Dear Soul Arcanum:
Last September my husband took his own life. I am spiritually evolved in many ways, but have questioned my beliefs about death since the day he died. I have been able to communicate with souls that have passed over for family members here, such as my husband’s grandfather, but I’m not sure if I’ve been able to reach my husband because I wonder if I want so badly to have him with me that I’m imagining things. What do you think? Also, how does suicide affect spirit communication? I’m unsure what I believe anymore. Thank you very much for your time. Namaste!
– Chelle
Dear Chelle:
My heart goes out to you. I can only imagine how hard it must be to heal from a loss of this nature. Before I explore general ideas, I want to tell you that I feel that your husband is trying hard to connect with you, and it is only your own pain and doubt that is keeping these experiences from being more real and fulfilling for you.
As I’ve explained a number of times, having a strong desire to connect with a certain spirit is very powerful, but if we pressure ourselves to produce, it may just hinder us. This is why I may bring through great evidence from spirits for strangers, but will have a harder time bringing through loved ones for people I know. When I feel I “must” succeed, I know I tend to stretch for evidential details more, which causes me to question everything I perceive more stringently. I also expect more of myself and my own loved ones in Spirit than I do of strangers, and this bogs the whole spirit communication process down.
It can be very confusing, disappointing, and even disillusioning to receive clear, evidential communication from a casual acquaintance in Spirit, and not be able to connect with your own spouse, parent or child. In such cases, however, we are almost always the source of whatever is preventing successful interaction. Our vibration may be too low due to grief, we may be too invested in making a connection, or we may doubt everything we perceive both because messages from those we were very close to tend to be more subtle, and because we know we are prone to wishful thinking.
While most people who are grieving tend to see even the smallest coincidences as signs from a loved one in Spirit, lots of us go too far the other way, and refuse to accept as valid anything less than a full blown miracle. We must remember that EVERYTHING we experience in life is ultimately a result of “wishful thinking,” and trust the power of our desire as much as we do the discernment of our intellects.
In light of all of this, I encourage you to trust that the experiences you’re having are real and valid. By trusting them, you will be able to cultivate clearer, more validating experiences with your husband, who probably just wants you to understand why he did what he did and forgive him.
As for suicides in general, and how this act may affect spirit communication, it all depends on that person’s motivation for taking their own life, for that will greatly affect where they end up on the other side. If you think about it, there are what we might call “degrees” of suicide.
For example, it seems to me that a soldier who throws himself on a grenade to save his comrades is way ahead of your average American couch potato, who is slowly killing himself with junk food, inactivity and cigarettes. The first man is demonstrating great reverence for the gift of life by sacrificing himself in order that a number of others may go on living, while the second man is demonstrating a profound lack of appreciation for his physical existence. Given all the “suicide” possibilities we might imagine in between, it’s easy to see how each individual’s motivations would greatly affect what happens when they get to the afterlife.
Further, when we cross over, how we have lived will be far more important than how we have died. A person’s general nature will greatly affect their ability to reach through from Spirit, regardless of how they passed. Someone who was highly conscious, intelligent, sane, positive, grateful, kind and spiritual in life will tend to be easy to communicate with on the other side. It’s like we each carry our own torch into the afterlife in the form of our spirits. If we are radiant with light, we can see far and are empowered to do much more than if we are stumbling through darkness.
People who were unconscious, ignorant, insane, negative, ungrateful, selfish, and cynical or disbelieving while alive will be much harder to communicate with when they cross into Spirit, as they will be in dark, murky territory. If their lights are very dim, they can’t see to do much. Some even reincarnate without regaining consciousness in the afterlife.
As we continue on in death much as we were in life, two of the most rewarding and powerful traits we can cultivate are a strong, positive belief in Spirit and knowledge of spiritual principles. The more we focus upon and center our lives on higher spiritual values, the lighter and freer we’ll be in the spirit realm.
Now, when most of us hear the word suicide, we don’t think of military heroes or couch potatoes, of course: we think of someone who was of sound body and mind who became depressed and lost hope of ever turning their lives around. As these people were in mental and emotional hell while living, they tend to continue to be in mental and emotional hell when they cross over. Contrary to some religious teachings, this suffering is not a punishment, but arises from natural spiritual law. It is no more imposed upon them than the hell they created for themselves while alive.
These sorts of spirits tend to be as hard to get through to in the afterlife as they were when they were living, at least until they attain a higher state of mind. Such spirits often become earthbound, and continue to wander in the inner darkness and confusion that led them to take their lives in the first place. The lessons they were supposed to learn while living are still on their metaphorical “to-do” lists, but they have no clear way to complete those tasks, and thus we might say they have “unfinished business.” They do not remain like this forever, of course. When they realize how precious life is, they begin to “see the light.”
It takes a lot of focus and energy for any spirit to communicate inter-dimensionally. While it does happen, someone who couldn’t summon the will to live is unlikely to pull that sort of personal power together. Sometimes, however, suicides are shocked to find they still exist, and realize that killing themselves just made things worse. They may then want nothing more than to tell us they are sorry and urge us not to follow in their footsteps. When they witness how much pain they’ve caused those they love, they may be overwhelmed with remorse, and go to great lengths to seek forgiveness. As we pray for them and send them love, we bathe them in light, which can help them quickly rise in vibration and understanding, and move on to higher planes.
Again, I feel that your husband is not lost on the other side, but is definitely trying to reach you. Keep praying for him and visualize him being flooded by divine light. It will help him to heal, which will empower him to connect with you in a more fulfilling way. I know it’s hard and you have your own healing to work through, but try to have compassion for how much he must have been suffering to take his own life, and offer him your forgiveness if you can.
I’m sending you prayers for love and healing, my friend.
– Soul Arcanum
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