Dear Soul Arcanum:
Recently I suddenly developed a problem with TMSoul Arcanum Sometimes I wake up in the morning and my jaw hurts so badly that I can hardly open my mouth, much less chew. While I’m planning on seeing my dentist about this, I have a feeling that it’s not so much a physical problem as an emotional one. Do you think this could be something emotional in nature, and if so, what should I do?
– Stacy
Dear Stacy:
There are of course physical reasons you could suddenly have developed TMJ, so I’m glad you’re going to have this checked out by a medical professional. However, based on personal experience, I believe that TMJ is one of those conditions that almost always has connections to deeper psychological issues.
As with all discomfort and disease, TMJ is a sign that something is out of balance. That may be your physical jaw, especially if you’ve had orthodontic work done recently, or chronic problems with your bite. Usually, however, a sudden problem with TMJ reflects an imbalance in your inner world, which is probably a reaction to some imbalance in your outer experience.
For those who aren’t familiar, let’s review some TMJ basics. TMJ stands for temporomandibular joint, and is characterized by pain in the jaw, ear and head (including migraines), popping or clicking of the jaw, and pain on chewing or opening the mouth. Most TMJ sufferers grind their teeth at night, and many believe that this grinding is what causes the pain. It is estimated that about 10 percent of the population suffers from TMJ, so this is a very common problem. It’s also far more common in women than men, which makes sense when we examine its emotional roots.
When we repress our feelings, the energy of those feelings gets stuck in the body, which creates tension. In particular, TMJ tends to crop up when we hold back on acknowledging or expressing anger and frustration. It’s thus no accident that TMJ affects women more than men, for women have been socialized to believe it is bad to get angry and much worse to express it.
TMJ sufferers also tend to have other personality traits that would lead them to deny their anger or avoid expressing their displeasure. For example, they tend to be highly conscientious folks who try very hard to be “good people.” As this is also a characteristic of “spiritual” folks, many people who are actively pursuing personal growth suffer from TMJ or related syndromes at some point.
This arises because we believe that we “should” be above getting angry � that we should be perpetually serene, forgiving and compassionate. Thus when we are taken for granted or mistreated in relationships, we may tell ourselves that we should be fine with doing most of the giving. Whether it’s legitimate or not, whenever something begins to make us angry, we may deny we’re angry or bite our tongues (and thus hurt ourselves) to avoid hurting others.
All of this is happening on a subconscious level, of course, which is why people with TMJ grind their teeth at night instead of during the day. When we’re really struggling with a problem, we may say that we’re “chewing on it.” Well, TMJ is like emotional chewing. When we grind our teeth at night or unconsciously clench our jaws, it’s because we’re subconsciously chewing on something that we don’t want to face on a conscious level.
This is exactly what was going on in my life when TMJ struck for me. I was indeed angry, but whenever something upset me, I would try to ignore it and just focus on the positive. (I truly thought this was going to prove wise, for I know that what we focus upon expands in our lives.) I then developed IBS, and several months later, after I had managed to get that healed, TMJ struck.
The night before my first TMJ episode, I’d had something of a breakdown in which I exploded with anger over the way I felt someone was mistreating my stepdaughter. I was really surprised at myself, but quickly realized why I was so enraged: I had been in my stepdaughter’s shoes myself many times when I was young. In fact, our situations were uncannily similar, so watching my stepdaughter suffer reawakened my own buried anger from the past. I truly believed that I had dealt with all those feelings, healed and moved on, but apparently, I was wrong!
At this time, I had also gotten in the habit of avoiding conflict in general in the name of keeping the peace and being what I thought was a “nice” person. I was thus biting my tongue and holding back my truth several times a day. This is exactly the sort of thing that leads to TMSoul Arcanum
Given all of the above, here are some good questions to ask yourself when TMJ strikes out of the blue:
If I WERE angry about something, what might it be?
What is my relationship to anger in general?
What do I do with my anger?
If I were going to really let someone have it and tell them exactly what I really think, who would it be, and what would I say?
Anger itself is not a problem: the problem is what we do with our anger. People repress anger for all sorts of reasons. They may consider themselves too nice, evolved or logical to get angry. Some people actually feel they have no right to get angry (or be truly happy for that matter.)
Others are deeply afraid of anger both in others and in themselves. My mother was bi-polar, and when I was a child, she didn’t get angry – she would be calm one moment and violently enraged the next. As a result of many traumatic early experiences, I learned to squelch the embers of conflict and anger as soon as I felt a trace of heat.
Dr. John E. Sarno, author of The Mind-Body Prescription, considers many psychosomatic pain disorders like IBS, TMJ, and chronic neck/shoulder pain to be part of something called Tension Myositis Syndrome. This is basically tension in the body’s muscles, which leads to restricted blood flow and chronic pain. According to Dr. Sarno, simply becoming conscious of the repressed emotions that may be behind your physical pain is the most powerful thing you can do to affect healing. With this in mind, you might seek help from a hypnotherapist or conventional talk therapist.
In addition to becoming conscious of repressed energies and emotions, anything that helps you to release stress and tension can ease your discomfort. Many bodyworkers are familiar with the causes of TMJ and related syndromes, so you might try massage, craniosacral therapy, acupuncture or myofascial therapy. Anything that relaxes you would help, and many people report that they can keep pain and tension at bay through regular meditation and yoga practice.
Finally, you have to love and trust yourself enough to own your true feelings, and find a way to honor them without hurting others OR yourself.
– Soul Arcanum
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