Category: Emotional Well-being


Symptoms of Energy Cording

Filed Under: Chakras/Auras, Emotional Well-being, Energy/Vibration, Healing, Psychic Protection, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Symptoms of Energy Cording


Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

I read your article on promiscuity and how it affects the aura and creates energetic links. I have read this before from a Hindu saint. My question is: How does this astral tie affect the individual? I mean, let’s say I have been with many partners – how would I notice these astral connections? Are there observable mental, emotional or physical symptoms? Besides thinking of the person, I don’t notice anything else.

Ryan

Dear Ryan:

Since the influence of psychic cording is subtle/energetic, how much you notice would depend on how psychically sensitive you are. Of course, the stronger the bond, the more likely one is to notice these effects. For example, the strongest psychic bond is typically that between mother and child, so even mothers who aren’t especially psychic may have striking experiences of this connection. Similarly, someone who is highly psychic can pick up things about people they barely know. If you are highly psychic, you may have an acquaintance pop into your head only to have that person phone you just after this, or learn that this person was thinking of you at that time.

Please note that I’m talking about conscious effects: we are all influenced by the psychic cords we have with other people whether we know it or not. Further, the less conscious we are of these interactions, the more they tend to influence us.

The cords that are formed when we have sex with someone are never completely broken unless something is done to purposefully break them. They do tend to fade or diminish over time, however. The stronger they are at their foundation, the more they tend to endure. Thus a long, passionate, true love affair is like a castle: though we may leave it behind, it remains standing and will continue to exist even as it falls into ruins. Only if we purposefully disassemble it and re-appropriate its materials will it disappear from the landscape.

Along the same lines of this metaphor, when we sleep with someone in a casual way without forming a deep bond, it’s like throwing up a little hut in our psychic territory. If we sleep around a lot, soon we’ll have a little ghetto in our psychic back yard. These creations aren’t as strong and enduring as true love affairs, so they will fall apart faster. Since they aren’t enormous like castles, it’s much easier to ignore, dismiss or overlook them.

It’s interesting that I’m writing this column today, because just last night I had long, delightful dreams of a boy I loved decades ago. Our bond is a good example of the castle I describe above. Though we’ve only run into each other a handful of times since we broke up, we continue to have fond feelings for each other, and I continue to have him pop into my mind on a regular basis. I also tend to dream about him every now and again, which is a very clear indication that we continue to have a strong psychic bond.

Having frequent or striking dreams about someone is one sign that we have a psychic bond with them. Here are some others:

On a mental level, the most common sign is that these folks will tend to just pop into our heads for no apparent reason. Of course, it’s wise to ponder what may have caused them to come to mind. If there is a song playing on the radio that reminds us of them, it could be nothing more than a mental association. If we can think of no reason why that person may be popping into our heads, then odds are good that we’re psychically linked.

As for why they would come to mind at that time, all sorts of things are possible. If we are working on some particular issue in our current lives, and that issue is somehow tied to the experiences we had with that person, it’s natural for those energies to be reawakened. It’s also very common for our thoughts about someone to make them think about us. Therefore, when someone pops into our heads, it may be because they’ve been thinking about us for some reason. Having a psychic connection to someone is sort of like having an intercom system: when one party sends a signal through it, it starts something of a telepathic dialogue that can go on indefinitely. Of course, for most people, this is mainly happening at an unconscious level.

On a mental level we can also pick up thoughts and ideas from people we are psychically bonded to. For example, I often see images of desert mountains, and when I follow the line of these images, the face of an old lover comes up, so I assume I am seeing images from his life. This is very similar to the images I see when I purposefully connect with someone on a psychic level in order to do a reading for them. It’s also similar to how spirits show me images and memories from their lives. This is really helpful to know if you’re trying to develop your psychic abilities, for if you examine the random images and thoughts that pop into your head, you will have a sense of what it is like to pick up psychic impressions.

On an emotional level, we can be suddenly overtaken by moods and feelings that seem to come out of nowhere. While we tend to feel like our moods just come over us, our feelings aren’t random. When we choose to be in a certain mood, our feelings are coming from within us; when we don’t consciously set our own tone, our moods tend to entrain to the strongest signal around us. This is why being around someone who is depressed can really get us down, while being around someone who is in a great mood can lift our spirits.

Sometimes the strongest signal is the emotional wavelength of someone we have a psychic bond to. This is why we may sense that someone is in danger even though they are miles away, for being in danger sends a very strong signal. Since we are rarely conscious of this type of influence, it tends to be extra powerful. It’s relatively easy to notice the influence of someone who is depressed and make a conscious choice to set our own tone, but when the influence is psychic in nature, we may be baffled as to why we suddenly feel down.

On a physical level, we can pick up the aches, pains and problems of people we are strongly connected to. This is especially true when we empathize with someone and we are powerful creators. Through years of working with the law of attraction, I have gotten to the point where I can give something my attention and manifest it very quickly. When I’m not careful with my thoughts and vibration, this tends to yield undesirable results!

It’s tricky to keep my vibration high when someone I love is hurting. Recently my athletic daughter had a lower back injury, and my heart went out to her because she was so frustrated and disappointed at her inability to compete. Within two days, I had the exact same pain in the same spot in my lower back. Similarly, my husband has been struggling with a painful elbow, which we’ve learned is due to bone chips in the joint. Within about a month of him developing this problem in his left elbow (and me listening to him talk about it and watching him struggle with it every day), I had pain in my left elbow!

The key to resolving such matters is conscious awareness. Once I became conscious that I was empathizing with and thus entraining to these vibrations, I was able to quickly release those conditions. Given the endless ways that psychic bonds can influence us, we are wise to choose the people we bond to carefully, and to cultivate conscious awareness of the subtle energetic interactions constantly flowing through our lives.

Soul Arcanum

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Does Profound Loneliness Have Spiritual Roots?

Filed Under: Emotional Well-being, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — 1 Comment

 

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)

Dear Soul Arcanum:

My whole life I have felt deeply lonely. This was true even when I was married and regardless of what was going on in my life. I’ve always felt like a part of me was missing. I have a few theories but would love to hear yours.

Mary

Dear Mary:

Before I delve into the subject of existential loneliness, I think it’s important to cover some of the simpler dynamics that can cause people to constantly feel the way you describe.

First, we are all subconsciously missing people we’ve loved profoundly in other lives. Though we may never have known them in this life and have no conscious memories of them, our souls still remember, so it’s normal to feel a vague sense that there is great love <q>out there</q> that we can’t seem to find. We can even miss our spirit guides with whom we have ongoing but subconscious bonds that surpass all the physical relationships we may form. On some level, we remain aware that there is greater love and union possible than we’ve ever consciously known in this lifetime. Fortunately, our love and longing for reunion with those souls is like a gravitational force that will lead us back to them eventually, if not in this life, then on the other side.

Also, we are all missing parts of our own selves in various ways, and this can leave us feeling incomplete. This may include our higher self – that part of us that is eternal and remains in the spirit world when we incarnate here – to which we may be more or less consciously connected depending on our level of spiritual development. We can also miss parts of ourselves that we may have ‘lost’ due to traumatic experiences and the desire to avoid pain. Since my space here is limited, for more information on this idea, research the term ‘soul retrieval.’

Finally, we all naturally long for the bliss and ease of the spirit world and the greater sense of union we experience when we’re not so compartmentalized in physical bodies. For example, it is easier to commune in the astral, for there we can communicate telepathically and consciously meld energies with other beings.

Of course, we are ultimately all one, and just like the Universe supposedly exploded in a big bang, thus creating a force that will eventually draw everything back together again, there is a force that acts like a gravitational pull on our souls and is forever tugging us back to Source.

So what you’re describing is something that we all experience to some degree, though artistic types and deep thinkers perhaps suffer from it on a more profound level; it’s what fuels their endless introspection and extraordinary creativity. This is not loneliness due to a lack of healthy, fulfilling relationships. It’s more existential in nature, so no matter how good our relationships with other people may be, they can’t remedy this loneliness because what we are longing for is a deep and personal relationship with ‘Spirit’ – with ‘God,’ the Universe, the Divine.

While being alone in life puts us in the quiet space in which deep ideas and feelings grow best, in fact, it is often after we achieve highly fulfilling relationships with other people that this loneliness begins to surface. I suppose this is because we expect relationships with other people or some other worldly goal to make us feel happy and complete. When we finally ‘have it all,’ we are dismayed to note that we still feel a sense of inner longing, angst or loneliness, and this is when we begin the deeper work of exploring our true natures and consciously pursuing direct experience of Source.

Most people are constantly running away from this loneliness by staying forever busy with external affairs and investing more importance in temporal matters than those matters warrant. This running is one of the driving forces behind addictions like alcoholism. When someone is terrified of what lies beyond everyday experience, they will do anything to avoid facing it. Similarly, when someone finds the will and courage to face their fears, they gain the power to heal themselves.

Of course, on some level, we are all constantly aware of the impermanence of life and how some day we will lose every worldly thing we treasure. We will be separated from our bodies, from the bodies of the people we love and from all we build and cherish on Earth: our homes, our careers, our accomplishments. Some of us avoid thinking about such things as much as possible, but nevertheless, this awareness remains on some level, where it fuels a desire to find something meaningful and eternal. For some people, this desire only surfaces occasionally; for others, it becomes all-consuming and sends them on a spiritual quest for that which is both lasting and truly fulfilling.

It is this fear of death and longing for Divine comfort that drives the religious/spiritual impulse in humankind, and thus the spiritual quest is the answer to the suffering of existential loneliness. Such a quest won’t erase this deep feeling, however, for that sense of longing for something more is essential to the human experience. If embrace this feeling and work with it, however, it can fuel our spiritual journey and inspire us to reach beyond mundane life to explore that which lies beneath the surface, and motivate us to develop higher qualities like love, compassion, wisdom and integrity.

The key is to stop fighting this feeling as a sign that something is wrong, and instead, embrace it as a precious homing device that is ever trying to guide us ‘home.’ It’s like we’re explorers on another planet, and though we may get absorbed in our adventures, in our pockets, we have a device that is ever ready to lead us home when we’re ready.

This deep loneliness inspires introspection and spiritual exploration, so without this feeling of incompleteness, we can become entirely absorbed in superficial, temporal concerns. Existential loneliness thus moves us to lose interest in the mundane business of daily life and transcend everyday concerns to search for something more meaningful. Many spiritual practices that have survived the test of time are designed to help us in this transcendence. Two that come immediately to mind are yoga and meditation.

By working with our existential loneliness, we begin to dance with the Universe. We ask for signs and receive them, wonder over the meaning of our experiences, open up to new ways of perceiving life, and explore new spiritual practices. We are then blessed with moving dreams; spiritual powers; otherworldly adventures; and moments of healing, grace, peace and ecstasy.

So though our first impulse is to run away from spiritual suffering, it is what ultimately leads us to new growth and awareness. When we stop fearing this deep longing and instead embrace it, everything flips around. Then instead of fleeing our existential fear, we move through it and discover that this seeming void is actually the heart of bliss we have been longing for all along.

I encourage you to redefine your loneliness as longing for Divine union. If you meditate to get past ‘yourself,’ you will find that part of you that is eternal and always connected to Source. Cultivate this relationship; move into the center of it and begin to live your life from there. Then, like sad but beautiful poetry, your longing will bless you with a sense of deep feeling and purpose. It will keep you questioning, exploring, and ever reaching toward that vast spiritual horizon beyond which a whole new level of experience awaits us all.

Soul Arcanum

 

 

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Happiness is an Open Heart

Filed Under: Emotional Well-being, Energy/Vibration, Healing, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Happiness is an Open Heart


Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

I dream things before they happen and most of the time my dream world is hell. My waking life is hell too. Very few people can understand these things. I’ve had OCD since I was a teenager. I don’t fit anywhere. I feel tormented, alone and disappointed with myself. People just really don’t like me, and the few friends I allow myself always tell me I intimidate people with my intelligence. A gifted psychic told me that people don’t get me – that they are frightened because they sense that I know things. He said I was a strong empath and I hadn’t learned how to control it. My energy is really strong but not in a good way. I’m a psychologist by profession, so I’m supposed to be helping people spiritually but I can’t even help myself. Everything seems so bleak and it’s not getting better. Can you please advise me about how to feel better? I’m an Aquarius Sun, Cancer Moon and Cancer Rising. Thank you.

Cat

Dear Cat:

I chose your question because you remind me a bit of myself when I was a teenager. Though I was popular and generally happy, I too had trouble forming meaningful relationships, and I often felt profoundly lonely. I was often told that my energy was overwhelming and I was intimidating. I also struggled with OCD for a couple of years, though I licked that for good a long time ago.

Like many psychologists, it sounds like you went into this line of study in order to help yourself. (No offense, but psychologists are ironically known for being troubled souls.) I’m glad to hear that you can see the connection between being able to help yourself and being able to help others.

Here’s the thing about Aquarians and everyone who is highly intellectual by nature: though we may impress others with our minds, we’re not usually warm and fuzzy types. In fact, often the more intelligent a person is, the more challenged they are emotionally because they’re out of balance: their strengths and energy are skewed to the mind more than the heart, body or spirit. A lack of heart energy can hold us back socially and keep us from attaining deep fulfillment, especially in relationships.

Though the reasons may sound obvious to other people, intellectuals like Aquarians can be truly baffled as to why people don’t like them. After all, they’re bold, intelligent and interesting, opinionated, confident and original. If what we want is to be happy, however, our heads can’t take us there – we have to go through the heart.

It took me a ridiculous amount of time to figure out that what people crave and really respond to is love. (Isn’t love what you’re really craving too?) People are attracted to humble, self-effacing types, not brilliant know-it-alls. Further, even when we intellectuals have studied the law of attraction and think we know how to create what we want in our lives, we tend to overanalyze everything and work from the head instead of the heart.

To effectively work with the law of attraction, we have to know how to get into the feeling state of the quality of experience we desire, and sadly, feelings aren’t our forte. Like all of us, you are creating your own reality, and what you focus upon will expand in your life. From your letter, it seems you focus mainly on your fears (OCD), how your life is miserable and how no one seems to like you. You write that things aren’t getting any better, which suggests that you’re waiting for that to happen instead of taking charge and working with the law of attraction to create positive change. To attract positive experiences and people who love you, you’ll have to fill your inner world with love and positive vibes first.

The Cancer in your chart would tend to make you more emotional and less aloof than the typical Aquarius. It would also make you much more sensitive, which supports the idea that you could both be highly intellectual and highly sensitive/empathic. Astrology aside, however, much that you wrote suggests that you are really centered in your head, and what you need most is to develop your heart by cultivating love and faith. Love will attract others to you like a magnet, while faith will heal you of the OCD. (OCD is driven by fear so pervasive it takes over your life.)

The main event that changed me and my course was the death of my first love, which led me to develop compassion for the grieving and inspired me to want to help ease their suffering. This is different from pursuing work along a certain line in order to try to help ourselves, though one usually does lead to the other because to help others heal, we have to care about their struggles and have overcome them ourselves.

Along the way, I spent years working on myself and reaching for spiritual growth. Looking back, I now see that the thing I needed most was an open heart, and I believe this is true of you too: the magic elixir you’re looking for is big love. I don’t mean more love from others, but to center yourself in love and cultivate a greater capacity to love others and radiate divine love in all you say and do.

Another turning point for me was realizing that constant mental activity wasn’t a good thing. When I began to practice meditation, I realized that there are all sorts of different types of wisdom in the world, and if what I was after was enlightenment, endlessly processing things in my head wasn’t smart but detrimental.

I also noted that people who seemed to truly be at peace didn’t care one bit about how smart they were, impressing other people or convincing anyone of anything. Instead, they looked for the beauty in others, offered others love and support, and kept their hearts open to each moment. This was radically different from the way I was accustomed to living, which largely focused on proving that I was worthy of admiration and always right.

Love demands that we rise above the endless fears and desires of the ego to care about more than our own happiness, satisfaction and popularity. Ironically, by letting go of endlessly worrying about ourselves, we gain the peace, love and happiness we’ve been longing for all along.

The first thing I recommend is that you own and work with the truth that what you focus on will determine how you feel. The remedy for unhappiness is gratitude. Though your life may seem hellish in some ways, it is endlessly blessed in others. Look for things to appreciate in others, in yourself, and in every situation, and point those good things out. The more you do this, the better you will feel and the more others will be drawn to you.

Next, strive to send the warmest, highest energy you can out into the world.
Instead of trying to have all the answers for people, just give them the love, support and understanding they need to get through their struggles. Strive to be kind-hearted instead of right. Whenever you’re tempted to try to prove that you’re lovable to others, instead, focus on uplifting them and making them feel good about themselves. Since we get back what we send out into the world, this will quickly turn your course of experience around.

Finally, take up a spiritual practice that gets you out of your head, centers you in the heart and puts you in touch with gentle, spiritual people. Yoga would be a great choice, as would meditation designed to open your heart and guide you to love yourself more while sending more love out into the world. As your thoughts, feelings and inner world grow brighter, your outer experiences will follow suit. If you sincerely try, you will see that by working with the power of love, you can profoundly transform every aspect of your life.

– Soul Arcanum

 

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Are Schizophrenics Perceiving Other Worlds?

Filed Under: Emotional Well-being, Energy/Vibration, Intuitive Development, Psychic Ability, Spirits by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Are Schizophrenics Perceiving Other Worlds?

 

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)

Dear Soul Arcanum:

My boyfriend’s sister is schizophrenic and has been in and out of hospitals for years now. I met her over the holidays and she struck me as highly intelligent. I was surprised by some of the things I learned about her experiences. Soul Arcanum, she sees demons as you’ve described seeing them! She says spirits are influencing her thoughts and other things that remind me of your writings. I keep thinking that she’s not crazy – she’s tuning in to something real in another dimension. Your thoughts?

Brigette

Dear Brigette:

This is a very complex subject, and I’m limited on space, but I’ll do my best. I’m not a medical doctor and nothing here should be considered medical advice. Further, instead of addressing everyone who has ever been diagnosed as schizophrenic, this article will focus simply on people who perceive things such as those you describe. I have traveled through my own so-called ‘psychotic break’ and out the other side, so this is a subject I have direct personal experience with as well as one that I have researched in depth. (By psychotic break, I refer to the period during which I first psychically awakened and began perceiving things others could not.)

I hear from people every day who are perceiving things that others can’t, none of whom are ‘crazy,’ so I think it’s really tragic that modern medicine labels all such experiences ‘psychotic.’ We’re so steeped in modern medicine’s views that it feels strange to flip them around and consider the idea that people who can perceive more than most may be somehow gifted. In other times and cultures, people who heard voices or experienced visions were revered as holy. I’m sure that many people who have been diagnosed schizophrenic are indeed tuning in to other dimensions and struggling to cope with it all in a world where their experiences are constantly invalidated and grossly misunderstood.

It is striking how closely the world of the schizophrenic can mirror that of someone in the midst of a psychic awakening. Of course, I’m not the first to discover such a connection: many great minds have noted these correlations, including doctors Carl Jung and Joseph Campbell.

Both the mystic and the schizophrenic tend to see and hear things that other people can’t; more importantly, they tend to see the same sorts of things, such as demons, discarnate spirits, and mythical creatures. Both may experience telepathy, encounters with departed loved ones, precognition, and a sense of unity with people and forces outside of themselves.

In other times and places, spiritual experiences like visions were actively sought and treasured, while today, modern science completely ignores and even denies spirituality. Despite this attitude, we are all fundamentally spiritual beings. It’s like we live in houses built over the ocean but are constantly told that the ocean doesn’t exist. If we hear it rumbling beneath us, smell the salt on the air or glimpse strange marine creatures swimming beneath the surface, we’re told we’re imagining things.

This schism alone can create great psychological tension. I’m not saying that’s a bad thing, for perhaps we’re meant to find the personal strength, courage and faith in ourselves to break away from identification with external ideas in order to validate our own judgment and determine our own spiritual truths. If that’s the case, this is an ideal situation in which to foster independent spiritual seekers. Deep thinkers who question things and those who stumble into personal spiritual experiences will naturally discover this deeper reality, and since they have no shamans, gurus or masters to guide them these days, they must find their own way to make sense of it all.

As Joseph Campbell noted in ‘Myths to Live By’, ‘The mystic, endowed with native talents…and following…the instructions of a master, enters the waters and finds he can swim; whereas the schizophrenic, unprepared, unguided, and ungifted, has fallen or has intentionally plunged and is drowning.’

This metaphor beautifully illustrates how both the mystic and the ‘mad man’ are wandering in the same territory but having vastly different experiences of it. Where the mystic has some sense of what is happening and longs for this journey more than even his own survival, the schizophrenic is unprepared and consumed by fear. Where one longs to transcend the ego/lower self, the other clings to the ego in terror of losing the only sense of identity he has ever consciously known.

While we don’t hear much about people who had psychotic breaks and recovered from them, I hear from them every day. These are people who perceived other realities, heard voices or saw strange entities who worked through their experiences and went on to lead healthy, happy lives. I’ve also read a number of accounts of people diagnosed as schizophrenic who healed themselves by finding Spirit in some way, and I’ve met many who had psychotic breaks but weren’t diagnosed schizophrenic who found their way to healing. Instead of drowning, they taught themselves how to swim in this strange ocean of experience.

By growing spiritually stronger, they were able to swim from terrifying territory toward calmer waters, where their visions changed from frightening to beautiful and helpful. Instead of seeing demons, they became more like mystics and began to see kind spirits, guides and angels. Many even consciously identify fear itself as the true cause of all their distress, and some sort of faith or personal relationship with the Divine as the remedy. Indeed, many gifted psychics began their extraordinary path in some form of ‘madness’ or psychological crisis, and found their way to a higher level of experience without turning their psychic senses completely off.

So what determines how we may fare when suddenly exposed to other realms? Whether we do it before, during, or after a spiritual break from ‘reality,’ we must all face our own inner shadows, fears and issues. If we devote ourselves to spiritual growth before diving into mystical waters, we’ll be prepared to work through whatever we encounter. If we somehow stumble into those waters before we’re spiritually strong and ready, we may flail and flounder, trying to gain our footing while projecting our fears and issues all around us.

As we gain conscious access to subtle energies and higher powers, we must also open our hearts to the power of love. In my research, I was struck by the tendency of schizophrenics to be totally absorbed in their own inner experiences and especially their fears. Similarly, I’ve noted that many set themselves free from madness when they began to look beyond their own concerns to the needs of others. The more they grew to care about other people, the more they were lifted out of all-consuming fears for their own well-being, much as the mystic transcends the ego to reach for the Divine. By shifting toward love, they raised their vibration, which naturally led them to a higher level of spiritual experience, empowerment and understanding.

I’m sure love and faith sound like naive remedies given the devastating nature of psychosis. However, if we study people with biologically healthy brains who experienced traumatic breaks from physical reality and went on to lead healthy lives, it does seem that spiritual growth and healing offer the most effective cures for psychological distress. While modern medicine can work wonders with the body, when it comes crises of the mind and soul, spiritual healing and support are essential.

 

– Soul Arcanum

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He’s Emotionally Shut Down

Filed Under: Emotional Well-being, Healing, Intuitive Development by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on He’s Emotionally Shut Down

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

Growing up, I always felt I had an unusual emotional connection to people. I was able to sense what they were feeling and interact with them in a caring, helpful way. Sometimes people around me made me feel like I was a bit crazy, and eventually, I’d had enough of this and stopped being in touch with people on that level. I put my emotions in check. This helped by toughening me up to outside influences, but it severely hindered my intuition. Now I’m seeking to find a bit of inner peace and understanding, and am realizing that my emotional life is basically non-existent. I rarely get excited about things, and when I need to accomplish a goal, I end up not caring whether I achieve it or not. It’s like I just don’t care. I never have intense feelings of desire, anger or any other emotion. How do I get in touch with my emotions again?

Jason

Dear Jason:

I think it’s important to realize that many people are dealing with emotional disconnection to some degree. Think about the wild range of emotions that little kids display versus how most adults behave. In fact, part of the process of “maturing” is gaining control of our emotions.

Further, spiritual wisdom leads us to live “in the world but not of it,” which means that even as the human side of us is experiencing something intense, there is a spiritual part of us that is just calmly observing. This means the more centered we grow in our higher selves, the more we tend to embody a calm equilibrium at all times.

When we grow to understand that life is just a game – a world of illusions that is just a tiny fraction of our existence – it kind of takes the sting out of situations that used to get us all riled up. While this calm higher perspective empowers us to create whatever we want, suddenly we don’t want anything anymore – we’re content with where we are and mildly curious about what life will send our way next.

So as we move into higher levels of spiritual awareness and wisdom, feeling mellow is perfectly normal. When we eventually shed all desire, we move beyond the vibrational range of the physical, after which we incarnate on other planes.

It sounds like you’re more blocked than enlightened here, however, and there are some healing processes that may help you.

Many highly sensitive people will try to shut down in order to protect themselves from overwhelming energies, or to avoid feeling humiliated or rejected for being different. When this becomes a habit, or when it happens as a result of some traumatic event, the emotional body can get squeezed to the side, which can lead to the emotionally dead feeling you describe.

We have seven spiritual bodies that correspond to the seven main chakras. Moving out from the physical we find the etheric, which is like a blueprint for the physical, and then the emotional body. If we feel overwhelmed or burned out due to high emotional sensitivity, the emotional body can get shut down or pushed aside. This is especially common in natural empaths – people who tend to feel others’ emotional energy as their own. These folks may unconsciously block certain chakras in order to try to prevent discomfort.

This dynamic is illuminated in common phrases such as when we say that a person is beside himself, out of it, shut down, closed down, out of his mind, turned off, etc. Some people even say that someone is close-hearted.

By contrast, being open means being receptive to the energies all around us, which can be very overwhelming, especially for sensitive people. We all filter energies to a certain degree, except when we’re feeling blissful and totally open, such as when we are in a very peaceful place where the energies flowing in are gentle and pleasant.

The more we open up our chakras to process more energy, the more alive we feel, the healthier we are, and the more fully we can live life. In fact, when we close down or block our chakras, we may eventually experience depression and dis-ease.

When people feel emotionally shut down, the chakras affected are typically the second (sacral) chakra, which governs the emotional body; the solar plexus chakra through which we sense things in our guts; and the heart chakra, through which we love others. So in closing down emotionally, you would indeed close down your intuition or gut instincts.

While it’s natural to try to block ourselves from unpleasant experiences in the future, our ultimate goal is to learn that there is nothing to really fear. By shedding the fears behind our efforts to emotionally protect ourselves, we naturally rise above the extreme highs and lows we used to experience. However, when we’re centered in a higher perspective, we don’t feel depressed and indifferent but peaceful and content. (This is how you can determine whether what you’re experiencing is a result of spiritual growth or a symptom suggesting that emotional healing is needed.)

If you determine that you’re blocked, there are many things you can try to affect emotional healing. I recommend you begin with hypnotherapy. If I were working with you, I would regress you back to when you used to feel intense emotions and from there, ask your subconscious to take us to the events, impressions, beliefs or decisions that led you to disconnect emotionally. This would both reconnect you with your emotional body and guide you through the process of melting the frozen energies blocking your emotional flow now. Through hypnotherapy, you can also reprogram any fearful, limiting beliefs that led you to try to protect yourself in the first place.

If you are blocked, it’s because on some level, you don’t believe that the world is a safe place to be emotionally open. Often it is fear of rejection or humiliation that leads us to shut down, which sounds right given what you wrote about people acting like you were crazy. By healing those old emotional wounds and updating your belief system as well as embracing new spiritual growth, you can leave the pain of the past behind and shift into a much higher level of experience.

In addition to hypnotherapy, you might try yoga, which will help you melt energetic blocks so you relax and balance all aspects of your being. You can also see an energy healer for help with releasing blocks, or a shaman for something called soul retrieval. We all tend to distance ourselves from emotional pain by repressing or denying it, which causes parts of ourselves to “leave.” One classic symptom of soul loss is the sense of feeling emotionally shut down that you describe. In soul retrieval, a shaman engages with your soul on a higher level in order to retrieve and reintegrate aspects of your being that left when you experienced some trauma.

Finally, ask your own inner being what you need to do to feel better and then trust what you receive. One of the fastest ways to get past our fears of rejection and to reawaken our intuition is to do something “crazy.” You clearly have some old fear of being labeled crazy, and have disconnected from your intuition. If you relax and tune in and then act on whatever so-called crazy ideas come to you, you can quickly melt through those blocks and reconnect with your inner guidance system. Similarly, when people feel emotionally dead inside, there is nothing like a true crisis to wake them up. I’m not suggesting you put yourself in danger or wreck your life, but a big spiritual adventure – something way beyond the realm of what you would normally do – may prove just what you need to feel emotionally reborn.

– Soul Arcanum

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Dealing with Social Predators in a Spiritual Way

Filed Under: Emotional Well-being, Karma, Law of Attraction, Spiritual Growth by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Dealing with Social Predators in a Spiritual Way

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:

My nanny of almost three years has just left and I found out that she has been stealing money from me the whole time. Just before she left she emptied my wallet, stole all my travel money and also my staff’s wages. I’m now also hearing stories of how cruel and domineering she was to my child. She came to me when my baby was two months old. I’m a single mum with no family around, and was in such a state that she was a godsend. She instantly became part of my little family. I trusted her so much that I was in complete denial and refused to believe she could be stealing even though my money seemed to be running through my fingers. In front of me she was good with my child and when my daughter didn’t want to be with her I thought it was only because she wanted to be with me. I feel so betrayed by her. I’m on a mission to be the best person I can be, and it seems like people take advantage of me and see my kindness as a weakness. My nature is to trust and I was brought up to be polite. I even gave the woman a letter of reference, and now she can go do the same to someone else! She’s certainly not the first person to pull the wool over my eyes. How do kind, sensitive people guard themselves against social predators like this? What is an appropriate spiritual way to react towards her? I have to prevent myself from visualizing her meeting a grizzly end! Your spiritual guidance is much appreciated.
Suz

Dear Suz:

You’re wise to seek a spiritual way to deal with all of this, for how you respond to this experience will greatly affect your life. If you can make peace with it and learn from it, you’ll move on to a higher level of experience; if you let it get the best of you, you’ll repeat this pattern time after time until you’ve transcended it.

In this scenario, you’re like a peaceful, gentle gazelle happily grazing in a sunny meadow. You’re living in a world that is full of all sorts of other creatures, however, like jelly fish, hornets, crocodiles and lions. If you think about all the different creatures in the world and how different even individual creatures of the same species can be from each other, it’s clear that life on Earth is rich with all sorts of colorful potentials.

If you now imagine that there are as many different sorts of people in the world as there are different types of creatures, I think you’ll quickly grasp my point: we’re all different, and we all act according to our own nature.

Where spiritual types like you are like gentle gazelles, the social predators you refer to are more like lions than lambs. They’re not evil – they’re just driven by their own needs and appetites, and doing what they believe they have to do in order to survive. If you expect everyone to behave like gazelles do, you’ll be shocked and disturbed time and time again.

Fortunately, we non-predators have been blessed with special survival instincts. If you visualize a deer grazing in a field, you’ll note that even though it can seem perfectly peaceful, it’s always alert. If it catches the scent of danger or sees something moving in the bushes, it’s ever ready to leap toward safety.

Like deer with sensitive survival instincts, highly spiritual people have very keen intuition. It’s hard to imagine a deer ignoring signs of danger, but many of us ignore our intuition all too often. We get a whiff that something isn’t right, but we talk ourselves out of listening and try to put the thought out of our minds. This effectively silences our intuition, and the more we do it, the harder it becomes to hear our inner voice.

There are lots of reasons we do this. For one, when we ponder big ideas and higher spiritual principles, we focus beyond the world of money and other practical needs. When we go through periods of deep spiritual contemplation, it’s easy to move into a dream world in our heads even though our bodies are still living in the physical.

We’re also at a tricky point where we identify more and more with our higher selves, yet we’re not totally free of the lower vibrations that could make us vulnerable to undesirable experiences. For example, we may be full of faith and trust, but if there is karma to be resolved with someone or some buried wound, fear or issue at work in our subconscious mind, we can still attract the sort of experience you describe. You say this woman was not the first person to pull the wool over your eyes. No doubt when this happened in the past, you didn’t fully resolve the feelings involved. This pattern will keep coming up for you until you do, for if you have fear or resistance to something, it will come to you if you’re not consciously manifesting something else.

We also argue with our intuition because we have been socialized to be nice to such a degree that we can’t allow ourselves to have suspicious thoughts about others even if they’re obviously true.

I’m not saying that this experience was your fault. In fact, I think it’s important that you allow yourself to feel angry. You have every reason to be enraged, and telling yourself that you should feel more spiritual about the whole thing will just keep that anger buried. Once you’ve grown tired of feeling angry, however, you can begin to make peace with all of this by accepting the following three truths:

First: Nothing can truly harm you, for you are so much more than this experience and even this lifetime, and you get infinite chances to fulfill your dreams. When you experience a major drama like this, you can be sure you’re learning something, so despite surface appearances, all is well.

Second: None of this is personal. People act according to their own natures and desires. If you don’t pay attention and consciously create what you want in your life, you may become the vulnerable, daydreaming gazelle at the back of the herd.

Third: You have divine gifts and powers that can help you. Spiritual people generally have keener intuition and a clearer connection with spiritual guidance than most. If you pay attention to your intuition, it will keep you on track with what you desire.

In addition to your intuition, your spirituality will empower you to consciously manifest what you want in your life. The good news here is that it will be relatively easy for you to financially recover and move on from this experience to something much better. To do this, however, you have to consciously work with the law of attraction.

Sometimes we are taken unawares, and then we look back and realize there were signs that we ignored. As we rush through life making countless decisions each day, we all manifest many things unconsciously. This is because in addition to all our conscious thoughts, feelings and desires, we have all sorts of subconscious influences contributing to the mix, such as buried beliefs, emotional wounds, old karma, etc.

The more we remain conscious of our own energy/vibration and what’s happening beneath the surface of our awareness, the more power we’ll have to manifest what we want. In addition, when we pay attention to our intuition and purposefully work with it to attract the sorts of people and experiences we desire, life just gets better and better.

To make peace with this experience, you must accept that not everyone in the world is like you, and that this is ultimately a good thing. If you view it from the right angle, this situation can become a springboard to a higher level of experience. I recommend you let it to motivate you to make better use of your spiritual gifts, and then focus your divine creative energy on manifesting new blessings.

– Soul Arcanum

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Controlling Psychic Sensitivity

Filed Under: Emotional Well-being, Energy/Vibration, Psychic Protection by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Controlling Psychic Sensitivity

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum: In a recent column, you advised the woman who wrote in to learn how to control her psychic sensitivity. Can you offer some specific tips or exercises on how to do so? I’m the caregiver for a disabled man who is deeply depressed, and some days I can set my own tone as you advised, but on other days, I end up feeling really down or out of sorts as soon as I cross the threshold into his house. I’ve thought about quitting this job but I figure it would be better to learn how to control my sensitivity.
Kate

Dear Kate:

I’m so glad you asked about this, for I never seem to have enough room in my column to go into as much detail as I’d like. Though most people aren’t conscious of it, this is a common issue for everyone except the most thick-skinned among us.

As anyone who nurtures others regularly will develop empathy, nurses, caregivers, counselors, etc., all tend to be empathic. This makes sense since trying to understand how other people feel exercises our empathy muscles. Further, people who are highly empathic tend to go into these fields because they feel others’ pain and want to help. (When you feel others’ feelings, it’s only natural to want others to feel great.)

I went through something like this not long ago with my teenage son. I was high on life and feeling wonderful in every way when he moved home from college because he was deeply depressed. At first I was fine, for even though I was channeling a lot of attention and energy to him, I had prepared myself and was remaining conscious of my own vibration. After he began to do better, however, I naturally relaxed.

Then one day I woke up and realized that I hadn’t felt like myself for a while. While I wasn’t depressed, I had become rather indifferent to things that usually mean a great deal to me. I pondered this for a while and could come up with no good reason why I should feel so blah when I am by nature an intense, passionate person. When I finally decided to meditate on it, I instantly realized that I wasn’t feeling like myself because I was feeling like my son!

I then remembered that I had actually asked to feel like him, though not in so many words. In order to better parent him, I kept trying to understand him. Even when he’s perfectly happy and healthy, he is by nature way more easygoing and laid back than I am, which makes it hard for me to relate to him sometimes.

When we try to understand others, we actively connect on an empathic level whether we realize it or not. I believe I do know how it feels to be my son now, for I’ve felt that way myself. As him, I don’t get worked up about anything. This means I don’t get upset or stressed but I also don’t get passionate or ambitious. Since I prefer to feel like me, I realized I had to take control of my own vibration.

We all connect empathically to others sometimes. I’m sure you’ve tried hard to understand how the man you care for feels and how difficult it must be to be in his shoes. While there are many things we can do to control our psychic sensitivity, when we lose ourselves in a relationship, usually just getting conscious of what is happening energetically will set us free. For example, as soon as I realized what was happening, I returned to feeling like myself again.

It helps to remember that the more time we spend with someone, the more likely we are to be influenced by their energy. Further, the closer we are to someone emotionally or the more we try to care for them or help them, the more likely we are to forge an empathic bond. We are therefore wise to pay attention and consciously cultivate our own vibration whenever we spend a lot of time with someone who is in any sort of distress, especially if we are trying to help them in some way.

Ideally, helpers have a higher, stronger vibration than those they help, but this isn’t a given. Further, trying to help someone who is deeply depressed can eventually weigh down even the sunniest caregiver. It’s sort of like trying to save someone who is drowning: the more hours you spend in the water with them, the harder it becomes to keep everyone afloat.

Usually the first sign that you’re losing control of your own vibration is the vague sense of not feeling like yourself. (When you don’t feel like yourself, odds are good that you are feeling like someone else.) Once you become aware that you feel different, you can usually pinpoint who you’re channeling and then take action to consciously deal with that bond in a healthier way.

Here are some things you might try:

First, consciously set your tone every morning. You can do this via meditation or some other spiritual practice like writing in a gratitude journal. The important thing is to get rooted in the positive vibration you desire.

Make your number one goal to feel good. You may or may not be able to help this man feel better, for there is only so much you can do. Remember that you feeling bad for him or others won’t help anyone, and make your first priority to stay in a high vibration yourself.

If you suddenly find your mood sinking for no apparent reason, break all empathic connections. You can do this whenever you are talking to someone or listening to something and you start to get upset. It’s especially effective when you are arguing with someone about something and they are trying to convince you to see things their way. All you have to do is set the strong intention of breaking your psychic connection with whomever or whatever is upsetting you, and then wave your hand/s vehemently in front of your torso. I usually go up and down between my heart chakra and my solar plexus chakra.

This can have a startlingly powerful effect. I’ve done it on the spot with someone who was arguing with me, and the sensation was almost physically tangible. If you fear you’ll freak someone out by doing this, you could excuse yourself (perhaps to go to the bathroom) and do it there. See all cords between you and others being snapped and wiped away. If you have no idea why a dark mood has suddenly come over you, this can still work. Just visualize that whatever or whomever is encroaching on your mood is being wiped away.

You can also shake off any unwanted energy like a dog would shake off water. Let your arms and hands and legs go crazy. It will feel really good! Blow your breath out forcefully, move however feels good to you, and imagine all those unwanted vibes flying off into the cosmos.

If someone tries to encroach on your energy after you do this, visualize yourself as a porcupine with quills of light. Send your energy outward through your spikes and then mosey contentedly on your way with confidence that you’re invulnerable.

After you break an empathic connection, consciously get centered in the vibration you desire again. See your own core essence within like a little light, and turn that light up and let it shine. See it growing from within you, glowing brighter, shining out through your skin, through your eyes, flowing out your hands. When we say that someone is glowing we mean that on some level, we perceive that they are radiating their own divine light like this. If your vibration is the strongest one in the vicinity, you will uplift the downtrodden instead of getting dragged down yourself, so let yourself shine!

– Soul Arcanum

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Empathy and Emotional Control

Filed Under: Emotional Well-being, Healing, Intuitive Development, Psychic Ability, Psychic Protection, Spiritual Growth by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Empathy and Emotional Control

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:
I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder a few years ago, and while I agree with the diagnosis, the label doesn’t quite fit me. I am fairly psychic and more so all the time. I’m clairsentient: I feel too much, care too much (though I don’t think that’s really true!), and I’m always feeling other people’s feelings. Sometimes the energy of others is so strong it can make me go nearly insane. One big facet of borderline personality is an unclear sense of self. I can’t be in a relationship because days into one I’ll have a flip and think, What the hell am I doing? I don’t like this person! and I’ll bail. Some days I see through the eyes of a poorly evolved person; other days I am lost in the glory of Spirit’s sight. It is a true gift but also a curse because I can’t fit into this human world. I don’t expect you to cure me. I know this is my fate. I just want to know if someone like me can find peace between the two worlds I inhabit, or if I will always struggle. Thanks for listening, Soul Arcanum.
Your friend wading through the unseen worlds with her pants hitched up…
Ingrid

Dear Ingrid:

It sounds like you’re a highly sensitive, empathic person. All empaths have an unclear sense of personal boundaries; this is what enables them to feel what other people are feeling.

I recommend you resist being labeled, for you are so much more than BPD or any other abstract idea. Not long ago, you would have been seen to have an impulsive, sensitive, perhaps artistic nature, but no one would have considered you mentally ill. My sense is that you are able to basically function in life, so I would take a spiritual perspective on your struggles instead of accepting a medical diagnosis like this one.

As for whether or not you will always struggle, it’s important to remember that you have the power to create what you want in your life. Much of what you’re dealing with is challenging for all human beings. We are all affected by other people’s emotional energies; some of us are just more affected than others, or are more aware that those vibes are originating outside of us.

Your relationship issues are also pretty normal. They may be a bit more dramatic for you, or perhaps you are extra self-aware and able to observe yourself in relationships and question why you do the things you do. It is important for empaths to realize that sometimes the emotional swings they experience result from shifts between their own feelings and the feelings of others. For example, if someone really likes us and feels good around us, and we tune in to their emotions, we will feel really good around them too. When we later center in our own truth, we may feel very different. So learning how to stay centered in your own emotional truth is key.

As for creating what you want in your life, it sounds to me like you are already on a path to greater spiritual growth and positive change. You are highly sensitive, self-aware, and clearly desirous of a higher level of experience. You know that you want to find a greater sense of peace, and you are manifesting answers and guidance from the Universe, such as this very article. So in my view, there is no need to feel wrong, incomplete or hopeless; things are not so bad, and they’re getting better all the time.

Ultimately, this is a matter of emotional and psychic control. When we get out of balance in terms of development, we experience struggles like those you describe. For example, when someone is centered in their lower chakras, they may work like crazy but without planning or foresight. Someone who is centered in their heads will tend to be overly rational and analytical, and out of touch with their bodies, hearts and spirits.

In your case, you seem to be at the mercy of your own and others’ emotional energy. Since it’s never wise to repress or deny your feelings, in order to create a better sense of balance, you need to bring other aspects of your being up to speed.

On a physical level, this may mean getting more grounded, strong and healthy. Since you also need to learn how to control emotional energy (your own as well as the psychic energy of others), training in a martial art like Chi Gong may prove very helpful. This will also strengthen your aura, which is your natural defense against outside psychic influences. Yoga would also help you get centered energetically and give you a way to find a calm center within whenever you start to feel frazzled or overwhelmed.

On a mental level, meditation should prove perfect for you, since you need to find a way to get calm and gain control of your emotions. By strengthening your mind, you will learn to control your impulses and also become more aware of what is yours energetically versus what is coming from other people.

On a spiritual level, I recommend learning how to control your psychic sensitivity, and developing greater faith. To control your sensitivity, you must get centered within yourself. When a sensitive person lacks a strong sense of self-awareness and self-control, they’re like a tree without a deep, strong root system: with the slightest breeze they can be blown right over. If you get grounded and centered in your own truth, self-awareness and sense of well-being, you’ll develop personal strength from within. Then no matter how the wind may blow around you, nothing will topple you.

This is all about learning how to set your own tone. This means you decide how you want to feel and you consciously cultivate that vibration from within. Basically, you are deciding who you want to be and how you want to feel, and you are consciously generating that vibration and radiating it outward instead of soaking up the energies all around you.

You can still be sensitive and helpful to others if you do this; in fact, you can be far more helpful. For example, to save someone who is drowning, you don’t want to dive into the water and start drowning yourself; you want to remain stable on the shore, throw them a lifeline, and then pull them in. When you are rooted in a high vibration, you can lift those who are struggling up to a higher state of being.

Faith is absolutely essential, for when you have faith that all is well and everything happens for a good reason, you can remain centered in your higher self even when others are going down. When your faith is sound, you can feel compassion for others without having to literally feel their pain. Some people think they are better healers or counselors if they are empathic, but I disagree: two people in pain is NOT better than one. It’s better to have one person in pain and a caring person who is feeling great who can lift the one who is hurting to higher ground.

Finally, despite what many people may tell you, I encourage you to let go of the idea that you need to be protected from other people’s energy. I know that because you are sensitive, you often feel overwhelmed, but that’s mainly because you resist intense energies out of fear. You’ve been overwhelmed for a long time, and you’ve survived just fine. Instead of trying to protect yourself from intense, dramatic or unsettling energies, RELAX. Trust that everything is and will be fine. Send love to everything and everyone. This will reverse the flow of energy, so instead of being bombarded by others’ feelings, you will radiate your own vibration outward. Divine love will then flow through you, which will make you feel wonderful and may help others in many ways as well.

– Soul Arcanum

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A Spiritual Perspective on Codependency

Filed Under: Destiny/Higher Plan, Emotional Well-being, Healing, Relationships by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on A Spiritual Perspective on Codependency

Copyright Soul Arcanum LLC. All rights reserved. :)
 

Dear Soul Arcanum:
Could you please explain what codependency is? What fears lie behind it, and what healing tools could be used to heal it? Thank you for the wonderful job you do with Soul Arcanum – your words bring more light into my life!
Ellen

Dear Ellen:

Codependency ultimately arises from a lack of faith in a higher plan and power. If we believe that we won’t be okay unless we remain vigilantly in control, and that others won’t be okay unless we personally guide and rescue them, then we will go to insane lengths to try to make things go the way we think they should go.

Codependency is of course also a relationship issue involving a lack of clear personal boundaries. Basically, codependents misdirect their efforts by taking responsibility for others’ choices. Further, everyone has fears of abandonment/being alone. Some people avoid the potential pain of being rejected by avoiding getting too close or attached, while others (codependents) try to prevent the potential hurt of being lonely by clinging on tight, avoiding the truth, and smoothing things over. They literally lose themselves in relationships.

Codependency always involves an addict – otherwise we’d just call it obsession. In this scenario, the addict may addicted to alcohol, drugs, gambling, food, attention, drama, or even just being lazy and irresponsible, while the codependent is addicted to the addict. All addicts feel they can’t live without whatever (or whomever) they’re addicted to, and this is what motivates their desperate, self-destructive, crazy behavior. In the dependent/codependent relationship, neither person is centered in their own personal power; both are looking for God or emotional sustenance in something/someone outside of themselves instead of within.

I believe that we all have addictive and codependent tendencies, for we all have fears of being vulnerable, alone, helpless, unloved, abandoned, unhappy, unfulfilled, etc. Further, even seemingly emotionally healthy people have buried issues that can lie dormant for years and then be reawakened by any number of triggers.

For example, we may meet someone from a past life with whom we have dependent/codependent karmic patterns, or connect with someone new who pushes one of our buttons. When this happens, we tend to feel a strong sense of connection or attraction to that person, and may mistakenly assume that this means we’ve met the soul mate we’ve been praying for and will live happily ever after with them. Instead, our inner beings feel drawn to these people because they can help us heal something deep within us that needs healing.

This is what happens when children of alcoholics grow up and marry other addicts. Even when they carefully screen out overt alcoholics, to their dismay, many find themselves repeating familiar old patterns. If Sandy was forever covering for dad when she was a girl, she may marry a man who constantly needs rescuing in some way in order to learn that this sort of behavior isn’t truly loving or respectful of either one of them. If Mom was affectionate and cheerful when drugged up but mean and withdrawn when sober, Bill may be strangely attracted to women who run hot and cold in order to heal the emotional wounds he suffered as a child.

The possibilities are endless: the point is that what attracts us to other people on an unconscious, spiritual level is always meaningful and purposeful. While we are drawn to certain people because they may have the traits we consciously desire in a partner, there are other, deeper forces at work as well.

I did my own wretched tour of codependent duty when I was a freshman in college. As I had grown up with an obese, food-addicted father, I was well-trained in codependency myself. When I met Dan, there was an instant feeling of soul recognition, and yet my heart didn’t swell with love and delight. Instead, it was like I’d just come across a live wire on the ground that was sending out fiery sparks: I felt enthralled but wary.

Dan was brilliant, fascinating, sexy, self-possessed, and a mean, ugly drunk. When he was sober, life with him was heaven; when he was drinking, it was hell. He loved me beautifully two thirds of the time, and the other third he treated me like dirt. This was profoundly heart-wrenching and confusing, but because I was so attached to the ecstasy, I kept hanging on through the miserable times with him. Nothing was more important to me than him loving me completely, so I accepted his addiction as an excuse for his totally unacceptable behavior. Instead of telling him what I really thought and felt, I tried to smooth things over and keep them going. Instead of drawing a firm line with him, I let him emotionally use and abuse me.

I know that many people reading this can relate. For those who haven’t been through something similar, imagine a pimp getting you hooked on crack by giving you a little taste and then disappearing…showing up suddenly with another little bit of heaven, getting you high, beating the crap out of you, and then taking off again…returning with sweet apologies and lots of what you want but then suddenly claiming a supply shortage and jacking his prices sky high. If you want it, you can have it, but you’ll have to sell yourself to get it. Since you feel like you’re dying without it, you’re willing to give up anything – your health, your self-respect, your very soul – just to stop the pain.

This is what happens when codependents get hooked on addicts. By nature, addicts are not emotionally honest with themselves or anyone else, which generates seemingly crazy, irrational behavior. When we remember that codependents are also addicts, it’s easy to see how confusion reins and endless crazy swings between hope and despair become normal.

In terms of spiritual development, codependents tend to ignore both reason and their intuition. They will continue with this as long as their fear of being alone or unloved is greater than their fear of being used, abused and in a miserable relationship. Eventually, however, the pain and frustration grow intolerable and they begin to reason their way out of the mess they find themselves in.

My head kept trying to tell me that what I was doing with Dan didn’t make sense and wasn’t leading where I really wanted to go, but I believed I couldn’t live without him. Eventually, reason convinced me that if I really wanted to feel loved and happy, I was going about it all wrong. How could anyone truly love and respect me when I was unable to respect myself enough to stop the insanity?

Of course, by enabling their addict, most codependents believe that they are acting in a loving manner. Once they realize that enabling addicts is more hurtful than helpful of everyone involved, they naturally begin to change.

Finally, at the heart of the journey of healing from codependency is the development of faith in something bigger than ourselves. When we have faith that everything happens for a good reason and everyone is doing whatever they need to do in order to learn what they need to learn, it’s easy to give up trying to save or control them. Others are already doing whatever they need to be doing, and they can only save themselves anyway. This goes for us too, of course: we realize that instead of wasting our time and energy trying to force square pegs into round holes, we would be wise to focus on fulfilling our own goals and dreams with trust that if we align with what we want within, whatever happens in our outer experience will prove to be for the best.

– Soul Arcanum

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Allowing People to Stay Stuck

Filed Under: Emotional Well-being, Relationships, Spiritual Growth by Soul Arcanum — Comments Off on Allowing People to Stay Stuck

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Dear Soul Arcanum:
I’ve really been working on myself for the last couple of years in terms of personal development, prosperity consciousness, business success, spiritual growth, etc., and I now find that I have no tolerance for B.S. I find it frustrating to be around people who refuse to crack a book, move forward with their lives, or do something progressive instead of just repeating the same situations over and over again. That said, I also know that everybody is on an individual path and there are reasons people stay broke, ignorant, selfish, etc. Still, it’s a tough balance for me to allow while knowing there are other options for people. What do you do about people like this? There are also a lot of people in my life who lean on me like a walking cane. I guess I appear to be more competent and balanced than they are. I’m wondering how you (with your skills) deal with such people.
D.

Dear D.:

We have a lot in common, for I’ve been struggling with these issues for a couple of decades now. After you’ve been walking a conscious spiritual path for many years, it becomes the only way you know how to be. It’s then easy to forget what it was like before you became devoted to self-improvement, which can make it hard to relate to all the folks in the world who are just trying to get through each day with as much pleasure and as least pain as possible. You can share with them all sorts of enlightening ideas, but if they’re not ready to embrace them, you’ll drive yourself crazy if you’re attached to what happens after you cast your pearls of wisdom out there.

In terms of the law of attraction, I see two separate forces at work in situations like this. First, your lack of tolerance for B.S. is common in people who are adept at the law of attraction, for you are ever raising the bar on what you desire and expect from life. I must point out, however, that freaking out about B.S. is also B.S. After all, once you achieve this level of spiritual development and know that you can create whatever you want, it makes no sense to keep creating B.S. and then getting upset about it. When B.S. rears its ugly head, it’s time to examine your own vibration and lift yourself into a higher level of experience.

By allowing yourself to get annoyed and irritated, you’re hurting yourself: your own vibration is suffering and you are setting yourself up to manifest more frustrating experiences. (Remember – what you focus upon expands!) Instead of wishing other people were more like you, you’re wise to look for something to appreciate in them and assume the best in every situation. When you’re able to stay in pure positive energy even when others are leaning on you or bumbling along, the quality of your experiences will change, and you’ll begin to attract more happy, successful people.

In order to deal with B.S. or the potential frustration of watching people repeat the same limiting, self-destructive problems over and over again, and NOT have it lower our vibration, we have to rise above ego. When we’re centered in our higher selves, there is nothing to get upset, angry or frustrated about; instead, there is calm faith that all is well and everyone is doing just what they need to be doing in order to learn whatever they need to learn at that time.

It is much easier to achieve this higher perspective when we’re dealing with people we don’t have close personal relationships with. In fact, the more important someone is to us emotionally, the more attached we will feel to them making the decisions that we think they should make in order to feel the way we think they should feel.

When you start getting upset about others’ habits and choices, it’s a sign that your ego is getting attached to a certain outcome again. As this is a test of your faith, it’s time to ask yourself if you truly believe that everyone is just where they need to be and doing what they need to be doing.

Second, the brighter your light becomes, the more people will be attracted to it, and the greater your life grows, the more people will take notice and want to emulate you. It is thus entirely natural for people who really have their acts together to attract all sorts of hangers on. It’s easy to see how this is true of successful business owners like yourself; the owner creates a thriving business, and in doing so, he creates jobs for people who don’t have the personal power and ambition to create something similar for themselves.

This too is natural: not everyone can be the business owner or there would be no employees; not everyone can be the shepherd or there would be no flock; not everyone can be the teacher or there would be no students. Everyone is doing what suits them given their present level of development.

Further, all of this is relative, and everyone has both strong and weak suits. When we are feeling irritated or critical of others, we are wise to stop focusing on their problems and realize that our own flaws are begging for attention. Just as you may look down on someone as hopelessly blind to their own issues, someone else may view you similarly. (I feel for our poor spirit guides; if they had egos like we do, I’m sure they’d have given up on us a long time ago.) Also, the people who struggle with some of the stuff that we find easy may have some beautiful traits that we have yet to develop, so we are wise to remain humble and look for the Divine in everyone we meet.

Speaking of humility, I must warn you that it is daring and foolish to tell ourselves (and the Universe) that we can handle anything because we’ve got our acts together, for this sends out a signal just begging for a greater challenge. The bigger our egos swell, the more likely we become of bumping into something sharp and ending up in an embarrassed, rubbery mess on the floor. (Trust me – I know this one really well!)

Finally, when I’m struggling with this sort of situation, the thing that helps me the most is gratitude. I am profoundly grateful for knowing what I know and being able to do what I do, so it is my pleasure to share what I’ve learned with others. I strive to live by the truth that we get what we give, and I believe that of those to whom much is given, much is expected. With the power to consciously create what we want in our lives comes a lot of responsibility.

We may end up feeling like we give out and put up with more than our fair share, but if you think about it, it’s not really true. In fact, our lives are for the most part relatively wonderful and stress-free. Since we are so richly blessed, we can afford to generously and patiently guide the kindred spirits coming up the metaphysical trail from behind us.

That said, please know that you are not required to help or save anyone. I believe that doing so will bless you in countless ways, but not if you end up feeling frustrated, drained and taken advantage of. We are wise to do what we feel called to do as long as it feels good to us, but as soon as our vibration starts to sink, it’s time to surrender the results, get recentered in faith, and focus on whatever makes our own hearts soar.

– Soul Arcanum

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