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Dear Soul Arcanum:

I’ve always been respectful, responsible and a good student. When I met my current boyfriend, however, I started to change. Since we got together eight months ago, I’ve started hanging out with a new crowd, and my old friends say I’m a different person. My boyfriend gets very jealous if I even talk to another guy, and about once a month, he drives me to the point where I can’t think about anything but the fact that he’s mad at me. I then get very depressed until I go to extremes to make up. When this happens, it seems like everything around us just falls apart. We can’t see living without each other, though sometimes we threaten to stop seeing each other just to see if the other one cares enough to do something about it. My life is falling apart. I can’t see my father anymore because he’s a drug addict, I don’t get along with my mom, and my grades are horrible. My boyfriend is the only one who encourages me, though sometimes he digs me into deeper messes. I have a bit of a weight problem, and I have stopped eating in the past just to make people see that I was depressed in hopes someone would help me. What do you think I should do?
– Breanna

Dear Breanna:

I hear your cry for help, and I’m answering it for you and folks of all ages who are in the delicate transition between spiritual childhood and adulthood. I want you to know that even when the people you’re “supposed” to be able to count on let you down, there is always help available to you in Spirit.

Throughout our lives we are surrounded by human beings who are fallible and often caught up in their own life lessons. When we’re vulnerable children, hopefully someone is paying enough attention to see that our needs are met. As we grow up, however, instead of waiting for someone to hear our various cries for help, we have to learn how to take care of ourselves, for we’re the only ones who really can.

It’s time for you to depend on someone more reliable than your parents, peers and boyfriend, and that “someone” is your own higher self and the wisdom and support of Spirit. Fortunately, you’re young and at a very powerful, pivotal junction in your life. If you can move into a conscious relationship with Spirit now, you may skid right past all the dysfunctional things adults do as they struggle to cope with life’s many challenges.

You see, most adults develop the habit of deadening their feelings in response to life’s blows, and this causes them to lose conscious awareness of their inner guidance system. When we repress our desires, erect rigid self-defense mechanisms, and adopt self-destructive habits and false beliefs in order to avoid pain and disappointment, we also disconnect our inner compass. Thus, the earlier we begin to consciously work with Spirit, the easier it tends to be.

Regardless of our chronological age, at some point we are all led to begin building our own spiritual foundation. When we’re little, our parents are essentially our “gods.” They anticipate and fulfill our needs; they seem to be omniscient and infallible; we feel safe and secure with them. As we grow up, however, we realize how very human they are, and this leaves us feeling bereft and unsettled. We then flail about in search of a “new” god.

As our modern world has forsaken religion/spirituality in favor of other pursuits, and turned the quest for God into the quest for a soul mate, it’s only natural for young people like you to shift your allegiance from your parental “gods” to a boyfriend or girlfriend. (Older “kids” can insert the terms lover, partner or spouse here.) When we put a human being in the place of God in our lives, we are definitely in for a rocky ride. What you really need is a direct, conscious relationship with Spirit and your own inner guidance system, which is designed to keep you safe and lead you to fulfillment.

Your inner compass knows when what you’re about to do isn’t really good for you, and it tries to tell you this via your feelings. If you’re thinking about doing something that isn’t going to work out well for you, you may feel a jarring “pang” of hesitation. Then your mind will usually kick in and try to convince you to go ahead and do what you were planning on doing. This may happen so fast that you are never even aware that you had that feeling in the first place.

It’s important to learn how to watch for those feelings and then stop and explore what’s behind them, for at those moments, higher spiritual intelligence is trying to get our attention in order to lead us to what is best for us. Every time we act against that inner knowing, we end up experiencing pain of some kind; when we make a habit of working with it, life gets better and better.

This inner guidance is not some cosmic parent telling you what you “should” do. It’s your own higher self and/or spirit guides trying to steer you toward the decisions that will leave you happy, healthy, and on your way to fulfilling your dreams. Your spirit guides are working with and for YOU, and only want to help you get what you really need and want in life.

One big challenge for young people is that they don’t yet know what they want – and if they don’t know what they want, how can their inner guidance lead them to it? The answer is by finding out what they DON’T want. We all spend a lot of time in our early experiences – our first jobs, romantic relationships, friendships, etc. – having experiences we find undesirable, and these lead us to define more clearly what we DO want.

When you’re not sure what you want at some point, it’s wise to simply identify how you want to FEEL, and love yourself enough to take action in order have that experience. For example, if your boyfriend often leaves you feeling unappreciated when you want to feel cherished, you must be willing to take action (perhaps by leaving that relationship) in order to manifest a more fulfilling situation.

Also, develop the habit of asking Spirit to show you how certain decisions will most likely unfold. If you do this, sometimes you’ll get psychic impressions, and other times, you’ll just use foresight and common sense to make good decisions. Our ability to look ahead like this generally determines how smooth or bumpy our journey through life will be.

So as you contemplate a certain decision or action, ask Spirit to show you what will happen if you do it, and then simply see what pops into your head. You may see a mental “video” of the future, or you may hear words like “trouble” or “danger” or “do it” in your mind, or you may have a feeling in your gut like queasiness, anxiety, or a warm glow.

If what you perceive is attractive, then go for it. Obviously, if what you perceive in the future is not what you really want and you move forward anyway, you’re just asking for trouble.

At some point we must all grow up and find our own way. If you’ve always counted on other people to save you, help you or guide you, this transition may feel very unsettling, but it’s the only truly secure path. It’s like the difference between having a good job and being self-employed. Most people are afraid to strike off on their own because they have more faith in their employer than they do in themselves! We would all be wise to rely on ourselves and Spirit more than anyone or anything else in the Universe, and to trust our own inner knowing above all, for when we consciously work with our own inner guidance system, it steers us to whatever we need in all areas of our lives.

– Soul Arcanum

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