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Dear Soul Arcanum:

My younger sister and I are both Pisces; we were born on the same day four years apart. However, our spiritual paths are completely different, and we’ve shared some pretty heavy-duty emails back and forth recently. She’s a very strict Catholic who goes by the book, and she thinks that because I accept the theory of reincarnation, practice yoga and meditation, believe that we are all part of God and there is life on other planets, etc., I am doomed to go to hell. She also believes the devil influenced my decision to leave the Church over thirty years ago. I’m hoping to move much further away from her soon because I really don’t feel comfortable around her anymore. In my last email to her, I suggested we just drop the subject entirely. I would love to be able to discuss spiritual issues with her, but alas, I don’t see that happening anytime soon. Do you think she’ll ever question her present spiritual beliefs? I fear our recent tiff over religion may have done some serious damage to our friendship. Thanks for your thoughts on this! – Kay

Dear Kay:

I feel your pain, my friend. My father was a wonderful, devoted parent and a sharp, educated, formidable debate opponent. He also thought everything psychic or paranormal was totally crazy. While he didn’t think these subjects were the work of the devil, he couldn’t even hear someone mention something along these lines without rolling his eyes and changing the subject.

I lived to please my father, so I learned early on to avoid bringing up anything related to spirituality. Given who I am and what I do for a living, you might wonder how we could have had a good relationship if we avoided discussing everything I am about, but we did – we enjoyed an extraordinarily close, harmonious bond. I believe this is because we both avoided talking about spiritual matters. Toward the end of his life, he actually came around a bit, and this meant so much more to me than if he had been behind me all along, for I knew that his respect was hard won.

Some topics are almost guaranteed to spark conflict. I avoid discussing politics and religion with family, since unlike friends, family members are part of our lives whether we like it or not. In fact, I don’t bring up my spiritual beliefs to anyone but known kindred spirits. Take it from me, you CAN have a great relationship with someone even if you have very different spiritual beliefs and never discuss that area of your lives.

Regarding the role of astrology here, we must remember that just because two people have the same sun sign or birthday, that doesn’t mean they’ll be just alike. The whole chart must be taken into account along with other variables such as present and past life experiences, free will, level of spiritual development, etc.

Pisces are generally very spiritual, open-minded, sensitive and compassionate. You two are similar in that you both have some very strong spiritual beliefs. One of Pisces’ greatest desires is to feel understood, and I sense that both you and your sister want to feel understood and accepted by the other.

You’re also dealing with a key turning point in every spiritual journey when people shift from looking outside themselves for support and direction to looking first and foremost within. We all eventually realize that we are co-creators with God, but when this idea is new to us, it can really flip us out.

Many people who cling to traditional religions are really attached to the idea that there are people and supernatural beings who are wiser and more powerful than they are who are in charge of making sure everything is okay. These people need to believe that if they follow a few basic rules, everything will work out and they’ll go to heaven one day. They don’t trust their own judgment or ability to create their own reality yet. Our goal is to have compassion for these folks and to assume that they are where they need to be and will open up to new possibilities when they are ready.

I feel you two may also be simply acting out the dramatic clash between old religious traditions v. new spiritual thinking that is happening on a global level. As Pisces you’re both very sensitive, so you may be more vulnerable to this sort acting out than most people. To break free, you just need to get conscious of what is happening and choose what is important to you personally. It sounds like this is what you’re in the process of doing by trying to let go of this debate.

This is a time of unprecedented accelerated planetary change. In the past 100 years or so, humankind has developed the ability to quickly travel to any spot around the globe and to instantly connect with people from other cultures via the internet, television, etc. This has exposed many people to new beliefs and spiritual practices. A century ago, most people identified with their own country and lived their whole lives in one religious community, while now we are all rocketing toward global unity and cosmic consciousness.

Because this is happening so quickly, many people who are uncomfortable with these changes are really struggling. They’re stressed, anxious and afraid, and as a result, they cling to tradition. Their fear has fueled a resurgence of religious fundamentalism. Instead of debating or criticizing these people, we’re wise to recognize their fear and try to find compassion for them.

As for your own part in this conflict, whenever you have an emotional reaction to anything that someone says to or about you, you can be sure they have pushed one of your ego’s buttons. By contrast, when you’re centered in your higher self, you won’t take anything anyone says personally, and won’t feel threatened by any particular idea.

Deep down, everyone who is intelligent has some doubts about their spiritual beliefs, for these are not matters that anyone can be sure about. Since you grew up in the Catholic Church, you may have some old programs running in the background that make you feel a bit anxious about your new spirituality. This is entirely natural. Even I sometimes look at everything I believe based on my own experiences and wonder if I’m out of my mind! This sort of doubt is healthy. My point is if you feel defensive in any way, it’s an opportunity for you to work through whatever issues may be lurking in the background of your psyche.

Since we can’t convince anyone of anything until they’re ready, there is no point in arguing about others’ personal beliefs. It sounds to me like you and your sister have lost sight of your priorities in this relationship. If what you want is a good debate, then challenging each others’ spiritual beliefs is almost guaranteed to reward you. If instead you want relationship harmony, you’d be wise to save such discussions for your spiritual family.

To turn this relationship around, you might start by giving your sister all you hope to receive: Embrace who she really is, communicate your respect for her views, and tell her that you don’t want your differences to come between you. If you put love first, love will follow.

– Soul Arcanum

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