives, Reincarnation by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Can Departed Toddler Come Back as New Baby?


Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

Three months ago, we lost our beautiful, healthy, 23 month-old little girl, Jasmine. It was a very sudden and unexpected death from a rare respiratory disease. On the morning of January 13, we found her dead in her crib. She went from having a low grade fever and strep throat infection to dead within 12 hours. I have two questions: During the night of her death, I had a dream about my husband and me. We were standing in the doorway of an emergency room, looking over a team of doctors and nurses working on a patient. All I could see were little feet. I didn’t feel panicked or afraid. The next morning when we found Jazzie unresponsive, I called 911 while my husband performed CPR to no avail. At the hospital while my husband and I were standing in the doorframe, watching over the crew trying to reanimate our baby, I remembered my dream. It was exactly the same – even my outfit was identical. Also, my husband told me he had a dream of hearing Jazzie breathing like a dying animal. Our bedroom is far from Jasmine’s and both doors were shut. Do you have an explanation? Finally, I am wondering about reincarnation. If we pray, ask and plea, can she come back to us as another child? Her four-year-old sister, Sofia, is missing her so much; they are best friends. She says she sees Jasmine at night before falling asleep and she also sees her in the car, sitting next to her. Jasmine was such a wonderful child and so full of life. We are hoping that she will come back to us in our next baby. Thank you in advance for your response.

Nathalie

Dear Nathalie:

My heart goes out to you; I can’t imagine the grief you are going through. Hopefully my response will bring you comfort and ease your suffering, for I believe that what you desire is not only possible but happens all the time.

First let’s address your dreams. I see two possible explanations, either of which could apply to either dream. One possibility is that these were warning dreams that something was wrong. This interpretation best suits your husband’s dream, which may have been trying to tell him what was happening with Jazzie at that moment.

Your dream was more premonitory. Usually dreams about upcoming tragedies are designed to help us through subsequent events. They prepare us by allowing us to emotionally experience a devastating situation in a state of mind that is detached from the experience, and they bring us comfort afterwards by providing evidence that there is a higher plan at work. (If we experience something before it actually happens, we must suppose that it was meant to happen.)

Now let’s turn to your desire for your daughter to be reborn to you as a new baby. First, it helps to know that there is ample evidence in support of reincarnation. Perhaps the most famous is the work of Dr. Ian Stevenson, whose books describe his in depth research with children who remember all sorts of verifiable details from former lives. Even more convincing are the physical similarities between these children and the people they claim to have been in a prior life. For example, in 35 percent of his cases, Dr. Stevenson found the children had birth marks or birth defects that matched wounds from prior lives.

As the evidence for reincarnation is there for whoever wishes to explore it, let’s move forward. First I’d like to counter your question with one of my own: If we all live many lives, why wouldn’t we be able to return to the same parents in the scenario you describe? As for why a soul would choose to die young only to return to the same family, this may be done to achieve two goals: so the family will be blessed with the spiritual growth experience of such a loss, and so the soul can then come back and live out the life that was cut short.

This brings me to some books by Carol Bowman I think you’ll find most interesting: Children’s Past Lives and Return from Heaven: Beloved Relatives Reincarnated Within Your Family offer some case studies of just what you’re hoping for. Of course, it can be tricky to determine if a child is the reincarnation of someone formerly known. As mentioned above, one way is to look for distinguishing marks and features beyond what one would expect from genetics. Another is to ponder the child’s quirks, passions and phobias. Perhaps the only way to be sure is to have the child relay memories that are evidential of their former identity.

These usually come to light when children are just old enough to form complete sentences. At that time, they may say things like, “When I was here before…” or “When I was a man (woman, soldier, etc.)…” They may ask about someone you’ve never heard of or possessions they’ve never had by saying things like, “Where’s my rifle?” or “Where’s my other mother?” This information is usually communicated in a very matter of fact way, and the details remain consistent over time. These children often use words that are beyond their years or talk about things they’ve had no exposure to yet.

Your first step is to consciously communicate with your daughter’s spirit and ask her if she would like to return to you as a new baby. There are many ways to go about this; you might do it via meditation or by inviting her into your dreams. Since every situation is as unique as the individuals involved, it’s best to pray for Spirit to guide you in achieving this aim. It may help to research pre-birth communication, in which the spirit of an as yet unborn child communicates with his or her mother. This can occur before conception; in fact, my daughter came to me as a spirit before I’d ever thought about having another child and told me that it was time for her to be conceived.

Life between life research indicates that most of the time, we are free to choose when and where we reincarnate. Since we all carry karma that must be resolved and desires yet to be fulfilled from previous lives, we tend to return to the same families. As most people live many decadies, this is usually as a member of a future generation, but there are many cases where children died young and returned to the same mother. Since I know you need all the reassurance you can get, I’ve dug up a couple of quotes from experts:

A soul who agrees to take the body of a baby who dies at a very young age can reincarnate again very quickly, and it would have been agreed beforehand…so if the first life is to teach other souls a life lesson, then the second life may be agreed at the same time…When babies die very young, the soul can reincarnate in the same family or nearby. – Ian Lawton, from The Wisdom of the Soul: Profound Insights from the Life Between Lives

When a mother loses her child for whatever reason, I have found the odds are quite high that the soul of this baby will return again to the same mother with her next child. – Michael Newton, Ph.D., from Destiny of Souls

I do want to point out that any child born to you would have a deep soul connection to you and therefore be just as precious to your heart as Jasmine was. Whether Jasmine returns as your child or your relationship with her takes some other form, you can count on the fact that you will find each other again. If your daughter does come back to you as a new baby or in some other relationship, please let us know; I’m sure many people would find hope and comfort in your story.

Soul Arcanum

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Soul Work, Soul Contracts and Karma

Filed Under: Destiny/Higher Plan, Karma, Past Lives, Reincarnation, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Soul Work, Soul Contracts and Karma

 

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Dear Soul Arcanum:

I’m confused about the nature of soul work and soul contracts. I was involved with a man I know to be my soul mate. He wouldn’t commit and was seeing a younger woman. Through various experiences, I came to realize that I have shared a number of past lives with him. In the most recent past lives as well as in this life, a third soul has interfered with us establishing a relationship. (It is always this younger woman. Whenever we start to work things out, she interferes.) I know we have a deep soul connection, but I also know that he is afraid of doing the soul work to resolve the karma between us because it is painful. I need to know if it is possible to complete the soul work between us without him, since he is refusing to fulfill the soul contract between us. We were supposed to be together, but he is thinking of marrying the younger woman. I wish him the best but want to be free of all of this suffering.

Karan

Dear Karan:

I’m not crazy about the term soul contract; it could be misleading by causing some of us to feel like our loved ones somehow owe us something, and if they don’t do what we think they should do, then somehow they are failing us or reneging on some cosmic deal. When we talk about working on karma, we are wise to always focus on what we can do to make things right with others, not what we think they need to do to make things right with us.

Many people assume that finding a soul mate is the answer to their lifelong prayers for love, but this is often far from the truth. Soul mate relationships tend to be intense, passionate and often volatile because they are ripe with learning and growth opportunities. Further, many people view divorce or the end of long-term love affairs as the failure of those relationships, but in truth, those endings always propel us forward into new lessons and experiences, so they facilitate new growth and the potential for greater love.

I would keep an open mind about the deeper nature of your relationship, for no one can say for sure what the higher plan for you all may be. Even if your assumptions are valid, then the three of you all have strong soul connections to each other. It may be that your man has chosen to fulfill the contract he has with this younger woman and to tackle the lessons involved in that relationship instead of focusing on the lessons that your relationship may have to offer.

This brings us to the wisdom of remembering that we all have free will. Life puts before us an endless smorgasbord of learning paths and potentials, and we get to choose moment by moment what we will savor next. It’s entirely possible that your man is following his heart and in line with fulfilling his destiny, and is therefore not really avoiding anything. When we assume that we are right and others are wrong about deeper truths such as the soul nature of a relationship, we are almost always stuck in ego.

It’s also possible that you are caught up in a vow from a past life that is no longer valid or beneficial. When we make sacred vows, they can follow us from lifetime to lifetime until we consciously withdraw them and tell all levels of our being that we are free to move on. When we are caught up in an old vow, we often experience just what you describe: a tumultuous roller coaster of passion and conflict, union and separation, followed by reunion and another round of drama.

It’s clear to me that you have lessons to learn from the situation exactly as it is, and that it would be wise to smile upon all that happens with trust in a higher plan. It may be, for example, that your soul agreement was to come together in just the manner you describe: to return together lifetime after lifetime and feel that sense of connection, only to have him be pulled away or choose another path, and for you to learn to make peace with his decision and not having things go the way you think they should go.

Not even the greatest psychic can say for sure exactly what has been happening throughout your lifetimes together, and more importantly, WHY. One thing I do know is that any perspective that blames one party in a situation as wrong and the other as somehow unfairly victimized is very limited and distorted. On a soul level, you are agreeing to go through all of this too, so there must be a good reason for it. Given your inner conflict and turmoil about it all, it clearly holds powerful lessons for you personally.

All of this being said, I do understand how you feel. I had a similar experience with a woman I remembered having a very deep and troubled past life history with. I wanted us to do everything we could to make peace with each other and cultivate new love so that the next time we meet, we would have lots of good karma going in instead of repeating the same old patterns. She, however, demonstrated no interest whatsoever in working on our karma together. It became clear to me that I was far more troubled about the state of our relationship than she was, and perhaps there was great wisdom in simply letting it all go. Certainly it made no sense to insist on dancing with someone who clearly didn’t want to dance with me. To my great surprise, I eventually realized that I had learned and grown more from her refusal to “love me” as I wanted to be loved than I would have from working on the relationship with her.

What did I learn? I learned that I can’t always bend my spiritual path in the direction I think it should go. I learned to surrender with trust that everything happens for a good reason. I learned that I don’t need anyone else to do anything in particular for me to feel better – that I can reach for a high vibration and cultivate love and joy in my heart all on my own. I learned to trust even more in the law of attraction, and to keep in mind that when relationships go against nature or a higher plan, it’s like swimming upstream to try to keep them together. Perhaps most of all I learned that I don’t have to get a certain person’s love or approval to be happy and to love and approve of myself.

This is a really huge lesson to learn, for we all hunger for love, and we also tend to value the love of people who are hard to win over more than the love of the people who already adore us. We can thus spend lifetime after lifetime seeking the love of one particular individual obsessively, when deep down, what we really hunger for us a sense of wholeness and well-being in and of ourselves. All these relationships, soul agreements, soul contracts, karmic entanglements and the like are just dramas through which we work out the love within us and between us and the Divine, which means we can get what we need through an endless number of experiences. We don’t need any particular individual to soar free and clear of old issues, wounds and hang-ups, for everything is ultimately about us and our own journey to Divine Grace.

I recommend you let go of making this guy so special in your mind and heart, and begin to look at all of this in a more general, symbolic way. What does this man symbolize for you? What are the lessons and issues you’ve been working out through this relationship? If you focus on those deeper personal issues, you can set yourself free of this drama and move on to new lessons and more fulfilling connections. Your own heart and soul determine the quality of your experiences far more than your history does; if you are at peace and full of love, you can soar free of old patterns to cultivate much higher levels of experience.

– Soul Arcanum

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Reincarnation, Personality and the Soul

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Dear Soul Arcanum:

How much of our personality carries over across lifetimes? Is it possible for a totally introverted person to decide to be very extroverted in his/her next life? Or is there a certain essence of us that is constant, something that’s like the nature of our energy? If that’s true, how can we tell which personality trait stems from our higher self, and which part is learned from this current life experience?

Sherry

Dear Sherry:

This is one of those questions that are very hard to address in the amount of space I have for this column, but I’ll do my best. It’s also such a profoundly deep question that no one can answer it with any certainty, so what I offer you here is simply my own concept of how things work, as incomplete and imperfect as it must be.

You may be familiar with the notion that we are all composed of various bodies: physical, emotional, mental and spiritual. In this scheme of things, the soul would be the spiritual body. We adopt new physical, emotional and mental bodies each time we incarnate on Earth, and shed those bodies when we leave this life. The spiritual body or soul is the <q>lowest</q> or densest body we retain between lifetimes.

There are bodies beyond the soul, but these are less individuated than the soul. Actually, all the bodies grow less individuated the “higher up” we go. Thus the physical body is the most separate/individuated, the emotional a little less so, the mental less even yet, with the spiritual body merging toward greater oneness with All That Is. Beyond the soul/spiritual body, there are finer bodies that have been given all sorts of esoteric labels. At these levels, we are far more than we conceptualize ourselves to be. As these levels of existence are beyond the scope of incarnation on the Earth plane, for now, let’s use the four-body model of physical, emotional, mental and spiritual.

When we leave this life, the personality and all it has learned and experienced is reabsorbed and integrated by the soul. (This is probably happening throughout our lives, but when we die, the personality dies with the physical body, so what remains is what the soul has absorbed.) All the “good stuff” we gain throughout a lifetime – the qualities we work on developing – are added to the soul. The soul is that part of us that is the driving force behind the incarnation process, the highest part of us that remains individuated from Source. Some people call this aspect the Higher Self, as it contains all the wisdom we’ve ever gained as well as awareness of our plans and goals for each lifetime. Each personality we become throughout our various lifetimes is thus both individual and part of the whole, much like the cells in our bodies are individuated and yet part of a greater whole.

Our personality exists for one lifetime only. Its qualities are driven by many different influences, such as the place and time of our births (which we can study via astrology), our DNA/heredity, our parents, societies, teachers and other formative influences. Of course, the experiences we encounter also shape our personalities. This is especially true of early experiences, which is why we tend to view the personality as being formed in the first few years of life.

When we first begin incarnating on Earth, we are most individuated; as we spiritually evolve, we identify less and less with the temporal personality and more and more with the soul. When we reach a stage where we are so identified with the soul that our vibration is too high for the physical plane (and we won’t learn much by being here), we stop incarnating on Earth and begin to incarnate on higher planes of existence.

This is sort of like flying to the farthest point on the globe in order to go exploring, and then slowly making our way back home. The more we travel, the closer we get to our starting point. By the time we make it back, we’ll have had all sorts of fascinating experiences and hopefully be profoundly transformed by our quest. Then we do it all over again, only this time, we choose a different destination and a very different type of adventure so that we can broaden our horizons. Choosing a personality and type of life experience is thus very much like choosing a certain type of adventure. One time we may choose to be bold explorers, scaling huge mountains; another time, we may choose to be quiet seekers, secluded in an ashram; another time we may choose to be generous servers, helping people build better lives for themselves.

When we admire someone, our souls are saying, I’d like to be like that person and experience what they are experiencing. In order to do this, we may choose a setting with certain parents and other influences that will encourage us to grow in this direction. It may be something of a struggle for us if these qualities are very new to us, but the more we accomplish our aim, the more we grow to embody those qualities. We are therefore wise to pay a lot of attention to the people and experiences we admire and feel strongly drawn to, for these feelings are signs from our souls regarding what we are in the process of developing in ourselves.

We are all in the process of embodying more of our souls/higher selves. This requires learning to question what we’ve been taught, to think for ourselves, and above all, to listen within to our “hearts.” The more we do this, the less we tend to change from one lifetime to another, for instead of becoming whatever we are taught or learn to be based on our physical experiences, we come from the soul within, which is ever evolving but relatively constant.

Determining which aspects are of the personality versus which are of the soul is fairly simple. It is the soul that asks deep questions and ponders the meaning of life and our experiences. It is the soul that is able to observe life with calm detachment. This is why meditation, which helps us develop the inner observer, brings the soul forward. It is the soul that whispers to us as the voice of our conscience and the voice of our intuition. It is the soul that recognizes soul mates and kindred spirits, and the soul that makes us feel drawn toward certain people, places and experiences.

When we just know in our hearts what the “right” thing to do would be, that is the soul speaking. This can be tricky, of course, because one of our tasks is to question what we’ve been taught we <q>should</q> do by outside influences in order to hear the wisdom of the soul. When we realize that the right thing for one person in a certain situation may be one thing, while the right thing for a different person in the same situation may be something else entirely, we begin to align with the wisdom of the soul versus the learned views of the personality.

The part of us that loves and feels compassion is of the soul. I love the term “soul-stirring,” for it illustrates how experiences that are particularly meaningful or moving will touch us “deep down” and naturally bring the soul forward. Some of the qualities that are hallmarks of the soul include peacefulness, inspiration, compassion, love, altruism, integrity and faith. The more we evolve, the more our personalities grow to reflect these qualities of the higher self/soul.

Soul Arcanum

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The Influence of Past Lives on Current Relationships

Filed Under: Past Lives, Reincarnation, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on The Influence of Past Lives on Current Relationships


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Dear Soul Arcanum:

I started dating my new boyfriend two months ago, and we have a very harmonious, happy relationship. After a month, I began to receive pictures in my mind of us together but in Victorian dress. The scenario I get is that he was courting me and I was starting to fall in love with him, but something went wrong on my part; I’m not sure what it was. As a result, he broke off the relationship and I never saw him again in that life.  Now I sometimes get the feeling that we have a second chance, or feel anxious that I will make a horrible mistake which will end the relationship. Of course, this is also a product of my own insecurities. I have asked him if he has any fears or insecurities about me or our relationship, but he has none. I haven’t told him about these past life memories, but we both found it strange that we remember seeing each other growing up on two separate occasions (we grew up in the same area), but never met officially and felt an immediate kinship when we did meet. In any event, I am curious if these mental pictures are from another time, or if they are just a product of my subconscious working out my fears. I’d appreciate your feedback.

Elle

Dear Elle:

These definitely sound like past life memories to me, especially given the Victorian style of dress. However, before we look for metaphysical explanations, it’s prudent to rule out some conventional psychological reasons why you may be thinking and feeling as you have been.

It’s possible that despite the fact that on a conscious level you are sure of what you want in this relationship, deep down you may fear commitment for some reason. It’s normal to fear the loss of any great blessing, and when it comes to relationships, this fear can lead to commitment issues if you want to avoid potential pain in the future even more than you want to enjoy great love now.

It’s also possible that you dread all the work and sacrifices that intimate relationships require, and are repressing awareness of this fear because it’s threatening to your self-image. Of course, it may also be that deep down, you don’t feel worthy of great love, and these feelings of unworthiness seem so threatening that you are manufacturing potential problems in this relationship in order to avoid having to work through your insecurities.

Some people will actually work themselves into a state where they believe all sorts of unfounded things in order to give themselves a reason to sabotage a relationship that feels too close or threatens to unearth some overwhelming issues. I’m not saying that this is what is happening in this relationship – in fact, none of these explanations feel right to me at all – but they are certainly worth considering.

To sort out what is going on, I recommend hypnotherapy with a therapist who has experience in working with past lives. Once you become conscious of the roots of your uneasiness, you can learn whatever you need to learn from these feelings, which will empower you to create something better this time around. It will also quickly lead you to new peace regarding all of this.

Hypnotherapy designed to communicate directly with your higher self in order to reach for the true cause of these feelings is sure to reveal their source, and can also empower you to leap into a higher level of experience in this area of your life. Often, the cause for inexplicable problems could never be predicted or discerned from a conscious level of awareness. We can try to reason our way to them without ever accessing the true insights that produce quick and lasting healing.

This is what is so fascinating and powerful about hypnotherapy: you just never know what is going to come up, but whatever does come up is always just right given your healing focus or intention. What comes up also always makes sense in retrospect – it just can’t be foreseen from a conscious state of awareness.

Some people are hesitant to explore memories that may be unpleasant, but this very resistance suggests that fear is running the show and is thus preventing them from attaining the peace, happiness and fulfillment they long for. Instead of causing new distress, past life work is always therapeutic and cathartic; by making peace with the past, we are empowered to shed old problems and manifest a higher level of experience.

There are endless ways we may resist facing some scary truth about ourselves. In a fear-driven attempt to understand and gain control over the course of our experience, often we make up stories about the way things are that are distorted or skewed. I don’t feel that this is what you’re doing, however. I feel that you’re in the process of getting conscious about some old issues and lessons so that you can consciously choose differently this time around, and thus manifest a better outcome for yourself. In fact, I can see you in the past life you describe, feeling heart-broken over the way things went and vowing to yourself that would learn from that experience and never make that same “mistake” again.

It is the powerful energy of that vow that is bringing these past life memories back to you now. It’s like you are reaching through time to remind yourself that you have made this journey before, and would be wise to make different choices this time around.

To shed your worries, it’s wise to trust that all we need to do is listen to our hearts and give the best of ourselves to whatever we’re trying to create in our lives and everything will work out just fine. There is really nothing to be anxious about. Everything happens for a higher reason: either to lead us to something we need to learn or to lead us to the fulfillment of some desire. Your experience here is a bit extraordinary in that you are gaining conscious awareness of the lesson you are currently working on and the karma you’re in the process of resolving. We do this sort of thing all the time, but where most people are feeling our way in the dark, you’ve had a light switched on!

When we have faith that everything happens for a higher reason, it’s easy to lighten up, which leads us into a higher vibration and empowers us to consciously influence the course of our experience. It’s a bit ironic, but when we can relax about whether a certain relationship will go the way we want it to because we have faith that one way or another, we can manifest what we want in love, we either find the power to draw from that relationship what we desire, or we slip away from it to embrace greater potentials.

When we can get into this calm, faithful frame of mind, our anxieties naturally fall away, and this is when we can begin to truly enjoy all the blessings in our lives. (It’s hard to truly enjoy anything if we’re constantly anxious that we’ll lose it, and in losing it, lose all hope of finding the happiness and fulfillment we long for.)

You would therefore be wise to trust that there is nothing to get anxious about here. Be grateful for the love and other blessings in your life, and give the best of yourself to them. Give thanks for this gift of awareness, and use it to make the wisest choices you can. By devoting your mind and heart to the cultivation of faith, love, and all that you desire, you will bless yourself and align with deep fulfillment.

– Soul Arcanum

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Why Do We Feel So Attracted to Some People?

Filed Under: Destiny/Higher Plan, Karma, Past Lives, Reincarnation, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Why Do We Feel So Attracted to Some People?


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Dear Soul Arcanum:

Why do we fall in love with someone we hardly know? Why does this sort of thing happen? If we don’t really know them, how can we love them? I find myself in this situation and it’s just not right because it breaks all social rules and conventions. I feel a very strong, happy pull towards a particular gentleman. It’s like my heart recognizes him and is so happy to hear his name and see him, but my head is telling me to stop being silly. I think he has a soft spot for me as well. Is this just some fleeting fantasy, or is his energy pulling me toward him? Are there spiritual reasons for why we feel so drawn to some people from the moment we meet them?
K.R.

Dear K.R.:

The first thing that struck me about your question is your assumption that if something breaks social rules and conventions, it’s just ‘not right.’ I believe the only way to know what is truly right is to listen to our hearts, for there are all sorts of social conventions that are pretty crazy.

There is always a reason why we feel a certain way, but that doesn’t mean we should act on all our feelings. For example, we may feel like punching someone who makes us angry or like eating a huge bag of candy, but that doesn’t mean we’re wise to act on those impulses.

Often we distract ourselves with momentary obsessions in order to avoid facing feelings or issues that are overwhelming. Many people in unhappy marriages try to distract themselves by projecting their unfulfilled desires on a third party. This allows them to focus on something that feels good while avoiding upsetting or disturbing thoughts and feelings.

Repressed desires can also spark inexplicable attractions. Many crushes are simply the result of boredom. We all crave excitement and romance, and if we are repressing our desires by not pursuing our dreams, the passion burning within us will seek release in some other way.

I’m not suggesting that all strange attractions are somehow misguided or unfounded – far from it – but in order to determine if there are good soulful reasons behind a strange attraction, it’s important to eliminate some of the more mundane possibilities. This is sort of like ghost hunting: before we attribute phenomena to something otherworldly, we’re wise to rule out common explanations.

There are many spiritual reasons we may feel strangely attracted to someone. Usually this strong pull is karmic in nature, and suggests a positive past life relationship. Since there are many reasons we may feel as we do, however, we’re wise to consider other possibilities. For example, we may fall in love with someone we didn’t know in a past life simply because they remind us of someone we once loved deeply. In these cases, we may have that familiar feeling of recognizing someone from a past life, and old feelings of love and passion may be stirred up even though the person before us is not the soul we are “remembering.”

This can also happen with people we’ve known in the past in this life. Often we are attracted to someone because they remind us of someone else. This doesn’t have to be romantic: if we meet someone who reminds us of a beloved grandfather, we may feel strongly drawn to him, especially if we haven’t fully grieved Grandpa yet. Our subconscious is forever guiding us to finish old business and resolve personal issues, so if we meet someone who stirs up something in us that needs more attention, it’s normal to feel a sense of attraction.

Our souls are also guiding us to what we need to experience in order to learn whatever we need to learn next. I often counsel women who are looking for true love, and as I peek into the future, I may see a man coming in who is not going to be a life long partner, but who will prove to be essential to her journey to fulfillment. Somehow, this relationship will help her to learn whatever she needs to learn or heal whatever she needs to heal in order to move to a higher level of experience.

The forces behind attraction are like the force of gravity: like naturally attracts like, and holes in our beings are naturally the first things to be filled as the river of time and experience washes over us. We all have deep issues that we’re not conscious of as well as desires and questions burning in our hearts, and we naturally draw into our lives the people and experiences that can help us move toward peace and fulfillment.

Further, we often mistake the soulful things we need for the people who represent them. A good example of this is the experience of transference, when someone who is seeking something profound like inner peace, happiness or healing falls in love with his therapist. The therapist represents feeling better, but in essence is just one channel through which what is needed can flow.

Something similar happens when a person symbolizes or embodies some trait or aspect we are being called to develop further ourselves. If we are drawn to someone deeply spiritual, our own inner being may be trying to get us to lean in a more spiritual direction. If we’re out of balance, we may feel strongly drawn to someone who represents the other end of the spectrum – hence the saying that opposites attract.

Attraction is energetic. When someone’s energy harmonizes well with our own, we feel like we “click.” If someone has a higher vibration than we do, it’s natural to feel drawn to them, and if someone has a lower vibration, it’s natural to feel repelled. So if being in this man’s energy field makes you feel uplifted, it’s natural for you to want to be near him.

Often we feel deeply drawn to someone because they are a soul mate � someone we’ve loved deeply in another place and time. In such cases, it’s important to remember that what we do with our loving feelings is up to us. If acting on romantic attractions would compromise our own values somehow, we can still love that person without going in a romantic direction.

Romance is a human experience: there is never a soul reason to have physical sex with someone, except for when we are destined to have a child together in order to bring a particular soul into the world. At the same time, however, there is never a soul reason NOT to have sex with someone. As long as we don’t go against our own truths and values, we are free to follow our hearts. Of course, depending on our circumstances, we are only as free as we are brave enough to break with convention.

Often this sort of situation arises as a spiritual test: Will we find the courage to honor the truth in our own hearts? Sometimes doing the right thing means one course of action, and at other times, it means something totally different. Here social rules and conventions prove to be great spiritual tools, for what we’re really doing is learning to trust our own judgment so much that we don’t need social convention to tell us what’s right anymore.

To figure out what this attraction means for you, you must first trust that there is a good reason for it. Then ask yourself what this person represents or symbolizes to you, and how he makes you feel. If this attraction was not about this individual, what might it be about for you on a deeper soul level?

I believe we’re placed in situations where we feel drawn to people and experiences that are somehow forbidden because we’re supposed to learn how to listen to and trust our own hearts. Choosing love is always the answer, but since what that means is unique to each situation, we must ask within and trust our inner knowing to guide us.

– Soul Arcanum

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Why Do We Feel So Attracted to Some People?

Filed Under: Destiny/Higher Plan, Law of Attraction, Past Lives, Reincarnation, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Why Do We Feel So Attracted to Some People?

 

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)

Dear Soul Arcanum:

Why do we fall in love with someone we hardly know? Why does this sort of thing happen? If we don’t really know them, how can we love them? I find myself in this situation and it’s just not right because it breaks all social rules and conventions. I feel a very strong, happy pull towards a particular gentleman. It’s like my heart recognizes him and is so happy to hear his name and see him, but my head is telling me to stop being silly. I think he has a soft spot for me as well. Is this just some fleeting fantasy, or is his energy pulling me toward him? Are there spiritual reasons for why we feel so drawn to some people from the moment we meet them?
K.R.

Dear K.R.:

The first thing that struck me about your question is your assumption that if something breaks social rules and conventions, it’s just ‘not right.’ I believe the only way to know what is truly right is to listen to our hearts, for there are all sorts of social conventions that are pretty crazy.

There is always a reason why we feel a certain way, but that doesn’t mean we should act on all our feelings. For example, we may feel like punching someone who makes us angry or like eating a huge bag of candy, but that doesn’t mean we’re wise to act on those impulses.

Often we distract ourselves with momentary obsessions in order to avoid facing feelings or issues that are overwhelming. Many people in unhappy marriages try to distract themselves by projecting their unfulfilled desires on a third party. This allows them to focus on something that feels good while avoiding upsetting or disturbing thoughts and feelings.

Repressed desires can also spark inexplicable attractions. Many crushes are simply the result of boredom. We all crave excitement and romance, and if we are repressing our desires by not pursuing our dreams, the passion burning within us will seek release in some other way.

I’m not suggesting that all strange attractions are somehow misguided or unfounded – far from it – but in order to determine if there are good soulful reasons behind a strange attraction, it’s important to eliminate some of the more mundane possibilities. This is sort of like ghost hunting: before we attribute phenomena to something otherworldly, we’re wise to rule out common explanations.

There are many spiritual reasons we may feel strangely attracted to someone. Usually this strong pull is karmic in nature, and suggests a positive past life relationship. Since there are many reasons we may feel as we do, however, we’re wise to consider other possibilities. For example, we may fall in love with someone we didn’t know in a past life simply because they remind us of someone we once loved deeply. In these cases, we may have that familiar feeling of recognizing someone from a past life, and old feelings of love and passion may be stirred up even though the person before us is not the soul we are <q>remembering.</q>

This can also happen with people we’ve known in the past in this life. Often we are attracted to someone because they remind us of someone else. This doesn’t have to be romantic: if we meet someone who reminds us of a beloved grandfather, we may feel strongly drawn to him, especially if we haven’t fully grieved Grandpa yet. Our subconscious is forever guiding us to finish old business and resolve personal issues, so if we meet someone who stirs up something in us that needs more attention, it’s normal to feel a sense of attraction.

Our souls are also guiding us to what we need to experience in order to learn whatever we need to learn next. I often counsel women who are looking for true love, and as I peek into the future, I may see a man coming in who is not going to be a life long partner, but who will prove to be essential to her journey to fulfillment. Somehow, this relationship will help her to learn whatever she needs to learn or heal whatever she needs to heal in order to move to a higher level of experience.

The forces behind attraction are like the force of gravity: like naturally attracts like, and holes in our beings are naturally the first things to be filled as the river of time and experience washes over us. We all have deep issues that we’re not conscious of as well as desires and questions burning in our hearts, and we naturally draw into our lives the people and experiences that can help us move toward peace and fulfillment.

Further, we often mistake the soulful things we need for the people who represent them. A good example of this is the experience of transference, when someone who is seeking something profound like inner peace, happiness or healing falls in love with his therapist. The therapist represents feeling better, but in essence is just one channel through which what is needed can flow.

Something similar happens when a person symbolizes or embodies some trait or aspect we are being called to develop further ourselves. If we are drawn to someone deeply spiritual, our own inner being may be trying to get us to lean in a more spiritual direction. If we’re out of balance, we may feel strongly drawn to someone who represents the other end of the spectrum – hence the saying that opposites attract.

Attraction is energetic. When someone’s energy harmonizes well with our own, we feel like we “click.” If someone has a higher vibration than we do, it’s natural to feel drawn to them, and if someone has a lower vibration, it’s natural to feel repelled. So if being in this man’s energy field makes you feel uplifted, it’s natural for you to want to be near him.

Often we feel deeply drawn to someone because they are a soul mate � someone we’ve loved deeply in another place and time. In such cases, it’s important to remember that what we do with our loving feelings is up to us. If acting on romantic attractions would compromise our own values somehow, we can still love that person without going in a romantic direction.

Romance is a human experience: there is never a soul reason to have physical sex with someone, except for when we are destined to have a child together in order to bring a particular soul into the world. At the same time, however, there is never a soul reason NOT to have sex with someone. As long as we don’t go against our own truths and values, we are free to follow our hearts. Of course, depending on our circumstances, we are only as free as we are brave enough to break with convention.

Often this sort of situation arises as a spiritual test: Will we find the courage to honor the truth in our own hearts? Sometimes doing the right thing means one course of action, and at other times, it means something totally different. Here social rules and conventions prove to be great spiritual tools, for what we’re really doing is learning to trust our own judgment so much that we don’t need social convention to tell us what’s right anymore.

To figure out what this attraction means for you, you must first trust that there is a good reason for it. Then ask yourself what this person represents or symbolizes to you, and how he makes you feel. If this attraction was not about this individual, what might it be about for you on a deeper soul level?

I believe we’re placed in situations where we feel drawn to people and experiences that are somehow forbidden because we’re supposed to learn how to listen to and trust our own hearts. Choosing love is always the answer, but since what that means is unique to each situation, we must ask within and trust our inner knowing to guide us.

– Soul Arcanum

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The Role of Karma in Relationships

Filed Under: Destiny/Higher Plan, Karma, Past Lives, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on The Role of Karma in Relationships

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Dear Soul Arcanum:

My question concerns karmic bondage. It is generally said that when we have unfinished karma with another person, like if there is strong hatred, anger or guilt, then after we leave this physical world, we reincarnate together to play exact opposite roles to clear up the karmic baggage of previous incarnations. Does this happen even when one has unconditional love towards the other? Can love make people reincarnate again, even if one of them has achieved self-realization? Can we stay un-affected by others’ intention to reincarnate with us? Thank you!
Muralidhar

Dear Muralidhar:

I’m sure that humankind’s understanding of karma, reincarnation, and similar subjects is very limited. As these are huge questions, I can only offer you what I’ve come to understand via some 20 years of past life readings as well as in depth study of research into these matters, such as the work of Dr. Michael Newton, Ph.D., who has regressed many subjects to the period between lives and then asked them deep questions about how incarnations are planned, as well as the research of great minds such as Dr. Brian Weiss, Dr. Ian Stevenson, Carol Bowman, etc.

It’s my understanding that when we are acting out karma in an unconscious way, we tend to do one of two things: we either act/react as you describe, or we get stuck in the same pattern over and over again. By the way, I believe this is true whether we’re talking about past lives or past experiences in our current life, so it may be easier to understand what I’m describing if we ponder how we all deal with various types of issues in a single lifetime.

Let’s take, for example, a relationship between young siblings. One child lashes out and strikes the other, at which point, the other child tends to respond by hitting back, cowering in submission, running away for help, etc. What an individual chooses to do in response to another’s actions depends on theirpersonality, social conditioning, level of spiritual development, etc. It is only when young souls mature that they begin to attempt more skillful, mindful responses.

So when we are acting out karma from an unconscious level, we do tend to either act/react or get stuck in certain patterns from one lifetime to the next. We may spend lifetime after lifetime trying to do unto others as they’ve done unto us, or playing the victim or bully over and over again in relationships. With time and experience we learn and grow, however, which leads us to change.

Please note my qualifier above that this is what happens when we act out karma from an unconscious level. When we grow conscious of why we are doing what we are doing, and we make a choice to reach for something better, we set ourselves free from this mindless karmic dance, and can then move into a higher level of experience.

When we grow more spiritually aware than your average bear and begin to consciously work from a metaphysical level, we can purposefully affect situations as desired. (We are unconsciously creating our realities all the time. The difference here is in our level of awareness: the more aware we are, the more empowered we are to break free of subconscious patterns and influences.)

So what’s missing from the simple view of karma as an endless dance of cause and effect is the truth that we are all divine creators of our own experiences, and are blessed with free will. Some people do unconsciously act and react over and over again, playing out the sort of karmic dynamics you describe, while others will purposefully break those patterns and make quantum leaps into new levels of experience instead of endlessly bouncing back and forth along the same old line.

It is thus through the cultivation of higher awareness that we attain liberation from karmic bondage. (Sound familiar?)

The way you phrased your question suggests that life on Earth is something we are better off avoiding. We must remember that our perspective on rebirth while we’re here in the physical is very different from how we may view it when we’re in Spirit and planning our next incarnation. It’s my understanding that we don’t have to reincarnate with someone if we don’t want to, but if it would be beneficial for us to do so on a soul level, then we may happily choose to do just that. From a higher spiritual perspective, this feels like a powerful opportunity, not a prison sentence.

On the flip side, love can and does lead us to reincarnate. In fact, all heartfelt desires tend to be fulfilled, so if we long to live with someone we loved in the past again, we will reincarnate in order to fulfill that wish. I often see this with people who fall in love with someone whom they can’t live with for some reason. When it’s not possible for them to be together as life partners, and they deeply desire to have this experience, then their strong desire naturally leads to a future life in which they can be together. Vows and promises are powerful soul contracts, so whether we promise someone we’ll come back to them or we vow to get even, we will play those plans out on a subconscious level until we become conscious of them and make a new choice. I view incarnating like taking a big trip or vacation: we choose to do it for the sake of the experience/adventure. Yes, traveling can be exhausting and scary and full of mishaps and inconveniences. Nevertheless, we all hunger to explore and experience something new and different, for it is our nature (as well as the nature of the Universe) to continue to expand: to spiral up and out, ad infinitum.

Also, our quality of life and our feelings about rebirth are greatly influenced by our level of spiritual development: the greater our power to consciously create what we want in the physical, the better our trips get. Thus there are people living in third world countries who long to escape this life, and there are also people who have attained a higher level of spiritual power and awareness who are signing up to go over with the Peace Corps for the sake of the experience and the opportunity to help make the world a better place. Both end up living in the same basic circumstances, but one is coming from a position of disempowerment and suffering, while the other is empowered and having a fine time.

In summary, yes: some people do mindlessly repeat the same karmic dance over and over again throughout many lifetimes as you describe. Eventually, however, we all learn and become motivated to change, which leads us to a higher level of experience. The bottom line is that our karma is personal: we are the ones who determine our level of freedom. The more we cultivate higher awareness, the freer we are to consciously choose our own course of experience.

– Soul Arcanum

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How to Handle Heavy Past Life Memories

Filed Under: Healing, Hypnotherapy, Karma, Past Lives, Reincarnation by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on How to Handle Heavy Past Life Memories

 

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

I had a dream about my mother-in-law. It was set in the 1800’s; I could tell by the clothes we were wearing. It was very vivid, in full color. My mother-in-law was my mother, and she was trying to kill me because I had lost my virginity before marriage. As it turns out, I killed her in self-defense. I’m wondering if this is truly a past life experience – a message from spirit that my mother-in-law was indeed my mother in a past life. Are we together in this life to make up for my karma in the past? Do I tell her about my dream or will she think I’m crazy? What do I do with this dream? My birth date is 8/5/1970.
Katrina

Dear Katrina:

Your dream certainly sounds like the memory of a past life experience, since it’s set in another time period and involved people from your current life who were different people in the dream. Even more important, however, is your intuitive feeling about it. Of course, to access confirmation, more information, and/or healing of the issues involved, you could always pursue past life regression with a hypnotherapist.

Let’s work under the assumption that this is indeed a dream about a past life experience. Since souls tend to reincarnate in the same groups over and over again, it makes perfect sense that your mother in a past life would have a close relationship with you in this one.

Both our best and our worst relationships tend to be deeply karmic in nature. Since we learn the most from big challenges, when relationships are really difficult, we are wise to ask ourselves what we are learning as a result of that person being in our life.

I’d like to share with you a similar situation of my own. I knew the first time I laid eyes on my husband that he was part of my soul family and was destined to be important in my future. Months later, I also immediately recognized his ex-wife upon first meeting her. (She seemed to recognize me on some level too, as she was markedly unfriendly.)

My husband and his ex used to have a very antagonistic relationship, but I was determined to turn all of that around. Sadly, she didn’t seem to have any interest in having a harmonious relationship with either one of us, and no matter what I did, things always seemed to fall apart.

When I meditated on the situation, to my surprise, I remembered a past life in which his ex and I had been sisters. In that lifetime, he had begun to court her, which thrilled her because he was a really good catch. The first time he came to our house, however, I opened the door and the sparks flew. (We already had a soul mate bond when we met in that lifetime.) To make a long story short, he switched his attentions from my older sister to me, and my sister never forgave me.

After remembering this, it was easy to see why I wanted so badly for things to be good between us, and why she may have had animosity from the start. We’ve finally made peace, but this relationship still seems more important to me than it is to her. This may be because spiritual growth is more important to me in general, or it may be that in remembering that past life, I reawakened all the guilt and angst from that time for myself, so I’m highly motivated to resolve the karma and feelings involved.

Since we forget our past lives so that we can test ourselves to see if we have really learned the lessons involved, we often remember them when we finally master those lessons. I’m betting that close to the time of this dream, you achieved some sort of epiphany or spiritual breakthrough that relates to this lesson. With a bit of contemplation, I bet you can determine the dynamic or event in your relationship with your mother-in-law that triggered this memory.

As you contemplate this, you might ask yourself what you’ve learned or are learning as a result of having her in your life. For example, from the tumultuous relationship I described above, I’ve learned that we can only do our own best to create love and harmony: No matter how badly we may want to create greater love with someone, if the other person doesn’t want it, we have to respect that.

I’ve also learned that we don’t need the other person’s cooperation to heal our own souls and set ourselves free from karma. In fact, it’s normal for one person to be more motivated to work things out than the other person is, so we must focus on our own personal issues in relationships.

If you get hung up on the quality of the relationship itself, it can be very frustrating to try to create peace with old enemies since most people try to avoid those connections as much as possible. This is essentially the difference between one who is on a conscious spiritual path and everyone else: people who are motivated by fear tend to bury big issues and avoid emotional pain, while people who are motivated by love are eager to bring to light anything standing in the way of greater harmony.

Everyone comes to healing in their own time and way, and it’s not for us to decide what others should do or desire. For this reason, we must listen to our inner guidance and honor it. Then if we do feel called to make some effort, we’re wise to do so without attachment to receiving a particular outcome or response. If you can get into a vibration where you can remain kind and peaceful whether your efforts to create love and forgiveness are well-received or rejected, you will free yourself no matter what anyone else chooses to do.

You don’t have to do anything overt to heal yourself from the past; what’s important is what happens inside of you. Can you have compassion for yourself and all that you were up against? Can you also find compassion for her and recognize how stressed she must have been to act as she did? When you fully integrate the lessons this relationship is teaching you, and you forgive yourself and everyone else involved, you will be free.

Finally, our point of power is right now, so resolving past karma isn’t as important as creating good karma today. Instead of getting hung up on the past, I recommend you focus on making your current relationship as good as it can be. If she remains antagonistic, you can always send love to her in your heart and mind without needing any particular response in return.

In summary, ask your own inner guidance how to best make peace with the past, and act on the intuitions you receive. At the same time, strive to create loving relationships with everyone in your life right now. This will not only lift you above old karma, it will empower you to soar to new heights of health, happiness, personal power and prosperity in this lifetime, and align you with wonderful spirit family reunions in all your lives to come.

– Soul Arcanum

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Startling Parallels in Karmic Soul Connections

Filed Under: Energy/Vibration, Past Lives, Reincarnation, Relationships, Strange Phenomena by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Startling Parallels in Karmic Soul Connections

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

It has been a very long road since my husband John’s death, and now that I’ve moved on and found new love, I’ve been trying to figure out how my husband John and boyfriend Michael are connected, for they have many similarities in terms of their likes, expressions and even some aspects of the way they look. I didn’t see any of this upon first meeting Michael, but I did feel an instant sense of recognition. Since then, I’ve been trying to figure out the connection, and after reading some of your articles, it dawned on me that the three of us may have been one soul before, and now we’ve divided into different bodies. Do you think that’s possible? Thanks for sharing your light!
– T.

Dear T.

You’ve reminded me of something strange that happened to me a long time ago. I haven’t told anyone about this before because it’s pretty far out.

My first love, Todd, was on the short side and very stocky/muscular. He had a strong jaw and an unusual scar on his right shoulder. It’s called a keloid scar, and it looked like a raised, reddish bubble about the size of a grape. He was very into rock and roll, and was in a rock band. Though he hid it from everyone (including me), he also had a major problem with drug and alcohol addiction. He was born on January 16, 1967.

Todd died very unexpectedly at the age of 18, and it was due to the incredible experiences I had around the time of his death that I began to question the nature of reality and ponder some big spiritual questions.

I left for college about 18 months after he died, and was placed in a dorm room right next door to that of a young man named Dan. I felt a very strong karmic connection to Dan right away. Here’s where things bend so far beyond the scope of coincidence that any sane, reasonable person has to wonder what the heck is going on.

Dan had the same stocky build Todd had had, the same strong jaw, and he was also into rock and roll. In fact, he played a mean electric guitar, which was really unusual at the very conservative university we were attending. I was soon to learn that Dan also had a serious alcohol addiction.

As I mentioned, I felt a very strong connection to him and he seemed to feel an equally strong attraction to me. We soon became lovers, and that’s when I discovered that he had a scar on his right shoulder that was identical to the one Todd had had in the same place. I could feel something strange rippling beneath the surface here, and without consciously thinking about it, I found myself asking him when he was born.

When he told me he was born on January 16, 1967 – the exact same day that Todd was born – my mind was just totally blown. As I tried to wrap my head around all these amazing parallels, I remembered something that Todd’s mother had told me the first time I met her. At that time it had been a subject of mild interest, but now it was like a flashing neon sign in my mind. She’d told me that Todd was her “miracle baby” because he’d had a twin who had died in the womb.

While I knew this was a really far out idea, I naturally began to wonder if Dan could be Todd’s twin somehow. Perhaps they had intended to be born to the same mother, but then Dan decided that a different body and family situation would better serve his soul’s needs.

I’ve since studied a lot of past life regression research and learned that people who are regressed to the period between lives consistently report that we have a choice about the bodies and families we’ll be born into. However, there are only so many bodies available, so we have to try to find the best fit for us given various factors. If something went wrong with the body of the twin, Dan may have had to find an alternative. Of course, it’s possible that he changed his mind first and when he withdrew his life force energy, the body of the twin stopped growing.

I certainly felt a very strong sense of connection to both of these young men the instant I met them, though at that time, I didn’t know what that strange feeling was. I now believe that our deep karmic connection naturally drew us into each other’s experience again.

As for how all of this may work, when I ponder the idea of reincarnation, I keep returning to a model of the incarnating soul that mirrors biological cellular division. We know that living cells divide into new “incarnations,” which divide into further incarnations, so it makes sense to me to assume that the metaphysical mirrors the physical, and that the same dynamic happens on a spiritual level.

This model resonates with me for many reasons. In fact, it explains all sorts of phenomena. For example:

  • It’s in harmony with the notion that “God” is both our Source and is everywhere and in everything.

 

  • It explains the universal spiritual teaching that we are all ultimately One: all from one Source and all connected on some level. Just as the cells in our bodies have all grown from the same fertilized egg, our souls have all grown from the same Divine spirit.

 

  • It explains how more than one person could remember living the same past life, that incarnation having occurred before that spirit divided into more spirits. It also illuminates the dynamic behind the notion of spiritual families, the members of which would be more directly or recently descended from the same ancestor spirits.

 

  • It explains the keen sense of connection and recognition we feel with some people, these being those we were more recently at one with.

 

  • It explains how reincarnation could be true despite the fact that the population of the planet is increasing, for there are ever more souls to incarnate than there used to be.

 

  • It jibes with our awareness that on a spiritual level, we are immortal, for we are forever expanding into new experiences, world without end. It is our nature to go forth and multiply. It also mirrors our awareness that the Universe is ever expanding.

If your mind can handle a bit more stretching, try this on for size: perhaps to each cell in our bodies, the whole of who we are is “God,” and similarly, what we consider to be God is a living entity of which we are a tiny aspect. The microcosm mirrors the macrocosm.

I don’t know that this is how it works, of course – no one can say for sure. It’s just a mental model that may explain some of the strange things we experience in karmic relationships.

– Soul Arcanum

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Dreams of Future Life Reunions

Filed Under: Dreams, Karma, Past Lives by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Dreams of Future Life Reunions

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
Dear Soul Arcanum:

I have been separated from my husband for two and a half years, but I still frequently dream of him coming back. In these dreams, instead of asking, he just walks back into my house and my life. I find myself angry and resentful about that, as I can’t tell him to go since I know the children want him there. I’ve had this dream frequently, with the story changing only slightly. In the most recent dreams, he comes back with his new wife’s children, the youngest of which is his own biological child. (In real life, they don’t have any children yet.) What is most upsetting is that I have these dreams when I pray to have good dreams that night. I can’t figure out why this is happening, as I don’t want him to come back because we are happier now that he’s gone. Many thanks! – Michelle

Dear Michelle:

This is a very common type of recurring dream, especially in people who have been separated or divorced. Whenever we end a major relationship, it’s normal to continue to dream about that person, which can be a bit unsettling.

Many people dream of their ex-spouses more than they dream of their current partners, especially when some big transition has taken place. For example, those who are newly divorced, who have just begun to date again, or are recently remarried tend to dream about their exes a lot. This only makes sense because there are all sorts of repressed feelings and issues that need to come to the surface to be processed, healed and released.

This is the common psychological explanation for what you’re experiencing, but there is a higher metaphysical purpose behind these recurring dreams as well. While they are guiding you to heal and resolve the painful feelings and issues you’ve carried from the end of your marriage, the reason you’re being nudged to do this goes beyond your well-being in this lifetime. Your soul is urging you to realize that this relationship is not really over and never will be, for you two have a timeless spiritual bond and a lot of work to do in clearing up the karma between you.

I strongly feel these dreams are foreshadowing that your ex will indeed come back into your experience – in future lives. Further, you can’t prevent this from happening, but you can work on making it the most positive experience possible for all concerned. The main thing to realize is that where you pick up with him next time around will depend on how you leave things this lifetime.

In fact, what you experience in a future life with him will be very similar to what you experienced in this life unless you make a conscious effort to create something different. Our unconscious minds are ever prompting us to repeat the same experiences time after time until we see the light and resolve old psychic wounds and issues. As a result, many people struggle with the same troubling relationships or problems lifetime after lifetime until they find the wisdom and strength to create something better.

Many of our most painful relationships are rooted past life issues that were never worked through, healed and resolved. By contrast, many relationships between soul mates that seem easy, loving and rewarding for both partners arise from past life bonds in which the partners worked very hard to make their connection the best it could be.

In your dreams you know that your children want your ex there because on some level you know that their spiritual relationship to him is just as strong as yours, though most likely it is more pleasurable in nature. Since we reincarnate with the same people over and over again, to be with your children in other incarnations, you will also have to deal with your ex – even when you’re not directly pursuing growth and healing in your personal relationship to him.

It’s also highly likely that you have a strong karmic connection to his new wife and perhaps their past and future children. This only make sense, since he is obviously very central to your own journey, and anyone who is very central to his journey may have been in your own past lives.

For example, I have memories of being my husband’s ex-wife’s sister in a past incarnation, and sense that we may have an even deeper history together than my husband and I share. If you think about how people come into each other’s experience lifetime after lifetime, it only makes sense that this would happen. I always find it fascinating to meet the friends and family of people I sense I have known in other lives, for there are frequently all sorts of intense connections to be discovered.

I recently had the wonderful experience of facilitating healing in the relationship between my husband and his ex, and in large part, I was able to motivate them to reach for forgiveness by explaining to them that they would be together again in future lives and would pick up right where they left off. Since they both experienced tremendous emotional pain and suffering as a result of their relationship, they were both highly motivated to reach for something higher.

Also, despite what people may tell themselves, the pain of destructive relationships does not end with the break-up; it is just pushed aside until healing can occur. So while my husband and his ex believed they were happier apart, in fact, in the decades since the end of their marriage, both continually struggled with all sorts of heartaches, conflicts and dramas on both an inner and outer level as a direct result of all the anger and bitterness they carried for each other.

This is because deep psychic bonds don’t begin with a marriage ceremony or end with a divorce decree: they have an eternal life of their own. When people realize that relationships never truly end, they realize how wise it is to work on healing them and making them the best they can be.

It’s interesting to me that you’re getting these dreams when you pray to have good dreams that night. It seems your inner being is trying to tell you that if you want to have happier experiences now and in the future, then you must first work on healing and transforming whatever is heaviest, most painful, or darkest in your life. These dreams are showing you that the most powerful thing you can do to create new happiness in your life is to find a way to make peace with your ex.

After deeply painful experiences, it’s normal to feel like we need some time before we can forgive, and that’s fine – we are always free to do as we desire. However, it helps to know that until we heal the pain of the past, it will hold us back from fulfilling our highest dreams for peace, love and happiness.

We are led back time and time again to whatever is heaviest for us because that also happens to be the most powerful thing we could work on. When we summon the strength and the courage to tackle our darkest fears and heal our deepest wounds, we also tap into our greatest power to create big changes in our lives.

When the time is right and you feel ready, open your heart, mind and spirit to the possibility of truly healing this relationship. If you come from a place of humility, compassion, tolerance, honesty, integrity and faith, you will set yourself free to enjoy a much brighter future than your past in both this incarnation and all the other lives ahead of you.

– Soul Arcanum

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