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Dear Soul Arcanum:

I married a man I had dated for eight years. He swept me off my feet and I loved him with all my heart. After almost two years of marriage and the birth of our daughter, I was diagnosed with a blood disease that causes low blood platelets. It was an awful ordeal that involved a lot of drugs and surgery, none of which helped. This disease was active for over eight years but has been in remission for the past year. During the time I was ill, I gave birth to my son and divorced my husband, who was going to school in another town. I was supporting two households while I was sick and running the family business with no support. I was in survival mode. In the past few years, I have developed a wonderful support group. The problem is that we have two kids together, so we have to be in some kind of contact. Lately, on his visits to town, my ex has become more intimidating. Last time he came into my house and started looking through the kitchen cabinets and touching everything. While this was happening, I became physically ill and felt like I was going to throw up. After he left, I developed severe lower back pain. This subsided but now my TMJ has flared up. I know that TMJ is associated with repressed anger, which makes sense since whenever I expressed anger in the relationship, the sword was turned against me so I learned to just be quiet. I don’t know if this is some kind of karmic debt or psychic attack, but I do know that I am happier and healthier when my ex is absent from my life and my mind. Do you think that a relationship can make you physically ill? If so, what do I do to protect myself?

– Soul Arcanum

Dear J:

Since stress can make you physically ill, anyone who upsets you can affect your sense of well-being. It sounds like back when you developed this rare blood disease, you were under a great deal of stress. It’s interesting that since you made some big changes in your life and developed a strong support group, the disease has gone into remission. I believe this is not so much about your relationship with your ex as it is about how you take care of yourself.

I’m glad that you shared that you learned to repress your anger. In doing this, you were not honoring your true feelings. Stifling our true feelings leads to churning energy, which can cause all sorts of physical problems from TMJ to the dis-ease you describe. If instead of “fighting” for what you believe in, you repress your feelings, that energy will fight within you. This can cause a war in your immune system that destroys your platelets and sense of well-being instead of the “outer war” that should be taking place in the troubled relationship. (I am not advocating war or fighting but rather dealing with what is really bothering you instead of repressing your feelings.)

Any emotional disharmony or discomfort will eventually filter down to a physical level if you allow it to grow severe or go on long enough. I learned this the hard way in my own first marriage. I was deeply unhappy but since I had two small children, I was very reluctant to end the marriage. The more I tried to ignore my feelings and do what I thought I “should” do, the sicker I got. For the last year of my marriage, I could literally not breathe because I had chronic sinus infections. I’m not just talking about headaches and stuffiness; I’m talking about filling Kleenex with gobs of green gunk every hour of every day and feeling like I was drowning in mucus. Nighttime was especially miserable because I could never breathe through my nose. As soon as I left the marriage, my sinuses cleared up and I’ve not had another problem since. Was I allergic to my ex? Was my constant inner turmoil causing psychic congestion? All I know for sure is that not honoring my true feelings made me very ill indeed.

I feel your journey was similar; when you began to honor your true feelings and fulfill your true needs, you healed yourself. I encourage you to view yourself not as being in remission but rather as cured. Remember: every cell in our bodies is replaced on a regular basis, so the body you have today is NOT the same body you had years ago when you experienced problems. You have recreated yourself and have every reason to expect your health and well-being to continue because you now know how to take good care of yourself.

I also feel that the extreme discomfort you experienced when your ex was in your house was largely a result of your own fear; you had already learned to associate him with not being good for you, so when he came in and started touching all of your things, you became anxious. This was also an instinctive reaction, of course: your body knows he is not good for you, but since you were trying to be nice and polite, your instincts had to shout to be heard. Imagine that you have a loyal Golden Retriever. What would she have done in that situation? No doubt she would have started barking like crazy and refused to let your ex in. This is an uninhibited instinctive reaction; instead, you stifled your bark, put on a smile, and wound up feeling ill.

You could go one of two ways with this: you could nicely refuse to allow your ex anywhere near you or your things, or you could stop giving him so much power over you. (Personally, I would opt for the latter!)

In the situation you describe, your ex had more power than you; his chi was stronger because fear/negative emotions made you weak and vulnerable. Whenever we succumb to negative emotions, we become vulnerable to negative experiences. No one can create in your experience unless you let them; people can only negatively affect you when you are not consciously creating what you want and your own vibration is not soaring. If you are aligned with peace, love, joy and well-being, people can knock themselves out trying to upset you or control you but they will have no emotional power over you whatsoever.

There are many things you can do to reclaim your power. First, cultivate a high, fearless vibration. Assume that all is and will be well. Send positive thoughts and feelings out. Develop greater chi through practices like meditation, martial arts, yoga and prayer. Consciously channel your energy toward what you desire through various rituals like surrounding yourself with protection and cleansing your environment.

For example, you could erect a force field around your space to keep your ex from wanting to come in or touch your stuff. Have fun with this; play at it. Wouldn’t it be amusing if, after you erected this psychic force field, he stopped at the threshold and kept his hands in his pockets? If you lighten up and exercise your own power, you’ll feel better whether you work obvious magic or not.

Finally, try to send your ex love. Whether he chooses to bless you back or not, you will brighten your own world. Begin by silently saying the divine in me greets the divine in thee whenever you see him or think about him. Remember that you are both more than your personalities this lifetime, and that your souls are part of a very old story. By reaching for this higher, more loving attitude, it won’t matter what he does; you will set yourself free from any icky old karmic patterns and align with the peace and well-being you desire.


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